I watched this again, with my father, in preparation to see The Meg, 'cause I was worried hearing reports the upcoming film was neutered of it's blood soaked glory. I wanted to compensate any blue balls I thought I would have by first drowning myself in wild girls tits and ripped apart penises before inevitable disappointment. I think Piranha loses some of it's enjoyment on repeat viewings, but there's enough over the top fun and classic b-movie antics to keep all horror fans satisfied. It's crazy to see such a crass and low brow endeavor like this film get critical acclaim from critics. The effects aren't the greatest, the story is childish, but the greatest attribute it boasts I proudly agree with is it doesn't hold back. This is a clear cut modern example of not taking yourself seriously, just having fun with your premise. You want to see an entire lake of spring breakers get ripped to fucking shreds with blood and gore everywhere? You will most definitely get it and more. You want to see Christopher Lloyd briefly reprise his role as Doc Brown raving about the piranhas? You got it. Want to see Eli Roth get his head cut off? You bet your ass you'll get it. Want Adam Scott to shoot piranhas with a shotgun while riding a jet ski? It's here, baby. How about tearing the shit out of them with a boat propeller detached like a chainsaw? I'll stop spoiling the fun. It's a crazy match made in heaven, few "don't take yourself seriously" films like Sharknado hit that very specific sweet spot that makes the film fun as hell to watch, but not in a laughing at it bad way. Piranha 3D is the very rare gore fest that knows how to have loads of genuine summer fun; a return to 80's exploitation.
Everyone needs this film in their life. I cried. No, really, I did. I can't believe it myself. Disney's put out both one of the worst films in their catalogue, and now one of the best in the same year. Three years ago, I was chastising Disney for even conceptualizing a live action Winnie The Pooh, screaming lack of a creative vision and banking off the tired nostalgia of a once great little franchise. I haven't held Disney in the highest regard at all in recent years, criticizing many of their decisions and downright refusing to visit their theme parks or stores. Now, I'm not going to come at you with some bullshit Stuckmann comment, "I grew up with Winnie The Pooh," even though I did, Christopher Robin succeeds entirely on it's own and can be loved by people of all ages. I rack on movies for their structural problems, sometimes ignoring the feeling I'm supposed to be having from the viewing experience, but films like this remind me how emotion can overcome any kind of little technical problem, if it's done well. This is the Disney I miss. I'm so tired of the corporate sell out manipulating monster that is the nu-Disney machine, but it seems every couple of years, Disney puts out a film that reminds me why I loved old Disney, the one Walt Disney created. Meet The Robinsons, Up, Saving Mr. Banks, Tomorrowland, and now Christopher Robin all have something in common. There's messages about growing up, remembering to keep moving forward, not letting such menial things get in the way of what's really important, and so on. What I really love what Marc Foster did was put some class and taste into this. This treats the original Hundred Acre Woods story with real respect, not just the original animated film, but the books and illustrations. This has one of the most perfect openings to any movie, implementing the book drawings into the new live action material. Showing Christopher leave, in a scene replicated from the original movie, and then show his life growing up, and even going off to war and leaving his wife behind, started to get to me. It's very tastefully done and doesn't come across as cheesy or childish. One bit of the montage that stuck out, was I think Pooh blows out a candle on a cake, and it cuts to an explosion in a battle Christopher's in. The whole thing was excellently done. Ewan McGregor makes for a fantastic character, we really don't deserve him. His character means so well for the world, but because of the burdens of reality and his job, unfortunately has to put on hold the things that he holds so dear, even going so far as to snap at Pooh in frustration. The dark and gloomy look of the woods built on the heavy tone of the scene, it was nearly heartbreaking to watch. When the two reconciled, at their thinking place, I had tears on my face. Such an innocent little bear, with no clue of the harshness of the outside world, nearly getting hit in the face with it, while simultaneously reminding Christopher of the carelessness of being a child, was both so endearing and so sad at the same time. The movie gradually turns into a silly adventure movie at the second half, but it doesn't lose it's emotional grip, in fact, it carries it proudly on it's shoulders. I don't want to spoil anything more, but any scene with McGregor talking one on one with either his family or Pooh, will put you on the edge of tears. I love the setting of war-era London, and you very quickly get accustomed to the realistic look of the Hundred Acre Woods. Disney, I know I hate you and I know I rag on you, but let me just say thank you for putting this movie out. It makes me ashamed of my fellow movie fans this movie isn't doing well at the box office or even that fantastic critically, but this is the best movie you have released in a while. It doesn't even feel like a nu-Disney movie, this is a true return to form and boy, man, I really wish they would stick with this. It's so pure and full of genuine heart. I hope people look back on this with a fondness and as a classic. Just great shit, silly old bear...
It doesn’t take long to recognize that “Mission: Impossible — Fallout” is a good movie. Very good; nonstop exhilaration, incredible stunts, fluid camera movement complimented by the editing, goofy plot twists that work despite their conventionality, and all the character leads. This sounds like a negative, it's not, the best way to describe the experience is like watching a Saturday morning cartoon. Tom Cruise coupled with his lovable team up against the new villain is the groundwork for many children's television episodes. But, Of course, they take it up a bunch of notches, crafting an engaging, and thankfully classy blockbuster that is above many other wretched releases as of late. Never did I feel cheated or talked down to, it hearkens back to the noir films of the 30's (that meet-up at the beginning is a direct take on the gangster genre) while plucking the set pieces right out of classic James Bond. But Christopher McQuarrie shits all over them; he's making a name for delivering breath stopping action sequences, the helicopter finale shot in IMAX left my mouth hanging time to time. The sixth film in a surprise hit franchise is still improving upon itself, and Cruise still willing to do ridiculous stunts at the tender age of 56. I guess Scientology gives you superpowers, sign me up. He makes us all forget he was in The Mummy, and Rebecca Ferguson gets her career back on track after the sleeper "hit" The Snowman. A few last comments, I'm glad they kept the shot in where Cruise limps as he gets up on the building, he actually broke his foot filming that scene, that's why. It's funny, Tom just played Barry Seal in American Made, an expert pilot who transported in a drug cartel. Now in this, he can barely work a helicopter. Henry Cavil put up a damn good fight, that mustache took out an entire film franchise. I say worth it, that's a sick stache. I'm just glad the action was zany enough to marry with it's silly story. This was the right balance of everything. The dialogue is intense, which keeps the audience on their toes, giving the impression of being nonstop. You get your moneys worth.
I mean, it's better than whatever the Dark Universe is doing. Shit, I saw this a couple days ago at my awesome local AMC, but I forgot to log it. The film doesn't have as much staying power as I would like, kind of shame, 'cause I really dig cute animated features, and the horror genre. This is a child friendly mix of both, but it's only stand out qualities it has to show for is Genndy's expressive animation, and I mean wacky as fuck stuff, and it's line up of Transylvanian monsters. So call me biased for giving this an above average rating, but it's presentation is what I got a high off. Also, that godforsaken airplane Gremlins bit, oh my god I want more of that. I mean, if you're just looking for a safe time at the theater on a like a discount day, this is the perfect option. Your gelatinous offspring will eat it up, you will like the monsters and action, and the theater gets money. Everyone wins. When I say safe, this is the highest average you can get. Main character wants a girlfriend, crew goes on vacation, lead meets a pretty lady, hijinks ensue, and some "surprise" reveals. You know the entire plot start to finish just by watching the trailer. I wish Tartakovsky was allowed to take risks, or allowed to make his Popeye movie that was shamefully scrapped in service of making The Emoji Movie, because the dude has talent. He created Samurai Jack and Dexter's Labratory. He has a key eye for fluid and unrealistic movement that lends itself to eye candy entertainment. The fact he's stuck at Sony making borderline criminally safe movies like Summer Vacation is sad. I was amused with what I got here, it's fine, but that's it.
Updated to read more coherently
Well, that was a whole lot of nothing. If you're new and reading this, I think I should lay down my opinions on the Star Wars franchise. I have a lot of nostalgia for the original trilogy, I unironically enjoy The Phantom Menace, genuinely love Revenge of the Sith, and currently dislike the direction Disney is taking the series with Episode VII and VIII. Rogue One is the only new film put out that I liked, attributed primarily to Gareth Edwards' vision for that particular story. The saga has a special place in the back of my heart, but I'm not a blind fanboy. I recognize when something is poorly done, or in Solo's case, having no reason to exist. It's amazing a pop culture icon as big as this has sunken into bargain bin or Netflix territories of inconsequential narratives. Aside from a couple winks and clever callbacks to aforementioned, and soon to be coming up, events in future and past films, there's no consequences in the story and nothing seems to matter. We have a stagnant and poor actor playing alongside Emilia Clarke in a bad school play of Bonnie & Clyde while doing shit that doesn't make sense, other than that it needs to happen to satisfy callbacks in future installments. And what's a shame, is there was potential here. Maybe Gareth Edwards' hands being dug into this universe indirectly influenced the design in a way, but seeing Han fight as a soldier in the beginning was an interesting route to explore. I liked some of the dialogue, a bit of it feeling much more natural than what's been going on in other quip filled biggies. Ron Howard does a decent job, I'm a fan of his work, and his direction is unique and hands on. Unfortunately, his flavor doesn't seem to appear much. Once more, a committee and a yes man cobbled this up, Howard seemingly compromising his style for simple "wow" moments. But overall, it is competent. I wonder how much of this is Lord and Miller way back from what they shot. I wish there was more of Howard, his look just seemed scattered throughout. There's a moment at the end where Emilia is looking out the window at Han, and, it was a small gesture, but the cinematography combined with Powell's music made for a surprisingly memorable moment. It had a raw quality and felt like... a movie, specifically reminiscent of a 60's drama. But it was just another little nugget in a space of nothing. I liked the idea of showing the storm troopers as actually threatening, pushing civilians around, it felt right. The scene of Han and Kira getting separated between the bars works, there's attempt at character building. But around after the opening on Carillion, the arc kind of stagnates. Everything interesting happens in the first twenty minutes. They may have played all their cards out too early, but just, I don't know. Once they arrived on the ice planet for their first heist, I became so disinterested, and anything kind of established early wasn't considered for bringing back up later in the story (aside from the dice). Arcs weren't considered, things just... happened. Scenes just happened. The most satisfaction I found were just a few shining pieces of competent film making, like the spectacular storm chase with the Falcon, but they're thrown in service of a story with characters as wasted as Rose Tico. Woody Harrelson is wasted in this shit, his only purpose is to teach Han to never trust anyone, which doesn't even really seem to affect Han anyways. He buddies up with Chewbacca at the end regardless, so Harrelson's arc ends with no impact. His girlfriend dies during the first heist, and everyone forgets about it so quick. When droid asked for equal rights, I swear I was ready to walk out. Yes, Star Wars has always been political, but the stories themselves have underlying subtle political echoes. This was just a lazy call out to current year politics, and screamed lazy writing. As for the lack of any tension, it doesn't have anything to do with me knowing none of these characters will die, because this is a prequel, but this doesn't tell me anything I care to know. Oh yeah, I'm so worried the annoying female droid is going to die. It's more useless than the C3P0 and R2-D2 meeting in Episode I. So, Darth Maul is back miraculously. Cool. What does that add to this story? How does it develop the characters anything beyond fan service tripe? Why does it matter? Why does anything that go on in this movie matter? Stuff just happens. Think about it. Take away the brand for a second and think about the events that happen here. I don't know who's saying it, but Donald Glover is passable at best as Lando. So, he smiles a few times and says some snappy things at a card game. That's not a character. Han Solo is not developed anymore than he was in the originals. His character doesn't really evolve or learn any lessons. After the opening, he's reduced to standing around really awkwardly and repeat how much of a great pilot he is. They were just hitting the beats at the right moments and hoping it was entertaining enough so you wouldn't hate sitting through it. The villain is one of the most useless, throw away, gangster cartel dealing baddies you've ever seen. I've seriously already forgotten his name. You know, I go to movies to be enriched. To either be gleefully entertained through worthwhile action that carries meaning, learn valuable life lessons, and to think. I don't go to be numb for two hours as recognizable flashy colors simply blast on a big screen. And like I have to repeat, I don't preach this to be pretentious, these are my feelings. I'm done getting peer pressured into seeing all these big movies I have no interest in, a lot of which leave me feeling empty, rather than quenched. I'm done giving Star Wars a chance. My highest compliment to Howard is, I didn't hate this. It didn't destroy the legacy and reputation like The Last Jedi. I'm just disappointed. Rogue One was the lucky strike in the losing ball game.
Heavy spoilers ahead, I'd just like to talk about the movie. Oh yeah, seeing it again in it's original Japanese version helped quite a bit. I caught a lot more stuff this time, including stylistic choices I didn't pick up on previously. All comparisons to Ponyo are only valid on surface level. The movie's tone and messages are unique to it's own. I really appreciated the flashbacks done in a tasteful way, like they're child drawings from the perspective different to each character. The story is excellently told, able to tell the history of the town, and tell the stories of a number of people, some barely getting screen time, but their resolutions being surprisingly emotional. A couple beats I missed: Kai is developing the final song throughout the entire movie, and only sings it at the end, after gaining his confidence from Lu (Somehow I didn't pick up on that from the English dub). One inspiration I just picked up driving home, was Lu could be interpreted as the Mary Poppins archetype. She comes to this broken town, covered in shadows from a curse, wants everyone to become friends, and by the end, once all is fixed, she moves on. Some may not like the romantic involvement between her and the boy, but... love is strange like that. Kai first sees her as reminder of his mother, which inspires him to express himself again, then grows a child like genuine fondness to her. It's actually quite remarkable this pulled off giving backstories a large selection of the cast, and teaching some heavy life realities in the process. Your initial dreams may not work out like you planned, but other opportunities you didn't expect will come. My heart grows heavy just thinking about it. The style is expressionist and lively, almost copying decades old animation, a welcome return. And the four child leads are just so endearing. The scene of Lu and Kai walking around town to the guitar cover of Naoko's theme is especially magical; not in a spectacle way, but something about the playful dichotomy of these two really moves you. The imagery and dialogue makes for a heavy sequence. If there was ever a one-shot anime movie I would love to see a sequel for, it's this. One of my new favorite movies of all time. I'll edit this review if I think up anything else to say.
CW: Christianity, Atheism, white males, a retarded plot
Do I even need to say anything? It's God's Я Us 3: A Light in Bankruptcy. Pure Flix, by some miracle of God, has managed to assemble a cinematic universe out of this fecal matter, just like Universal Studios and Focus was able to splurge out three Fifty Shades movies. I'm committing review sin by comparing two unrelatable franchises, but the parallels apply. I must ask, who is going to these to make them profitable? Suckers like me who want to watch some unintentional trash? Authentic Christian audiences who view these as important films? I would love to have a discourse with someone who honestly enjoys a broken wreck of a movie like this. Everyone can have their own taste, I welcome all perspectives, but it makes you curious. I admit, seeing Shane Harper's silly mug back again made me ironically geek out. It was the equivalent of a seeing a side-character cameo back in a Marvel product. All enjoyment is purely found in the accidental humor and structural problems. When a focal dramatic moment has met me laughing at it's scrambled pacing and distracting inadequate digital effects, you've failed at telling whatever story you were trying to. There's a sampling of laughably edgy conversation too, one where domestic abuse is brought up and another the Mandela effect being used to interpret Jesus may exist. It's too bad, Christianity could be so metal if shown on the big-screen with reverence. Pure Flix, you have money, make a badass action movie (that's not Samson), put some Bruce Campbell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dwayne Johnson in there, and you got me there opening day. Throw heavy rock in and hardcore Bible verses for maximum flavor. For now, we still have Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, and any Mel Gibson movie, so I guess we're good.
I don't even want to write anything. This movie makes me angry. Even with the mind-set going in that this is cheesy non-sense meant to please the brain-dead movie-going public, it fails to generate any sense that it understands what it wants to be and it's responsibility to respect it's predecessor. Call me exaggerating, but Pacific Rim: Uprising is a nightmare of a film, it's the last thing any fan should want of a property: Taking everything great a franchise has established, strip it down it's bare assets, then trying to sell it to dumb people. I've already said the first Pacific Rim wasn't a brilliant piece of cinema, but a lot of love went into crafting it's visuals and universe. Del Toro had a great eye for practical effects, lighting, digital composites, etc. I'm sorry Steven S. DeKnight, but he murders the franchise in every possible category: The writing is film school amateurish, the effects are below-average (lower than Transformers quality), the music is forgettable, and the universe has been shrunken down to a couple people, just like what The Last Jedi did for Star Wars. You had this mature and bad-ass world of Jaegar meets Kaiju action and you squandered it into the embarrassing cringe-inducing children's movie domain. I don't know how much hand John Boyega had in the creative process, but you can smell the cheapening all over the product. Everyone's picked apart the Jaegars moving too fast and the outfits not appearing as technically impressive, but down to the core, the writing, it's ruined. You thought Independence Day: Resurgence had lazy writing? Wait until you hear classic lines in Uprising that just reference how much better the writing was in the last movie. Want to write a great speech before the final battle? That takes too much effort. Just mention how great Idris Elba's "cancelling the apocalypse" speech was. They do this constantly in the movie, chucking, not even just random subtle call-backs, but full pieces of dialogue mentioning events in the last one. If you're not even going to bother writing your story better than garbage like Ender's Game and every other "youth training in military to stop evil force" movie, please don't insult the original by persistently referencing how much better it was. The action isn't even exciting. The physics and extremely out-of-place uses of slow-motion hinder any kind of tension or thrills. The finale in Tokyo is among one of the most underwhelming and confusing messes of editing ever. Resurgence was easy to follow at least, because it was set in the barren desert. How is it that a sequence at night in the rain, from the first movie, is easier to follow than one in daylight? And the movie just ends after they defeat the "final boss" Kaiju. No extra words to bring the characters' arcs to a close, you know, like a resolution should. It just goes from the characters getting out of their pod, having an out-of-place snowball fight, and the end credits. I almost couldn't believe it was over then. There was a brief mid-credits scene that poorly set-up future sequels that thankfully won't ever happen. It just dumbfounds me the entire cast went about putting this disaster together without one person going, "You know, shouldn't we at least get something right from the original movie?" Long-gone are the days of cool neon-aesthetic duel-outs with robots smashing ships into on another. We have the most bare-bones bullshit that's parading around as a sequel to a passion project of epic proportions. It's no wonder Del Toro isn't advertising this movie on Twitter. There's a part in the movie where they play the "Trololol" song as the Jaegars are flying away to fight. It was literally trolling it's audience.
Holy shit, this movie took the biggest quality 180-turn I've ever witnessed. About a half hour into Den of Thieves, I was ready to call it quits. Slap a 'Please stop' and a one star rating on this and walk out, but miraculously, the clusterfuck of a script climbed itself out of it's conventional and edgy teenager levels of writing. It was able to correct it's under-cooked meat and present a thrilling second and third act. I can even pin-point the minute it happened. It's when Gerard Butler is at his daughter's school, he's talking to her through the fence, but when he gets back to his car, he breaks down in tears. Seen the scenario a million times before, but from that scene on, the big heist the movie had been horribly building up to started to happen. Let me just say, the editing, deliberate lack of music, the tension, the quick camera cuts, acute attention to detail, the raw acting, is all, pardon me, really fucking good. Unlike the previous fifty minutes or so, none of the dialogue or acting felt hokey, the performances are intense, and it's mature use of weapon handling just added to the realism. It's just shocking to me, because I've seen movies like Marauders, where the entire film reeks of amateurish direction and horrible trope-y childish ideas, and the whole movie is like that. "Oh man, this thug cop who doesn't play by the rules likes to party, drink beer, smoke, and beat criminals up. He's so cool." Den of Thieves starts off in that territory, horrible, criminal levels of bad, but inverted dramatically and turned great. I want to know what happened behind-the-scenes and who wrote the first hour of the movie. Everything involving the heist and subsequent chase is great. Go see this, just show up a half hour late, you won't miss much.
This is the first movie I've ever brought a notepad with me to the theater and actively wrote stuff down. That was interesting; I will say, it made the movie go by much faster because I was more involved. I think instead of writing a proper review, I'm just going to hilariously re-write what I crudely wrote on my pad of paper.
"I got more joy out of the Mary (and the witch's flower) preview before the movie. How many seconds have I wasted watching that M&M's fake movie trailer? The wedding in this is much shorter than the one in Twilight, thank God. This is great cinematography. Why is Anna surprised by Christian owning a jet? She flew in a drone and helicopter in the first movie. There's generic action stealth music in this hijacking scene. 'It's Boobs in Boobs-land' is an actual line in this movie. 'Don't pull, they'll bite' is an actual line in this movie. This is The Room levels of bad, getting into the sex scenes quick. Generic plot with generic Danny Elfman music. Christian Grey drove all the way down to Anna's work just because of her fucking e-mail. Why no text messaging? Sitting on a couch for a conversation, such great direction. There's no plot, there's little fantasy sequences with pop music. 'Oh look, a fancy car! Oh look, a fancy house!' Horrible Anna race driving scene, pointless SUV-following sequence, Christian Grey no-have security? Wouldn't the SUV-guy find them later? Grey is a billionaire, his presence is everywhere. Going to New York to escape anonymous driver? Why? Comes back, go to fancy house for little vacation, more pointless sex and bathing scene. Anna restrains the intruder with her play handcuffs, how funny. Christian's trip to New York added nothing to the plot. Sex scenes are not earned or built up, they just happen. Another random vacation montage with soundtrack music. I feel the characters are one-dimensional on purpose so you can insert yourself in them. Embarrassing scene Anna dropping ice cream on Grey's chest with more soundtrack music, totally ignores drama from last scene. The whole movie has fake pseudo-drama, but uses it as a vehicle to sell women's fantasy sequences as a product. Who fucking cares about Anna's friend trying out dresses or getting engaged? 'Uh-oh! Anna rolled her eyes, better punish her in another sex scene with more soundtrack.' Play sad soundtrack song over news of Anna pregnant, it's forced drama. I started ironically getting into it by the end, like, 'Yay, Christian wants to have the baby now!"
There's this really silly flashback montage at the very end of the movie, using clips from the last two movies, as if we went on a journey with them or some shit. I'll admit, I'm going to miss hating on this franchise, it was a fun short-lived ride, unless they dig it back up for a spin-off.
R.I.P. The Fifty Shades Of Grey series
Clint Eastwood's
A Series Of Pointless Events
I was going to write more, but my dad summed it up pretty good with that title. One of the worst films I've seen a long time. This is Tommy Wiseau's The Room levels of bad, not exaggerating. Scenes that are so short with no purpose are all over this movie. Some scenes even mirror ones from The Room, like when they go into an ice cream shop and for four minutes, talk about random junk that have no effect on the story. There's an entire section of this movie where these jackasses just tour Rome and take selfies all over the place. Nothing matters, all the dialogue is horrible, the acting is some of the worst I have ever laid eyes on, there's baffling editing choices, inconsistencies in the editing, bland music, and POINTLESS every-day affairs.
This movie has inspired me to take a notebook with me to movies now, so I can write shit down as I watch. I'm just now remembering stuff. There's a little moment with one of the friends as a kid, he's in his room, and on the wall, is a poster for Letters of Iwo Jima, one of Clint Eastwood's movies. Reminded me of that bit in Transformers 2 with Sam in his dorm room, and there's a Bad Boys 2 poster on the wall. But beside the nitpicks, the movie fails at it's emotional structure. The real heroes suck as actors, so it's hard to take their monotone mumbling performances seriously, and a large portion of the movie just focuses on random seemingly unimportant pieces of their life. We get no look at who the terrorist is or where he comes from. I felt no threat or tension in the final scene because the terrorist just came off as an incompetent shooter, just baffling. Even in Pearl Harbor, Michael Bay chose to include scenes with the Japanese army to hype up their power-level and what they could do to an American fleet. Here, there is not a single scene with any explanation or story for the terrorist, reducing my engagement. I'm not intimidated by him, so why should I care?
Typically, I disagree with the complaint that these army movies are nothing more than propaganda commercials for recruitment, but good Christ, this movie is the dictionary definition on throwing subtlety out the window. Spencer, or whatever the hell his name is, wants to join the Air Force. Okay, cool. Does that part of the story have any effect on the train attack at the end? No? What's the point of it? There is none? It's just to promote the Air Forces and the Marines? There's really no point to it? Thanks for wasting my time. Story comes first, plot structure comes first, tension comes first, characters come above-all, and this terrorism-level disaster of a "feature film" did nothing for me at all. It's also just a shame this isn't bad enough in a funny way to be like The Room. It borders into the category so many times, but keeps slipping into the just-bad territory. How did this happen, Eastwood?
I loathe this recurring trend I'm seeing with a load of movies being put out, not just in the horror community. Studios take this engaging and expansive concept that could be fleshed out into a thought provoking and timeless archive of our culture, this Winchester story being the perfect capsule of life and death. There's plenty of interesting shit that's lightly tapped into... but like a ton of other projects of recent, we take this potentially enriching thing and throw it into the mainstream bubble. I can see the executives going, "Yes, this tale of a woman building time capsule rooms of dead people, and where they died, is cool and all... but it needs more poltergeists, jumpscares, and marketability." We're taking potential arthouse movies and slapping a studio coat of paint onto it. It's really disgusting.
In this movie, there are so many interesting conversations that are briefly explored. This woman is being told by supernatural beings (who were all killed by weapons from the company she owns), to build rooms in her mansion that capture their spirits and replicate the location where they died. That is so neat, and it amounts to barely anything. No big message at the end, no character study of this woman and the visiting doctor, who's also troubled just as much as her... really nothing. There's a lot of short scenes that go nowhere and inconsistent rules within the house. It's a generic ghost movie with a promising concept being used as the gimmick to draw suckers in like me. The synopsis is far more interesting than how it's executed.
I give credit for teed-bits of the production design, but we just had Crimson Peak and other great period piece movies, so I don't know what's the point of giving this credit for that. And for heaven's lord, I'm an apologist of egregious jump-scares, but this movie is not helping my case. I can't count how many times I wanted to walk about because of the predictable and ineffective jumps. Let's lock this movie up behind thirteen nails and forget it.
Even the poster is shit, step up your game, Netflix.
It's like two terrible hack directors, who are actually actors, saw It Comes At Night and The Strangers, then said, "Hey, let's remake The Strangers without understanding anything that made that movie interesting. Then let's throw in the ending from It Comes At Night. People will love this!" Nothing is explored, nothing is explained, all set-up plot threads early-on are completely ignored in favor of an open ending, there are no interesting characters, the drama is extremely forced and immaturely edgy, the cinematography and editing is jarring and even laughable at quite a few points, but overall, it's a fucking bore. It's trying to be like so many other horror movies (other bad horror movies, mind you, I mentioned Paranormal Activity 3 once when watching), and even doesn't understand why those were successful. All I can tell you, is Netflix is not having a good track record with their original movies. Sure, some of you may argue about Gerald's Game, but ultimately, nothing has impressed me enough into thinking paying for a subscription to this service is worth it. The idea I enjoyed Insidious: The Last Key more from earlier this month is downright unacceptable. Avoid this house, trust me, you won't want to buy it.
This whole movie, I couldn't stop thinking about Shinji and Kaworu's sub-plot from Evangelion 3.33. There is no point to this movie. It is the most boring film involving an on-screen romance I've ever seen, and I've watched all of Fifty Shades Of Grey. While Shades is bad, it has greater production design, has a form of cohesive story-line, no matter how laughable, has a memorable soundtrack, and is actually enjoyable, in an ironic sense.. Call Me by Your Name wishes it could be this important coming of age bisexual story it props to be up from it's aesthetic and Oscar-bait attire, but all we're left with in the meat are pointless everyday scenes and sub-plots that go nowhere, characters given zero depth or personality, yes, including the two leads, locations so bland and in-effective in expanding the story's world, that scenes could be taking place anywhere, and cinematography that feels very amateurish at times. I started counting the number of times the camera forgot to put the characters in-focus after someone moves to another position on-screen. The blocking and placement of the actors is televisual and bland, there is not a single shot that sticks out to me. Sitting at a table, laying in bed, bicycling, and etc. The only shot that sticks out is the final one as the credits play, but that's only because it's held on for so long.
I'm actually having trouble finding stuff to write. The two stars give it their all, desperately scrounging up an ensemble performance that appears emotionally stirring, and I applaud their efforts. But this just does nothing for me. It's so inconsequential and pointless. There are far better gay movies out there. If that's the reason you guys are all giving this movie high scores, then I'm sorry, you're missing out on movies more worth your time. Go watch Strawberry and Chocolate, a much more entertaining and fulfilling little story. I think I'm done with gay movies. I've seen a lot in the past year and they've mostly just felt the same. This genre is really limited. I'm telling you this because I wanted you to know. Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine. Okay, I'll stop quoting obvious lines. By the way, there's a scene in the movie where he fucks an apricot. Symbolism? Maybe. Hilarious? Yes.
Oh boy, another movie I'm in the minority opinion of... or am I? I actually don't know this time, I think this movie has like a cult following or something. Which says a lot about this movie more than other horror remakes that are brought up. I've seen other people on here give excellent reviews explaining why this movie works more than what the common viewer gives it credit for, but I'll just share a couple random thoughts of mine.
This movie does not in any way tarnish the original movie or "ruin" what John Carpenter's movie created. I personally believe Rob Zombie took a run-of-the-mill slasher film, upped it a few notches, and tried to explore characters much further. I give Carpenter all the credit in the world for all he did for the horror genre; his music and movies completely revolutionized the medium, for better or worse. But what Zombie was able to bring was a little more humanity to the picture, yes, I'm actually saying that. The scene at the hospital where Michael Myers screams in his mother's face, like emotionally gutted me. Imagine your a mother, and you see this child, your son, that you've raised all your life to love and be a good kid, just murder someone right in front of you and scream in your face when you try to console them. Imagine the guilt and failure that goes on in her head. That whole sequence with the sirens going off and the slow-motion happening is one of the most brilliant scenes in a horror movie I've seen. Captivating and mesmerizing. Great work all around.
Zombie knew just all the right elements to make this unique, yet also play perfect homages to the original classic. I can understand this over-the-top white-trash style not working for some people, I agree with that, but it's hard to argue the amount of brilliance seen in this. It's one of the smartest horror remakes ever made. Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Lumis? Come on, that not perfect casting? I might post some more thoughts later after I watch the four hour documentary on this Blu-ray, but I wanted to get things out. I wasn't sure how I'd dig this, but I'm really leaning towards loving it. Rob Zombie did a commendable job paying tribute while expanding the universe. In fact, I believe Zombie enhanced the original and the character.
Shit, this is better than Blumhouse's Truth Or Dare. At least it shows some blood.
As a sequel to Final Destination 3, and even just a separate horror film, it's a ridiculous cheap disaster... however, if you take it as a comedy, this is a blast. Must watch, for sure, I put this shit on in the background doing work, one of those kind of movies. Every scene in this offers hilarious laughs, start to finish. The priceless NASCAR race sequence, topped with cars and debris just flying straight into the stadium's audience... and no other direction, those people are walking targets.. The punch lines spoken right before an impending death, the musical cues, and the outrageous antics that keep upping the last. Why the hell does a mall explode when there's no explosives anywhere to be found? What's with the EXTREMELY mouse trap death set ups needed in order for our terrible protagonists to be killed in? Why does someone start bleeding at the mouth because their foot is cut off? Why is there a bunch of explosives behind a movie theater screen? Why does a fence have sharp enough blades to cut through a guy's stomach? This movie rocks. It's some good garbage, and I think they knew what they were doing when making this. It's a trashy 'ol good time. The deleted alternate ending is pure fucking gold insanity.
Holy fucking shit, I was not expecting that godforsaken ending. What a way to fuck up someone's day.
The movie itself is just above average, offering some good tension-filled moments and impressive special effects, but nothing too groundbreaking. The characters aren't given any special personalities and their backstories are given all through blatant exposition. No creativity in the character building, for this one. The alien design I found to be quite cool, as it evolved over time and consumed smaller animals and eventually humans. Going into this, I don't know why, but I was surprised by the amount of gore and violence, which I dug. I didn't realize it was a rated R film and a full-on shock horror piece, and while there is tension here and there, it's in pieces, which is a problem. There's no hanging tension in the air through the whole movie. Why are there momentary breaks where the humans are content and calmly just sitting around while a fucking alien is on the loose in the ship. Now some might say they did this in the original Alien from Ridley Scott, but that was a much larger ship and the alien was human sized. This bat-type alien is on a very small NASA research ship and could be just a couple feet away. But whatever, besides the problems the movie has, I did have fun watching it and I did get tense during quite a few parts, so props for that.
But that damn ending, I love it. I called it just a minute or two before it happened. Glad the writers took the fucking risk and made a memorable ending that sticks with you. We need more endings like this.
This is one of the greatest films ever created, the one that made me a hardcore Charlton Heston fan. I know, the runtime can be a turn-away for casual viewers, but I don't view this as a movie. I've now seen The Ten Commandments twice in the theater and it's an experience. Through this four hour epic, we're introduced to the location of Egypt and every character imaginable, as they're woven into the story re-telling of the Book of Exodus. It's a tightly constructed, but vast world-building film that makes the audience feel like they're there with the slaves and Moses, as the days and months pass in the film's length. The special effects and green-screen composites are cheese and outdated by modern technology, but hold an old-time charm to them, a quality lost in new remakes, like Exodus: Gods and Kings. Cecil B. DeMille doesn't just slap together a shitty historical movie to make money like with shit such as Gods of Egypt, but pays respect and with great care, creates one of the best epics of all time. It's hard to explain everything in such a short review, so I won't bother but just tell you to watch this if you haven't. It's a must. Make some snacks and some drinks and sit down and watch this. It's well-worth your time and you won't regret experiencing the whole thing. Ideally, I'd say see it in a theater with an actual intermission, but that's hard to do, waiting for a re-release and all.
'Seven Psychopaths' is what I consider the perfect black comedy, or movie that's a drama with sprinkles of humor scattered throughout. I find all the jokes to be timed perfectly and placed just the right moments, but I find myself even more invested and caring for the more serious parts of the writing, which parts surprised me when I saw them come up, as I didn't get that impression I got when viewing the trailer. Martin McDonough perfectly balances poignant commentary about different kinds of psychotic individuals, while delivering crowd pleasing and hilarious set pieces and dialogue. It's truly one of the smarter written movies I've seen in the past few years, more than other acclaimed pieces. I found myself engaged the entire time, not once checking the time on my phone. The story moves along at just a frantic enough paces and showing off twists in the characters to keep the viewer interested, Billy being the absolute craziest and most lovable one of the bunch. I love that the Schi Tzu becomes his dog at the end. Wonderful little closure to the character.
Fantastic movie. I'm surprised it took me this long to see it. Just never came onto my radar, I suppose. Also wow, it's been 10 days since I've seen a movie, that's unusual for me.
Um... what? I don't even know what I just watched, but I really liked it. That's the best way to describe this movie. It's so crazy, so filled to the brim, so over-the-top, and nonsensical, I just had to turn the analysis part of my brain off and accept the movie for what it is: A poorly written, but well-polished, incredibly directed, badass song tuning, and crazy action grindhouse B-movie. That's what it is. This could easily have been released as a 70's grindhouse feature, and everyone would fucking love it. The action scenes in this movie are some of the craziest set pieces I have ever seen. You've got these talented women in skin showing skirt outfits, wielding modern tactical rifles and pistols, going around shooting robots in a World War 1 trench. Yes, you just read that right. Want to go even crazier? Okay, how about flying a modern tactical helicopter over a medieval castle while firing guns at a dragon? Not enough for you? Okay, how about battling in the snow, fighting giant robot samurais wielding miniguns? This movie is so fucking crazy and stupid, that I can't help but like it for some reason. I think that's why most audience members and critics don't like it. This movie is the prime-example of "Hey guys, I decided to make a super fucking crazy ass movie, don't take it seriously, okay?" This movie is what happens when Zack Snyder takes some cocaine and is allowed to do whatever the hell he wants. I don't know why but I like it, a lot.
Going to see Alien: Covenant right after this, I will have a review up hopefully soon.
I love the atmosphere in this movie. I'm a really huge fan of slow-burn silent kind-of creepy horror films that really souly on building suspense and building the world, rather than resorting to action or jumpscares. I think this is why I prefer Alien to Aliens, and The Terminator to Terminator 2. True horror movies, to me based on what I find scary, is relatable or likable characters being put in genuinely terrifying or claustrophobic situations.
What makes Alien effective is the location. Imagine yourself in Ellen Ripley's situation. Alone on an abandoned ship about to blow up, in very narrow corridors with no one else around, while an unstoppable killing machine is out to get you. That idea alone makes the movie, but the way Ridley Scott executes it, through the sound effects, lack of music, and pacing makes it one of the most tension-filled finales I've seen in a horror movie.
The rest of the movie is great too. There isn't much that happens in terms of story, but you grow attached to these characters as they get picked off one by one. You're constantly on the edge of you're seat anticipating what's going to come next. It's a constant up-hill battle as these group of characters try to figure out how they're going to defeat the alien life-form that's now loose on the ship. Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, and Tom Skerritt are my favorites out of the cast of exceptional actors. They all do a good job with the material given to them, especially considering how dialogue-heavy the movie ends up being.
There isn't much else I can say, other than it's one of the best horror movies in history, with it's wonderful atmosphere and great setting, which many of follow-up movies tried to copy, but most end up failing to capture.
I'm so glad I heard about it and had the pleasure of watching it. I haven't seen a movie break my heart that good in a long time. It's not usual for me to get actual tears going down my face.
'Train to Busan' is an incredibly rare horror movie that puts actual emotional investment into the characters, what I mean is, you actually care about who's going to live or die. This isn't a world-building movie, but one that devotes it's entire run-time to building an emotional attachment between the audience and the main cast. Not many modern Hollywood blockbusters and horror flicks do this motion, as they figure most people are just simply there for the thrills and the cheap jumpscares. 'Train to Busan' reminds me something. It reminds me how absolutely important it is to have characters you want to root for. The fact I actually cried for the main characters in this movie automatically puts it well above other horror and zombie movies that don't bother with this essential character development.
I loved it. I truly loved it. It's easily one of my new favorite zombie movies of all time, maybe even one of my new favorite dramas of all time. Watch it. It deserves your time and especially money.
Shockingly awful. There was no reason for this to be as bad as it was. This is another one of those films, like The Banana Splits Movie that uses one of the unused/scrapped scripts thrown out by Scott Cawthon as he works on his Five Nights At Freddy's movie. Studios see some potential in the scripts and just change around the aesthetic to adapt it. Nicolas Cage has a producing credit on this and I don't know why. What a shithead move to not have him speak the entire movie. If they were going for a Man With No Name approach, he should have a couple lines, really killer ones. The idea he says nothing is a comically ridiculous waste. There's no reason for him to be there then. Go Doomslayer if you want the silent killer. Give him a scarf over his mug and cowboy hat, it would complete his look, and then Cage wouldn't require a big check. None of the characters are memorable, recognizable, have any attachment to the story, or warrant the screen time they're given. Characters don't play to any specific strengths or weaknesses. Their names are spoken one or two times, none of them add to the world building or have connections to this restaurant. Any characters that have a chance of redemption are killed on the spot without a second glance, making their place in the script meaningless. Even the sympathetic sheriff groomed by the head sheriff doesn't get his moment to shine, he's unceremoniously killed in a lame, unrealistic situation where somehow an animatronic stowed away in the cop car. The levels of turning your brain off you have to do to even tolerate what's going on are to many to permit. Only one, named Liv, cares about doing the right thing. Neat. She cares about this old, creepy birthday palace why? I don't know. The lore is taken right from FNAF's pages, people possess animatronics to cause havoc, only here, it's serial killers. For what purpose? I have no clue. They only get fed every time the town's folks tricks a passerby to become a night janitor. How often does that happen? It's all just thrown in to one horrible exposition dump as Cage stands there with the same expression he has the whole movie. There's even a second exposition free for all that repeats all the points from the first one, only from the perspective of the townsfolk, and it comes right in the middle of an interesting scene between one of the kids and a suit. When we cut back, the kid is immediately killed. Why does the dude drink that brand of soda and on every break conveniently timed and looped throughout the picture? The only way this story would've been enjoyable is if it was an actual video game, Duke Nukem style. This is the cinematic equivalent of watching someone play Doom, but you don't get to experience the gameplay yourself, it's terrible. It's not even good exploitation. The blood effects are below the grade of a YouTube video, very obvious Kool-Aid mixtures for blood effects that come out of people's mouths. An excuse for violence is a staple of exploitation flicks for sure, but come on, we're far above the lowest tier trash that comes out of the genre. Most others in the medium are far better than this. To call this a slasher movie is insulting to other gore fests. Every scene is a loop. Janitor guy beats the shit out of a suit, he cleans up, takes his break with a soda, stares at the creepy guys on stage, and loop. This happens six times in the runtime; abysmal. It's a joke in itself, shots repeat like the tossing of a soda can in the garbage, like this shit thinks it's clever. If you want that, have some progression. Maybe that pinball game he cleans up, he gets better at and scores a higher score after each time he defeats a suit. No thought put in to anything, no themes. That ties in to the editing. You're not Edgar Wright. Quick cuts and neon lighting is overused now, you aren't interesting and it doesn't even fit the aesthetic of the time or location. Some of the reaction shots are laughable; like Cage will be punching the shit out of a dude, the camera is all wobbling and up close to be intense, then it cuts to a wide static shot of Liv standing there with a dumbfounded reaction on her face, which completely breaks the engagement of the fight, and then it cuts back to that shaking extreme close up of Cage fighting. It's distractedly awkward. The care to environments and visual effects are of a student film. Balloon lights, lighting equipment, and other junk can be seen in a few shots. The camera work is either over produced or television sitcom, most of the time switching in between shots. The setting of Willy's is small and pathetic, like a little store they rented out for the film. One ballpit, a side room for a birthday table, a kitchen where one pinball machine is located, and a very tiny arcade. As for the animatronics, you have to make me believe these were intended to be cute and friendly. The Banana Splits Movie understood this, considering they used actual Hanna Barbera characters so that was their original purpose, but these monstrosities are freaky even in the upbeat commercial. At least try to be subtle with your costume design, or have it so they flick a switch and change appearance to something demonic. It could tie in to the story's core element of Satanism being at the heart of this dandy play place. About the only satisfying scenes are Cage's final music video dancing to the pinball machine and the head sheriff's death by Willy. The score is also decent. Two points for this dreck.
Tim Miller, your career is over.
Cameron, you have created your own Alien: Covenant. Now, I have an interesting relationship with this film, before it was even announced. I liked Genisys quite a lot. I've liked all of the sequels past Terminator 2, especially the action heavy and emotional Terminator 3 that takes up the responsibility of carrying the development of it's lead, John Connor, and expanding on that. John in that film has brought the trials and understandings from the Terminator's sacrifice at the end and understands that a Terminator can grasp the concept of the value of human life. That part of him is still there, which is why he can accept another T-850 has come back to protect him and he doesn't stay prejudiced to it the entire film. The new challenge has to take up is his responsibility as the leader of the future resistance. He's run away and he's living off the grid, but over the course of the film, leading up to the brilliant ending, has accepted that he must come forth and take the mantel of leading humanity to ultimate victory. That is what his mother taught him, which is why I could accept her being killed off screen, because her development had been completed in the second film, John had a new burden to overcome, it was his journey by that point.
So tell me why this is acceptable. Why has it become accepted in our society that we can just throw a number of films, all with different creative leads, teams, and producers, under the bus and say they were all terrible, and this new version being created is the true sequel to what are supposedly universally accepted films, determined somehow. This botched move is what killed the 2018 Halloween reboot, which for some reason felt the urge to make the original sequel and Season of the Witch no longer canon, which makes no sense and it's a slap in the face to the original lore, just cause some redditors thought it was "a little silly" Michael and Laurie are siblings, even though Michael had a sister in the opening scene. There was no reason to remove the second from existence and it's put the franchise in a creative dead end, resulting in many logic gaps and ridiculous connections. You begin to realize this is all a tactic, this is the new remake craze like what was going on in the 2000's. Instead of just remaking the classics to varying degrees of quality, the new explosion of bait and switch is making a "correct" version of the original, i.e. in sequel form or reboot. This has happened with Star Wars, Digimon Tri, Scooby-Doo, Ghostbusters, Voltron, and so many more. It's become a franchise wasteland out there, with every company ready to kill off whatever it was you loved in your childhood. It's ripe for picking.
Dark Fate decides to forgo any profit from the Chinese market and any fans that may have been forged out of the 440 million profits of Genisys and ops to wipe the slate clean again, for some reason. Think about it, five was all about multiverse hopping and time travel, different timelines interconnecting, it actually explains away some time paradoxes created from previous films, because now anything can happen. Other characters can exist in new timelines and kill blood related family and suffer no consequences. Anything is possible with what Genisys introduced, but no, it's better to kill the potential golden goose. I was even cool with John Connor becoming a villain in his respective timeline, because a) it throws the development back on to Sarah and Kyle struggling with the idea of their child, originally prophesied to be the savior of humanity, now villain, and b) a good John Connor could still exist in another timeline. The floodgates of crossovers and mayhem were opened.
But, 'kay, fine, let's throw all that talk out the window. Cameron is back, Tim Miller is on board (yay?), David S. Goyer is writing, we're just getting rid of everything creative that was done before and going back to "basics." What does that entail. How is the brilliant writer's room going to top all out of the outings that it has to top, and prove that it's worthy enough of saying it is better than all of them, and it's the true version that should be canon? I know! Kill John Connor four minutes in to the movie. You think I'm joking. Let's have a T-800 walk up to child Johnny, who's a digitally recreated young Edward Furlong, and shoot him in the chest with a shotgun. Brilliant, oh, you guys outdid yourselves. The "mythos" of Terminator are important to them, this is the real Terminator 3 everyone. That's why Terminator 1 and 2's importance and story no longer matter since all the effort of saving Sarah, and then following up the born child, just results in the kid being shot in the chest in under a minute. Hey Cameron, what was that you said about Alien 3? That it was dumb and maybe a little disrespectful to kill your characters, Newt and Hicks unceremoniously? Aren't you being a little hypocritical constantly trashing on that film, yet you just wrote and produced the love child to it? Like, do I even need to continue the review? You've shot yourselves in the foot not even a few minutes in to the film. Sarah I can believe killing off, John was the product of those two films, he is who needs to survive, that was the entire message of Terminator 3, the T-850 sacrificed himself and lied to save John and Kate's lives. He is the backbone of the series, outside of Sarah Connor.
But, 'kay, fine, let's throw John in a lava pit. He doesn't matter. Where do we go from here? Answer is you don't. You know the trend. We have to regress every character's development from the previous entry so we can essentially remake the film with the same script and lesson. Worked so well for Incredibles 2, amiright? Sarah is now back to being a paranoid Terminator expert who doesn't trust a T-800 look-alike because they killed a significant other of hers. In T2 it was Kyle Reese, in this one it's John Connor. What a load of shit. Way to show massive disrespect to the films you claim to be honoring. May I remind you this isn't even really Sarah's film. We haven't even gotten to the new bland leads they've had to scrounge up because there's nothing to go off. So now that Skynet doesn't even exist anymore and John is just dead, we can now just remake the original The Terminator with a new super evil robotic massive conglomerate in the form of something called "Legion," with direct rip-offs of scenes from 3, Salvation, and Genisys, films they claim to hate, but will still copy from. Real class act. This future soldier named Grace is sent back to protect a new leader of the resistance, Dani, a total (wo)manlet that does not look like a feasible leader of the resistance. No disrespect to Natalia Reyes, she seems like a nice actress, but she is horribly miscast. If they had switched around the leads, Davis as the leader and Reyes as the protector, I'd believe it more. But okay, Reyes lives in Mexico and works in a car factory (social commentary), lots of Spanish language is used in the film, an overwhelming amount, and her Papi is taken over by the new Rev-9 terminator in an attempt to kill her at the factory. A Terminator 3 and Genisys ripoff chase ensues and we end up meeting a beaten down Sarah. From there, we just go through the motions of exposition, who are you, who am I, what are we doing, taking cues from some The Terminator deleted scenes, and flashforward glimpses of the surprisingly bland looking Salvation copying future war. That's a thing I really have to deduct points from this movie significantly. Tim Miller, I don't know what happened in your three years from Deadpool but the action in this movie is shockingly bland and boring. How can you make a truck chase that exceedingly tiresome, a finale at the Hoover Dam that anti-climactic and kind of laughable. The CG effects have downgraded so much, it would be Stan Winston to shame, the poor man. Compare the effects in this film to Terminator 3, and it's just evident as an audience, we have accepted lower standards as a thing. We are okay with shiny, video game tier special effects. Especially during the D-Day Saving Private Ryan inspired future war scenes, the Terminators are hideously over shiny. The liquid T-1000 effects in Terminator 2 still look better today, I don't believe for a second this film cost 180 million legitimately, a lot of that was probably forfeited to Linda Hamilton and Arnold, both of whom are on record hating this franchise and wishing it would end.
But okay, we find ourselves in nap inducing action, bland rushed characters, retreaded existing characters, and then we delve in to border hopping. Not making that up either. Sarah is banned in all fifty states for what she's done in the previous films, but since this takes place in Mexico, we can have social commentary about the leads sneaking across the border and getting caught by Border Patrol, and subsequently being held up in psuedo-ICE camps. I'm not even making that up, that's a crux of the film, the Rev-9 joins the Border Patrol (like the T-1000 taking the mantle of a police officer) and hunts them down in an ICE camp. There's even a back in forth with Grace and a patrol officer. "Where are the prisoners?" "They're called detainees." This is where we're at with propaganda. It's okay to illegally border hop because the protagonists of the film are supposedly good people. That's how they're trying to shove this nonsense on to you. It's not even subtle or clever. How can you get the blatant with the reality bending. From there, they hijack a helicopter (Genisys reference) and some more hijinks ensure. They do meet up with the T-800 from the opening scene of the film that killed Johnny. There's some faux deep themes like, can a Terminator understand human life, can it evolve in to a normal functioning person after completing it's mission, all of which were explored in 2 and Genisys better, and then we get in to the final climactic Furious 7 and Rampage rip offed plane finale and Dam showdown. From there, Grace sacrifices herself to save Dani, i.e. Kyle Reese, and the T-800 kills the Rev-9 while saying "For John," which is a bullshit final attempt to show they care about Johnny, which the film doesn't. Then the movie just ends. It just ends, there's nothing more to it. They don't defeat Legion, there's a little scene with a speech Dani gives in the future war, which was done better by John in the opening of Genisys and actually plays off with the role reversal later in the film, this is just a B-grade schlock speech about rising up and shit. Nothing interesting. There's no mid-credits scene, nothing. It just ends. This movie is pointless. There is no point to this movie. Why does it exist? Answer me that. Terminator 3 was about Judgement Day finally coming to fruition and John accepting his fate at a future leader, Genisys was about stopping a new Skynet while Kyle comes to terms with the fact his friend and hero John is now an enemy that must be destroyed. Grace and Dani have no charisma. There is nothing to either of them. Sarah regresses as a character, and Arnold is there to just please the fans. All the while the film just rips off the films it hates.
I would say the only positive of the film, not even much so, is some of Junkie XL's score, he can always put together something halfway decent, but anything else, the cinematography and color grading especially are awful. Nothing pops out of the screen, the lighting is horrible, very bad contrasting, silhouettes, no impressive shots to speak of. This is some of the most amateurish direction I've ever seen in a major studio film, only rivaling Joss Whedon's Age Of Ultron
Cameron, you are on my shit list now. I defended you with Avatar and the recently produced Alita: Battle Angel, my favorite film probably of all time, but this, this is gross. This is another in an evergrowing list of franchises that have been shameless ripped apart and put on display in a freak museum. How much longer do we have to endure this before people say to stop. Don't go see this movie, go watch the other sequels. Terminator 3 needs to be vindicated, it needs to get the respect it's been wrongly taken away from.
I know I'm going to be in the minority when I say this, but let the Monsterverse end here. I don't mean that in the way that, I hate these movies. Exact opposite, King Of The Monsters is my second favorite film of 2019. But given the history of cinematic universes (MCU), the Toho Godzilla series, and the current situation of the Monsterverse, I would rather see this little series end as a trilogy of sorts, discounting Kong Skull Island, and let it stay a self contained epic that completes all it's arcs over the three Godzilla films it currently has. I wouldn't want them to (((drudge))) this out, change it up to be more mass appealing, and lose the spark the series currently has. Legendary currently has the option to keep making Godzilla films as long as they want so long as they renew the license, Toho would let them. But given the financial returns, I don't think that'll happen. They're going to release this early in China, get some money back on their investment, and release it for the fans that still like this stuff. Neutering it down is the last thing I'd want and I'd rather it end now. I know you all would disagree, but end it on this "high note."
EDIT: Fuck, this didn't age well at all.
"You have a chance other people only ever dream of. You can say good bye."
You know that saying that people always use that, "It hits you right in the feels," but some overuse it? I rarely ever feel it. But fuck, oh fuck me, I need to come here and say that Happy Death Day 2U did something I was not expecting at all. This is not a straight horror film, barely. This is a science fiction action mystery romantic comedy. Horror hardly fits the description, and that's what makes this so amazing. I feel bad I skipped this one out and saw Alita so many times, this came out the same weekend. Jason Blum, if you ever read this, know I'm sorry and I hope you continue to fund even more films like this. I know the general public flat out refuses original and poignant screenplays like this today, especially when this properly subverts expectations, but keep doing it. Give money to it. This got so much more complex and deep than I ever imagined a film like this could get. If you're going in to this expecting a romping slash-em-up and nothing more, you're going to leave more than empty handed. It's the equivalent of asking for fun bedtime story from your grandmother and she starts talking to you about the death of her husband. The overwhelming majority of the run time is the dilemma Tree must face between choosing to live in a timeline where her mother is alive, or where she's with her boyfriend Carter. The implications that because of this unforeseen consequence of this science experiment, she's actually given a choice to live a life that isn't hers, and if she doesn't, gets to do what others can't, and make peace directly with a lost loved one. The heavy hitting notes and the scenes where Tree breaks down to her mother, asking her what decision she must make, I could just imagine audiences checking out. There's this gut wrenching scene where she's choosing to sit down and spill it all out to her mother how much she loves her because she know it's the last time she'll see her, and just damn, it's intense. The rest when it isn't covering this raw family plot, is a literally by the numbers science fiction piece, in that it actually gets in to the technicals. They sit down multiple times to explain the way the universe has multiple dimensions and how she crossed paths with herself from her original dimension, etc. This makes Spider-Verse look like a second grade picture book. I was not expecting Landon to double down on what created the time loop in the first place, but it's surprisingly magnificent and doesn't tarnish the first in any way. In fact, it enhances itself above the original. I have more reason to care about this universe and these characters because of this follow up. It's given me more reason to care than I did before, by giving everyone more motivation for what has happened before. This is how you do a sequel ten-fold and this is how you make a fucking good film. It feels like an 80's college (romantic comedy) movie at times, this is exquisite work. Landon, you are on my director watch list. I see your name, I'm getting excited from now on.
This movie should have been called STEM. That gives off a much more unsettling vibe.
I actually would rather not say much, because you should just experience Upgrade yourself. I was nearly in tears just fifteen minutes in, not expecting that. I rarely ever get emotional watching any film, let alone so early on. If you want Ex Machina, but melded together with the action of John Wick, in service of a story reminiscent of Death Wish, this is exactly the result. Leigh Whannel creates a carefully crafted, small, but satisfying "grindhouse" flick. I use quotations because the story is anything but something as low brow and shitty as a grindhouse, but the action certainly suits the genre. Much of the world building is tastefully kept to a bare minimum, or kept in just revealing of the technology, so the script stays centered on Grey Trace; this is something I very much appreciate. There's not a lot of jumping locations, or even that many characters, as doing so would only muddle up the tension and drama. This is a surprise that came out of nowhere. Whannel just comes out after Insidious: The Last Key and blows a great creative load. The choreography intermixed with the editing of Stefan Duscio's gorgeous camera work delivers a delightfully appealing show. Seek out one of only a thousand or so theaters that are carrying this. One of my unquestionable favorites of the year so far. Deadpool 2 has nothing on it.
I'll start off with a disclaimer: I've never played the 2013 re-boot of Tomb Raider, I'm not extensively familiar with the character outside her profession and appearance, but I am fan of the Indiana Jones films. The pointless warning set aside, looking at my enjoyment of the feature film as a stand-alone experience, it was mixed. I'm just relieved the movie isn't awful and is a step-up from sub-par "blockbusters" like Black Panther. So that there should tell you were I stand on it and if you're interested in seeing it. The biggest unfortunate misdeed this movie commits is how paint-by-the-numbers it colors, rarely trying to step outside the boundaries of the genre it's copying. No real innovation to distance itself from the likes of Raiders Of The Lost Ark for example, which it's very similar too. Instead of having her father explain the evil curse to another person, maybe to emotionally infuse the viewer to his character, they do a quick narration dump before the title screen. Cut to Lara's every-day life, and we get the Journey To The Center Of The Earth treatment. Learn about father doing much more than his business-life let on, go to hidden location, and adventure happens. There's this really pointless chase in Hong Kong with three burglars, which seemed cool at first, but after it was over, I realized it didn't add much to what was going on. Was it to show how poverty-stricken that area of town is? Hong Kong is full of scum-bags like them? Lara Croft is a self-reliant woman who can take care of herself? My guess it was to have a bit of action, I don't know, the scene just ends up with her meeting the person she was asking for. I must say, Daniel Wu's introduction is rather amusing, playing a drunkard sailor suits him.
But okay, the movie has the most predictable script ever, with a far more inciting history lesson just being a swappable farce, what does this movie do to be average instead of sixth-rate non-sense? A couple things, but the presentation and Junkie XL's score are two big ones. Ignoring the couple of embarrassing green-screen composites, lack of proper stunt-work, and heavy use of CGI in stretches, the direction is good. A slue of memorable and well-choreographed >muh vistas with great lighting, especially in darker locations. Roar Uthaug, never seen any of his other work, does a decent job, however credit most likely goes to George Richmond, known for doing Kingsman. But the single ingrediant Tomb Raider immediately excels is at Walton Goddamn Goggins. I've loved this man in every role I've seen so far, he never sucks. The second he comes into the picture, he steals everything. Every scene he's in he nails to a T. His character, Mathias Vogel, is not as developed as, say, Paul Freeman's Belloq from Raiders, and that's the only downside. You don't get to know why he's doing what he's doing or what he believes in what's going on, just that he has to do what he's doing. Essentially, Goggins is just doing an amazing performance for a henchman, so take that what you will, but he's great every frame he's on. I can't wait to see him be a villain in a Bond movie, it's going to happen eventually. The movie ends with a little twist and a sequel-grab, so yeah, Lara doesn't die, but everyone knew she wouldn't. Will I see it? I don't know. I hope they get a better script next time. It's nothing you haven't seen before, just with a semi-decent palette and couple stunning performances. If you were already excited to see it, go ahead, just keep your expectations low. It's alright.
Finally, a sensational and rousing comedy film that manages to make me laugh... hard... quite a few times. Diego Tutweiller has constructed a good list essay why Marvel movies and other such blockbusters have substandard humor in their writing. Check out the link and read just so you understand a little better. One attribute Diego didn't mention, which I've noticed happen more frequently, note Black Panther, is the cutting-out-the-music tactic. I'm sure you're all familiar with this move, even if you are consciously aware of it. Check this video from Cinemassacre, listing off his least-favorite movie clichés, he touches on the ever-popular stop-for-comedy tool all trailer editors use to make a joke hit harder than how they normally would. This is not an isolated technique only a few companies use, almost every comedy trailer in the past decade uses this. Even the trailer for Game Night is guilty. In the actual movie, that joke doesn't have that cut-away from the soundtrack. Not a fan of it, but it's the norm. The trouble is, this lazy method of "joke-telling" has seeped it's way into actual film productions. We don't even treat movies separate from trailers anymore, it's like now jokes in a movie are written specifically to be edited a way in the trailer. I don't have the clip now, because it's still in theaters, but Black Panther did this multiple times, very clearly. It bugged me when I saw it because I knew how cheap of an attempt at humor it was. It wasn't even a good joke, like, the hoth man just says, "We are vegetarians." It's the opposite of what you expected, and the dramatic music literally stops. It's bullshit.
But yeah, Game Night? Oh yeah, the movie I'm supposed to be talking about. It was great. One of the best constructed comedies of the past few years, it's amazing this comes from the same writer who did Herbie Fully Loaded and The Country Bears... yeah, I'm shocked. I don't know if it was sheer-luck or a lightbulb of genius one of the directors contracted, but the duo along with Mark Perez has strung together not just great reference-humor, but well-timed physical comedy, ironic meta bombs, and above-all else, believable and surprising-ly lovable characters. Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams' duet is excellent and full of rich on-screen chemistry. They fit so well together, you forget you're watching actors say words. I wish I could meet them in person. (◕‸◕) The way they spout off trivia and one-liners alone makes a viewing worth it, these two sell the film themselves. But working alongside them, albeit less so, the supporting cast, including the dumb-ass Ryan played by Billy Magnussen, just adds even more appeal. There's a wonderfully timed scene, minor spoilers for a little joke here, he's handing a businesswoman dollar bills across the table. She wants a hundred dollars, Ryan first slides across a twenty, but as he keeps sliding new bills over, the amount of each one gets lower and lower and the pace he slides them gets slower and slower. The timing of the cuts was so brilliant, I dare say better than the similar joke in Hot Fuzz. It's a cute short skit, but had me laughing out loud with the other people in the theater. I feel explaining the gags would be a huge disservice to the experience, so I won't detail much more. The music is nicely presented, the movie is stylish (I love the way establishing shots make the citiy look like a game-board, that was a brilliant touch), the humor is creative and full of twists, and the cast is memorable as all hell. If you have the chance, check it out, you will be pleasantly surprised and full of joy, if you're like me burnt out on most main-stream humor.
Jesse Plemons is a treasure, his whole act with his ex-wife is some of the funniest shit I've seen in years.
Damn, that was slick!
I'm actually quite confused by the low ratings for this movie. What's inherently wrong with it? The biggest complaints I've heard against this was it's repetitive nature and reliance on jumpscares, and I'm going to have to disagree. It may have a little reliance on some horror cliches and the concept of a demonic being only being able to survive in darkness (unable to go into the light), but the way David F. Sandberg executes this concept is what makes this movie stand out. Why is no one talking about the brilliant scene with the cop firing at Diane, and each time the muzzle-flash goes off, Diane disappears for a fraction of a second. That was incredibly creative, and absolute badass film-making. Compared to some other horror films to come out in the past few years, I actually find this one to be more inventive and original than it's counter-parts. You want to talk about cliche? Go look at the incredibly over-praised The Conjuring. That movie has every single horror cliche in the book. You have an exorcism, a house with a demon in it, kids being terrorized, a mother getting possessed, etc. But in Lights Out, while there is a kind of "demon" haunting a family and some standard fare of walking around dark corridors, what transpires in the events are quite awesome. Also, the "demon," Diane, doesn't just lurk in the house, it follows anyone who's attached to the mother. But anyways, in one great scene, the boyfriend, Bret, is running out of the house down to his car at the end of the drive-way, he runs under a dark archway for a second and Diane manages to grab him quickly and lift him up in the air. He then grabs his car keys and unlocks the door, turning the headlights on and vanishing Diane, causing Bret to fall to the ground. Sandberg manages to take a already done idea and make it really fresh and a ton of fun. There is some darker moments in the story, particularly towards the end, and the movie plays out more as a drama, but there's plenty of shit happening to keep it engaging. I'm glad they didn't kill the boyfriend and there was no final scare. That's something I'm getting sick of in newer horror installments. This is easily Sandberg's best movie yet. He managed to take his short film and make it something awesome.
SPOILERS
For those taking this movie incredibly seriously and saying it has a bad message about killing yourself if there's a monster controlling you, let me tell you something:
Fuck off. This is a fucking horror movie. Looking for morals in something like this is legitimately autistic.
