Melissa: "So this Zach, he lives with you?"
Jacob: "Yeah. He just moved in last month."
Melissa: "And that's going well?"
Jacob: "Yep. He's so great."
Ava: "So he knew you and was like... more?"
Ava: "A camera crew came in. I thought it was one of them. Oh, like y'all can tell these moderately attractive white men with beards apart. What's even under there? See, this is why I never trusted any of youse. Now, get the cameras out of my face before I give you a colonoscopy with it."
J: "Ava, can someone from the city come and check on the back-hallway lights?"
A: "Girl, no. Do I look like the Kool-Aid Man? I don't have enough juice to manipulate the inner workings of city hall."
(Barb discussing a parent with an inappropriate tattoo for children to see)
Ava: Oh, yeah, you gotta do something about her.
Barb: Ava, I'm surprised. You actually have a problem with this?
Ava: Sure do, but it's about placement not the content. The clavicle is such a powerful bone. Why take attention away from it? Keep the tattoos to the tatas. That's hot.
[Gregory soaking wet in the bathroom as Janine enters]
G: "I tried to flush the toilet, and the water shot back up in the air. And then I'm..."
J: "Oh, God. No one told you about Reversy Toilet then? "
G:" No. Why is that even a thing?"
Jacob: "I'm actually really good at poker. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards... and have sеx with each other."
Mr Johnson: "What's the name of that organization again?"
Taylor: "It is true. You wanted me to be someone who dedicates their life to children and can't afford a nice car or a mortgage and dresses like Mr. Rogers."
Janine: "Oh! Dig on me."
(CHANDLER DIALS HIS OWN PHONE. IT RINGS)
CHANDLER: "Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?"
JOEY: "Maybe she never got your message."
PHOEBE: "Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet."
CHANDLER: "Y'don't think that makes me seem a little..."
ROSS: "...desperate, needy, pathetic?"
CHANDLER: "Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad."
Mr Johnson: "I love field trips. I get to do 'Mr. Johnson's Day Off.' That's when I watch 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off,' which is a movie about a depressed kid who murders his father's Ferrari."
Ava: "Mr. Johnson, sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but these kids need to stay with you."
Mr Johnson: "Well, looks like Ava switched this day from 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' to 'The Breakfast Club."'
Hal: "What happened to the dominos?"
Dewey: "I cleaned them up."
Hal: "You knocked them over without me !?!"
Dewey: "Why would I knock them over? I spent 4 days setting them up."
Trevor: "The only thing that hurts more than knowing that I died before finding true love is knowing that I died before I could crush it on these apps."
Samantha: "What was your endgame, Trevor?"
Trevor: "I just wanted the validation, I guess. But then Bela showed up at the house, and I realized those are real people on those apps. Or maybe they're other super motivated ghosts like me, but that seems less likely."
Tom Servo (in a angry wrestler voice): "I admire you and everything you stand for!"
Jennifer: "How can two people who really love each other become separated? How can they lose that love?"
Mallory: "It's a lot more common than you think, Jennifer. I watch a lot of soap operas. It seems to happen at least once a show."
This is a perfect pilot.
Niles: "You know what I think about pop psychiatry."
Frasier: "Yes, I know what you think about everything. When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?"
Niles: "I'm having one now."
Daphne: "Nice to meet you. [sees Eddie] Oh, and who might this be?"
Frasier: "[darkly] That is Eddie."
Martin: "I call him 'Eddie Spaghetti.'"
Daphne: "Oh, he likes pasta?"
Martin: "No, he has worms."
Niles: "I thought you liked my Maris!"
Frasier: "I do. I... I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun. Except without the warmth."
Ross: "Just use your travel insurance."
Chandler: "I don't have travel insurance."
Ross: "Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge."
Michael: "Yeah, our backs are against the wall, and it’s hard to accept that it’s really come to begging."
George: "Some times it’s the only way to stay in the game."
Narrator: "Please tell your friends about this show."
Jimmy: Look, I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with her staying on my desk.
Kayla: But I don't, like, get that because he was, like, my babysitter. Like, he's changed my diapers.
Jimmy: ( chuckles ) What are you talking about? I was not your babysitter. We were around each other as kids 'cause our dads were in business together, but I never babysat you.
Kayla: Um, I literally remember you changing my diaper.
Jimmy: Ew, Kayla! You don't remember being a baby. You don't even remember my lunch order.
Kayla: Uh, Mendocino Farms Chinese chicken salad!
Jimmy: Well that's a first!
Sam: "When I was in high school, I loved everything French. The language, the food, the films I pretended to understand."
Rob: "Anyway, I let you win."
Steven: "Oh really?"
Rob: "Yeah, you're my big brother. I didn't want to see you cry. It would be embarrassing."
Peter: "Denise and I have been dating for a bit now."
Chad: "Betrayal! Ugh! Wait, so when me and you went to Reid's family vacation home, you were dating Denise?"
Peter: "Mm-hmm."
Chad: "What about when we played "Call of Duty" at Best Buy, and I puked from eating too many Sour Patch Kids?"
Peter: "Yep."
Chad: ( Scoffs ) "And the second time that happened?"
Trevor: "So, you're an actual robber baron. I mean, you're, like, really rich, right?"
Elias: "Let me put it to you this way: I ate meat several times a week."
Trevor: "Well, it's not a Lamborghini, but that's very cool."
The UK version is gold with its incredible writing and creativity. This US version is also quite good and I'm glad it exists. It has launched from the UK version not trying to copy it but being it's own thing and constantly creating more lore around the supernatural aspect. I'm enjoying the new ways it is taking the material and they are having a lot of fun with it. Plus this US version gives us more episodes/comedy!
Bobby: "I fell off my bike!"
Alice:"Yeah, you banged that knee up pretty good. How fast were you going, 300-400 miles an hour?"
Bobby:" I was going around the corner and I hit a banana."
Alice: "Well, that will do it every time. Park yourself over here. We'll get it bandaged in a jiffy. All work guaranteed or your money back."
Carol:"What's going on? What's all the noise?"
Alice:"Hot rod Charlie hit a banana."
Helen: "Huh! How do I talk to a legend? I mean, what do I say?"
Joe: "Well, I don’t know. How about, uh, who’s your favorite composer?"
Helen: "Oh, right, Joe. Uh, excuse me, Mr. Einstein, what’s your favorite number? I can’t ask him something that simplistic. I know, I’ll ask him if he thinks Schoenberg’s dodecaphonic scale is the musical fraud of the 20th century or just a viable expression of non-cadential polytonality."
Fay: "That shouldn’t be too hard to work into the conversation."
RIMMER: "I never got off the bottom rung. And do you know why? Because I didn't have the right nobby parents. I bet Todhunter was fed gazpacho soup the moment he was on solids. No, I bet he was breast-fed with it. One side gazpacho soup and the other side freely dispensing chilled champagne! Phbbbbttttt.....!"
Donna:"I thought you were supposed to be studying."
Evie: "I am studying. It's philosophy."
[Donna grabs the magazine out of Evie's hand and reads out loud]
Donna: "Kirk Cameron's philosophy of love."
Sally: "Did you know that Rob is having a birthday this weekend?"
Buddy: "Seems to me like he just had a birthday about a year ago same time."
Sally: "Most people do."
Buddy: "Oh yeah, so how come you haven't had a birthday since..."
Sally: "It's because I only announce them once every other year"
PA Announcement: "A reminder that the 4077th Christmas party for the Korean children in the area will be held today at 1400 hours, so everyone turn out to meet the kids. Santa will be there, too; we can only hope he's sober."
[Stacey enters a room full of staff, angry at Zack]
S: "I know it was you who sold Mrs. King the mayonnaise suntan lotion!"
Z: "Yes, well, I heard it was good for the skin."
S: "Wrong! As we speak, that poor woman is being attacked by a flock of hungry seagulls."
Z: "Well, at least she'll have a good tan".
[everyone leaves the room except for Stacey and Zack]
Z: "Mayonnaise suntan lotion?"
S: "I don't know. It sounded like one of your scams."
Z: "It is frightening how well you know me."
Hilary: [looking at self in mirror] "Well, if you sit around the house all afternoon and never develop any outside interests you'll become a very, very shallow person. And you won't get into any of the good nightclubs."
Uncle Phil: "So, young man, how'd it go at school today?"
Will: "I joined the poetry club."
Uncle Phil: "Excellent. I remember when I got interested in poetry. So who's the girl?"
"So now I got some stupid kid following me around all morning. Hanging out with the average American school kid, and me without my bullet-proof vest."
