Anti-zoo propaganda, Back to the Outback is a mediocre and formulaic animated kid’s film. The story follows a group of zoo animals who are unhappy with their treatment and decide to escape to the Australian Outback. Featuring the voice talents of Isla Fisher, Eric Bana, Guy Pearce, and Wayne Knight, the cast isn’t too bad. However, message of the film, that venomous and dangerous animals are misunderstood and just need to be cuddled (completely ignoring the nature of predators), is rather irresponsible. Still, there are some funny bits of humor as well as several wacky, fun gags. And the soundtrack adds a lighthearted energy and excitement to the film. Yet while it’s entertaining at times, Back to the Outback is problematic and extremely heavy handed.
Guy Pearce and Devon Sawa star in the rote heist film Disturbing the Peace. When a biker gang comes to a small-town to intercept an armored truck, the town’s marshal has to overcome the ghosts of his past and stop them. Both Pearce and Sawa give fairly good performances, but the rest of the cast is pretty weak. And the script does a poor job at developing the characters. However, there are some decent action scenes, as well as a bit of suspense. Yet while it’s mildly entertaining, Disturbing the Peace is completely forgettable.
Insipid tripe, Permission is yet another Hollywood assault on monogamy. The story follows a young couple that gives each other permission to have sex with other people in order to decide whether or not they truly want to be together. And it goes pretty much as one would suspect, as every other movie about couples giving a pass to their partners goes. There are some decent actors in the cast, Rebecca Hall, Gina Gershon, Jason Sudeikis, but there aren’t any good performances. And the directing is weak as well; as there’s nothing sensual or suspenseful about the affairs. Permission is an incredibly dull and formulaic movie that doesn’t do anything new or interesting with this well wore material.
Inspired by true events, The Trump Prophecy is a poorly made film about faith. The story follows a firefighter named Mark Taylor who’s burnt out and struggling with physical and spiritual ailments, and while seeking treatment reveals a prophecy he received from God. But then the “film” transitions into a 20 min. lecture and interview segment with political and religious leaders discussing faith, answering God’s call, and other issues. The acting is pretty weak and the sets and costumes look rather cheap. And the switch from the narrative story to the interviews is incredible jarring; coming out of nowhere. However, the film wisely avoids politics and focuses on faith. Yet despite its positive message, The Trump Prophecy is a jumbled mess that just doesn’t work.
One of the worst things ever committed to film, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor is an atrocity that set the Star Wars franchise back over a decade. Completely trashing everything done in the first Ewok film, Cindel’s family is killed off, leaving her an orphan who’s then taken in by an old hermit; meanwhile a warlord imprisons the Ewoks and chases after Cindel. The plot is just ridiculously stupid, and gets worse and worse as it goes on. The costumes and makeup effects are hideous, and the sets look incredibly cheap. Barely up to cosplay standards, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor is unwatchable garbage.
An American remake of the Norwegian film In Order of Disappearance, Cold Pursuit is a fairly entertaining dark comedy. When his son is murdered Colorado snowplow driver Nels Coxman tracks down and kills his killers, accidentally triggering a war between two rival drug lords. Liam Neeson leads the cast and gives a solid performance. However, the black comedy is a little too subtle; as it takes a while to realize that it’s being played for laughs. Also, the placing is kind of slow and the storytelling is weak. Still, the action scenes are pretty good and there are several fun bits of humor. Cold Pursuit has some suspense and some thrills, but is has trouble coming together.
A rather poor historical epic, Dragon Blade is more myth than history, and it’s not told very well. Set in 50 BC, a rogue Roman legion on the run seeks shelter at the Wild Geese Gate at the end of the Silk Road, connecting Europe and Asia, in exchange for help in finishing the outpost’s construction. The film is extremely heavy-handed with its theme of unity and working together, going so far as to have soldiers bond over a dance-like competition. And the dialog is just as thudding and ham-fisted. The bad acting doesn’t help either, though leads Jackie Chan, John Cusack, and Adrien Brody do what they can. Also, Chan’s fight choreography/directing is pretty good and delivers a number of exciting action sequences. Dragon Blade has its moments, but it tries too hard and ends up being a mess.
Disney bastardizes Victor Hugo’s literary classic The Hunchback of Notre Dame as a romantic musical. The story follows a hunchback named Quasimodo who befriends a gypsy named Esmeralda who seeks sanctuary in the Notre Dame cathedral after being hunted by Minister Frollo, who's attempting to rid the city of gypsies. Featuring the voice talents of Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, and Jason Alexander, the film has a bit of an eclectic cast. And the music, despite being written by legendary Disney composer Alan Menken, is fairly unremarkable and lacks any standout songs. However, the real problem is that this is not Disney material, and Disney misses the point of this beautiful tragedy by Disneyfying it. The Hunchback of Notre Dame isn’t a bad film, it’s just the wrong film.
Yvonne Strahovski stars in the indie horror film He’s Out There. The story follows a family that heads out to their lake house for a relaxing weekend, but they soon find themselves being stalked by a mysterious figure lurking in the shadows. Strahovski gives a fairly strong performance and the two child actors are pretty good as well (and being real life sisters helps). Also, director Quinn Lasher does an impressive job at building suspense and at creating an atmospheric tone. But there’s not much of a plot or character development; particularly in regards to the killer, whose identity and motives are left largely unexplained. However, there is a clever use of a storybook motif that gives the film a dark fairy tale like mystique. While it’s kind of a by-the-numbers home invasion film, He’s Out There is well-made and delivers some chilling scares.
The Deer Hunter is an iconic ‘70s film that has not aged well. The story follows a group of friends as they go off to the Vietnam War and how it affects them. Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, and John Savage form a powerful cast, but their performances feel a bit forced. The storytelling is particularly weak and unfocused; spending far too much time establishing characters and far too little time developing them. Yet, The Deer Hunter has its moments and tries (though somewhat inadequately) to say something important about the effects of war.
Christmas Inheritance is a clichéd and trite holiday comedy from Netflix. When her drunken antics get headlines painting her as a spoiled, rich, party girl, Ellen Langford is sent by her father to his hometown to deliver the annual Christmas letter to a family friend and get in touch with her small-town roots; but it comes with the catch that she must go incognito so that she doesn’t get special treatment. The writing is really bad, as the plot is full of all the standard tropes and the characters are all one-dimensional stereotypes. And the town is sickeningly Rockwellesque, with its goodhearted townsfolk and quaint shops. None of the acting is very good, but then again, they don’t have much to work with. Still, some of the comedy is kind of funny, and Eliza Taylor and Jake Lacy do a pretty good job at delivering the laughs. Formulaic and uninspired, Christmas Inheritance tries too hard to be heartwarming and fun, and ends up feeling forced and manipulative.
“Ease on down, ease on down the road.” Blaxploitation comes to Oz with The Wiz, a Motown interpretation of L. Frank Baum’s classic fairy tale. Based on a Tony Award-winning stage musical, the story follows a Harlem kindergarten teacher who’s swept up in a blizzard and lands in a fantastical urban city called Oz that’s full of strange and magical people. Starring Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Lena Horne, and Richard Pryor, the cast is quite impressive. And with Quincy Jones arranging the music, the film would seem to be in good hands. However, most the music is rather poor and doesn’t carry the exposition very well (the way a musical should). Also, despite a lot of interesting set and character designs, on the whole the film as a very grungy post-apocalyptic look that’s rather off-putting. The Wiz is a novel take on The Wizard of Oz tale, but it doesn’t quite work.
Elle Fanning leads the cast in the indie biopic Mary Shelley. After falling in love with a young poet Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin runs off with her sister to live with him but things take a turn when his father cuts him off and they find themselves living in poverty and avoiding debt collectors, then one fateful night she has a dream that inspires her to write a chilling horror story that would become one of the most famous ever written. Fanning delivers a strong performance and the rest of the cast is pretty good as well. And the sets and costumes are incredibly well-done. However, there seems to be a bit of a political agenda, pushing acceptance of polyamory and the bohemian lifestyle. Also, the film doesn’t really go much into the creation and legacy of the Frankenstein novel; just a few scenes of Mary writing it and struggling to get it published. Yet while it has some issues, overall Mary Shelley is an intriguing look at the woman behind one of the most frightening novels ever written.
Harold and Kumar have another wild and raunchy adventure in A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas. But the question is; do we really care? The film is a complete train wreck that lacks focus and doesn’t know what to do with these characters. And the comedy relies mostly on crude, vulgar humor that has no cleverness or originality to it. Additionally, the filmmaking is quite poor; everything from the makeup to the 3D effects comes off as cheap and lazy. A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas is a pathetic and desperate attempt to get some extra mileage out of a dead franchise.
A confounding maze of garbage, The Matrix Reloaded is full of bad code. Taking the series in a completely new direction, the story picks up with Zion, the last human city, preparing for a massive assault by the machine army: meanwhile Morpheus carries out a daring mission within the Matrix to end the war by getting Neo into the Source. The writing is rather weak, with cryptic, nonsensical dialog that sounds extremely pretentious. And the CGI is incredibly bad, looking more like video game graphics. The fight choreography is also remarkably poor and fake looking; as it’s over reliant on the conceit that the laws of physicals can be bent within the Matrix. Still, the slick visual style is extraordinarily impressive and is incredibly imaginative. While there are a lot of interesting things going on in The Matrix Reloaded, it’s just too out-of-control to really enjoy.
Based on the Luc Besson film Nikita, Bridget Fonda stars in the action thriller Point of No Return. After killing a cop during a robbery Maggie Hayward is recruited by a black ops government program that fakes her death and trains her to be an assassin, but when she’s put into the field she have trouble living a double life. Fonda gives a pretty good performance, as do her co-stars Gabriel Byrne, Dermot Mulroney, and Harvey Keitel. But the script is pretty weak; never really explaining why Maggie was recruited or what turned her from a rebel to a loyal agent. And the love story comes off as forced and contrived. Still, the fight scenes are exciting and there are some suspenseful moments during the missions. Yet ultimately Point of No Return proves to be a rather rote and generic ‘90s action film.
What the F*CK was that! The WWE royally screws up the Leprechaun series with the reboot Leprechaun: Origins. Going for a creature feature vibe, the Leprechaun is re-envisioned as a primordial animal that feeds off of human flesh. The plot involves a group of college students who are sent off the beaten path by a local miner to see some ancient Celtic ruins, but it turns out to be a trap intent on sacrificing them to a leprechaun. It's an incredibly generic storyline, and is full of all the usual horror movie cliches. Plus, the characters really aren't that interesting, and neither is the Leprechaun. Leprechaun: Origins is just senseless violence and gore without much suspense ('cause it's very predictable).
The raunchy sex comedy The Sweetest Thing is an atrociously awful piece of garbage. After connecting with a guy at a bachelor party Christina takes her friend on a road trip in order to crash the wedding in hopes of seeing him again. The comedy is cartoonishly stupid and really goes out of its way to be vulgar (like it’s trying to prove a point). And, it’s painful to watch Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate debase themselves with this insipid filth. Yet at times the film flirts with “it's so bad it’s good” territory. Trashy and tasteless, The Sweetest Thing is anything but.
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan is a pathetic attempt to revisit the series through a new perspective. Set during the show’s second season and told through flashback, a pair of captured Cylons aboard Galactica recount the plan to wipe out humanity, along with the adjustments they made along the way, and speculate as to why it failed. About half of the film is recycled footage from the show, recut with an additional scene or two to show Brother Cavil doling out orders to or engaging in covert meetings with the undercover Cylons. The storytelling is really choppy and random; so much so that the viewer has to have already seen the series in order to understand what’s going on. Still, there are some interesting revelations and backstories given to several characters (though they don’t always make sense). Explaining everything and nothing, Battlestar Galactica: The Plan is a mess of a film that’s only for die-hard fans of the television series.
Ugly and vulgar, Bad Moms is a raunchy comedy about rebelling against the image of the suburban soccer mom. After being pushed too far overworked and overstressed wife and mother of two Amy Mitchell quits the PTA and takes up with a new crowd that helps free her of her inhibitions, but her children soon get caught in the crossfire between her and the PTA president. The cast isn’t too bad (Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Christina Applegate), but they’re all stuck playing pretty unlikable characters. And the comedy is mostly low-brow sexual humor. Yet the film tries to tie a nice bow on everything at the end with a speech about how everyone is a “bad mom” and doing your best is good enough. But this last minute turn fails to save Bad Moms from being the complete clusterf**k it is.
A disappointing sequel, Sinister 2 lacks the intensity and suspense that made the original so compelling. After the death of the Oswalt family a former deputy turned private investigator attempts to break Bughuul’s cycle by burning down the houses of its victims to prevent him from cultivating new ones, but when he discovers a mother (played by Shannyn Sossamon) and her two sons living at a farmhouse that was one of the crime scenes he tries to find a way to save them before Bughuul can get to them. The film makes the classic mistake of over-explaining by showing how children are corrupted and turned by Bughuul (which is better left ambiguous). Also, the child actors aren’t that good, and the casting of twins (who are similar looking) as the two brothers makes things especially confusing and hard to follow. Additionally, the retconning of Bughuul to having multiple killing cycles somehow takes away his mystique and diminishes the stakes of the battle for this one family. Sinister 2 makes all the wrong moves and becomes just another cheesy horror sequel doing the same old thing.
Jamie Lee Curtis returns for Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later in an attempt to save the franchise. Having faked her death and changed her name Laurie Strode has built a new life in California, but she still lives in fear of Michael Myers, knowing that one day he’ll return. Featuring an all-star cast that includes Jamie Lee Curtis, Michelle Williams, Josh Hartnett, and LL Cool J, the performances are fairly good. However, the continuity changes from the previous films are hard to rectify, and the plot isn’t really that interesting. Still, the kill sequences are intense and well-shot. While it pulls the series back from the brink of insanity, Halloween H2O: 20 Year Later isn’t quite able to rekindle the spark that started it all.
An intense crime thriller, Dark Places is full of intrigue and suspense. The sole survivor of her family’s massacre, Libby Day is ask to look at the case one last time in order to exonerate her brother (who was convicted of the crime); but the deeper she looks the more she starts to suspect that her brother is hiding something. Starring Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Christina Hendricks, the film has quite the impressive cast. And, the script does a good job at developing the mystery; telling the present day story in parallel with flashbacks to the events that led up to the murders. Still, the pacing can be rather slow at times, and the plot’s a bit complicated. Yet despite its weaknesses, Dark Places is a compelling film.
Anna Paquin and Holliday Grainger star in the period drama Tell It to the Bees. The story follows a single mother who’s been abandoned by her husband and is taken in by a local doctor when she and her son are evicted from their home. The acting isn’t very good and neither is the script. It doesn’t seem to know whose story this is, and at the end it throws in some LGB propaganda; future taking it away from being a character story. A poorly made film, Tell It to the Bees meanders about and is fairly pointless.
Sylvester Stallone returns once more to the Rambo series to deliver a gritty, ultraviolent piece of garbage. This time John Rambo finds himself in Thailand transporting a group of missionaries into Burma, but when they're captured by a military warlord Rambo joins a team of mercenaries that are sent in to rescue them. It's really a pointless story that doesn't add anything to the Rambo character. Additionally, the violence is gratuitous, with nothing exciting about any of it. Rambo is the last breath of a dead franchise that's desperately trying to remain relevant.
Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves star in the satiric romantic comedy Destination Wedding. The film follows two misanthropes who are paired together at a destination wedding as they critique each other, the wedding activities, life, and love. Both Ryder and Reeves give strong performance, and prove able to carry the film; which is entirely focused on their two characters. And, the witty banter is incredibly clever and has a nice rhythm and style to it. Still, it can get a little raunchy and nihilistic – which kills the romance vibe. It’s a bit of a gimmick film and is kind of limited by the two character format, but Destination Wedding is entertaining and delivers some laughs.
The Christmas Calendar is a fairly by-the-numbers holiday rom-com. When Emily receives a Christmas calendar from an anonymous secret admirer, her small town becomes engrossed with figuring out the mystery. Leads Laura Bell Bundy and Brendon Zub are both charming and have pretty good chemistry together. But, the plot is incredibly predictable and is full of the usual clichés. Also, the sets and costumes look rather cheap. Yet while it has its weaknesses, The Christmas Calendar is an entertaining film and has its heart in the right place.
Kristin Chenoweth and Scott Wolf star in the Hallmark holiday film A Christmas Love Story. When a choir teacher attempts to recruit a young boy with a talented voice to join her Christmas choir, she most first convince his father, who’s trying to keep his son on track to an Ivy League college. Chenoweth and Wolf both give solid performances and are charming together. The plot, of course, is predictable and the romance is rather effortless (lacking any real conflict), but there is kind of a nice twist at the end. And there are some touching dramatic Christmassy moments that are rather heartwarming. A Christmas Love Story is a pretty by-the-numbers Hallmark film, but it’s well-made and celebrates the spirit of the season.
There are no words for how offensive and appalling The Legend of the Titanic is. It’s astonishing how the filmmakers twist the tragic story of the Titanic and make it about whale hunting; with an oil tycoon intentionally sinking the ship (with the help of a gang of sharks) in order to kill his would be father-in-law to get whaling rights. The level of crazy is so dialed up, with talking mice, magic dolphins, and a giant octopus, that it boggles the mind. The film is just incomprehensible, and what’s more, the animation is garbage. Defiling the memory of one of the most tragic events of the 20th century, The Legend of the Titanic is an abomination.
“Party time! It’s party time! Everybody’s feelin’ fine ‘cause it’s party time!” Titanic: The Legend Goes On… is a mildly inappropriate and poorly made animated film that tells a Cinderella story aboard the ill-fated luxury liner. When a young orphaned girl named Angelica meets a rich and handsome young man named William, the two fall in love while traveling on the Titanic; meanwhile an elderly dowager works with a pair of bumbling thieves to rob first class passengers. The animation is substandard, with rather generic and cartoonish looking character designs. And the script is incredibly weak, doing very little character building and leaving tons of loose plot threads. At times it kind of works and is fun to laugh at (there’s a rapping dog for goodness’ sake), but Titanic: The Legend Goes On… is just too much of a mess.
