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Private Notes
You may know Glenn Danzig for his music. Or perhaps you know him as the guy who got punched out. Or maybe you know him from his viral kitty litter photo. But what you may not know is that Glenn Danzig is also a "'''''''''filmmaker'''''''''' who's previous movie was called Verotika. We reviewed Verotika on Half in the Bag a few years ago and now he's back, baby! His latest movie is called Death Rider in the House of Vampires. It's a vampire western. And the main character is literally named "Death Rider" because Glenn Danzig is a very serious filmmaker. Come with us on this autopsy of a once promising good-bad filmmaker who has now made one of the most boring movies of all time. If Glenn Danzig is going to waste our day, then we're going to waste yours! Enjoy, suckers!!
A wise man once said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Well, if that’s the case, judging by the length of this video these are four of the most witless clown-fools on the internet today. Mike, Jay, Jack and Rich Evans are perhaps the dumbest humans that have ever krebbed in my shorts. Hi I’m retired underground illegal casino pit boss Krebs Gorlon, and today I write to you from my home in war-torn Haiti to tell you about this newest episode of Best of the Worst. I'm farting as I type this due to the bacteria ravaging my colon, but I will try to make sense. Boy, it sure has been a long time since we’ve seen the boys watch three feature films, eh? But alas, today they are spinning the Wheel of the Worst™ again... There’s something about old, undiscovered tapes that makes my taint tingle with the titillating excitement of that first time I killed a man. Rich and Jack display a palpable level of non-excitement at this prospect in our video’s opening. Trust me, I get it.
It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn’t a fancy mailer. It wasn’t padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, “That’s the cup of a carpenter…”. It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal.
