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This is where I fail as a movie reviewer. I am too easy on the horror genre. The Platinum Dunes remake of Friday The 13th is a surprisingly faithful re-adaptation of the series. It satisfies my lust I crave from the stereotypical trashy horror flick: Blood, tits, drugs, sex, and gore. What makes the remake worth at least one viewing is it's sleek and stylish upgrade. This is definitely an improvement over the many sequels, much as the same route A Nightmare On Elm Street took, where the remake is better than most of the originals. Note aside, beyond it's guilty pleasure attraction, the depth of Crystal Lake is shallow. Many of the side characters have but any growth, their purpose is just to be killed in gruesome fashion (which is satisfying as hell), and the story is just another brain-dead person out to kill those who comes into his home. Must say though, for a downer guy as big as Jason, he sure knows how to set up some elaborate traps. You've heard this song before, only now, you get a kick-ass cover to it. If only the original song had some depth to it. Yeah, I said that about the original movie. Hope you guys have a most excellent Friday the 13th.

"Ogata, humans are weak animals. Even if I burn my notes, the secret will still be in my head. Until I die, how can I be sure I won't be forced by someone to make the device again?

"Oh Peace, Oh Light, Return... The prayer for peace that took place all over the country today... Here we see the Tokyo chapter of this event... Listen to the young voices as they put the strength of their lives into their song..."

"I can't believe that Godzilla was the only surviving member of its species... But if we continue conducting nuclear tests... it's possible another Godzilla might appear somewhere in the world again."

This is not a monster movie. This is not a Godzilla movie. This is a post-war horror film. This is a drama masterpiece that displays the horrors of nuclear weapons and the results such weapons have on the planet. Godzilla is a direct symbol of an atomic explosion. Godzilla is our fault. We did this to ourselves, and now we suffer the devastating consequences.

It's such a damn shame, even though I'm loving where the new Godzilla films are going with Kong Vs. Godzilla, we will never get an American Godzilla film this insanely deep or politically important. The closest Godzilla film that's gotten close tone wise to this is Gareth Edwards' masterpiece in 2014 and Anno's 2016's 'Shin Godzilla.' That film was about the horrors of the 2011 tsunami and incompetence of the Japanese government during that event.

The acting is perfect. The script is perfect. The music is perfect. The themes of post-war fear are perfect. It's groundbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It's amazing. It's the original Godzilla.

The whole movie, I was just thinking about this video:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=40hFDtQLB8c

I'm going to try to vent my opinions on this movie now.

I think this movie frustrated me more than anything. Barry Jenkins did a really outstanding job with the direction. The scene near the beginning with Chiron in the ocean is great. The way the camera bounces up and down with the water was fabulously disorienting and I loved it. A similar example of noticeable camera work was when Kevin enters Chiron's car. The camera is mounted to the car door and the camera moves accordingly when the door is opened. There's good work all around.

Another major positive of the movie was the acting. Everyone did a phenomenal job with the material they had, especially Naomie Harris. She was absolutely perfect as the drug-addicted mother, who eventually winds up in a Rehabilitation center. She gives an outstanding performance at the table with Chiron, as she breaks down and tries to tell him she loves him, to which he just has to respond that he hates her. Mahershala Ali was quite enjoyable, but unfortunately, he wasn't in the movie very long.

I'm not typically interested in films with topics about gays or victims who are resulted from bullying, but I felt obligated to check it out after all the buzz and critical acclaim it was getting. There was a lot going for it and I was having fun with the characters at different points in the story, especially Chiron's classmate Kevin, played by André Holland. However, even with him at the forefront of the third act, I thought the last hour of the movie dragged on way too long. Far too fucking long. I could see exactly where they were going with setup, but they took too long in the diner to execute anything. There's plenty of scenes like it throughout the whole film. Something will be setup, but then not go much anywhere or do anything particularly interesting.

I understand the movie is trying to get across some important messages about life, love, and the struggle of trying to find yourself as a person. But the problem is, while I applaud and definitely see some great scenes in this movie, like Little Chiron sitting alone in the bathtub, there is far too little happening. You can't have a movie that's only themes. You still need interesting scenes to convey your themes. The only parts I really got invested in was Chiron's life in high school. He finally had enough and threw a chair right into the back of his notorious bully, Terrel. It was a chapter of the film I could identify with, we've all gone through rough patches growing up.

I'd like to give this movie a higher rating because it has good material to boast, but while it has some good subject matter behind it, it's far too slow. Not even the impressive direction and performances can make me want to revisit this movie. I could see why some could get sucked up in the world of Chiron's, but I wasn't digging it. Great visual work from Barry Jenkins, but a script re-write was needed.

This treasure of quality atmospheric horror is flat-out one of the best films I've EVER watched. It's now almost been 10 years since it was originally released and I've only grown to appreciate it more as time moves on. No other such movie has peaked my interest in real events such as Centralia and Chernobyl quite like this one. It's not a turn-your-brain-off and enjoy jump-scare popcorn shit-fest like some recent studio releases in the past couple of years. This right here is an extremely rare case. Not many movies come out like this anymore. Think about it: It's a video game adaptation that's good, a horror movie that's more about the tone than the scares, and a think piece that requires some thought while watching. Even today, I'm still learning new things about this movie and it's production. Roger Avary, who most know as the co-writer of Pulp Fiction, was the lead writer alongside director Christophe Gans, both of whom are extreme fans of the video games, which is very important in making a faithful yet standalone adaptation. The two amazingly put together such a great ride. GoodBad Flicks made a fantastic video summarizing everything you should know and why you should watch it. I recommend this movie hardcore. It's an underrated and underappreciated masterpiece.

GoodBadFlicks' video: youtu.be/CfEnsMWYisI

TL:DR Watch Alien, then Aliens, then play Alien: Isolation, then watch the assembly cut of Alien 3. You're done after that.

I've thought of a lot of different ways I could open this review, but I'm going to do something simple... and start with a checklist; a list of questions for a typical audience member.

1. Do you want a suspenseful slow-burn gripping horror movie? If you answered yes, you're not going to get it at all.

2. Do you want a memorable and unique action thriller with new and exciting ways to show suspenseful gripping warfare? If you answered yes, you're not going to get that either.

3. Do you want memorable and interesting characters that go through arcs, have interesting personalities, and you eventually become really attached to them? If you answered yes, you're looking in the wrong fucking place, boyo.

4. Do you want a philosophical interesting study of human nature that chronicles the creation of a deadly species; one study that makes you question the existence of mankind? If you answered yes, you'll get a very shallow and uninteresting concept like that doesn't go anywhere, but it's kind of there.

5. Do you want a shitty lackluster horror movie that relies on tons of jump-scares, no tension or suspense, absolutely retarded humans that don't act like real people, sprinkles of exposition and pseudo-intellectual dialogue about creation, absolutely atrocious looking CGI, and constant copycat recreations of stuff that happened in the original Alien? If you answered yes, THEN THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU!

Alien: Covenant is really an anomaly of a movie for me. I've never been so confused at the choices made by a director and a screenwriter, while I was watching the movie. I really want to know what was going through their heads. I want to ask them this one question: "What was the goal of this movie?"

As a horror movie, it fails on every front imaginable. You know that movie "The Cabin in the Woods"? The movie where the scientists release toxins into a typical horror movie cabin to cloud the visitors' judgement, and that explains why so many horror movie characters make really stupid decisions? Yeah, imagine that concept, but it was done for serious. The absolute baffling and obviously illogical choices some of these characters make, actually make me roll my head in utter disbelief at how stupid these colonists are. They don't wear helmets when going onto an alien planet, they don't follow any sort of protocol, they don't follow any code, they decide to poke everything they see, and generally act like incompetent children. The fact these people were given the task to colonize another world and be responsible for the lives of over 2,000 colonists is unbelievable. I don't buy it for a fucking second.

Continued from the last paragraph, there's this one scene about 1/3 into the movie, where one the passengers gets infected with this kind of bionic metal floating thing and instantly becomes sick. He's dragged back to the space shuttle that's landed on the planet and is put into the medical room. Girl 1 gets locked into the room with Infected 1. Girl 2, who was already on the space shuttle, locks them both in and refuses to open the door. Infected 1 starts to shake rapidly and something starts to pop out his back, blood flying everywhere. Girl 1, for some fucking reason, decides to hug Infected 1 like the dumb shit she is. The little xenomorph pops out Infected 1's back in a little blood sac, and proceeds to attack Girl 1. Meanwhile, Girl 2 is acting like frantic spaz and goes and grabs a shotgun. She opens back up the room and walks slowly to Girl 1, who's being ripped apart by the alien. She then slips on the pool of blood like a fucking idiot and accidentally fires the gun. She gets up and tries to scramble out of the room, and then gets her foot caught in door, crippling it, again, like a complete idiot. The alien chases her out of the room into the cargo bay of the shuttle, where she proceeds to just shoot wildly until she fires at a gas canister, blowing up the entire space shuttle, stranding all the other passengers on the planet.

Now, when it comes to logic in movies, I'm not harsh on it at all. I'm actually an advocate for suspending disbelief and just accepting that sometimes, people do dumb shit when they're scared. Yes it's true, people when they're clouded by emotions, will act incoherently or stupidly. I firmly believe that in movies and I know people will write characters like that to make them more believable But this... this scene, was so fucking infuriating to watch. Was it supposed to be silly? Was it supposed to be scary? What was the point of this scene? I was watching a really pathetic human acting like a complete moron acting crazy, until she decides to shoot a gas canister. The entire sequence was really just sad to watch, and not in a good scary way.

And even as an action sequence, it's not thrilling or intense either. I wasn't riveted or on the edge of my seat as the events before me unfolded. I knew exactly what was going to happen, with the xenomorph poping out Infected 1's back, but this raises me to a big point that I want to bring up, one of the fundamental biggest problems I had with the movie, besides the fact it's not scary:

The xenomorphs themselves are not scary at all. I'm actually amazed people are giving this movie a pass, rating it with like a 3/5 or higher. I just don't believe that in the slightest. When I think of Alien, I think of claustrophobic terrifying corridor encounters with a deadly and unknown hostile life-form that could kill you in an instant. This nail-biting and tension-filled wait for the thing to go away. Ridley Scott, with this movie, effectively ruins what makes the Alien scary. I have NO problem with Scott trying to explore the mythos of the alien universe, and even explain where the xenomorphs came from. I don't particularly like it, I think it ruins the mystery of the alien, but I can appreciate Scott trying to do something different. But the way the aliens are showcased in this movie, don't make them out to be the terrifying monsters that lurk in the shadow, waiting to strike and then pounce back into the darkness, just ready to sneak up on you. They're now just generic movie monsters now, not exhibiting any of the familiar traits or behaviors of xenomorphs from the original trilogy. Instead of hiding and lurking in the shadows like a deadly creature, these fuckers are running out in the open, just attack humans aimlessly. I felt like I was watching a Friday the 13th movie, but if Jason Vorhees was just skinned over with a alien suit. When I see a xenomorph just come up behind a naked couple in the shower, I don't think of alien, I think of Shylock cliche horror from other movies that are terrible, especially the Friday the 13th sequels. When I see a xenomorph attack a fucking security camera for no reason, other than to give the audience a little laugh, that doesn't feel like Alien. I'm not saying the movie has to be the same as the original, hell, far from it. I want them to do stuff that's different, but you have to understand the rules and behaviors of the world you're exploring first. It's like Ridley Scott forgot the movie he was trying to make.

Another two problems I have with the xenomorphs, are the visual effects and the animation. It's sad to me to think that human suits from over 40 years still look better than CGI from this year. I don't know who was in charge of creating the digital effects for this movie, I don't know if they were rushed or something, but effects for the aliens was fucking terrible. Not once was I convinced in the whole movie, that what I was looking at was a real alien that posed a threat to the humans. The glossy and horribly modeled xenomorph models looked like they were from a low budget experiment project, not a big budgeted blockbuster. But even with the awkward and awful looking models, I felt the animations were all wrong. Thank about what a xenomorph is: It's an alien that infects it's host and then takes the form of the host it infected. 100% verifiably based on what we've seen in the alien universe thus far, when a facehugger infects a human, the resulting xenomorph looks and moves like a human. It stands upright and walks like a human. When a facehugger infects an animal, let's say a dog, the resulting xenomorph movies on all-fours and acts like a dog. We saw this in both Alien and in Alien 3. But for some reason in Alien: Covenant, when the facehugger takes over the human captain, the resulting xenomorph moves more like an animal... running on all-fours. Which, if you think about it doesn't make any sense, based on what we've seen. Yes, Ridley Scott could just be rectonning Alien 3 because "most fans didn't like it," but this animation fundamentally undermines what the term "xenoMORPH" stands for. The embryo morphs into the lifeform it's taken over. It takes the physical traits from it's host. But besides that glaring error in the choice of animation, the actual digital movement of the xenomorph model looked really fake and stupid. The way it ran down corridors and up and down ladders was not convincing in the slightest.

And even when the horror doesn't work, the action doesn't work either. You'd think they'd be able to get one of these elements right, but nope. Because there's no tension in the air and xenomorphs are just running out in the open like deer or whatever, there's no reason for me to get invested in the close-encounters action that's happening. Sure, some people shoot some guns and there's a part at the end where newcomer-captain Daniels is dangling off a space shuttle, but none of the action feels new and fresh. In fact, most of it feels extremely anti-climactic. It feels kind of tact on, like Ridley Scott was making one movie and realized, "Oh yeah, I have to make this a little exciting for audience members. I'll just throw in an action scene here and there. That'll shut them up." None of it feels earned. It just feels like it happens for the sake of happening, and Scott doesn't try to do anything unique with the direction. I was thoroughly bored in every 2 action scenes. The xenomorph just follows the heroes out onto the second space shuttle that comes down, and chases them like a generic bad guy. What happened to the alien sneaking up and avoiding detection, luring the victims into a false sense of security?
The climax of this jumbled mess was literally a carbon copy of the ending from both Alien and Aliens. New-captain Daniels and Danny McBride's character lure the xenomorph into the cargo bay back on the main ship, and then blow the fucker out into space. Same shit again. Nothing original or done differently. I'm really getting sick of it.

Okay, now will all my grievances out of the way, all of my anger hopefully vented, there is one thing critics and audiences are trying to give this movie credit for, or even justifying their reason for the movie earning a fucking 3 stars or higher. Michael Fassbender. He's the center of the movie. He's the core of what this movie's about. The very first scene is his character David, from Prometheus, having a discussion with his creator. This gets them into a talk about what it's like to create, and where humanity will go. Is the role of humans to die off and make way for the next creation from father? Ridley Scott tries to use Fassbender as a tool to try to talk philosophically about life and death, and the horrors of creation. There's a back and forth sequence in the middle of the movie where David and Walter, another synthetic android that looks like David, have a conversation how David has followed in his fathers footsteps, and experimented to create his own life, effectively building the alien xenomorphs. Yes, the synthetic David actually created the xenomorphs, which, I'm okay with the writers doing something interesting like that, but... it doesn't go anywhere or try to answer real serious questions. It just brings up some empty blanket questions about creation and why it's horrific, but never does anything with it. In one scene with the original captain from the colonist crew, he gets taken over by a facehugger, and later, when the xenomorph chestbursts out of his stomach, sad piano and violin music plays, trying to poise some kind of greater question about the xenomorph. To me personally, it doesn't do anything other than just make the aliens not scary anymore. It actually makes me not scared of the xenomorphs anymore. Now they just seem like toys a man came up with, which is fine idea... if the man who created them was actually scary. Michael Fassbender does a decent job with the material he has, and he's a fine actor, but in no way is he intimidating, and I don't believe for a second that he created the xenomorphs. Also, this raises the question, what about the alien queen in the movie 'Aliens'? Where did she come from? The xenomorphs aren't a race like previously thought? Why isn't this explained? Oh, I have to wait until the NEXT sequel to learn that. Goddamn it.

When it tries to be smart, it doesn't work. When it tries to be scary, it doesn't work. When it tries to be action-packed, it doesn't work. When it tries to add depth to the characters, it doesn't work. I didn't like really anything this movie had to offer. I thought some of the music was decent and Michael Fassbender's performance was alright, but that's not enough to save a movie like this. When I think about Covenant, then I think about Alien, it just makes me sad. The original Alien was a groundbreaking masterpiece that worked because it was filled with tension. Ridley Scott is now just using the Alien franchise to try to act pretentious, calling Alien: Covenant a "thinking man's Alien movie." Oh, bite me, Ridley. Your movie isn't smart in any way. It's terribly paced, horribly focused, not scary, not interesting, and not worthy anyone's time.

This is the Attack of the Clones of the Alien franchise. Ridley Scott is now George Lucas, trying to claim ultimate ownership of the franchise. It's quite sad. Very disappointed in this disaster.

Do you guys think I enjoy disliking these movies? 'Cause I don't. I swear, I go into every one of these hoping I come out having had a good time, laughing and enjoying watching superheroes do marvelous things. But this is the third time this year I've been disappointed by a Marvel movie. I just don't get it anymore. Is there something wrong with me, or am I missing something in this movie? I really don't know. But as I was watching, I didn't laugh once, but other people around me were laughing, at presumably all the right points. I could tell when a moment was supposed to be funny, I could tell a joke was being attempted, but I just kind of sat there, not at all convinced. A lot of the humor just feels so flat, or simplistic. I didn't think any of the jokes were clever or original. Just like awkward dialogue or callbacks to previous Marvel movies. I think I only half-smiled at two jokes in the entire thing. One was at Steven Strange's place, where Thor puts his hammer (disguised as an umbrella), in an upstairs umbrella rack. At the end of the scene, he's downstairs ready to leave, he puts his hand out for his hammer to come back to him, and you just hear in the background glass shattering and things just getting destroyed. After a couple seconds of it, Thor just half-heartedly says sorry. At least that joke had a little bit of set-up to it. I know there's another one involving a callback to Loki and Hulk's encounter from The Avengers, but I don't consider it clever. Most audiences won't get the joke unless they've seen that scene from that movie. The only other scene I kind of smirked at was the Hulk bouncing a giant ball across the room and back, like that prison scene from The Great Escape, and I thought that was just a nice little touch. But outside that, none of the humor landed with me. I don't know where people are getting at that this movie is like hilarious and easily the best Thor movie. I mean, yeah, it's the best Thor movie, but is that saying much? The first two Thor movies were total garbage, and I actually think I'm not alone in saying that. The story in this movie could not get anymore cliche, with it's hero's journey arc. I think it's definitely the laziest written Marvel movie of this year. I wish we actually learned something about Cate Blanchett's Goddess of Death in this movie. There's like a half-explained backstory that she was banished or something and all traces of her and the real history of Asgard was erased, but that's about the extent of her character. Also, we don't know enough about her powers and her abilities. What weakens her? How powerful is she? We don't know. Check out this little scene from her introduction:

youtu.be/lBBvT6QY2Xk

She's brought up to be like this ultimate powerful being that shocks audiences. I can hear the people watching the trailer now screaming, "Oh my god, she destroyed Thor's hammer! How's that possible?!" Yet, when we see the whole movie, the actual confrontation is very underwhelming. And we never really understand what can she do and can't? I'm still like confused on this. I get that she's more powerful than Thor, but is that it? I don't even know what kills her at the end of the movie. Getting stabbed by that fucking huge flaming monster? There were a few moments of a flashback we see of her fighting the Valkyries, and it's got this renaissance-painting like look to it, similar to the storybook in Wonder Woman, but that's really it. OH, and when she first arrives in Asgard, she murders to people guarding the gate, but randomly decides to spare the janitor that's standing by. Oh, and the guy states he's a janitor in a fashion I assumed was meant humorous, but it wasn't. But she spares him and makes him her executioner... because janitors make really good executioners, I suppose. And he just kind of like awkwardly follows beside her, and I'm still really fucking confused why she kept him. She's the Goddess of Death. Why does she need a fucking executioner? He does nothing the whole movie, and she could just do his job, as she shows off early in the movie. But his whole arc amounts to nothing. I don't even know if we saw him in the final scene. The whole movie just has so much lazy writing. It starts with Thor in a cage talking to a skeleton we see off-screen, but I was just thinking the whole time, "The only reason he's talking to this skeleton is so the audience can get caught up in why he's in the situation. When has Thor ever talked to inanimate objects like that?" It was just something I noticed. And the scene after that has some of the worst CGI I've seen this year. The flaming monster of whatever had terrible animations, it just looked so jarring whenever they'd cut from him back to Chris Hemsworth's live action footage. It even looked like the chains Thor was in was CG, maybe it was the lighting. Now, now, I don't have ill-will towards the director Taika Waititi, I've yet to see his previous movie, so let me list off at least a few positives. And that's the direction the movie sometimes has. At times, there are some really impressive elaborate shots, like the previously mentioned flashback sequence. And there's one scene with Thor and his hammer flying away from a giant serpent monster that was nicely put together with the silhouette lighting and fast movement. But at other times, the movie looks like hot garbage. I don't have all the footage at my disposal, but just for example at some of the bad direction, check out this clip:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw1T6KYM_4I

I swear, the blocking and camera choices are straight out of Attack Of The Clones, with that scene of Anakin and Obi-Wan talking in the elevator. As much as I like that film, same shit. But you know what's really funny, is I found Waititi actually admits the direction is lazy:

youtu.be/7WahFlp7LKI?t=36s

I love how he finds a hard time saying positives in that sequence. Just pointing out the background is all CGI. Something that's clear as day obvious. There's actually a lot of bad green-screen in this movie. One was so bad, I swear, I almost started laughing in the theater. It's when Thor's running down the bridge towards Asgard and I swear to God, I could see the black lines around Chris Hemsworth.

But, ugh, I don't really know what else to say anymore. Marc Ruffalo has almost nothing to do in this movie except spout jokes at times towards Thor, there's more comic relief characters, just like what you'd see out of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, and Jeff Goldblum doesn't have as many scenes as I wanted. He was one of the better parts of the movie. I want to see more of him in future movies. I gotta admit, I got a kick out of seeing Doctor Strange again. Benedict Cumberbatch is always a treat to see, even if he didn't do jack shit in this movie and only served as a cameo. Also, they play Led Zepplin's Immigration Song twice in the movie. Why? I don't know, because Guardians of the Galaxy changed movies forever. And before people tell me it's Waititi's style to put jokes in serious moments, fine, but I don't think so. I've seen Marvel do this before, making a potentially dangerous and tense sequence silly. Not once was I on the edge of my seat during this whole thing, and I never feared for the main characters' lives. Even when Thor's home planet, Asgard, is blown up to smithereens, they make a joke about it.

I'm so not looking forward to Infinity War. I just don't get it anymore.

(Anyone else find it interesting with some of these movies now, in order to coax people to give the movie some extra credit points, they show a brief behind the scenes clip about the movie right before the movie starts? And then they say thanks for coming out and supporting the movie? Disney's Coco did it and now this. Guess it's going to become a trend now, considering the sky-dropping ticket sales...)

I'm gutted. Like, genuinely disappointed. As someone who was looking forward to this spectacle, listening to the soundtrack on Spotify before the movie even came out, I can't believe this is what I'm having to write about this. I expected this to be in my top ten of the year. I was hoping for a grand and memorable epic that had wonderful stuff, full of lovable characters, magical musical sequences, and etc. But this is not what I was treated to, no sir. Through the first half of this depressing bore, I kept bouncing around my head with my future rating, asking like, "Is this above-average? Am I enjoying this? Yeah, I guess so. There's been some cool scenes and music so far." But as the movie just kept trudging along past some seriously unexciting and eye-rolling numbers, I very slowly started to lower my expectations and rating. It wasn't until the very end when I very audibly said, "Oh my god, that can't be the end," and then the black screen came. The credits started rolling, and I just stood up. My face was literally down and I just felt depressed. I was the only one in the theater, by the way. Walking to the car, I couldn't believe what I just saw.

I'd say there's less than 10 actual minutes of P.T Barnum doing fantastical things on a stage. The rest of the movie is drama between him, his family, some European singer whom he takes on tour which causes further drama with his ensemble of freaks, and then Zac Efron's absolutely pointless subplot trying to get with one of the performers. There's so much the movie tries to tackle, and yet doesn't develop any of it, and then forgets the main reason people are there in the theater in the first place: To see the big dance numbers with jukebox music. I understand, this movie is really just about Barnum's life (When it actually isn't) and not about the big musical numbers, but if you're going to sell your movie on being a Luhrmann-esque musical, at least try to deliver on some of that. And if you won't do that, at least make your movie interesting to watch. There's the whole thing with Barnum's daughters, wanting to give them a good life, then there's his greed and wanting to become better than what he was, then the tour with the singer, then there's fulfilling what his wife wanted in their initial marriage (She has no character development the whole fucking movie, by the way, she's wasted), then there's gathering the freakshow people, then there's meeting Zac Efron, then there's Zac's sub-plot, and just, god, there was so much tapped into, but unused fat. This is actually a case where I would've preferred a four-hour 60's style musical epic, just so we could flesh out all of these ultimately pointless scenes. Some are genuinely interested. I wish there was like a big confrontation with the protesters, there KIND of is, but not much.

There's this other part where a critic comes to Barnum about the show, and honestly, he was the most interesting and sound character the whole movie, not even joking. Barnum tries to write him off as a snobbish newspaper critic who hates fun, but later after Barnum's building is destroyed in a fire, the critic comes back to him a final time. His words are actually the focal-message to the entire film, the big message, "Even with your cheap and fake display, you had people up there, all shapes and sizes, yet treated as equals." This line didn't come from the propped-up "wise" Barnum, not his wife, not his children, not even one of the freaks... the freaking newspaper critic. There's a problem with your movie when your most interesting character is that guy. I could even forgive the gigantic sub-plot about the European singer if at least the editing and pacing was done better. I'd say roughly 1/3'd of the entire run-time is this scandal drama that Barnum gets into with this woman; it's so uninteresting. People say this movie is like a tribute to Luhrmann's musicals; oh fuck no, it absolutely isn't. If you pay attention to the creative choices in that Red Curtain Trilogy, the dialogue and camera movements are so wacky and crazy, even in some of the calmer moments. The only shots I remember from this are clearly the trailer shots from the first 10 minutes. All The Greatest Showman has are some decently-done musical numbers mixed in with some really bad and under-developed "character" scenes.

When I was listening to the song "This Is Me" before I saw the movie, I envisioned something much more grand and amazing than what I saw on-screen. I got this idea of like a big emotional performance on-stage by Keala Settle, during the circus tour or something. Or even what if this was to the protesters? Wouldn't that have been more emotionally engaging? Instead, this is just her walking into ball-room with all the rich people scoffing her. Sure, I get what they were doing, but it was not nearly as effective as it could've been, and there was no build-up to it. What if the song happened after a whole sub-plot of confrontations happened with the protesters? I don't know, just something better than the shit I saw. The opening sequence with Barnum as a kid is so rushed and over-looked, that the connections to that opening later on have no effect because it's so brushed over. There's a whole part with his wife that ties back to that opening, and it's longer than the opening itself, it's ridiculous. Let me ask you a question: Without looking up the IMDB or page here, can you name off any of the characters besides Barnum's family and Zac Efron? What's the bearded fat lady's name? Why is it that I'm not able to remember her outside her appearance and one song? Great job getting me attached to these freak-show displays. By the end of the movie, I'm still in the exact same place as when I entered, not moved or mentally changed.

@Jumpy, I'm jealous of the theater experience you had. Getting to laugh at the movie with a bunch of other people? Man, did I wish I enjoyed sitting through this, at least for the rights reasons. Just the fact I was actually bored by what I was watching is a testament to how much they fucked up. I'm really, seriously disappointed. Don't go into this movie expecting the circus. You're not going to get it. All you'll get is a boring fan-fiction of a much more interesting sounding movie. Maybe my imagination for The Greatest Showman was more than what they could deliver. Just unbelievable. I'm going to go watch Moulin Rouge! again, bye guys.

Wow, it's been a while since I've seen a movie, in the theater, with MoviePass. I guess they're finally making money off me. I'm back, re-energized, and glad I picked this to be my next watch. American Animals is the true story of four boys who got themselves into a bad situation. And by bad, it's stealing four books in hopes of something. They don't know what, just that doing it is something different from their menial lives, and it might make them rich. What makes this film so lovely is it's presentation of it's characters. It's part interviews, part recreation of the real events. How real? They actually call this out as a plot point. Spencer Reinhard says twice that he remembers the events differently from his friend, the ring leader, Warren Lipka, but they make this out as a crucial thing. They share both sides, but Spencer wonders if Warren was making up anything he was saying, further pushing the mystery of the story and questionable trust in each of their emotionally wrecked selves. Each of them are clouded by their own bias and viewpoints. Three of these kids don't even want to do the heist, while the in-over-his-head leader keeps persuading them to keep going. But once the heist happens, he breaks down just like the rest of them.

What I liked was there were no subplots or other nonsense clouding the focus of the story. It never jumps to other locations to see what other people's reactions were to what's going on, no filler with like the FBI investigating at their headquarters. What matters is the lead four's reception to what's going on. It puts in sub-textual perspective that they aren't thinking about real world consequences or their future with what they're doing. There's a great scene that keeps cutting between each of them, in their trance and mortified state after the heist is over, demonstrating the guilt and regret they're feeling for what they had done. They each snap at the same moment, but nothing what they each do matches physically or anything. They just all snap at the same time. There's this other little detail I like, before the first attempt at the heist happens, Spencer is sitting at a table and his pounding two little horse figures down repeatedly, making the sound of a tense heart beat. I could do commentary over the whole movie, but I want to wait for Bart Layton to do one on the Blu-ray. There's this little moment I caught where, okay, it's a montage of Spencer and Warren talking, but it keeps cutting between them in different locations, one of them sitting outside and another in the car. You know people sometimes bring back up conversations at later times. So, for this edit, Spencer is outside talking, but then his next line acts like he's in the car, and points up, saying, "Pull in here." It then cuts to him in the car at a gas station. It was a very quick motion, but very slick and thoughtful way of transitioning. The robbery is fast paced, heart pounding, and emotionally confusing twist of events. My heat felt like it was being physically stabbed repeatedly. I love Ole Bratt Birkeland's use of spinning camera motions, swerving back and forth to each character's reactions. This is a beautifully shot and orchestrated movie, you must check this out on the big screen.

Above all else, this is how you create a heist movie. It twists the genre a little, and understands how to subvert your expectations well, but I actually grew to care about the characters. Even if what they were enacting was morally wrong and illegal, the way this explores their heads in a clever and deeply relatable form, makes this a stand-out sleeper hit of 2018. One of the very best of the year.

Man, these Trump 2020 campaign ads are getting pretty elaborate.

I don't know how to rate this right now. It feels like The Room 2.0. So hilariously partisan with it's image of what a right winger looks like, while basically telling a story how a racist, misogynistic guy goes off to shoot cuck porn because he's desperate for pussy. It's almost so bad and outlandish with it's acting and scripting that I was laughing a good portion through. If you don't take this seriously, which I don't know how you could, you can get some fun out of this. It's also a classic crux of, "Everything you said is wrong, but I'm not going to explain why," sort of thing. Not the obviously misogynistic parts and the bits of clear mental illness, but the politics. Ronnie as a character shows no growth and stays the same from the start, to the end, only changing is his incite to violence. The mindset lingers though, which begs the question how this is social commentary. The amount of people like this main character that exist are astronomically slim, you can't help but feel the writing suffers from an forced perspective. The music is at least decent. Lambert, you may be the next Tommy Wiseau.

"You're wearing a dress and have a talking animal sidekick. You're a princess."

'Moana' proves that the only division of the Disney company making quality products is Walt Disney Animation Studios. Pixar is busy doing sequels, Marvel is busy making as many stale movies as possible, and Disney is busy making live-action remakes.

While very predictable and a little slow at times, Moana boasts some amazing visual work. It's the closest we're going to get to seeing a CGI Hayao Miyazaki movie. Even the manta ray sequence seemed borrowed straight out of 'Ponyo', so yes, it's a very nice looking production. The characters are all likable, and I'm super glad the annoying sidekick animals did not take center stage to the movie, unlike other trash like Frozen. They come in when necessary and only have a few moments here and there, exactly how it should be. Moana is your standard protagonist yearning for more in life, but here, it's not about just going on an adventure and leaving her people, it's wanting to leave to find a way to help her dying island. She understands and accepts her responsibilities to becoming chief of her island, but also wants to leave to help save the world. It's a nice clever play on the archetype and it works.
Maui, played by the amazing Dwayne Johnson, is the hero character who thinks everyone adores him, but realizes he may not be the savior humanity used to view him as. Throughout his journey, he has to decide to whether help save the world and risk losing the powers which make him special, or stay where he is and thinks everyone still adores him. He was a fun character.

A little slow at times and very by the numbers throughout most of it, but it's still way better than most recent animated features. Hopefully Disney continues making more original films like this instead of more remakes...

I can't say much more than what other critics have said a million times before in the past 100 years or so, but damn, I forgot how revolutionary this film was. I saw the post-processed colorized version of the short feature, in my opinion the best version, and it absolutely blew me away how ambitious this was for 1902.

Let's see, we've got a basic structured narrative, which includes a beginning, a middle, and an end. We've got amazing special effects through use of practical sets, matte paintings, and in-camera tricks. We've got great performances that tell the audience the story and what the characters are feeling, without the use of dialogue. There's also some great composition with actors in the framing of what the camera could see.

The only shoddy special effects are some of the quick cuts (Because there wasn't any editing equipment back then), and actually, I find the rocket hitting the moon's eye to be the worst special effect of the film. The rocket appears much bigger in size than what it actually it is and the cut to the rocket hitting in the eye is too jarring. Otherwise, the movie has some great work with blending together smaller sets and in-camera tricks with the real actors.

Georges Méliès possibly revolutionized movies forever and I think everyone owes something to him. By today's standards, it's not the best movie ever created, but goddamn, at the time, it certainly was. A milestone in motion picture history. Everyone interested in movies has to at least watch it once.

Fresh off of John Wick, David Leitch delivers basically a similar action gun-toting movie, but this time with a female lead, which worked fine. The use of martial arts more this time around added to the uniqueness the film had, enough to separate it from David's previous movies. But sadly, the few and far between action scenes can't make up for this incredibly slow and ultimately pointless movie.

I thought I was crazy when I walked out of this movie a little tired or bored of what I just watched, but it seems I'm not the only one. I originally was going to give this an above-average rating, but the more I thought it over, the more I realized how un-inventive and unoriginal and boring this was. I can't count how many times I was sitting in my chair waiting for this fucking movie to hurry up and just end. I'm never really given a reason to care about anything that's going on, or care about our lead, mostly because the movie makes no try to add charisma or an interesting shaded personality to our spy protagonist, Lorraine. She does have a nice sex scene about half-way into the movie, which attempts to add emotional quality to her character and the french spy, but there's something about Charlize's attitude and reaction to situations that just made her so detached and uninterested in anything going on. I didn't really care at all about what would happen to her, maybe partially to blame being the fact the whole movie is told through flashbacks, but I don't know. James McAvoy adds more charm to the movie and he was much more interesting to watch; the second he came on screen, I already became more interested in him than our lead. There's an attempt to add twists and double-crosses, and the story taking place around the Berlin wall collapse was kind of cool, but I was never full invested in this. I don't know why, maybe I was just tired, but this bored me almost all through. I will say, the long take staircase fight scene is wonderfully done, so props for that.

Also, do we have to rely on 80's nostalgia this heavily now? So many movies coming out now use a 1980's noir type aesthetic and matching soundtrack, filled with stuff like Queen. It's getting just a little old. I appreciate the movie's efforts to be unique, but the action is not anymore impressive than anything that's come out in the last 10 to 20 years. If you're curious to see the lesbian sex scene, check that out I guess, but the rest is rather boring. At least I got a chuckle out of John Goodman saying the word cocksucker.

Finally, a sensational and rousing comedy film that manages to make me laugh... hard... quite a few times. Diego Tutweiller has constructed a good list essay why Marvel movies and other such blockbusters have substandard humor in their writing. Check out the link and read just so you understand a little better. One attribute Diego didn't mention, which I've noticed happen more frequently, note Black Panther, is the cutting-out-the-music tactic. I'm sure you're all familiar with this move, even if you are consciously aware of it. Check this video from Cinemassacre, listing off his least-favorite movie clichés, he touches on the ever-popular stop-for-comedy tool all trailer editors use to make a joke hit harder than how they normally would. This is not an isolated technique only a few companies use, almost every comedy trailer in the past decade uses this. Even the trailer for Game Night is guilty. In the actual movie, that joke doesn't have that cut-away from the soundtrack. Not a fan of it, but it's the norm. The trouble is, this lazy method of "joke-telling" has seeped it's way into actual film productions. We don't even treat movies separate from trailers anymore, it's like now jokes in a movie are written specifically to be edited a way in the trailer. I don't have the clip now, because it's still in theaters, but Black Panther did this multiple times, very clearly. It bugged me when I saw it because I knew how cheap of an attempt at humor it was. It wasn't even a good joke, like, the hoth man just says, "We are vegetarians." It's the opposite of what you expected, and the dramatic music literally stops. It's bullshit.

But yeah, Game Night? Oh yeah, the movie I'm supposed to be talking about. It was great. One of the best constructed comedies of the past few years, it's amazing this comes from the same writer who did Herbie Fully Loaded and The Country Bears... yeah, I'm shocked. I don't know if it was sheer-luck or a lightbulb of genius one of the directors contracted, but the duo along with Mark Perez has strung together not just great reference-humor, but well-timed physical comedy, ironic meta bombs, and above-all else, believable and surprising-ly lovable characters. Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams' duet is excellent and full of rich on-screen chemistry. They fit so well together, you forget you're watching actors say words. I wish I could meet them in person. (◕‸◕) The way they spout off trivia and one-liners alone makes a viewing worth it, these two sell the film themselves. But working alongside them, albeit less so, the supporting cast, including the dumb-ass Ryan played by Billy Magnussen, just adds even more appeal. There's a wonderfully timed scene, minor spoilers for a little joke here, he's handing a businesswoman dollar bills across the table. She wants a hundred dollars, Ryan first slides across a twenty, but as he keeps sliding new bills over, the amount of each one gets lower and lower and the pace he slides them gets slower and slower. The timing of the cuts was so brilliant, I dare say better than the similar joke in Hot Fuzz. It's a cute short skit, but had me laughing out loud with the other people in the theater. I feel explaining the gags would be a huge disservice to the experience, so I won't detail much more. The music is nicely presented, the movie is stylish (I love the way establishing shots make the citiy look like a game-board, that was a brilliant touch), the humor is creative and full of twists, and the cast is memorable as all hell. If you have the chance, check it out, you will be pleasantly surprised and full of joy, if you're like me burnt out on most main-stream humor.

Jesse Plemons is a treasure, his whole act with his ex-wife is some of the funniest shit I've seen in years.

I'll start off with a disclaimer: I've never played the 2013 re-boot of Tomb Raider, I'm not extensively familiar with the character outside her profession and appearance, but I am fan of the Indiana Jones films. The pointless warning set aside, looking at my enjoyment of the feature film as a stand-alone experience, it was mixed. I'm just relieved the movie isn't awful and is a step-up from sub-par "blockbusters" like Black Panther. So that there should tell you were I stand on it and if you're interested in seeing it. The biggest unfortunate misdeed this movie commits is how paint-by-the-numbers it colors, rarely trying to step outside the boundaries of the genre it's copying. No real innovation to distance itself from the likes of Raiders Of The Lost Ark for example, which it's very similar too. Instead of having her father explain the evil curse to another person, maybe to emotionally infuse the viewer to his character, they do a quick narration dump before the title screen. Cut to Lara's every-day life, and we get the Journey To The Center Of The Earth treatment. Learn about father doing much more than his business-life let on, go to hidden location, and adventure happens. There's this really pointless chase in Hong Kong with three burglars, which seemed cool at first, but after it was over, I realized it didn't add much to what was going on. Was it to show how poverty-stricken that area of town is? Hong Kong is full of scum-bags like them? Lara Croft is a self-reliant woman who can take care of herself? My guess it was to have a bit of action, I don't know, the scene just ends up with her meeting the person she was asking for. I must say, Daniel Wu's introduction is rather amusing, playing a drunkard sailor suits him.

But okay, the movie has the most predictable script ever, with a far more inciting history lesson just being a swappable farce, what does this movie do to be average instead of sixth-rate non-sense? A couple things, but the presentation and Junkie XL's score are two big ones. Ignoring the couple of embarrassing green-screen composites, lack of proper stunt-work, and heavy use of CGI in stretches, the direction is good. A slue of memorable and well-choreographed >muh vistas with great lighting, especially in darker locations. Roar Uthaug, never seen any of his other work, does a decent job, however credit most likely goes to George Richmond, known for doing Kingsman. But the single ingrediant Tomb Raider immediately excels is at Walton Goddamn Goggins. I've loved this man in every role I've seen so far, he never sucks. The second he comes into the picture, he steals everything. Every scene he's in he nails to a T. His character, Mathias Vogel, is not as developed as, say, Paul Freeman's Belloq from Raiders, and that's the only downside. You don't get to know why he's doing what he's doing or what he believes in what's going on, just that he has to do what he's doing. Essentially, Goggins is just doing an amazing performance for a henchman, so take that what you will, but he's great every frame he's on. I can't wait to see him be a villain in a Bond movie, it's going to happen eventually. The movie ends with a little twist and a sequel-grab, so yeah, Lara doesn't die, but everyone knew she wouldn't. Will I see it? I don't know. I hope they get a better script next time. It's nothing you haven't seen before, just with a semi-decent palette and couple stunning performances. If you were already excited to see it, go ahead, just keep your expectations low. It's alright.

This movie should have been called STEM. That gives off a much more unsettling vibe.

I actually would rather not say much, because you should just experience Upgrade yourself. I was nearly in tears just fifteen minutes in, not expecting that. I rarely ever get emotional watching any film, let alone so early on. If you want Ex Machina, but melded together with the action of John Wick, in service of a story reminiscent of Death Wish, this is exactly the result. Leigh Whannel creates a carefully crafted, small, but satisfying "grindhouse" flick. I use quotations because the story is anything but something as low brow and shitty as a grindhouse, but the action certainly suits the genre. Much of the world building is tastefully kept to a bare minimum, or kept in just revealing of the technology, so the script stays centered on Grey Trace; this is something I very much appreciate. There's not a lot of jumping locations, or even that many characters, as doing so would only muddle up the tension and drama. This is a surprise that came out of nowhere. Whannel just comes out after Insidious: The Last Key and blows a great creative load. The choreography intermixed with the editing of Stefan Duscio's gorgeous camera work delivers a delightfully appealing show. Seek out one of only a thousand or so theaters that are carrying this. One of my unquestionable favorites of the year so far. Deadpool 2 has nothing on it.

"You have a chance other people only ever dream of. You can say good bye."

You know that saying that people always use that, "It hits you right in the feels," but some overuse it? I rarely ever feel it. But fuck, oh fuck me, I need to come here and say that Happy Death Day 2U did something I was not expecting at all. This is not a straight horror film, barely. This is a science fiction action mystery romantic comedy. Horror hardly fits the description, and that's what makes this so amazing. I feel bad I skipped this one out and saw Alita so many times, this came out the same weekend. Jason Blum, if you ever read this, know I'm sorry and I hope you continue to fund even more films like this. I know the general public flat out refuses original and poignant screenplays like this today, especially when this properly subverts expectations, but keep doing it. Give money to it. This got so much more complex and deep than I ever imagined a film like this could get. If you're going in to this expecting a romping slash-em-up and nothing more, you're going to leave more than empty handed. It's the equivalent of asking for fun bedtime story from your grandmother and she starts talking to you about the death of her husband. The overwhelming majority of the run time is the dilemma Tree must face between choosing to live in a timeline where her mother is alive, or where she's with her boyfriend Carter. The implications that because of this unforeseen consequence of this science experiment, she's actually given a choice to live a life that isn't hers, and if she doesn't, gets to do what others can't, and make peace directly with a lost loved one. The heavy hitting notes and the scenes where Tree breaks down to her mother, asking her what decision she must make, I could just imagine audiences checking out. There's this gut wrenching scene where she's choosing to sit down and spill it all out to her mother how much she loves her because she know it's the last time she'll see her, and just damn, it's intense. The rest when it isn't covering this raw family plot, is a literally by the numbers science fiction piece, in that it actually gets in to the technicals. They sit down multiple times to explain the way the universe has multiple dimensions and how she crossed paths with herself from her original dimension, etc. This makes Spider-Verse look like a second grade picture book. I was not expecting Landon to double down on what created the time loop in the first place, but it's surprisingly magnificent and doesn't tarnish the first in any way. In fact, it enhances itself above the original. I have more reason to care about this universe and these characters because of this follow up. It's given me more reason to care than I did before, by giving everyone more motivation for what has happened before. This is how you do a sequel ten-fold and this is how you make a fucking good film. It feels like an 80's college (romantic comedy) movie at times, this is exquisite work. Landon, you are on my director watch list. I see your name, I'm getting excited from now on.

I know I'm going to be in the minority when I say this, but let the Monsterverse end here. I don't mean that in the way that, I hate these movies. Exact opposite, King Of The Monsters is my second favorite film of 2019. But given the history of cinematic universes (MCU), the Toho Godzilla series, and the current situation of the Monsterverse, I would rather see this little series end as a trilogy of sorts, discounting Kong Skull Island, and let it stay a self contained epic that completes all it's arcs over the three Godzilla films it currently has. I wouldn't want them to (((drudge))) this out, change it up to be more mass appealing, and lose the spark the series currently has. Legendary currently has the option to keep making Godzilla films as long as they want so long as they renew the license, Toho would let them. But given the financial returns, I don't think that'll happen. They're going to release this early in China, get some money back on their investment, and release it for the fans that still like this stuff. Neutering it down is the last thing I'd want and I'd rather it end now. I know you all would disagree, but end it on this "high note."

EDIT: Fuck, this didn't age well at all.

I'm so glad I heard about it and had the pleasure of watching it. I haven't seen a movie break my heart that good in a long time. It's not usual for me to get actual tears going down my face.

'Train to Busan' is an incredibly rare horror movie that puts actual emotional investment into the characters, what I mean is, you actually care about who's going to live or die. This isn't a world-building movie, but one that devotes it's entire run-time to building an emotional attachment between the audience and the main cast. Not many modern Hollywood blockbusters and horror flicks do this motion, as they figure most people are just simply there for the thrills and the cheap jumpscares. 'Train to Busan' reminds me something. It reminds me how absolutely important it is to have characters you want to root for. The fact I actually cried for the main characters in this movie automatically puts it well above other horror and zombie movies that don't bother with this essential character development.

I loved it. I truly loved it. It's easily one of my new favorite zombie movies of all time, maybe even one of my new favorite dramas of all time. Watch it. It deserves your time and especially money.

Going to see Alien: Covenant right after this, I will have a review up hopefully soon.

I love the atmosphere in this movie. I'm a really huge fan of slow-burn silent kind-of creepy horror films that really souly on building suspense and building the world, rather than resorting to action or jumpscares. I think this is why I prefer Alien to Aliens, and The Terminator to Terminator 2. True horror movies, to me based on what I find scary, is relatable or likable characters being put in genuinely terrifying or claustrophobic situations.

What makes Alien effective is the location. Imagine yourself in Ellen Ripley's situation. Alone on an abandoned ship about to blow up, in very narrow corridors with no one else around, while an unstoppable killing machine is out to get you. That idea alone makes the movie, but the way Ridley Scott executes it, through the sound effects, lack of music, and pacing makes it one of the most tension-filled finales I've seen in a horror movie.

The rest of the movie is great too. There isn't much that happens in terms of story, but you grow attached to these characters as they get picked off one by one. You're constantly on the edge of you're seat anticipating what's going to come next. It's a constant up-hill battle as these group of characters try to figure out how they're going to defeat the alien life-form that's now loose on the ship. Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, and Tom Skerritt are my favorites out of the cast of exceptional actors. They all do a good job with the material given to them, especially considering how dialogue-heavy the movie ends up being.

There isn't much else I can say, other than it's one of the best horror movies in history, with it's wonderful atmosphere and great setting, which many of follow-up movies tried to copy, but most end up failing to capture.

Um... what? I don't even know what I just watched, but I really liked it. That's the best way to describe this movie. It's so crazy, so filled to the brim, so over-the-top, and nonsensical, I just had to turn the analysis part of my brain off and accept the movie for what it is: A poorly written, but well-polished, incredibly directed, badass song tuning, and crazy action grindhouse B-movie. That's what it is. This could easily have been released as a 70's grindhouse feature, and everyone would fucking love it. The action scenes in this movie are some of the craziest set pieces I have ever seen. You've got these talented women in skin showing skirt outfits, wielding modern tactical rifles and pistols, going around shooting robots in a World War 1 trench. Yes, you just read that right. Want to go even crazier? Okay, how about flying a modern tactical helicopter over a medieval castle while firing guns at a dragon? Not enough for you? Okay, how about battling in the snow, fighting giant robot samurais wielding miniguns? This movie is so fucking crazy and stupid, that I can't help but like it for some reason. I think that's why most audience members and critics don't like it. This movie is the prime-example of "Hey guys, I decided to make a super fucking crazy ass movie, don't take it seriously, okay?" This movie is what happens when Zack Snyder takes some cocaine and is allowed to do whatever the hell he wants. I don't know why but I like it, a lot.

'Seven Psychopaths' is what I consider the perfect black comedy, or movie that's a drama with sprinkles of humor scattered throughout. I find all the jokes to be timed perfectly and placed just the right moments, but I find myself even more invested and caring for the more serious parts of the writing, which parts surprised me when I saw them come up, as I didn't get that impression I got when viewing the trailer. Martin McDonough perfectly balances poignant commentary about different kinds of psychotic individuals, while delivering crowd pleasing and hilarious set pieces and dialogue. It's truly one of the smarter written movies I've seen in the past few years, more than other acclaimed pieces. I found myself engaged the entire time, not once checking the time on my phone. The story moves along at just a frantic enough paces and showing off twists in the characters to keep the viewer interested, Billy being the absolute craziest and most lovable one of the bunch. I love that the Schi Tzu becomes his dog at the end. Wonderful little closure to the character.

Fantastic movie. I'm surprised it took me this long to see it. Just never came onto my radar, I suppose. Also wow, it's been 10 days since I've seen a movie, that's unusual for me.

This is one of the greatest films ever created, the one that made me a hardcore Charlton Heston fan. I know, the runtime can be a turn-away for casual viewers, but I don't view this as a movie. I've now seen The Ten Commandments twice in the theater and it's an experience. Through this four hour epic, we're introduced to the location of Egypt and every character imaginable, as they're woven into the story re-telling of the Book of Exodus. It's a tightly constructed, but vast world-building film that makes the audience feel like they're there with the slaves and Moses, as the days and months pass in the film's length. The special effects and green-screen composites are cheese and outdated by modern technology, but hold an old-time charm to them, a quality lost in new remakes, like Exodus: Gods and Kings. Cecil B. DeMille doesn't just slap together a shitty historical movie to make money like with shit such as Gods of Egypt, but pays respect and with great care, creates one of the best epics of all time. It's hard to explain everything in such a short review, so I won't bother but just tell you to watch this if you haven't. It's a must. Make some snacks and some drinks and sit down and watch this. It's well-worth your time and you won't regret experiencing the whole thing. Ideally, I'd say see it in a theater with an actual intermission, but that's hard to do, waiting for a re-release and all.

Shit, this is better than Blumhouse's Truth Or Dare. At least it shows some blood.

As a sequel to Final Destination 3, and even just a separate horror film, it's a ridiculous cheap disaster... however, if you take it as a comedy, this is a blast. Must watch, for sure, I put this shit on in the background doing work, one of those kind of movies. Every scene in this offers hilarious laughs, start to finish. The priceless NASCAR race sequence, topped with cars and debris just flying straight into the stadium's audience... and no other direction, those people are walking targets.. The punch lines spoken right before an impending death, the musical cues, and the outrageous antics that keep upping the last. Why the hell does a mall explode when there's no explosives anywhere to be found? What's with the EXTREMELY mouse trap death set ups needed in order for our terrible protagonists to be killed in? Why does someone start bleeding at the mouth because their foot is cut off? Why is there a bunch of explosives behind a movie theater screen? Why does a fence have sharp enough blades to cut through a guy's stomach? This movie rocks. It's some good garbage, and I think they knew what they were doing when making this. It's a trashy 'ol good time. The deleted alternate ending is pure fucking gold insanity.

Oh boy, another movie I'm in the minority opinion of... or am I? I actually don't know this time, I think this movie has like a cult following or something. Which says a lot about this movie more than other horror remakes that are brought up. I've seen other people on here give excellent reviews explaining why this movie works more than what the common viewer gives it credit for, but I'll just share a couple random thoughts of mine.

This movie does not in any way tarnish the original movie or "ruin" what John Carpenter's movie created. I personally believe Rob Zombie took a run-of-the-mill slasher film, upped it a few notches, and tried to explore characters much further. I give Carpenter all the credit in the world for all he did for the horror genre; his music and movies completely revolutionized the medium, for better or worse. But what Zombie was able to bring was a little more humanity to the picture, yes, I'm actually saying that. The scene at the hospital where Michael Myers screams in his mother's face, like emotionally gutted me. Imagine your a mother, and you see this child, your son, that you've raised all your life to love and be a good kid, just murder someone right in front of you and scream in your face when you try to console them. Imagine the guilt and failure that goes on in her head. That whole sequence with the sirens going off and the slow-motion happening is one of the most brilliant scenes in a horror movie I've seen. Captivating and mesmerizing. Great work all around.

Zombie knew just all the right elements to make this unique, yet also play perfect homages to the original classic. I can understand this over-the-top white-trash style not working for some people, I agree with that, but it's hard to argue the amount of brilliance seen in this. It's one of the smartest horror remakes ever made. Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Lumis? Come on, that not perfect casting? I might post some more thoughts later after I watch the four hour documentary on this Blu-ray, but I wanted to get things out. I wasn't sure how I'd dig this, but I'm really leaning towards loving it. Rob Zombie did a commendable job paying tribute while expanding the universe. In fact, I believe Zombie enhanced the original and the character.