If this film is a cake, then it’s got the best possible frosting you could wish for. The cake itself, however, isn’t great.
I’ve always had a strange relationship with these films. I don’t really care for the Raimi films (I think they’re overly cheesy, poorly acted and dated, though don’t expect anyone from around my age to admit that), the Webb films are fine (really like the first one, second one’s a mess) and I’ve really liked the 2 recent ones (not as much as Into the Spiderverse, but still good in their own right).
Compared to the previous 2, this one pretty much ditches the John Hughes aesthetic as it goes along, and it goes into full on, operatic superhero mode.
Unfortunately, it is another one of those project that puts nostalgia and fan pandering over story and character, the kind of blockbuster we’re seeing over and over again in a post Force Awakens world.
This story is completely hacked together, consisting of so many contrivances, conveniences and established characters acting out of character that it becomes a bit of a shitshow ( Doctor Strange, a genius, is being tricked by teenagers; Peter not knowing about the consequences of the spell is a very forced way to set the plot in motion; Ned being able to open portals is quite ridiculous when the Doctor Strange movie made a point about how hard that is to learn; why is Venom in the universe given how they set up the rules of the multiverse, and the list goes on ). The problem is that they needed to take that bullet in order to make the film they wanted to make here (or rather, the film fans wanted to see), but that doesn’t make it the right choice by any means, because it leads to a nonsensical film with a rushed pace.
Look, you can nitpick this film to death ( why would a university publicly admit that MJ and Ned are rejected because of their connection to Peter? ), but that’s not even my point. It’s heightened and not meant to be taken that seriously, I get that, but you at least need some form of internal logic, you cannot just do these unearned things because the plot demands it.
It’s not all bad though, Holland’s Spider-man still has a very good arc with some great emotional beats in it, and they make some very bold choices towards the end that I hope they stick with. It’s very similar to the first Fantastic Beasts, so I hope they don’t pull a Crimes of Grindelwald by retconning everything .
The acting is great, Holland and Zendaya give their best and most mature performances yet, and the villains are all good. I really like that they toned Dafoe down a little bit.
It looks fine. It has some of the best cinematography out of the trilogy, but some of the action looks very animated (again, stop touching up the suit, just let it wrinkle ffs) and unfinished, which is probably because this thing was rushed out, as we know.
For instance, there are some really wonky shots in the scene where Spider-Man fights Doctor Strange, the close-ups with Benedict Cumberbatch look like a weather forecast on television.
The references to the previous incarnations are a bit of a mixed bag. I like that they progressed some stuff and did interesting things with the things they referenced ( for example, you really feel like time has passed with Tobey and Andrew, they’re not giving a copy of their original performances, which is also a great excuse to tone down the awkwardness and lack of personality in Tobey’s version. Also, the banter between them is very nice, of course ), but most of it plays like a pandering greatest hits compilation. I don't need Dafoe to say you know, I'm something of a scientist myself again, it is nothing but a cheap attempt to trigger my nostalgia button.
Finally, it also has some of the worst tonal balance and comedy out of the trilogy, especially with some of the lines that are given to Benedict Cumberbatch.
5/10
In summary/TLDR: great idea for Sony’s bank account, but the seeds for this needed to be planted much earlier in order to make it a good film.
so sherlock is over, and these are my thoughts on the finale in order of appearance:
since when the show is a horror movie and why was there a fucking clown.
the motion sensor was activated after the drone had landed and mycroft obviously knew enough about those explosives to realise that’s how they work, so why the hell did they wait for that to happen instead of immediately running away? oh wait. the drama.
they actually put that horrible cgi explosion from the trailer into the episode… why. later, in the very end, i will be reminded of it while watching sherlock and john run in slow mo.
why couldn’t mycroft, an important government figure and a relative of eurus, officially check up on her instead of the whole dress up game? and then he obviously shows us that he can fire or order around anyone in that prison which makes their shenanigans even less relevant. it’s really sad to see non-existent problems beings “solved” just to use screen time and mindlessly entertain the viewers. detective stories are supposed to be reasonable.
okay, i’m sorry but i’m not buying that “enslaving” bullshit. i want to know how she does it, because all we were given is some pieces of weird bullshit that wouldn’t faze anyone in their right mind. it reminds me of the cabbie from the pilot episode that supposedly talked his victims into killing themselves. but in the end we learned that he just threatened them with a fake gun. ah those good old times when the show had its wits and integrity still intact…
they sure like to deliberately make sherlock obtuse. i just don’t buy him missing that there’s no glass when he’s close to it and there’s still no reflexion. and shouldn’t the music sound muffled too or did the fiddle had its own voice modulator installed? interesting.
i know moriarty being alive would make no sense, but the show is guilty of occasionally doing that already, and he’s such a believably smart and psychotic character that’s interesting to watch that i would have gladly used my suspension of disbelief card.
i thought the girl on the plane was an idiot because she kept giving useless answers to important questions, but the reveal in the end explained it. 1-0, touche. then again, surely eurus would be imagining herself as the young version of herself and the sole reason they used another child actor is to keep the mystery up, which is a pretty cheap trick. 1-1.
now the real idiot (or more like a dumb plot device) here is undoubtedly molly. she fucking knows what sherlock does and in what kind of situations he sometime ends up being, and he obviously sounded nervous and agitated from the get go and eventually resorted to fucking begging, so why the hell couldn’t she trust him and just say what he asked her to? oh i know why. the drama. again. also her making sherlock “confess” his love for her she knows he doesn’t have literally came out of nowhere and had fanservice written all over it. and that conversation was so unrealistic and forced for the sake of plot progression it honestly made me cringe. god i wish they were more subtle with molly and her sad love for sherlock and all the irene adler mentions before it instead of jamming them into the storyline and reinforcing their awkward attempts to bring to life sherlock’s absent libido. they even made him destroy that coffin in a melodramatic fit, which was ridiculous because compared to the other experiments the molly incident surely warranted that kind of emotional outburst the least, no one had died after all. but wait, some fans are gonna love using that as proof for sherlock’s romantic feelings for molly, so that’s why it happened.
mycroft goading sherlock into killing him was painfully obvious, considering he’s the one who has been quite vocal about his brother not being a pragmatic automaton but a quite emotionally driven creature, and that he would never kill john, regardless of his intellectual capabilities.
so the lesson here is that you should pay more attention to your little sisters?..
you can’t just switch psychopathy on and off. but of course eurus was able to. in once instance she’s a cold blooded murderer that doesn’t understand the difference between killing someone innocent and someone guilty, in general she has a spontaneous child murder on her record, but oh no, the episode is almost over and we can’t possibly kill john watson (like we couldn't blow up molly or shoot mycroft, but had no problem axing mary, a character that no one gave two shits about, dead or alive, or moriarty, who had basically been the best character; good job on fucking up twice), the fans would rage, so let’s make our villain a crying scared little girl that longs for brotherly love and make her suddenly change her evil ways, so we could wrap this shit up and move on.
and why did they put her back in the place she can easily break out from? what even has changed? can’t she make the staff into her bitches again just by talking to them (eternal eyeroll) like she did before? yeah she’s not mad at sherlock anymore (because he gives her attention now! how cute), but she’s still a mentally disturbed person and the cage must get boring when you have a fiddle as your only source of entertainment.
so yeah, i basically wrote a fucking essay or more like a hateful ode to the show, but i don’t actually hate it, i still adore first two seasons, tolerate the third and i have been relatively entertained by the last one, this episode included, even if i undoubtedly think the show hasn't been clever for a long time and it's finale was less a detective and more a weird left-field saw tribute without everything that actually makes saw enjoyable. i'm writing this as a former fan that for the last few years has been mostly disappointed by the show they once loved, that’s all. i’m also bored and writing this kept my mind busy. that makes this otherwise useless “review” worth it, i guess.
A very creative/funny/emotional Spider Man 3. Continues on very well story-line wise from last one. It was sort of a tribute though to Spider-Man as they somehow brought in the other two Spider-Men from other trilogies and the ending hinted that the current Spider-Man story is over.
