–"I got the garlic."
–"Sammy, those are fucking onions."
Go in blind without seeing the trailer for this one. The trailer ruined the first and part of the second act for me, it's basically a whodunit mystery in a mansion with the characters being clueless and blaming each other. We've all seen the trailer! That first act is worthless. Why show us the twist it's so frustrating.
Abigail is Ready or Not but with a vampire twist, nothing original and not as good as Ready or Not but it's still a decent fun time. Perfect set, lots of blood, lots of action, and some laugh out loud moments. The tone is completely off though, it's campy most of the time but also tries to be a heartfelt drama at other times—those are polar opposites, it doesn't work! The vampire powers were so interesting, probably my favorite aspect of the movie.
Don't let the title fool you, this movie should be called "Dan Stevens" cause he steals the spotlight as he usually does. The moment when he says "I feel great" and everything after that was peak. As much as I enjoyed him, it's a shame that he steals the spotlight from Abigail (Alisha Weir) because this was supposed to be her movie. She's excellent in the role, always believable, so confident and actually scary. Kathryn Newton was absolutely killer in a certain scene. Melissa Barrera's best performance yet, I wasn't a fan of her acting in Scream VI but she was actually believable here.
As good as the cast is, it tries too hard with the characters. They're not that interesting and the execution for the character buildup could have been better handled. Constantly having to build up those characters in between action scenes slowed down the movie considerably when they should really be dying instead sinse this is a horror movie. It also had no right being this long, a good 20-30 minutes could be cut out. The last twist was laughable and overstayed it's welcome.
Ladies & gentlemen, they & them,
Early 2000’s superhero movies are back, baby!
Madame Web is a top-tier dumpster fire.
It has some of the worst dialogue I have heard in a while. How are these writers, who brought us such gems as Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter, Gods of Egypt, and the trillion-dollar hit Morbius, still working?
“Every day that goes by, my appointment with death gets closer.” is an actual line from the movie. There is plenty more to go around.
The editing and visual effects are atrocious.
The acting from everyone is awful. The line delivery is shockingly low energy, and I did not believe a word any of the actors were saying.
I have seen these actors do great work in the past, so this is 100% the director's fault here. It's crazy how a director can get piss-poor performances from good actors.
The characters had no chemistry with each other. The scenes together felt so awkward and unnatural.
There are so many character choices that don't make sense.
The villain fucking sucks. There is no real character to him. He's just a boring evil guy who wants to kill three “teenagers” because he dreamed of them killing him in the future. He is not threatening at all.
I noticed the actor who played the villain was dubbed over with ADR for most of his scenes. You can tell.
None of the humour landed. Painfully unfunny.
The 2003 pop culture references were a pathetic excuse for creating a time capsule setting.
Adam Scott and Emma Roberts have nothing to do here. You wonder why they are even there.
For a superhero movie, there are barely any exciting action scenes. Whenever there is some action, it's nothing special. I would not mind the lack of action if the story, characters, and acting were superb, but it has none of that.
The fact that the final battle scene takes place underneath a Cola/Pepsi sign is another example of the terrible product placement from Sony.
The final shot is the most embarrassing thing I have ever seen.
My jaw is on the floor of how a movie like this can be shit out by a big studio. Sony REALLY needs to cut it out with these unnecessary Spider-Man spin-off films.
Madame Web is the worst superhero movie ever made. Yes, I mean it. At least the other bad superhero movies had some redeeming qualities to it. But this movie has nothing. Everything about this movie is wrong. Fant4stic is better than this. It makes Morbius look competently made.
The current state of superhero movies is in trouble, and Madame Web is not helping.
This is the most amazing movie I have ever seen. This is art. This movie will become minimum 10% of my personality from today until the day I die. I walked out of the movie theater a changed man. Some of my favorite moments from the movie:
Dakota Johnson starts off the movie by stealing a taxi. Nobody questions this. She spends the entire movie driving this stolen taxi. She removes the license plates from the taxi to apparently make it more inconspicuous (???). She crashes the taxi into a diner, completely ruining it. She still drives the taxi. No character questions this at all. This has become her car. She then randomly decides to go to PERU (????). She drives the taxi to the airport. Then she drives back home in the taxi. This implies that she parks the stolen taxi, which is beat up, busted, and has no license plates, at the airport for at least a week with nobody asking questions.
Dakota Johnson's sole superpower in this movie is vehicular manslaughter. I am not kidding. The main way she deals with the bad guy is by crashing a big vehicle into him unexpectedly. Not once, but twice in the movie. Also, this bad guy can see the future. And it still happens. Incredible.
This movie is sponsored by Pepsi. Dakota Johnson spends five minutes of the movie trying (and failing) to open the most blue, unblemished can of Pepsi I have ever seen in my life. Five minutes she is just holding this thing, rubbing it, stroking it like a genie, pulling the tab, tapping it. She never opens it.
Also, the villain is defeated when the gigantic neon letter P from the logo on the exploding Pepsi-Co factory falls on him and squishes him to death.
There is not a single line in this movie spoken by the villain that was not ADRed. It's fantastic. He sounds exactly like Tommy Wiseau.
During a dramatic flashback in the movie, we watch Dakota Johnson's mother find out that her child was going to have a disability. But in case any of the viewers are too dull to interpret the literal dialogue that she is saying correctly, Dakota Johnson is providing CONSTANT dialogue in addition to this explaining to the dull viewers exactly what's going on. "But I don't have muscular distrophy..." "So THAT'S why you went to find the spiders." And my personal favorite, "You did it..." The way Dakota Johnson says "You did it" is seared into my brain and will be forever how I say those words from now on. They are just too fucking funny.
Dakota Johnson uses the taxi from earlier to kidnap a bunch of teenagers and decides to leave them in the forest for hours. The teenagers literally say "Maybe you shouldn't be leaving us in a forest like this?" and Dakota is just like "No stay right there, byeeee" and then goes back to NYC in the stolen taxi and cries with her cat about her mom and spiders. Then she gets mad when the teenagers go to a diner to get food because she also left them in the forest without anything to eat and without any way to contact her. In fact the moment a teenager mentioned a cell phone, she immediately threw the cell phone out the window without asking any questions.
This movie is OBSESSED with letting you know that it takes place in the 2000s. Britney Spears' 'Toxic' plays on the radio and the DJ is like "This song is going to be a HUGE hit!" Dakota parks her stolen taxi in front of a Dangerously In Love billboard. Dakota spends 120 seconds anxiously listening to a voicemail message on her ancient home phone to progress the plot.
Dakota Johnson falls into the river and gets hit in the eye with a firecracker (exploding Pepsi factory) and is blinded after she defeats the villain. The girls she's taking care of have to pull her out of the river and perform CPR on her. This exact sequence of events (minus the blinding) happens earlier in the movie.
Dakota Johnson then goes to the hospital. Nurse asks "Oh, is everyone here family?" Dakota Johnson says (with the sappiest smile ever, and with a ridiculous bandage covering her eyes) "Yes, they're mine" and "I have everything I need right here" (blegh)
Then the last five minutes of this movie are the most hilarious five minutes I've ever seen in cinema ever. Everyone in the theater was cackling. I was almost crying from laughter.
Dakota Johnson has the fugliest and most ridiculous pair of sunglasses I have ever seen in my life. There is also this ugly fucking SPIDERWEB WINDOW that apparently got added to her apartment that it is never explained how it got there. Also, SHE IS IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!! Girl is just blind!!!!!! WHY IS SHE IN A WHEELCHAIR????
Well the girls she's watching get back home. Then she does the slowest, funniest, most dramatic and comedic turn around in the wheelchair to face them I have ever seen. And the sunglasses just make it so much worse. By her smile alone you can tell she is finished with this movie and wants her paycheck so she can get the fuck out. Hilarious.
Absolutely the most incredible thing I have ever seen.
It would appear that most people hate this film because they are unable to grasp the inner concepts that this film was built around while appealing to a braindead audience who are easily amused - most people just see the stupidity. Let's attempt to break it down, though.
Our heroes in the film are Emojis, but it really doesn't matter what they are, but rather, what they represent. Like Inside Out, Toy Story, Winnie the Pooh, or virtually any other kids film, the main characters are simply personifications. Their outward expressions and the world's expectations for them to keep those expressions is social commentary on how people are supposed to act in public, or in their professions. The Meh emoji represents inner turmoil at believing there's more out there than the safe expectations of society, he is an explorer, and societies differences give him depression.
People have also complained about the plot about needing to reach Dropbox. Dropbox is yet another metaphor, just masked in something relevant to the setting. Exactly like Mount Doom in Lord of the Rings. It's an adventure story with plenty of heartfelt, meaningful messages and diverse, colorful characters
This is Man vs self, man vs. faith, man vs destiny, man vs society, and man vs industry, depending on which character is focused on. The characters are well-rounded, as they all have individual character goals, motivations, and growth, all of which aren't without healthy flaws that act as obstacles to get them where they need to be right away.
Hate for this movie makes no sense to me. It's relevant, the visuals and animation is pretty great, and a lot of thought was put into making it smart all around
Way better than Jurassic World Dominion for sure. 65 doesn't reinvent anything in the dinosaur blockbuster genre but it was fun and entertaining nonetheless. Some parts drag a lot, the story is extremely simple and it leaves a lot of questions unanswered (ex: Why were they on this mission? Why was a little girl on the mission? Why would they put people who don't even talk the same language together? Who are they, an advanced species or time-travelers? among other things...) and because they don't address these questions it creates plot holes and makes for lazy writing. It's by no means a cerebral journey but the action is thrilling, the special effects look great, I like the sci-fi technology and so many cool-looking dinosaurs. My favorite part was the cave in complete darkness.
Adam Driver isn't given a lot to work with but he was good as the stereotypical action hero. The backstory with his daughter was heartwarming even though some of the flashbacks were strangely placed. I have to say I was incredibly annoyed with Koa for the first half she was slowing the story and the humor parts with Mills ruined the mood a few times. But then they redeemed her around halfway through, making her usefull and less comedic. I was ok with her then and the relationship between the two is perhaps what gives 65 it's charm.
