Review by Alan Stingyal Pigott
A nun (maybe Marilyn Mason) with bad gas, burps her way around an old convent, and is stopped with a large amount of water and some red Alka-Seltzer.
Remember how the minions in Despicble me were funny, & the announcement of them having theit own movie filled you mouth with... "oh FFS! They're comic relief, they can't hold a story!" Rants?
Well conjuring 2 had this awesomely creepy bastard Nun popping up & she was the best part of that film.
They announced she would get her own flick & you member those 6 spooky parts from c2 & think, yeah that could be really good....Well it's not, it's nun too good, it's another minions movie.
Half way through it becomes a mini zombie movie, the thing the ghost wants could easily have been done on the first night, but it faffs about opening doors & pointlessly burying a guy. Our heroes, I assume are under a bit of hypnosis type of magic (but it's not shown, so maybe they are just daft selfish gits) just fuck off & follow the slightest noise.
None of the scares worked (cinema I was in had the audio too loud, so the loud bits were off the charts, scared my hearing will be affected).
The nun wasn't anything near as creepy as what she was in conjuring 2.
A god awful exmachina moment save comes in exactly when you expect it'bells were attached to coffins incase of accidental premature burial" (hmm someones gonna be buried & ring the bell) this setup to someone's nasty underground entrapment shoots its load within 10 minutes! (what, don't they think the audience will remember this nearer the end of the film, where it should have been used?)
A ghost kid being followed in the cemetery had me giggling as it was like a bad game of peekaboo.
*warning Many Nuns get harmed in this film,
Quite hilariously & mostly at onceloading replies
@pigfaced hilarious review! critics on tract.tv are more compelling than the real deal.
Don’t trust the good reviews. 80% of this show is the equivalent of watching paint dry. You. Will. Feel. Every. Minute. That. Passes. Unnecessarily long and boring.
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I love watching paint dry. It's a meditative experience. And look on the bright side, you'll know then when to apply the next layer of paint.
