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Private Notes
Da's none too pleased with his recent appointment as Sinn Fein Cultural Affairs Spokesman. "It'll be Riverdance this and diddly-dee that!" he compains. He changes his mind though when he learns that an American trust is prepared to fund a local film to the tune of $750,000!
Not to be out done, Mervyn and Andy also apply for a grant and once they get the money go on a giddy spending spree that includes Cartier watches and jet-setting to Las Vegas.
Back in Divis Towers, Cal and Da are struggling with the casting of "Da Another Day". While Liam Neeson, George Clooney, Will Smith and Sean Connery have all been considered, Da feels he has no choice but to be true to his artistic vision and play the leading role himself. But when Ma discovers that his role involves romantic scenes with a glamorous actress, she has something to say on the matter...
It's Billy's birthday and Da and Cal are once again teasing him about being an orphan. Billy admits that the best present he could every get would be to discover who his mother is. Inspried, Dympna places an ad in the paper.
There is soon a queue of women outside Billy's front door all looking to be reunited by their son (and claim the substantial reward!) Just as Billy and Dympna are tiring of interviewing the imposters, a woman called Andrea arrives and declares she is Billy's mother and can prove it! True to her word she knows all about the bracelet Billy was wearing when abandoned and his birthmark shaped liked Ireland.
Delighted to be reunited with his mother, Billy voices the question he's dreading most. If Andrea is Billy's mum, then who is his dad?...
The unthinkable happens - a woman falls in love with Uncle Andy! Notwithstanding the fact that at first he thought Jolene was a female impersonator, Andy just can't believe his luck. And the good news just keeps on coming when Mervyn reveals that he will come into a million pounds on his wedding day, thanks to a bequest from his Uncle Edgar!
Over in Divis Towers the situation is less rosy. Da is distraught that he has been told to deliver a speech to the European Parliament on "Encouraging and Expanding the use of Minority Languages in the EU". In Irish... Ma agrees to write the speech for him in exchange for a new washing machine, but when he double-crosses her things turn nasty...
When Andy realises that Big Mervyn must marry before midnight or lose his inheritance, he casts wildly around for a woman prepared to marry his mucker. But is he prepared to sacrifice Jolene in the process?
Cal discovers he can hear dead people and takes to wandering round the graveyards of Belfast communicating with the deceased. From family members to long dead republican leaders, Cal receives the same haunting message - that Ma should never have married Da!
Andy and Mervyn could do with a bit of supernatural help over in Orange Terrace. They are on the run from the local loyalist paramilitaries because they spilt Pastor Begbies pint. It looks like they are in for a hiding until Red Hand Luke arrives on the scene and greets Begbie like the old cell-mate he once was. In order to keep in Luke's good books Uncle Andy invites him to stay with him.
Luke's eccentric behaviour and his bizarre diet of nothing but beetroot pushes everyone to the end of their tether. In a effort to make Luke move out Uncle Andy whips up a nut quiche knowing Luke has a nut allergy. However his plan backfires when Luke collapses on the floor dead!
Ever suspicious, Pastor Begbie decides to investigate Luke's death and so it falls to Cal to commune with the deceased Luke and convince Pastor Begbie that Andy and Mervyn didn't kill him...
While running away from the other members of the Unionist Unity Committee, Andy takes a wrong turn and runs into a nationalist area where he meets a few Celtic supporters. Recounting the tale later to Billy and Dympna, Andy admits that he thought he was done for until Elvis showed up and saved him!
Everyone is convinced that Andy has lost the plot and in a desperate bid to save his mate from a psychiatric ward, Mervyn decides to take Andy to Graceland show him Elvis' grave and shock his friend back to reality.
The hapless muckers head Stateside and things seem to be going according to plan until they get to Graceland where Andy insists on digging up Elvis' coffin and checking inside...
Da gets an electric shock while taking down the Christmas tree lights and has a total character change! Gone is the lazy, scheming skiver that Ma and Cal have known all these years and in his place is a debonair, diligent and dedicated father. The transformation doesn't last long though as an other electric shock returns Da to his miserable self.
There are shocks to be had in Billy house too when Uncle Andy and Mervyn realise that Red Hand Luke has a gift for predicting winners in horseracing. Rather than making them all very rich though, Luke's gift is soon turned against Uncle Andy and Mervyn who are forced to bet against Luke "for the fun of it"! Even Billy gets involved and soon he's lost everything, even the house.
Back in Divis Towers, Ma decides to give Da another wee shock to get back his nicer alter ego, but she gets a nicer person than even she can tolerate...
