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Private Notes
So a fan sent us this binder full of demo discs for terrible, terrible games and we're real idiots. So we played some of them.
The lesson today is if you find a binder full of old demo discs, DO NOT PLAY THEM.
Vampires: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship GoldenBear. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new demo disks, to seek out new games and new glitches, to boldly play what no one has played before.
VOLUME WARNING THIS IS NOT A JOKE TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN
So halfway through this video James tries to call Gabor, the developer of Seed. It went to voicemail.
BUT GABOR CALLED US BACK THIS WEEK AND WE TALKED TO HIM.
True story.
Welcome to Tomatoes Au Greatin, where the Tomatoes are Great...IN your belly! Today's special is BBQ'd tomaters over grated hair, topped with dried bean casserole. Please enjoy our female facilities, and feel free to recommend us to a friend!
A long time ago, in a binder someone sent to us from far,
far away....
It is a period of gaming videos.
Glitchy spaceships, striking
from a shitty demo game, have won
their first victory against
the evil Adam Kovic.
During the recording, James'
spies managed to steal secret
butts to the Bruce's
ultimate weapon, the DEATH
FART, an armored space
station with enough methane to
destroy an entire office.
Pursued by the Adam's
sinister agents, Princess
Joel races home aboard her
unicorn, custodian of the
stolen butts that can save
her people and restore
clean air to the galaxy....
This is almost 20 minutes long, but do yourself a favor:
Fire up the old internet box. Grab a cold one. Squat down in the ol' squattin' hole. And watch this all the way though. I think this is our favorite Demo Disk video yet.
ATTENTION FLASH GAMES DEVELOPERS: we would like to take your money to test your new, exciting flash games where you kiss pretty girls. We can provide the following testing services:
Please contact us, with money, via Twitter or YouTube.
Many thanks,
Funhaus
What is best in Demo Disk
To crush your disks, to see them sharded before you, and to hear the lamentations of their Bruces!
Week 10. I'm still editing Demo Disk. Bruce, Adam, and James still don't know that I'm sneaking my secret messages into each video letting the police know exactly when and how to find them. My only hope is that all the dozens of children harmed by the sexy porn flash games they play have some justice done; some kind of resolution.
It's gone on long enough. I have to make a stand.
A conversation we'll no doubt be having soon:
"Hey Funhaus"
"Yeah Burnie"
"So, we're a little concerned about the videos on your channel."
"What do you mean"
"....."
"Ohhhh, the incredibly graphic sex games we've been playing in like every video recently"
"That's it."
"We'll cut it out. Sorry."
"No, no that's not it. Can -- can you send me the links"
"......"
The Invocation:
We mark the floor with a white cord, 13 cubits in length, in the form that is most holy to Baphomet; and that form is a giant Butt circumscribed by a Pentagram. We make certain that nothing - NOTHING - may disturb it.
We take 5 black candles and place them at the vertices of the Pentagram, and with consecrated white chalk we bind the candles to the Pentagram.
We remain calm.
We fill a censer with the a poultice of protection: sage, frankincense, Balm of Gilead, and rosewater. The censer is placed in an alcove at the base of the Pentagram and Butt.
We feel the power coalesce into the room; physical form takes shape. A succubus from The Plane of Mendes appears in the center of the Pentagram and Butt. She extends one hand to us.
In that hand is Demo Disk.
Another Monday is here, and Demo Disk remains.
The sun rises, the sun sets, and Demo Disk remains.
The tides run in and out; we sow and reap our crops. Seasons come and seasons go. Babies are born and grow up, and fall in love and make a family, and die. And Demo Disk remains.
Empires rise and crumble. Art, writing, poetry, and song come in and out of fashion. Gods are worshiped, for a time, until they are forgotten. All of human history is but the blink of an eye. And Demo Disk remains.
Stars wheel in the heavens. The moons traverse their planets, the planets circle their suns, the suns silently spin around their galactic cores. The vast majesty of the universe unfurls in ten billion galaxies, dancing the cosmic ballet unmarked by all...but Demo Disk remains.
Demo Disk remains.
Demo Disk is slowly breaking our will to live. There are so many disks. Will the binder ever end Will any of the disks actually be playable When can we just quit
We promised you we'd go through all the disks. Will you hate us if we quit What is the meaning of commitment if we don't deliver on our promises What makes a man What is the nature of good and evil If making videos is good, but demo disks are evil...what does that make us
Someone please help us. There are so many disks. So. Many disks.
Here are the alternate titles we came up with for this video:
SkyFail
Quantum of Stupid
Shitsino Royale
License to Crap
Demos are Forever
ShitFall
Live and Let Dumb
Poonraker
The Shitting Daylights
DemoEye
The Shit Who Loved Me
Dr. No Please Don't Make Me Play Demo Disk Again
I'm sure you'll come up with better ones in the comments.
The night was dark, and the rain was coming down harder than the Hulk on a gas station. I'd just closed another case - missing daughter. Classic "Demo Disk Abduction". I'd seen 'em a million times.
But this one. This one was different. I knew when Jennifer walked in the door that things would never be the same. The girl had legs. She also had feet, and hands, and a couple of ears.
She said she wanted to be a private dick, but I couldn't see any dick on her at all. She just didn't have it in her.
She wanted me to train her, but I told the kid, "Get outta my office. I can't get burned again."
She helped herself to a slug of whiskey, slithered across the room, and looked me in the eyes, and said...
"Sorry, Charlie. You're gonna get cracked."
DescriptionDemo Disk - demo disk (de-()m (,)disk
: From "demonstration disc"
noun
1. A compact disc containing a demonstration, or sample, of prospective software
2. A trial version of computer programs contained on a compact disc
3. A video series created and curated by the Funhaus team from Rooster Teeth, wherein a cast members attempt to play a variety of cruddy old demo discs, with varying results.
First known use of DEMO: 1793 (org Latin dmonstrtus, past participle of dmonstrre to show, point out, equivalent to d- de- + monstrre to show, verbal derivative of monstrum sign, portent)
First known use of DISC: 1664 (org. Latin 'discus')
First known use of Demo Disk: 2015
With apologies to JRR Tolkien...
The Disk goes ever on and on
Even though most of them will crash.
I'd rather be watching Wrath of Khan,
Than playing PC Gamer trash.
Bruce cracks the discs, it's quite a shock
And Adam loads some Marvel games
Where Spiderman out-spells Doc Ock
Or Scarlet Witch shows boobs to James
D! stands for Demo, the word before Disk
E! stands for Edgy, breaking is a risk
M! stands for Meningitis, I hope we do not get
O! stands for Ortho, for orthopedisist!
D! stands for Demo, the word before Disk
I! stands for Interesting - these games never is
S! stands for Sucky, these games actually is
K! stands for gosh I wanna give Bruce a Kiss!
What's that spell
We can't spell!
What's that spell
What's that smell
It's DEMO DISK!
It's DEMO DISK!
James "Buffalo Willems" Willems: It puts the demo on its disc. It does this whenever it is told.
Bruce: Mister... my family will play games. Whatever games you're askin' for, they play it.
James: It rubs the demo on its disc or else it gets a body frisk.
[to his dog, Benson]
James: Yes, it will, Benson, won't it It will get the frisk!
Bruce: Okay... okay... okay. Mister, if you let me go, I won't - I won't upload the video, I promise. See, Adam is a real important woman... I guess you already know that.
James: Now it places the disc in the drive.
Bruce: Please! Please I wanna go home! I wanna go home please!
James: It places the disc in the drive.
Bruce: I wanna see my Adam! Please I wanna see my...
James: Put the fucking disc in the drive!
11:50 for Tarzan Sex. You're welcome.
SAMMY SOSA SMASH
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Utupe leo chakula chetu
Tunachohitaji utusamehe
Makosa yetu, hey
Kama nasi tunavyowasamehe
Waliotukosea, usitutie
Katika majaribu, lakini
Utuokoe, na yule, milele na milele
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Ufalme wako ufike utakalo
Lifanyike duniani kama mbinguni, amina
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Baba yetu, yetu uliye
Mbinguni yetu, yetu, amina
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Utupe leo chakula chetu
Tunachohitaji utusamehe
Makosa yetu, hey
Kama nasi tunavyowasamehe
Waliotukosea, usitutie
Katika majaribu, lakini
Utuokoe na yule msiba milele
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
Baba yetu, yetu, uliye
Jina lako litukuzwe
As you may have heard, we're experiencing a bit of a drought here in California. Things are bad - we're pretty much out of water, wildfires are raging through the state, lawns are going brown, and now restaurants aren't even giving free ice water anymore. We can barely stand the suffering.
One thing there's NOT a drought of, though, is DEMO DISKS! That's right, kids - here at Funhaus, we have plenty of shitty free discs...enough to last through 3 full years of drought! That's 3 years of partially completed adventure games, glitchy shooters made in 1999, and sports sims featuring players who've been jailed for 15 years.
Funhaus recommends you stock your house with at least 18 months worth of demo discs, just in case an emergency strikes. Keep a small book of 12 discs in your car as well - you can never be too prepared.
Doe, a deer, a sexy deer
Wait - is that a guy or girl
Me - I think that thing's a buck
Now I know I'm gonna hurl
So let's use it on our thumb
Just like every other show
Clickbait always makes 'em come
And remember: buck, not doe
Doe wait me now, so just click Doe!
So, we've got this program at work called Slack that allows us to chat with our coworkers, both here and in Austin. It's a file transfer service, a sharing app, and a place to talk about...well, whatever, with our colleagues.
In Slack, we have different channels for all of our work. So there's a Funhaus channel, a Know channel, a channel for business talk, and there's also a channel where Adam shares the thumbnails he's created for all of our videos.
I'm getting nervous that, eventually, the fed will subpoena our thumbnail channel. There's some bad stuff on there. Some bad, bad stuff. Stuff we shouldn't be sharing. Stuff that eventually you see on YouTube. I'm looking at it now. Scrolling through the last few months of thumbs. And...wow. It's real bad. I'm worried. Please don't report us.
Episode XXXI
It is a period of turmoil in Funhaus. Demo Disks, the currency white dudes on YouTube, are slowly being depleted due to the Great Cracking.
Editors and Producers, striking from a hidden bunker, have attempted to stretch out the remaining Disks with Meet & Fuck flash games.
Senator Amidala of Naboo has been dispatched to attempt to resolve the situation with her Jedi escort, Ahsoka Tano.
Together, Padme Amidala and the Padawan Ahsoka must unite to prolong the existence of Demo Disk and battle some kind of sexy panther sith lady or something.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you an experiment.
Those of you familiar with the Funhaus show Demo Disk may recall that as Adam, Bruce, and James record the show, they are wont to occasionally (constantly) play pornographic flash games in order to pass the time as disks load and then proceed to not work. It's a stopgap measure, taken only to get some kind of material for the show when all else fails.
You may also have noticed that as the show has progressed lo these 30 episodes or so, pornographic flash games have become more and more commonplace. Well, our parents have noticed, so in this Very Special Episode of Demo Disk we're trying an experiment.
#NoPorno
That's right. We'll experiment with NOT having any pornographic games in this week's episode. If it does as well or better than previous episodes, huzzah! We can work clean from here on out.
If, however, it performs more poorly than previous episodes then we're going back to the ol' porn mines to dig up some real smutty porn games.
LET THE GREAT EXPERIMENT BEGIN!!
Well, #NoPorno lasted all of one week. Are you happy ARE YOU HAPPY, YOU MONSTERS You did this. You forced us into this. We never wanted this life, but here we are. Thanks to you. You only have yourself to blame.
Shame.
Shame on you, audience members.
Shame.
Description written by: Spoole
This week we take Gavin, Michael and Geoff from Achievement Hunter on a magical journey through Demo Disk Land where we discover just how large Gandalfs penis is and how hard you can spank Elsa's booty.
Also, Adam tries his hand at serving drinks at a bar at some point... yeah that goes just about as well as you'd expect.
"I am William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of crazy-ass long 6-week film shoots! You have come to film as free men. And free man you are! What will you do without freedom Will you film"
"6 week film shoots Yes! We will shoot - and live!"
"Yes! Shoot in six weeks and you will live at least awhile. And when you're a totally old weird actor in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this shoot to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our producers and the studio suits that they may take our lives but they will never take our 21-day shooting schedule!!"
The Binder of Discs is getting real low, which is a little worrisome. If we run out of demo discs, what are we going to do on this show Only play sexy flash games Only watch sexy Kylie Minogue commercials Only sexy sex sexx sexxxxxx
I mean, this is our most popular show. It gets the most views, the most subscribers, the most scrobbles. What are we supposed to do if we run out of discs
So I'm going to issue a call for more discs. Do you have demo discs Is your home a trove of discarded crap from the 90s and early 2000s If so, start collecting them in preparation to send them to Funhaus. When we call the banners, we'll give you all the information you need about where to ship your old, broken crap.
Thanks, America, and the rest of the world I guess.
Selena Gomez Addams Morgan Stanley Cup Song Bird is the Word to Your Mother's Day of the Dead to Rights Here Right Now That's What I Call Music of the Night Moves Like Jagger Eaton Canyon Country Club Sandwich Islands Burgers and Fry's Electronic Arts and Crafts Services Rendered Fat Albert and Victoria's Secret Garden Party Down Under the Boardwalk Empire Records Player Piano Manchester United States of Matterhorn of Africa's Toto and Dorothy Parker Brothers and Sister Christian Bale of Hay Here's How to Get Away with Murdered Selena. Gomez. Addams Morgan oh god here we go again.
This is quite definitely the worst episode of Demo Disk we've ever recorded.
That's not a threat. That's not a judgement call. That's a promise, from me to you. In the 17:27 run time of this episode, I think we play games for something like 2:40. Total. That's it. And it's not our fault; we're really in the dregs of the old Disk Folder at this point. Nothing works. Everything fails. A million errors.
You've been warned. Worst. Episode. Ever.
Long story short: I went to a screening of The Black Cauldron and told the guys. Sorry.
How to Make Demo Disk in 7 Easy Steps:
1) Place compact disc in disc drive and attempt to install demo #1
2) Receive multiple error messages. Download and install proprietary software from 3rd party developer
3) Realize 3rd party software hasn't been supported since 2002
4) Attempt to install demo #2
5) It worked!
6) Play shitty demo based on shitty movie from 1999
7) Google "shitty movie from 1999 rule 34"
Duh duh duh DUH DUH
SAME MAKE
Duh duh duh DUH DUH
SAME MODEL
Duh duh duh DUH DUH
NEW MISSION
Doo do dooooooo. Do do dooooooo.
A machine, built for one purpose only: to go back in time to have sex with Eddie Furlong or something.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This video is TOO HOT FOR YOUTUBE BABIES!
After getting two videos age restricted in the last 2 weeks, we know what you guys want: any excuse to flag our videos for "inappropriate content."
Fuck you guys.
DUDE SOUP LIVE TICKETS!
http://hollywood.improv.com/event.cfmid=423469
**Holiday Sale 15% off entire store 11/23 - 11/30 http://bit.ly/RT_Store
Let's see, what kind of description should I write today I've already done a fake Star Trek intro. You know, one of those "Space, the final frontier" kind of things. So I can't do that.
And I've written a lot of songs, which Bruce has covered in the video, so I can't do that.
And there really isn't any Rule 34 in this episode, so I can't be grossed out by the disgusting crap they look up.
But, hey, look! I'm kinda 4 paragraphs into the description now! I think this'll work. This is fine, right Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about this. Let's keep this one.
Do you have issues with slow anal leakage Do you ever get that "Muddy Down Under" feeling Do you find yourself running through dozens of pairs of underwear---and pants--every week Maybe you should try...Tampoms!
That's right: Tampoms!
Whether you have the lil' shits, the full squirts, the tiny pebbles, the squeezers, the drip drop, the spray and pray, the gusherz, the soupy sales, the brown tide, the orinoco flow, the old faithful, the molasses juice, the streamers and screamers, the firehose surprise, or the fudgey swirls, Tampoms have got you covered!
All you have to do is unwrap the 'Pom, shove it up your butt, and you're safe from bottomsurge all day long!
Not for use by minors or dogs
The weird thing you guys probably don't know about Demo Disk is that, even though it goes up on Mondays (SUNDAYS FOR ROOSTER TEETH SPONSORS!!!), the video is edited on Fridays. It usually takes all day to edit, so we're all stuck at work until it's done.
Thing is, it's the most complicated video we edit all week. And the other thing is, on Fridays, most people are able to phone it in, maybe leave work a little early. Not us, no sir, not the Funhaus Boys! We're here until the video is done, slaving over a hot computer just for you; the viewing audience. Because we're dedicated.
So enjoy your Friday beers, motherfuckers.
Sorry, I'm too busy working on another, more complex video description to make this one really shine. My bad. If you want a fantastic Demo Disk Description, go back and read some of the older ones in the playlist.
Go on, get back up in that playlist; there are some real gems in there! Some funny stuff, some good -- oh wait, I should just put the lyrics to Bruce's song. Yeah; I'll just do that. Here you go.
You gotta look in the sleeve and pick out a computer disk
You know its not gonna be very good but lets take the risk
I hope its one of those CDs that loads up real super brisk
But I just cant--play one more--game thats shi-tty
I know we know that this fantasy piece of shit wont be good
Maybe this old real-time strategy game will be playable
A shooter, oh shooter, will save us, come save us, its our last hope
Cause we just cant--play one more--game thats gar-bage
Is it too late now to play Fallout
Cause I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh
Is it too late now to play Fallout
Yeah I knooow thats not this show
Is it too late to play Fallout, bros
Fallout yeah
Fallout yeah
Fallout
Yeah I know thats not this show
Is it too late to play Fallout, bros
We just barely managed to find a motocross game or two
An old RPG thats so broken might finally see us through
Ill point, Ill point, and then Ill click, Ill click to pick up the loot
Can we just--pull the disk--and fuckin break it
Yeah
Is it too late now to play Fallout
Cause I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh
Is it too late now to play Fallout
Yeah I knooow thats not this show
Is it too late to play Fallout, bros
Im not just trying to see someones brussel sprouts
But I'm--finally learning to mod clothes out, ohh
Is it too late now to play Fallout
Yeah I knooow the disk goes snap
Is it too late not to play this crap
Fallout x3
Yeah I knooow the disk goes snap
Is it too late not to play this crap
You know what Aliens hate more than humans, predators, other aliens, grass, trees, water, sex, love, post-it notes, pens, desks, star wars, and Alka-Seltzer CHRISTMAS!
As ripped off from Drake by Bruce and Joel
We always play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
Play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
Ever since we got this folder you
Watch us try to run this really old shit
Computer keeps on crashin and we hate it
Try to browse some porn, and search some fake tits
Cause ever since we got this folder you
Started wanting us to check Rule 34
Shards of shattered demos on our gross floor
Playin all these games Ive never played before
We always play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
Play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
(NOT DONE)
Ever since I grabbed that CD, you, you, you
You and me we just don't get along
You make me feel like I did you wrong
Going places where you don't belong
Ever since I left the city, you
You got exactly what you asked for
Running out of pages in your passport
Hanging with some girls I've never seen before2
We always play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
Play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that demo bling
That can only mean one thing
These days, all I do is
Wonder if you findin other CDs for Demo Disk
Wonder if you picking up the old shards for Demo Disk
Playin other games and gettin burned out on Demo Disk
You just need Demo Disk
You just need the Demo Disk, ooh
No, why dont you run on Windows
Maybe cause that OS blows
Used to be quick to load, be a good disk
We was in the zone
We should just play wheelhaus
Im tired of Demo Disk
We always play games on a CD
Monday when we need demos
Play games on a CD
Monday when w
