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Private Notes
Frank wants to give a perfect lecture on the first day of school.
Pony must take drastic measures to afford a recently raised tuition.
The history department hires a new professor who looks just like Steve. Pony reveals she can't speak Spanish.
Frank discovers that Thomas Jefferson's mythical Diamond Castle is real.
Kenny Winker is giving away a ticket to hang with him on his tour bus.
Frank bets that he will be the focus of the "Person of the Day" news segment.
Total Validation, China, IL's newest counselling service, will determine who is right or wrong in any relationship.
God returns to Earth in the form of a surfer dude and starts rewriting his own Ten Commandments, but his appearance leads to the spread of a Beach Boys theme around campus, which Steve can't tolerate. Meanwhile, Professor Cakes uses Frank to test out his new invention, the "Haardvark."
Frank becomes a Buddhist monk after being exiled from the university for playing a forbidden prank on Steve during "Prank Week". After dreaming about Joe McCarthy's "witch hunts" during a lecture, Baby Cakes decides to capture various professors who he suspects are witches, leading to rumors of a serial killer roaming China, IL.
The UCI history professors place suggestion boxes in their classrooms, but one student's prank message in Frank's box convinces him to turn anorexic. Baby Cakes helps a foreign transfer student he calls "Aladdin" around campus, convinced that he's a genie. Overwhelmed by his worst fear, an infestation of wild "brown hogs" on campus, The Dean shuts himself off from the world and gives Pony carte blanche to bring the problem under control.
