This is the first (so far and hopefully the only) Spider-Man movie that sucked, but it sucked enough to make up for all of them. I have zero interest in freakin' teen drama crap, and that's all this movie was. I grew up reading the Marvel Spider-Man comics and I know Peter Parker is a high school nerdy hormonal teenager who can't get a date; to make the focus of what's supposed to be an ACTION movie more about the stupid little pimple-faced, hot-to-trot teenagers effectively RUINED what should have been another good SM movie. They should have titled this "Penis Parker Can't Get Laid" and left it at that. Michael Keaton as the Vulture? oooooo....scary! I'm afraid! (Sarcastic voice) And when they decided to change Peter's "Aunt May" into a (supposedly) hot young 30-something, Stan Lee should have yanked the strings and refused. How idiotic was that? Let your full-breasted hot 30-ish aunt pull your young hormonal face right up against her boobs for some good ol' auntly comfort, right? Poor boy probably stayed up all night, and it wasn't because he was out fighting crime. This movie seriously blew chunks and I'm leaving my review right here so if I ever forget that I watched this turd, I can come back and remind myself to run far far far away. This stunk like old vomit.
Yes, I just "Liked" my own review. It speaks the truth and leaves nothing unsaid. Deal with it.
Review by ShubesBlockedParent2021-12-29T17:46:37Z
This is the first (so far and hopefully the only) Spider-Man movie that sucked, but it sucked enough to make up for all of them. I have zero interest in freakin' teen drama crap, and that's all this movie was. I grew up reading the Marvel Spider-Man comics and I know Peter Parker is a high school nerdy hormonal teenager who can't get a date; to make the focus of what's supposed to be an ACTION movie more about the stupid little pimple-faced, hot-to-trot teenagers effectively RUINED what should have been another good SM movie. They should have titled this "Penis Parker Can't Get Laid" and left it at that. Michael Keaton as the Vulture? oooooo....scary! I'm afraid! (Sarcastic voice) And when they decided to change Peter's "Aunt May" into a (supposedly) hot young 30-something, Stan Lee should have yanked the strings and refused. How idiotic was that? Let your full-breasted hot 30-ish aunt pull your young hormonal face right up against her boobs for some good ol' auntly comfort, right? Poor boy probably stayed up all night, and it wasn't because he was out fighting crime. This movie seriously blew chunks and I'm leaving my review right here so if I ever forget that I watched this turd, I can come back and remind myself to run far far far away. This stunk like old vomit.
Yes, I just "Liked" my own review. It speaks the truth and leaves nothing unsaid. Deal with it.