ThatGuyTy

Hilary: [looking at self in mirror] "Well, if you sit around the house all afternoon and never develop any outside interests you'll become a very, very shallow person. And you won't get into any of the good nightclubs."

Uncle Phil: "So, young man, how'd it go at school today?"

Will: "I joined the poetry club."

Uncle Phil: "Excellent. I remember when I got interested in poetry. So who's the girl?"

[Louie gets confrontational with a blind man]

Louie: "I happen to be a very big, muscular guy."

Man: "Then you must be talking out of your belly button."

Andy: "Mike, do me a favor. Let Rita down easy for me, hmm? She's a good kid, and I don't know anybody with more experience disappointing women than you."

Old Man: "Don't sweat it.Nothing much happens at Dewey Dances, basically they're nerd festivals."

"Hey, Kev, check it out. Got that MONSTA X merch. The website wasn't in English, so I accidentally bought 37 of them if you want one."

M: Okay, I'll race you. But it has to be street rules. Car for car.
C: Wait, why would you want my van?
M: I have a kid on the way, so...
C: You're a complex man, Miguel. Okay, deal. Street rules. But also, street legal. No speeding. There are kids around.
M: You want to race without speeding?
C: You're afraid your little tuner can't get up to the speed limit as fast as Van Diesel?

Bev: "Have you been wearing that Santa suit all day?"
Murray: "Oh, yeah. Turns out these pants keep the fellas warm and toasty. And the girl at Wawa...She gave me a free lotto ticket. People love Santa Claus! Who knew?"

Random guy: "Tell us, killer. What's it like to be a man?"

Chad: "Oh, i-it's great. Yeah, there was definitely a lot of verbal consent and everything. And obviously we were both blushing the whole time. You know, we took turns. A-At first she was the one having sex, and then I was the one having sex. And then we were having sex at the same time. And then at the end, we both exploded."

Teddy - "So, long story short, my butt is apparently lopsided, and that's why I had to return the pants."

Burns: "Oh Very well. It's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing... or you can trade it all in for what's in this box."

Agent 1: "The box. The box!"

Agent 2:"Burns, this is a big problem. You just can't throw money at it and make it go away."

Mayor Quimby (wearing expensive jacket with the price tag): "Gentlemen, I've decided there will be no investigation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go away."

Professor: "I'm going to hold a comprehensive review session after every class."

Homer: "Do we have to?"

Professor: "No."

Homer: "Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye."

Homer then spends his time giggling and chasing squirrels around a tree

Blackbeard: "His words, though... They sounded polite, but they stung."

Stede: "Yeah... that's called 'passive aggression.' Pirates, they attack with force. The upper crust, they strike with cutting remarks disguised as politeness."

Blackbeard: "That's fսcking diabolical."

"The nail was a little rusty, but I threw some beer on there. Cleaned it right up."

Thurston Howell III: "Your honor I want to file charges against Mary Ann."

Professor Roy Hinkley: "Against Mary Ann? For What?"

Thurston Howell III: "For murder!"

Professor Roy Hinkley : "Murder?!"

Thurston Howell III: "Her testimony's killing me."

Mike: "His suit is all cowboy, but his tie is pure 80s business woman"

"And that my friend, is Police Academy 6."

Film Narrator: "It was an age of magic..."
Tom: "What age is that? 13?"
Jonah: "Oh, yeah, that was a magical age."

(Movie) Sister Ann: "How is it you know English today when you didn't know English yesterday?"

Mike Riff: "Uh. Bad screenwriting, really."

Future War stars, Daniel Bernhardt is best known for replacing Jean-Claude Van Damme in the Bloodsport sequels.

Riff: "Eh, it's more like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn."
Riff: "Van Dammit."

(Movie) Gary: "How come girls always throw themselves at guys like him?"

Riff: "Cause they have bad aim."

(Movie) Gary: "How come girls are always drooling all over Zach Thronton?"

Riff: "Because he's made of chocolate."

"Talk about fruitcakes. I don't care how long I live, I ain't never gonna get so sophisticated that an old dame talking to a plant one minute and a cow walking around the lobby the next ain't a novelty."

Carol: “Your dad isn't great with blood. “

Khia: “Yeah, he fainted from seeing his own nose bleed. “

Andrew:”Noses shouldn't bleed!”

Chad: “Don't talk about Reid a-and his emotions. Just talk about normal things, okay? Dicks. Pizza. Go.”
Peter: “Okay, uh... Hey, guys. My dick smells like pizza.”
Chad: “Yeah, that works.”

Andrew: "He's probably all hopped up on yimyams!"

Camille: "What the Hell are yimyams?"

Andrew: "I don't know! But the 16-year-olds in his camp probably do."

[Ray sees a photo of Jesus in a very conservative home]

Ray:"Hey. isn't he the guy who sells tie-dyed shirts at the beach? That was just a joke. That's... I...he's great.I have his book."

Tandy: "Never use an expired fertility test. That's the old saying."
Carol: "But if it's faulty, then why did the control line show up?"
Tandy: " Proves even more how screwed up they are. Look, why would a control line show up on a test where the fertility line doesn't? Makes no sense."

Joey: "Once again comedy kicks musics butt."

Janet: "Boy oh boy Chrissy. Really?"

Chrissy: "Yeah, the nerve of that guy! First he makes a date, and then he asks me to wear the short shorts I wore to the office picnic."

Janet: "What did you tell him?"

Chrissy: " I said I'm not going out with any guy who's only interested in me for my clothes!"

Janet: "Good for you."

Chrissy:" But that wasn't it. He said he'd go out with me if I didn't wear anything at all!"

Janet:"I hope you told him off!"

Chrissy: "I certainly will. He's picking me up at 7:00."

DJ: "Can I help you?"

Jesse: "Yes. You can move your little bod back in the house. Look, DJ, I don't blame you for wanting your own room. But you got to understand; this world's not a perfect place. Bruce Willis has a record deal. But then a Vanessa shows up at your door, and it all evens out. You know what I'm saying?"

[Drew's Dad, George, has found Drew's "sex tape"]

George: "Look what I found snooping around, '50 Misconceptions about Human Resources.' I never did understand Drew's job. Let's pop it in th VCR."

Drew: "Man you will love this tape. The first 20 minutes is real exciting, it's about preferred provider health insurance, then the next 20 minutes kind of drag but then it picks up at the end. It's all about uhh human resource ergonomics, you know, how dividers work, how tall they are, stuff like that."

George: "You know what, I think we uh already rented this in Florida. Didn't we Beulah?"

Beulah: "It sounds familiar, let's have breakfast."

Drew: "I even got the workboo-"

George: "I SAID WE SAW IT!"

[Simon and his mother are using Gerry and Bill's place to host a party]

Gerry: "I don't know what's going on. This is some kind of weird party."
Bill: "Yeah, it's a key party."
Gerry: "What's a key party?"
Bill: "Everyone puts their keys in a bowl, and at the end of the night you grab one and then whoever's keys they are, they just... 'drive you home'"
Gerry: "I thought that was so no one would drink and drive"

I remember seeing this episode when it originally aired. I was perplexed as to how the former anchor was considered a failure for having what I thought would be a dream job (watching films and rating them). I've quoted and referenced this episode ever since. Fun to randomly come across it again.

"I'm in the movie business now. I rate films for the MPAA. You may have seen some of my work. Jurassic Park. PG-13. Mine!"