Bereft of ideas, Children of the Corn: Revelation is a slow, boring piece of tripe with no scares. After her grandmother goes missing, Jamie stakes out her apartment and looks for clues, eventually learning that her grandmother was once part of a child cult that has been resurrected and is attempting to reclaim their home. There’s some atmosphere and suspense to Jamie’s search, but it’s ultimately pointless and the characters aren’t that interesting. But the worst part of the film is the children, who are pretty lame and aren’t the least bit frightening. A dreary and lifeless entry into the franchise, Children of the Corn: Revelation is barely a shadow of the original.
A bland and stereotypical horror film, Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return is an ill-conceived revisiting of one of the series’ definitive characters. The story follows a young girl named Hannah who returns to Gatlin in order to find her birth mother, but unknown to her she’s a child of prophecy whose coming resurrects the cult leader Isaac from a coma. The cast is pretty decent, but the script is poorly written and doesn’t give the actors much to work with. The storytelling is also rather bad, with inexplicable visions, random time jumps, and ambiguous subplots. Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return is a shoddy piece of filmmaking that has part of an idea but doesn’t know what to do with it.
Returning to form, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror attempts to get back to the series’ origins. A group of teenagers who are on their way to spread the ashes of a friend end up stranded in a rural town that has a commune of children who worship He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Starring Alexis Arquette, Eva Mendes, Fred Williamson, and David Carradine, the film has an impressive cast. And, there are some frightening kill scenes with a good amount of gore. Still, the writing isn’t particularly good and fails to make the characters or the story that compelling. Yet overall, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror is a fairly solid B-grade horror film and one of the better entries in the series.
Rotten to the core, Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest is festering garbage. Fundamentally flawed, the film tries to completely rework the series mythology while also keeping to the core themes. But it just ends up being a mess of half-baked ideas that don’t work together; especially the switch to an urban Chicago setting. And the acting is atrocious, yet not nearly as awful as the special effects (which are cartoonishly bad). Attempting to rebrand the series as slasher horror, Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest betrays He Who Walks Behind the Rows.
Dane Cook delivers the laughs in the screwball comedy Employee of the Month. When a new cashier catches the eye of stock boy Zack Bradley, he attempts to win her favor by winning employee of the month; but to do so he’ll have to defeat the current 17 time champion Vince Downey. Cook gives a solid performance, as do his co-stars Jessica Simpson and Dax Shepard. And the comedy is especially well-done, providing some clever and humorous satire about big-box stores. Still, it’s a pretty formulaic rom-com, with the usual clichés. Yet while it may lack in originality, Employee of the Month is fun and entertaining.
A rather stale and unimaginative sequel, Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb delivers the same old, same old. When the Tablet of Akhmenrah starts to corrode the exhibits begin dying, forcing Larry to take a team to the London Museum in search of answers. The core cast returns, but they give rather rote performances. Also, the film doesn’t really utilize the London Museum very well; making it a pretty dull setting. Additionally, there’s a tonal shift from the previous films, which feels a little incongruent with the series. Yet despite all of its problems, Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb is an entertaining romp that has a bit of excitement to it.
Making all the mistakes of a sequel, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian goes too far and becomes a big dumb mess. The adventure continues as New York’s museum exhibits are shipped to the Smithsonian, where Kahmunrah is brought to life and attempts to use the magic tablet to open the Gate of the Underworld, but Larry Daley comes to the rescue when his friends call for help. Most of the original cast return and are joined by Amy Adams, Hank Azaria, and Bill Hader. Unfortunately going bigger with museum pieces coming to life just makes the film seem that much more ridiculous and harder to go with. The same goes for the characters, there are too many and they’re too diverse: from Kahmunrah to Gen. Custer to Einstein. Still, this creates the opportunity for a lot of mismatched comedy bits that deliver some good laughs. While it has some entertaining moments, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is just too busy and chaotic.
Campy and fun, Stage Fright is a whimsical tale of murder and theater. When the Center Stage theater camp revives a production of The Haunting of the Opera a mysterious killer appears and starts killing off the campers. The musical numbers are pretty good; featuring catchy songs and impressive choreography. However, the story is kind of cliché and poorly told. The characters too are stereotypes without much depth. But despite its weak spots, Stage Fright is entertaining in a comically bizarre sort of way.
Director Ridley Scott brings a visionary new style to the Lecter series with Hannibal. The story continues as Clarice Starling finds herself once again assigned to the Hannibal Lecter case when one of his former victims, Mason Verger, attempts to manipulate Lecter into coming out of hiding. An all-star cast has been assembled, including Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman, and Ray Liotta. Scott’s directing enhances the film a great deal and sets just the right tone for the story. And, Hans Zimmer delivers an exquisite score that perfectly complements the surreal aesthetic. However, the storytelling’s a bit rushed and the plot’s too congested. Yet, Hannibal manages to delivers a suspenseful and intense film that’s full of chills.
Thomas Harris’s signature character, Hannibal Lecter, makes his big-screen debut in Michael Mann’s crime thriller Manhunter. The story follows FBI profiler Will Graham as he’s brought onto a task force to help catch a serial killer that has killed two families and promises to strike again. William Peterson, Brain Cox, Joan Allen, and Dennis Farina form an unusual cast that doesn’t quite fit the material. Peterson seems especially miscast, as he has no charisma and doesn’t deliver the dialog very effectively. Mann’s directing also seems weak, and lacks the intensity needed for this type of procedural. Still, there are some thrills in Manhunter, and the story has its fair share of intrigue.
Air Strike is a blatant piece of Chinese propaganda disguised as a WWII film. The plot (if there is one) is a total mess; something to do with an airplane squadron, a truck that has to get a decoder somewhere and keeps picking up refugees, and a town that gets bombed over and over again. Bruce Willis and Adrien Brody lead the cast list but are only in a handful of scenes, awkwardly forced in. There aren’t any good performances and the English dubbing is god-awful (like comically bad). And the CGI and green screen work really sticks out. Unbearably soap opera-ish, Air Strike is good for some laughs but is an extremely poor war drama.
One of the most infamous films of the ‘80s, Maximum Overdrive is wildly entertaining. Written and directed by Stephen King, when an astrological phenomenon causes machines to rise up and attack mankind, a group of survivors take refuge at a truck station. It’s a really exciting concept that allows for a lot of crazy scenes of machines running amuck. And, AC/DC rocks the shit out of this movie with their soundtrack, which includes such hits as “Who Made Who,” “You Shook Me All Night Long,” and “Hells Bells.” Though it’s incredibly cheesy and over-the-top, Maximum Overdrive delivers a ton of dumb fun.
“Unpleasant dreams.” Elvira finally gets her own B-horror movie adventure in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. When her great aunt dies Elvira heads to a small New England town to collect her inheritance, but Elvira’s punk-rock attitude doesn’t go over too well with the locals. It’s a pretty formulaic set up, and the characters are all one-note stereotypes. Additionally, the sex jokes are incredibly gratuitous and get old rather fast. Still, the cheesiness of it all is fun and the horror movie satire is somewhat clever. Elvira: Mistress of the Dark kind of works as an homage to low-budget horror cinema, but it’s a little too goofy and meta.
M. Night Shyamalan continues his comeback by bringing Unbreakable and Split together in the supernatural thriller Glass. While battling Kevin Wendell Crumb, a notorious killer known as the Beast, vigilante David Dunn is captured by the police and taken to a mental asylum where a psychiatrist attempts a new treatment to convince David and Kevin that they are not super-human; meanwhile another inmate, Elijah Price (aka Mr. Glass), devises a nefarious plan to break out. Starring James McAvoy, Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Sarah Paulson, the film has a strong cast that delivers some good performances; especially McAvoy, who adds a few new personalities to his character’s multiple personality repertoire. But unfortunately the plot is rather weak and promises more than it delivers. As a sequel (to either Unbreakable or Split), Glass is a letdown, but on its own it’s an interesting and entertaining film.
Christopher Nolan reboots the Batman franchise with the dark and gritty Batman Begins. In this re-envisioning billionaire Bruce Wayne seeks out Ra's al Ghul and trains with the League of Shadows to gain the skills necessary to fight crime. Christian Bale, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman, and Liam Neeson lead an all-star cast full of strong performances. Yet while there's an interesting story here, the writing is poor and the film falls apart in the last act. Additionally, the film lacks a strong villain and a thematic score. Batman Begins presents an impressive new vision, but it’s not a strong, cohesive one.
Previously adapted as a Twilight Zone episode, Stephen King’s short story Grandmother is adapted once again, this time as the low-budget supernatural horror film Mercy. The story follows a young boy who cares for his infirmed grandmother and slowly begins to suspect that she’s a witch after he learns some disturbing things about her past. The pacing is terrible; the film’s not even 80 min. but feels three times that. And the acting is pretty poor, especially the lead kid. The writing isn’t that good either, leaving a lot of questions unanswered (particularly the ending, which is very ambiguous). Mercy is a meandering atmospheric horror film that really doesn’t offer too many scares.
A bold action film, Hellboy II: The Golden Army is full of fantasy and wonder. In this new adventure Hellboy must stop the Elf Prince Nuada from raising the fabled Golden Army, built centuries ago to destroy humanity. Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, and Jeffrey Tambor return, and are joined by Seth MacFarlane and Luke Goss. And director Guillermo del Toro also returns, crafting elaborate set designs and costumes that are mysterious and captivating. At times the aesthetics become a little too stylized and distract from the story, but overall they create a wondrous fantasy world. Additionally, Danny Elfman provides a powerful and moving score that perfectly complements the style of the film. Hellboy II: The Golden Army is a fun and action packed film that also explores some interesting themes.
Hellboy is an exciting and action-packed film based on a Dark Horse comic series. The story follows Hellboy, a demon from another dimension, and his team as they combat supernatural threats to mankind. Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, and John Hurt lead the cast and deliver solid performances. And, director Guillermo Del Toro does an excellent job at crafting a captivating visual aesthetic that complements the supernatural themes of the Hellboy universe. However, a couple characters and story point misfire. Still, Hellboy is a unique superhero film that's full of action and adventure.
A chilling supernatural thriller, Stephen King’s Pet Semetary is adapted for the silver screen once again. When the Creed family moves into their new country home they discover a pet cemetery on the property, and unbeknownst to them there’s an evil spirit in the woods that has designs on them. Jason Clarke leads the cast and gives a fairly solid performance. And the writers do an interesting job at making this adaption different than the 1989 version and at adding new elements. Also, the cinematography and set designs set a dark and foreboding mood. Yet the scares are rather tame, and the suspense is often undercut. Pet Semetary is creepy and is good for a few scares, but it’s not as powerful or frightening as the original (or the book).
He's back! Terminator 2: Judgment Day re-envisions the franchise and became the model for the summer blockbusters of the '90s. Writer/director James Cameron retcons the series and changes it to have a more hopeful message. With the retcon, there is now a second terminator who was sent back in time to kill John Connor as a child. And unlike the predestination theme of The Terminator, T2 changes the message to "no fate but what we make." Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton return, and are joined by Edward Furlong and Robert Patrick. Furlong is adequate as John Connor, but still brings a lot of the problems and annoyances that are typical with child actors. However, Robert Patrick is outstanding as the T-1000, and turns him into one of the most memorable and terrifying villains in sci-fi. There is a problem with the film going a little too commercial, with the Terminator getting paired up with a smartass kid who teaches him slang and to not kill, but this is more than made up for with tons of action and amazing special effects. Terminator 2: Judgment Day is a spectacular film that combines compelling science fiction drama with action/adventure.
“Our world is filled with codes.” An enigma rapped in a riddle full of bullsh**, Under the Silver Lake is a pointless film about nothing. When a new tenant from his apartment complex mysteriously goes missing Sam investigates her disappearance and happens upon a bizarre secret society by unraveling a series of hidden clues. Featuring Andrew Garfield, Riley Keough, and Topher Grace, the film has a pretty solid cast. But the writing is piss-pour; the mysteries and riddles don’t make any sense, the resolution couldn’t be more unsatisfying, and most of the characters don’t even have names. But the film looks gorgeous and has a surrealist, film noir feel. Incredibly disappointing, Under the Silver Lake is insultingly stupid with a plot that goes nowhere.
Spider-Man hits the road in Spider-Man: Far From Home. Peter Parker’s European school trip is interrupted when a superhero named Mysterio, who’s from an alternate Earth, shows up and asked for his help to defeat an Elemental. Unfortunately, as the first post-Endgame Marvel film, Far From Home has the extra burden of resetting the Marvel Universe; which comes off as kind of awkward in this story about a high school trip. And while it does some good things with Parker dealing with the loss of his mentor (Tony Stark), there’s too much Iron Man in this Spider-Man movie. A mess from start to finish (though still entertaining), Spider-Man: Far From Home is disappointing both as a MCU film and a Spider-Man film.
Straight-to-video garbage, The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning is borderline unwatchable. The “acting” is just abysmal and is painful to watch, and the writing is awful (particularly the narrations and really all the dialog). The sets and costumes look incredibly cheap and the music is as corny as all get-out. The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning has no respect for the original television series and goes out of its way to be as insulting a red-neck caricature as possible.
“Remember the Alamo!” A powerful war drama, The Alamo delivers an inspiring tale of courage and sacrifice. The story follows a group of settlers who have come to Texas searching for a new start, including frontiersmen Davy Crockett and James Bowie, but end up under siege at an old Spanish mission called The Alamo by the Mexican Army, which has come to squash the Texas Revolution. Featuring Dennis Quaid, Billy Bob Thornton, Jason Patric, and Patrick Wilson, the film has a strong cast. And the sets and costumes are remarkable well-done, giving a real authentic feel for the time-period. However, the violence has been sanitized somewhat, as there’s little blood or gore. Yet despite a few weaknesses, The Alamo presents a compelling depiction of this battle, the men who fought it, and how it led to the formation of Texas.
Keira Knightley and Jason Clarke star in the rather dull and meandering war drama The Aftermath. In the months following the Allied victory in Europe during World War II a British housewife goes to Germany to be with her husband who’s part of the British command overseeing the occupation, however when they let a Germany family whose house they’ve been quartered at stay tensions rise and relationships begin to be torn apart. Both Knightley and Clarke give lackluster, underwhelming performances, and no one else is particularly good either. And the writing is especially poor, as the dramatic tensions and conflicts all kind of frizzle out. However, the production values are remarkably good, making for a beautiful looking film. Yet despite having a few things going for it, The Aftermath is incredibly disappointing and falls flat.
Sylvester Stallone returns once more to the Rambo series to deliver a gritty, ultraviolent piece of garbage. This time John Rambo finds himself in Thailand transporting a group of missionaries into Burma, but when they're captured by a military warlord Rambo joins a team of mercenaries that are sent in to rescue them. It's really a pointless story that doesn't add anything to the Rambo character. Additionally, the violence is gratuitous, with nothing exciting about any of it. Rambo is the last breath of a dead franchise that's desperately trying to remain relevant.
John Rambo unleashes hell once more in Rambo III. After Col. Trautman is captured by the Soviets while running a covert mission in Afghanistan, Rambo comes to his rescue and kills anything that gets in his way. Unfortunately the film is extremely plot heavy, making for a rather boring adventure. Additionally, the action is pretty mindless, and has no intensity or excitement to it. Underwhelming and rather dull, Rambo III is a disappointing sequel that doesn't live up to its predecessors.
"What you choose to call hell, he calls home." Rambo: First Blood Part II is one of most iconic action films of the '80s. Vietnam vet John Rambo is offered a presidential pardon in exchange for going on a covert mission to recon a possible POW camp in Vietnam. The script by Sylvester Stallone and James Cameron is surprisingly thoughtful for an action film, especially in addressing topical issues such as missing Vietnam POWs and the failed reintegration of Vietnam vets. The action sequences are also especially impressive, and add a lot of excitement and energy to the film. Incredibly entertaining and powerful, Rambo: First Blood Part II redefined the '80s action hero.
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part is an incredibly fun and exciting family film. When Ethan’s friends are abducted by aliens he partners up with a rogue adventure seeker named Rex to rescue them. The writing is especially good and takes the series in an interesting direction. And it delivers a positive message, addressing some important issues in a lighthearted and entertaining way. Additionally, the humor is really well-done and delivers a lot of laughs. Also, the musical numbers are extremely energetic with a rich, colorful visual style, and the songs are very catchy (especially “Catchy Song”). A worthy successor to the original, The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part delivers a hilarious adventure that all ages can enjoy.
On its face The Lego Movie looks like an over commercialized advertisement for Lego toys. But it actually addresses some interesting issues, such as individuality, creativity verse conformity, and the nature of play. The story follows a Lego construction worker named Emmet who gets swept up into the Master Builder rebellion that's attempting to resist the tyranny of Lord Business, who's obtained a secret weapon that could mean the end of the Lego World. The film does an impressive job at mixing in the different Lego series, and at reflecting the impact that the pop cultural has had. Starring Chris Pratt, Will Arnett, Elizabeth Banks, Will Ferrell, and Morgan Freeman, the casting is extraordinarily good. Plus, the comedy is hysterical, and works for all age levels. And the animation is amazing, featuring an incredible amount of detail and color. More than the sum of its parts, The Lego Movie is a heartwarming and imaginative film that the whole family can enjoy.
