Nate Harris

What a trainwreck of a movie.

Had there been any semblance of quality control at Marvel, they would have realized this movie was unfit for cinematic release.

Constructing a movie that requires hours of Disney+ homework to understand not one, but two main characters who have never been introduced into the cinematic universe before is not conducive to a good viewing experience.

Plot feels flimsy, sloppy and chopped to hell, character arcs are non-existent, and Captain Marvel in particular is written as a completely different character from her first film. Third act is contrived and on auto-pilot.

A film that just misses greatness can be more disappointing than a film that doesn't come close. Dream Scenario is outstanding until the last 20 minutes. It feels as though Kristoffer Borgli just couldn't figure out how to end it and ran out of time. Too bad. #BestNicolasCagePerformanceEver

Like a big mouth putting his foot in it, this didn't know when to shut up.

The first Songbirds and Snakes movie is better than what I remember of the Hunger Games, but then they tack on another half movie at the end and it all unraveled for me.

I was 6 stars deep through the second half of this Cornholeanus Snow origin story, but then realized there was a third half coming and I had to witness the pacing and story-telling get sacrificed on the altar of setting up a sequel.

Plus, Rachel Zegler is an amazing young woman, but her excess of talent in everything she takes on does not justify turning the movie into a near-musical for her... Just sayin'.

"Monica, you gotta fly"
"I don't know how"
"Use black girl magic"

Oscar winning writing

A Marvel Phase 5 movie for the cringe fangirls wannabes, the phony science mambo jambo tryhards and the weirdo unanappealing cat ladies. A humorless parody simulacra of a MCU movie from the first three phases. It's more painful to watch than the first episode of Ms Marvel (I never managed to watch the rest). Nick Fury managed to get eviscerated even further than he was on Captain Marvel and Secret Invasion. The only good things in the movie are two good songs that feel completely out of place and act like music videos with cringe visuals. The original music videos of those songs are a better watch though. The villain is a joke cosplayer that tries harder to be cool than the tryhard from the quantum realm.
You can really feel Marvel's desperation when they put the post credits scene on the trailer for the movie. I think this was a first. And what an empty mystery box that was! This was definitely a huge nail in the MCU coffin. Let's see for how much longer they will drag that corpse.

Nope,
1 point acting, terrible, Trust me, nowadays face expressions aré not acting. No chemistry at all, they cast ppl who aré unwatchable, they look upset.
2 points, solid camera, fx
1 point script , horrible 3 boring parts, they spent more time on singing, instead showing us the war, that they mentioned all the time, plot holes, so big just to continue the saga, the snow history is remotely interesting and that's all.
0.5 just because I did not sleep

4.5 points of 10.
Max points 3 per section-1 for my good taste.

Skip it, or if you are fan you need to watch it the new trilogy.

Anti-science reactionary guru saying some dumb things about the topic he has zero knowledge of. That's basically it. If you want to be disinformed or have a good laugh then you'll enjoy this movie

Celebrating 100 years of Disney magic and the best they could do was beat you over the head with a half-dozen obvious references to better movies.

Me after 30 minutes: If Ari Aster's goal was to make me uncomfortable, he's certainly succeeding.

Me after 2.5 hours: I don't mind long movies, but this is exhausting.

Me after 3 hours: That penis monster was the worst thing I've ever seen.

Edit: After seeing that Ari Aster called this a "Jewish Lord of the Rings", I'm tempted to lower my rating. I don't think he understands Judaism or The Lord of the Rings. (Written as a Jew myself.)

Sure, Judaism is associated with neuroticism and guilt, and LOTR is an epic journey. But at the essence of each of them is hope -- something this movie completely lacks. Even when Beau finally confronts and kills his mother, there is no redemption -- he is once again destroyed by her.

"Everything I Own" by Bread is a great song, though. So at least there's that...

Who approved such a crappy script? Do we need three to share powers. Pointless.

This feels like a bad Rick and Morty episode.

:asterisk_symbol:Looks up credits

Oh, ok.

Ishana's debut will sit well with Shyamalan fans but will fall short for everyone else. Like most M. Night's films, The Watchers is weird, has giant plotholes, and fully relies on a twist. It's the same formula over, and over, and over, and over, and...

Worst MCU movie so far. If they don't produce something that feels epic and engaging going forward then the MCU is basically dead.

Another boring and inconsequential Marvel movie, not much different from what DC would do.

The change of positions between protagonists is the only interesting thing, but it doesn't feel very used.

This must be the first film written by chatgpt

This is the Rabbit R1 of movies in the sense that it is barely reviewable because it fulfills almost none of the basic requirements you expect of a movie.

This movie says nothing. It is incoherent. Literal bottom of the barrel garbage that is decently-shot so stuffy film bros will call it "art". Half of the movie is just a Phoebe Bridgers music video and I'm not even kidding lol. Style over substance to the extreme.

It's like not even so bad it's good, it's just bad. Absolutely no redeeming qualities. Avoid.

Ahh, nepotism, can't wait for this one!

Just an all around grating experience