Are you fucking kidding me?
"EXTRAORDINARY BELIEFS - WEAPONIZE YOUR CURIOSITY"
More like "Weaponize your stupidity."
"Armed with a patient, a scalpel, black lights, and a stud finder, I was eager to verify the authenticity of this alleged offworld implant technology" says the credulous narrator.
"It's not broadcasting in this electromagnetic spectrum at all, but is using scalar wave technology and then when we use our electromagnetic devices and pick up a radio wave, we're actually reading a harmonic." - Doctor Roger Leir.
"It is alleged that many of these mysterious that Dr. Leir and his team have removed display bizarre characteristics, such as having nano-topography and having metallic compositions described by some labs as exotic meteorite material, not having been forged in the furnace of our own sun." - Film-maker, credulous moron. What lab would describe anything like that? That's insane.
They pull what looks like a pencil lead out of some guy's leg. The lab shows it's "almost entirely carbon." Which likely means that he was stabbed by a pencil in school, forgot about it. Big mystery.
The microscopy guy is a True Believer, though. "Undoubtedly nanotechnological from offplanet."
Then, the film-maker starts editorializing, asking leading questions of the people to further lead them down the path of crazy.
Bad film-making, bad documentary, bad narration. If only there was a lower rating than one star.
This is the weirdest, and longest, episode of Columbo I've ever seen.
That's who Christian Bale is playing, right?
It's fine in its way, but there's too much going on without anything actually going on. Pace really could have been picked up, especially considering how it seemed to have promise when Washington and Bale were back in the USA, hired by a woman to investigate a suspicious death. It could have been a noir tinged film, but I don't know that they knew what they wanted.
The birdwatchers (Myers and Shannon) and the detectives (Nivola and Shoenaerts) could be removed entirely and not affect the story at all. Some real tightening up could have been done. Chris Rock wasn't needed, nor any Beatrice and the in-laws.
I think it's a mistake that Saldaña wasn't given a bigger role, maybe without the boring wafer thin love interest role. She's hardly more than a prop.
Honestly, everything was fine, but there was just too much filler. 2:14 but I think it could have been a tighter 1:45 and only making it a more interesting, fast-paced film.
In The Man From Toronto, they couldn't pronounce 'Toronto' right, and in Amsterdam, they pronounced 'Amsterdam' like they'd never heard anyone Dutch say it.
