The meanest thing I could say about this movie is ‘Has extreme Don’t Worry Darling energy’.
I have never seen a movie more desperate to justify itself. It’s trapped in this endless neurosis over what it is- a blockbuster Barbie movie in 2023 by an acclaimed art house director that is fun but also deep but also earnest but also self aware but also but also but also. Every point it raises it brings up a counterpoint to before the audience can, every frame is trying to prove it’s not just product but art. It’s never just Barbie. It’s never confident or even comfortable in its skin. You cannot for a second be immersed in Barbie because it’s not a story so much as a visual dissertation without a central thesis, it’s a student film riffing on the big dogs hoping it’s underdog audacity will carry it but given a budget in the millions. It so desperately wants you to like it, to know it’s in on the joke too.
Everythng is an ouroboros here: an endless loop of argument and counterarguement feeding itself. Isn’t it shitty how the Mattel boardroom is full of men? Ah, but isn’t it cool how Mattel’s acknowledged it with this niche? And it’ll mythologize Barbie’s creator but uh don’t worry she did tax evasion we know that, now let her impart into Barbie the experience of all women. Barbie helps women, Barbie hurts women, Barbie is told to be everything so isn’t she just like women, but it is better to be a creator than the idea, and in the end, hasn’t Barbie helped all these women? Oh uh why is this blonde white Barbie the centerpiece of it all and helping not only her diverse Barbie friends but a Hispanic woman and her daughter? Don’t worry we’ll have the daughter call her a white savior! But don’t worry we’ll have the mom say she’s not! It’s fascinating to watch, honestly. It’s a film that wants to prove to you so so bad that it works but it doesn’t and it knows it doesn’t and it knows you knows. It’s Gerta Gerwig wrestling with taking this job for an hour and a half.
The cast is more than game and able. Margot Robbie is doing her damndest to find the heart and soul in this role, and there’s one scene with an old lady near the end of the first act/beginning of the second that actually works, for just a moment, more than any of the big third act soliloquies or montages with emotional ballads. And as someone who’s seen Blade Runner 2049 and Drive, this is the best Ryan Gosling performance I’ve seen. The man commits and delivers a surprisingly compelling and entertaining antagonist. The movie can’t quite reconcile what he’s done with his ending, or tie it into the themes- is Ken letting go of Barbie and the need to define himself for or against her symbolizing the need for men to do the same, and if so, why play it so lightly and sympathetically?- but that’s not his fault. And the supporting cast are entertaining, but you just can’t have big laughs with a movie that feels like it’s constantly checking in the corner of its eye after every joke to see if you’re laughing, grin stuck in place. It’s not as funny or as smart as it wants to be, and the sad thing is, it feels like it knows that too.
There is some great set design, cinematography, dazzling choreography, popping colors, and some fun high points. But I can’t imagine many kids liking it. And we’ve seen how conservatives have taken this movie. And anyone’s who’s progressed beyond the politics of. Well. A feminist blockbuster Barbie movie will find it cloying or condescending or just incredibly basic. It’s aimed at a very specific crowd who will buy what it’s saying, the liberals who see corporate feminism as progress, who agree that it’s just about a little change sometimes, who are ready for something just a little more complex than a SNL sketch. I don’t regret seeing it, because I was deeply engaged the whole time seeing it struggle at war with itself, in pain for its whole existence. It’s not a boring movie by any means. It wants to say everything before the audience can say it first. It’s the endpoint of The Lego Movie and Enchanted- the corporations interrogating and justifying themselves, and the cracks in this formula are too large to ignore. It wants to be so much, and the attempt is as darkly mesmerizing as a fly thinking it can somehow and someway metamorphize into a butterfly and suffocating and struggling in its makeshift cocoon, but this is one Barbie that fundamentally just cannot break out of its box.
The movie's message is very hypocritical because it claims to promote feminism but actually promotes female supremacy (women ruling over men, not the equality message that feminists tend to preach). The barbies getting their world back from the Kens is seen as fair and equal even though it is literally a matriarchy where the men are just there to entertain the women and don't even have their own houses. They switch from patriarchy to matriarchy but never mention it.
I am a very liberal person and I am completely for equality, but not female supremacy. And besides, if it was just a few references it would have been fine even then, but the problem is it is the film's main plot. The whole point of the movie is to lecture to men why they shouldn't be the ones in charge and make them appear as buffoons, as morons who can't do anything right, that's what I despise about this movie. The women are never portrayed as idiots except when they are in a brainwashed state, yet the movie claims to promote equality. That's the problem with radical feminists like the film's director (Greta Gerwig).
I guess next time, before I pay for movie tickets, I am going to actually read the critic reviews and make sure that the filmmaker is not a radical moron before I make my decision. This time, I just foolishly picked the movie based on the eye candy I saw in the trailer. And yes, the eye candy was there throughout the entire movie, but that's the only good thing about the movie, everything else was horrible. Ryan Gosling is a great actor but in this, he is portrayed as a weak spineless man, and the few times where he is portrayed as strong, it is only in a stereotypical way to make fun of him. If the movie really preached equality, it wouldn't be so focused on making the men appear as idiots or promoting a female dominated society, it is because of that kind of stuff that plenty of people (including some women) are against feminism.
I completely understand wanting to tear down the patriarchal aspects of society or calling them out, but by replacing them with ideas of female supremacy, it makes the movie's message lose its credibility, because feminism tends to be about equality, not trading patriarchy for matriarchy, which doesn't even work in the real world. All matriarchal societies are either failures or they are stuck in a very undeveloped state and never make any progress. Also, there is a reason why some jobs are more male dominated than others, very few women want to work in construction, because it is dirty, it is a lot of heavy lifting, and it can lead to broken nails and even serious injuries.
This is definitely classier and more polished than Bayformers, but now this franchise finds itself caught in the same corner as a lot of the Terminator or Men in Black sequels. No longer will these movies appear on anyone’s top 10 worst of the year list, instead they will have been forgotten about by then. It’s very soulless and filled with too much exposition for what is basically just another, generic macguffin hunt. The characters are boring and it doesn’t help that they picked actors that carry little screen presence. The action looks competent albeit very bland, however with that being said: I’ll still take bland over Bay’s pornographic sensibilities anyday. Pick your poison, I suppose. Overall, this is all too calculated and measured for me to get a lot out of it. For example, I really love a lot of the songs they picked, but there’s little to no reason to pick these specific tracks besides being an obvious nostalgia ploy. There’s no vision, and to put it bluntly: the movie feels like something that was conceived and made entirely by AI (just wait for that phrase to become horrendously overused over the next few years). It’s completely indistinguishable from any other big movie like it, I have a hard time telling the difference between this and your average Marvel or DC fare besides the different avatars being used. There’s even an action sequence that doesn’t look too dissimilar from the final battle in Avengers Endgame. These really need an entire creative overhaul, some fresh new talent. Right now this franchise continuously hits a creative dead end with each new installment, and this one’s no different.
4/10
This was really terrible. It was as formulaic as formulaic got. As I watched the film, I was reminded that while the creators of the majority of these superheroes may have had a good idea in the beginning, a good idea does not a story make. Most superhero origin stories were incredibly basic. They followed the same type of idea, and it got really boring really fast. There was zero depth to any of the characters involved in this film, and when Amanda Waller called on a ridiculous roster of superheroes to assist in whatever catastrophe was next, it made for a really poor setup of a movie, let alone movie franchise.
The cursory look at whether these superheroes should be assisting oppressed people was really pathetic, as well. They showed up in an oppressed country and protected the oppressors w/ some line about "due process." It made them look like the same fascists that were oppressing others in the first place, b/c fascism and murder were not designed to be fought w/ due process. The entire point of fascism was to bypass due process in order to implement your special brand of hate.
This line of thinking bled into the entire problem w/ the dialogue. The script felt as if it were written by people who didn't have much in the way of critical thinking prowess. In the beginning of the film, the heroes were on their way to confront Black Adam, and Pierce Brosnan made a statement about how they'd employ diplomacy so as not to get into a fight w/ him. The first thing Brosnan then said to Black Adam was, "Kneel or die." How exactly was that anywhere in the universe of diplomacy?
Finally, there was one plot point that stood out as especially terrible, and it was the death of Fate. In the film, he stated to his team members that he'd be taking on the enemy himself, b/c he foresaw the death of Hawkman. He said that he should be the one who dies, instead. However, he didn't so much as die in battle as commit suicide. In the middle of the fight, he simply removed his helmet, the item which gave him all his power, and allowed the enemy to kill him. Of course, this was used as the emotional impetus to drive his teammates. It was so poorly written that it was nearly unfathomable. The only reason I gave this film a six was due to the fact that this debacle wasn't in any way the fault of the actors involved, and I felt bad for them.
