Lucian Menezes

Ok, let's start this. Godzilla is a movie about a touching reunion being screwed up by a giant lizard who's jealous cause he's alone and don't wanna see other monsters being happy. Yeah. Meet the MUTOs.

MUTO is a giant freaking mutant thing that if it wasn't scary enough by itself, it can fly too (you know that feeling when u see a cockroach and u think "could it get worse?" and starts flying? that's MUTO for you). MUTO is a harmless creature. YES, you didn't read wrong, HARMLESS. All MUTO wants is to leave peacefully. It feeds itself with radioactive material and it simply walks in a straight line towards its objective. Unhappily, it's not aware it's causing some destruction but hey, it's hungry, you can't blame the guy.

ANYWAYS! MUTO is hungry, MUTO wants to eat something but more importantly... MUTO wants love, our biggest achievement. So MUTO cries for his (now we know MUTO is a He) loved one. And she replies!! Oh, the joy
You guys know you can't present yourself to the love of your life barehanded, right? And the lucky male MUTO finds the PERFECT present to his OTP. A lethal nuclear warhead (awn..). And there he goes, with the perfect gift.

Finally they find each other. Starry eyes, can't believe this happening, a tear drops from my eye with such a heartwarming fated encounter. Male MUTO offers his gift to her and she accepts. The ultimate bliss. BUT THEN. Someone is not happy. Someone is green with jealousy. He's alone. He doesn't have an OTP. He arms are too short and, DAMN, he can't even have a little fun by himself. Meet Godzilla.

Godzilla enters the scene and he has ONE purpose: to cock block MUTOs and kill them for having the audacity to having sex and being all lovey-dovey while he's all alone. A fearsome battle begins. You feel lost. You feel like you should cheer for Godzilla and every time he's beaten, you're like "nooo duuudeee, he's trying to save us, don't do that, LEAVE GODZILLA ALONE!!" BUT don't be fooled... Godzilla IS THE BAD GUY.

After a few horrible minutes, LOVE PREVAILS!! The lovable MUTO couple managed to defeat the envious green giant lizard and they can finally be happy forever and eWAIT! Godzilla stands up and use a freaking blue flame that he could have used before but he thought would be funnier if he let them think they had won just to shatter their happiness again.

The worst happens. While male MUTO struggles to keep his loved one safe, Godzilla seizes the moment and gives the final blow! Male MUTO remembers all that good time, the first flirt, first kiss, the blessed union... all while the light fades from his eyes... Male MUTO is no more :'(

Female MUTO has no time to mourn. Someone just assassinated her children!! The horror!! She's confused, all she cares is lost, cruelly taken and whats has she done to deserve that?? Nothing, I tell you, NOTHING. Driven by the anger and sadness filling her heart, she advances furiously to get revenge.

Another fierce battle engages!! While fighting she remembers male MUTO, her newly-born family, their plans, their honeymoon... all-reduced-to-dust. She gathers all her last strenght and YES, FINALLY. That damn green homewrecker is slain! JUSTICE PREVAILS. But what's left? Her children, her husband... all gone... Nothing is left. Just fade in the void. She's tired.. She wanna sleep... She is hungry... Food... yeah... that might distract her (you know, food is the best painkiller).

She's leaving, she just wants some food and she will leave. AND THEN! A stinging pain!! She doesn't understand what's happening. Her jaw is being ripped apart. Blue flame pours from above!! Her body is in flames from inside! Then she understands. She was naïve. Godzilla was not dead. It was just another foul move. He feels joy in letting them feel like it's over just to finish them brutally.

She sees in a distante place male MUTO... Their childrens... Tons of radioactive material... They're all there, waving to her... It's heaven... everything fade in whiteness... She leaves this cruel world, toward a better world, to meet again their loved ones.

And amidst all that, yeah, there are some petty tiny things called humans. They are living their dramas, screwing up things and just shooting whatever moves and they can't comprehend. That's humans for you. Ow, and you wanted to watch because you heard/saw somewhere that Mr. White and you thought "OMG WALTER WHITE IS GONNA KICK SOME DINOSAUR'S ASSES F'YEAAAH". Well... He dies on the beginning, oh well :T

So there you are. You were thinking "Duuudeee, I was so thinking that Godzilla was a bad guy but I was mistaken, he's a good guy :)" WRONG that bastard is the PURE EVIL!! He doesn't care about humans, he couldn't give less shit about us. But he won't tolerate anyone shouting their happiness in his face, while he barely can touch his dick. No... They must die to serve as example to anyone who dares to have these same funny ideas. That's Godzilla for you.