Never been read harder than when my little brother saw this and said ‘I really liked it but YOU’LL love it’. This must be how some trans people felt seeing the Matrix, feeling seen, feeling called out, a generational disillusionment and a deep dysphoria acknowledged. But The Matrix is a power fantasy by directors who love to ape black aesthetics but hold a disdain for us, blame us. This is a cautionary tale, one full of empathy but good god I cannot be this.
I thought I had scheduled an appointment for this morning to talk to a provider about HRT. I spent the previous night wrapped in anxiety about what if things go wrong, what if they change for the worse, what if it won’t ’fix’ me, what if I talk to these people and they call me out, I’m not trans enough, I’m confused. It didn’t go through, I guess. They never called. I scheduled another in two weeks, got the email confirmation. And a part of me was relieved. Passed the buck down. A misunderstanding I can wash my hands of, a perfect excuse I could not be faulted for.
And then I saw this. As if to wash the doubt away. This hollowed me out. I feel raw and exposed and empty like it dug my heart out. I’ve been Owen. I am Owen. I don’t talk right, it’s hard to look people in the eyes, my skin doesn’t fit right, I feel hollow and I look in the mirror and often I see something disgusting and rotting. Owen in the ending is like my biggest nightmare put on screen. I got chicken tenders at the theater, I know, I’m a weirdo, and they asked for the name of the order and I used my birth name. Here. At no risk to me, nobody who knows me, I still couldn’t use Jaycee. I don’t use it at drive throughs. The name I chose, that the people I love and trust call me across the internet, that I use on the dating apps, I couldn’t use. Why? Because I don’t feel like I’ve earned it? Because it doesn’t feel time? There is still time.
I could say more about how this hits as someone who grew up on Buffy and Whedon shows for better and worse in high school despite being born a year before the show premiered, how it hits a nostalgia of a time I knew from behind the screen and then how time skips into now, like a shattering of the escape. I could talk about the attachment formed to a show before the Internet showed you all the fans who loved it like you, seeing yourself in it, projecting onto it what may not be there and reckoning with that as you grow. I could talk about Smith’s aching wound of a performance or Liddy-Paine’s killer monologue, or the breathtaking lighting and cinematography, but all I need to say is what I needed to hear.
There is still time. But that doesn’t mean there’s time to waste. I’m going to do that appointment. I’m going to use my name. I’m going to claw to who I want to be and who I am inch by inch. And like Owen, I may be alone when I take that path but I will be so relieved to be on it, I will know who I am, and that will be in part due to seeing the TV glow.
Isn’t it odd that we’ve never managed to capture definitive visual proof of extraterrestrial life? Especially now, ten-plus years after every member of the human race was equipped with their own portable, internet-connected, high-resolution camera? The romance of a UFO chase is still very much alive, no shortage of seekers out there with their eyes on the sky, but still the photographic evidence remains elusive. That’s the conceit behind Jordan Peele’s latest, Nope, which aims to outline the circumstances that might allow the dream of first contact to coexist with the reality of such a closely-observed world.
Set in the vast desert isolation just beyond Los Angeles, Nope draws great dramatic tension from the smothering, lonely stillness of the ranch. Alongside a small cast, we witness strange, recurring phenomena and feel the hair on our arms rise. At its best when toying with the same brand of subtle eeriness found in Signs and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, it leaves plenty to the imagination while still showing us more than we might have expected. There’s some loose meta commentary here, too - I’d expect as much from Peele - but it’s less overt and essential than it was in Get Out. That shift may have been a mistake. Though the 2022 model boasts potent ambiance and a knack for well-timed suspense, I found the meat of the story to be rather lean. It’s creepy, it’s moody, it’s visually powerful. That’s really where it all begins and ends.
It isn't an easy movie to get through. The style won't be for everyone. It is slow, yet methodical and intentional. Do you remember waking up as a child in the middle of the night, wondering if you are the only one left if the house? Do you hear things in that empty space of night and wonder "Am I safe?" Are you able to reach out to a sibling, hopefully in your room and grasp for reassurance to know that you aren't alone in this dreadful quietness? Do those voices you hear in the darkness tell you to do things that seem hurtful or against your will, even if those voices sound friendly? Skinamarink plunges into the depths of a lot of concepts that really haunt the soul. Abuse, injury and abandonment and just plain lonliness can wreak havok on a young mind. Especially in the dark when it seems no adults are around.
This is not a "show me what you got" kinda movie. This is an investment of time and allowing yourself to invest into the lives of others and seeing where they come from. Putting yourself in the shoes of someone helpless.
This will be a polarizing horror film. It will be loved or hated by the community. I recommend that you take some time, turn off your phone and just invest the dread that is Skinamarink.
I wanted to like this movie, but I found myself shouting at the screen so many times that, by the time the story wrapped up, I wasn't rooting for anyone. A dark take on the whole "bad seed" theme, Tilda Swinton plays the frustrated mother to a child with so many problems, it's hard to know where to start. And, while most of his aggression is aimed directly at her, I find it hard to believe that NO ONE else in his life (teachers, neighbors, grandparents, the other people in town, the police) noticed his disturbing behavior as a child. His father is clueless, always siding with the child even as he's defiant in front of the parents. "He's a boy...that's what boys do." Um, no. This kid clearly has psychological issues--anyone can see that.
But the filmmakers choose to ignore that and blame nearly everything on the mother. She tries and tries to connect with her son, and he's nothing but snide and manipulative, to the point where the movie drifts from being a twisted family tale into straight-up horror movie land. Whenever she notices him doing something wrong, he always looks up and her and smiles. ALWAYS, even when she's in the kitchen and he's outside and can't possibly know where she is or what she's thinking. It grows laughable near the end when she realizes what he's doing and looks up and he's staring at her and smiling in the creepiest way. You're reminded it's a movie and not real life, taking you out of the drama. It's all over the top guilt aimed squarely at the one person who's actually trying to fix the problem.
By the way, as a parent and member of the community, I find it hard to believe this kid's behavior would be tolerated. It starts at the beginning and just gets worse--but the mother doesn't seem to realize that her child is different. I can't believe she doesn't talk to other parents to get a sense of what kinds of behaviors are normal rebellion and which ones are clearly sociopathic. And after the "incident," I would have moved away. The only reason she would choose to stay in the same town is for the punishment, blaming herself for what happened. She's found her own personal hell, and she thinks what Kevin did was her fault--and she should pay the price. I found it unbelievable, though. All kids are special and different, but a kid like that needs professional help, not a new bow and arrow. Thanks Dad!
The filmmaker chose to skip around in time, showing events and then what led up to those events. It's an interesting choice but takes away most of the tension because the viewer knows what's coming. There is only one "surprise" moment in the film--but it is seriously creepy and comes out of left field to answer several questions. In the end, they don't "talk about Kevin," and that's the primary issue. Maybe if they had, things would have turned out differently. I liked that the filmmaker chose to show less violence than she could have, but I wonder why--the entire film sets up how evil this child is, but then, in the end, the filmmaker protects us from seeing the result of that evil. Again, it feels like an attempt to excuse or cover up his behavior. The film ends up just being a frustrating exercise in bad parenting, bad judgement, and blaming your kids for ruining the fun, tomato-themed life you had before they came along.
