Wow, it's been a while since I've seen a movie, in the theater, with MoviePass. I guess they're finally making money off me. I'm back, re-energized, and glad I picked this to be my next watch. American Animals is the true story of four boys who got themselves into a bad situation. And by bad, it's stealing four books in hopes of something. They don't know what, just that doing it is something different from their menial lives, and it might make them rich. What makes this film so lovely is it's presentation of it's characters. It's part interviews, part recreation of the real events. How real? They actually call this out as a plot point. Spencer Reinhard says twice that he remembers the events differently from his friend, the ring leader, Warren Lipka, but they make this out as a crucial thing. They share both sides, but Spencer wonders if Warren was making up anything he was saying, further pushing the mystery of the story and questionable trust in each of their emotionally wrecked selves. Each of them are clouded by their own bias and viewpoints. Three of these kids don't even want to do the heist, while the in-over-his-head leader keeps persuading them to keep going. But once the heist happens, he breaks down just like the rest of them.
What I liked was there were no subplots or other nonsense clouding the focus of the story. It never jumps to other locations to see what other people's reactions were to what's going on, no filler with like the FBI investigating at their headquarters. What matters is the lead four's reception to what's going on. It puts in sub-textual perspective that they aren't thinking about real world consequences or their future with what they're doing. There's a great scene that keeps cutting between each of them, in their trance and mortified state after the heist is over, demonstrating the guilt and regret they're feeling for what they had done. They each snap at the same moment, but nothing what they each do matches physically or anything. They just all snap at the same time. There's this other little detail I like, before the first attempt at the heist happens, Spencer is sitting at a table and his pounding two little horse figures down repeatedly, making the sound of a tense heart beat. I could do commentary over the whole movie, but I want to wait for Bart Layton to do one on the Blu-ray. There's this little moment I caught where, okay, it's a montage of Spencer and Warren talking, but it keeps cutting between them in different locations, one of them sitting outside and another in the car. You know people sometimes bring back up conversations at later times. So, for this edit, Spencer is outside talking, but then his next line acts like he's in the car, and points up, saying, "Pull in here." It then cuts to him in the car at a gas station. It was a very quick motion, but very slick and thoughtful way of transitioning. The robbery is fast paced, heart pounding, and emotionally confusing twist of events. My heat felt like it was being physically stabbed repeatedly. I love Ole Bratt Birkeland's use of spinning camera motions, swerving back and forth to each character's reactions. This is a beautifully shot and orchestrated movie, you must check this out on the big screen.
Above all else, this is how you create a heist movie. It twists the genre a little, and understands how to subvert your expectations well, but I actually grew to care about the characters. Even if what they were enacting was morally wrong and illegal, the way this explores their heads in a clever and deeply relatable form, makes this a stand-out sleeper hit of 2018. One of the very best of the year.
(Anyone else find it interesting with some of these movies now, in order to coax people to give the movie some extra credit points, they show a brief behind the scenes clip about the movie right before the movie starts? And then they say thanks for coming out and supporting the movie? Disney's Coco did it and now this. Guess it's going to become a trend now, considering the sky-dropping ticket sales...)
I'm gutted. Like, genuinely disappointed. As someone who was looking forward to this spectacle, listening to the soundtrack on Spotify before the movie even came out, I can't believe this is what I'm having to write about this. I expected this to be in my top ten of the year. I was hoping for a grand and memorable epic that had wonderful stuff, full of lovable characters, magical musical sequences, and etc. But this is not what I was treated to, no sir. Through the first half of this depressing bore, I kept bouncing around my head with my future rating, asking like, "Is this above-average? Am I enjoying this? Yeah, I guess so. There's been some cool scenes and music so far." But as the movie just kept trudging along past some seriously unexciting and eye-rolling numbers, I very slowly started to lower my expectations and rating. It wasn't until the very end when I very audibly said, "Oh my god, that can't be the end," and then the black screen came. The credits started rolling, and I just stood up. My face was literally down and I just felt depressed. I was the only one in the theater, by the way. Walking to the car, I couldn't believe what I just saw.
I'd say there's less than 10 actual minutes of P.T Barnum doing fantastical things on a stage. The rest of the movie is drama between him, his family, some European singer whom he takes on tour which causes further drama with his ensemble of freaks, and then Zac Efron's absolutely pointless subplot trying to get with one of the performers. There's so much the movie tries to tackle, and yet doesn't develop any of it, and then forgets the main reason people are there in the theater in the first place: To see the big dance numbers with jukebox music. I understand, this movie is really just about Barnum's life (When it actually isn't) and not about the big musical numbers, but if you're going to sell your movie on being a Luhrmann-esque musical, at least try to deliver on some of that. And if you won't do that, at least make your movie interesting to watch. There's the whole thing with Barnum's daughters, wanting to give them a good life, then there's his greed and wanting to become better than what he was, then the tour with the singer, then there's fulfilling what his wife wanted in their initial marriage (She has no character development the whole fucking movie, by the way, she's wasted), then there's gathering the freakshow people, then there's meeting Zac Efron, then there's Zac's sub-plot, and just, god, there was so much tapped into, but unused fat. This is actually a case where I would've preferred a four-hour 60's style musical epic, just so we could flesh out all of these ultimately pointless scenes. Some are genuinely interested. I wish there was like a big confrontation with the protesters, there KIND of is, but not much.
There's this other part where a critic comes to Barnum about the show, and honestly, he was the most interesting and sound character the whole movie, not even joking. Barnum tries to write him off as a snobbish newspaper critic who hates fun, but later after Barnum's building is destroyed in a fire, the critic comes back to him a final time. His words are actually the focal-message to the entire film, the big message, "Even with your cheap and fake display, you had people up there, all shapes and sizes, yet treated as equals." This line didn't come from the propped-up "wise" Barnum, not his wife, not his children, not even one of the freaks... the freaking newspaper critic. There's a problem with your movie when your most interesting character is that guy. I could even forgive the gigantic sub-plot about the European singer if at least the editing and pacing was done better. I'd say roughly 1/3'd of the entire run-time is this scandal drama that Barnum gets into with this woman; it's so uninteresting. People say this movie is like a tribute to Luhrmann's musicals; oh fuck no, it absolutely isn't. If you pay attention to the creative choices in that Red Curtain Trilogy, the dialogue and camera movements are so wacky and crazy, even in some of the calmer moments. The only shots I remember from this are clearly the trailer shots from the first 10 minutes. All The Greatest Showman has are some decently-done musical numbers mixed in with some really bad and under-developed "character" scenes.
When I was listening to the song "This Is Me" before I saw the movie, I envisioned something much more grand and amazing than what I saw on-screen. I got this idea of like a big emotional performance on-stage by Keala Settle, during the circus tour or something. Or even what if this was to the protesters? Wouldn't that have been more emotionally engaging? Instead, this is just her walking into ball-room with all the rich people scoffing her. Sure, I get what they were doing, but it was not nearly as effective as it could've been, and there was no build-up to it. What if the song happened after a whole sub-plot of confrontations happened with the protesters? I don't know, just something better than the shit I saw. The opening sequence with Barnum as a kid is so rushed and over-looked, that the connections to that opening later on have no effect because it's so brushed over. There's a whole part with his wife that ties back to that opening, and it's longer than the opening itself, it's ridiculous. Let me ask you a question: Without looking up the IMDB or page here, can you name off any of the characters besides Barnum's family and Zac Efron? What's the bearded fat lady's name? Why is it that I'm not able to remember her outside her appearance and one song? Great job getting me attached to these freak-show displays. By the end of the movie, I'm still in the exact same place as when I entered, not moved or mentally changed.
@Jumpy, I'm jealous of the theater experience you had. Getting to laugh at the movie with a bunch of other people? Man, did I wish I enjoyed sitting through this, at least for the rights reasons. Just the fact I was actually bored by what I was watching is a testament to how much they fucked up. I'm really, seriously disappointed. Don't go into this movie expecting the circus. You're not going to get it. All you'll get is a boring fan-fiction of a much more interesting sounding movie. Maybe my imagination for The Greatest Showman was more than what they could deliver. Just unbelievable. I'm going to go watch Moulin Rouge! again, bye guys.
Do you guys think I enjoy disliking these movies? 'Cause I don't. I swear, I go into every one of these hoping I come out having had a good time, laughing and enjoying watching superheroes do marvelous things. But this is the third time this year I've been disappointed by a Marvel movie. I just don't get it anymore. Is there something wrong with me, or am I missing something in this movie? I really don't know. But as I was watching, I didn't laugh once, but other people around me were laughing, at presumably all the right points. I could tell when a moment was supposed to be funny, I could tell a joke was being attempted, but I just kind of sat there, not at all convinced. A lot of the humor just feels so flat, or simplistic. I didn't think any of the jokes were clever or original. Just like awkward dialogue or callbacks to previous Marvel movies. I think I only half-smiled at two jokes in the entire thing. One was at Steven Strange's place, where Thor puts his hammer (disguised as an umbrella), in an upstairs umbrella rack. At the end of the scene, he's downstairs ready to leave, he puts his hand out for his hammer to come back to him, and you just hear in the background glass shattering and things just getting destroyed. After a couple seconds of it, Thor just half-heartedly says sorry. At least that joke had a little bit of set-up to it. I know there's another one involving a callback to Loki and Hulk's encounter from The Avengers, but I don't consider it clever. Most audiences won't get the joke unless they've seen that scene from that movie. The only other scene I kind of smirked at was the Hulk bouncing a giant ball across the room and back, like that prison scene from The Great Escape, and I thought that was just a nice little touch. But outside that, none of the humor landed with me. I don't know where people are getting at that this movie is like hilarious and easily the best Thor movie. I mean, yeah, it's the best Thor movie, but is that saying much? The first two Thor movies were total garbage, and I actually think I'm not alone in saying that. The story in this movie could not get anymore cliche, with it's hero's journey arc. I think it's definitely the laziest written Marvel movie of this year. I wish we actually learned something about Cate Blanchett's Goddess of Death in this movie. There's like a half-explained backstory that she was banished or something and all traces of her and the real history of Asgard was erased, but that's about the extent of her character. Also, we don't know enough about her powers and her abilities. What weakens her? How powerful is she? We don't know. Check out this little scene from her introduction:
She's brought up to be like this ultimate powerful being that shocks audiences. I can hear the people watching the trailer now screaming, "Oh my god, she destroyed Thor's hammer! How's that possible?!" Yet, when we see the whole movie, the actual confrontation is very underwhelming. And we never really understand what can she do and can't? I'm still like confused on this. I get that she's more powerful than Thor, but is that it? I don't even know what kills her at the end of the movie. Getting stabbed by that fucking huge flaming monster? There were a few moments of a flashback we see of her fighting the Valkyries, and it's got this renaissance-painting like look to it, similar to the storybook in Wonder Woman, but that's really it. OH, and when she first arrives in Asgard, she murders to people guarding the gate, but randomly decides to spare the janitor that's standing by. Oh, and the guy states he's a janitor in a fashion I assumed was meant humorous, but it wasn't. But she spares him and makes him her executioner... because janitors make really good executioners, I suppose. And he just kind of like awkwardly follows beside her, and I'm still really fucking confused why she kept him. She's the Goddess of Death. Why does she need a fucking executioner? He does nothing the whole movie, and she could just do his job, as she shows off early in the movie. But his whole arc amounts to nothing. I don't even know if we saw him in the final scene. The whole movie just has so much lazy writing. It starts with Thor in a cage talking to a skeleton we see off-screen, but I was just thinking the whole time, "The only reason he's talking to this skeleton is so the audience can get caught up in why he's in the situation. When has Thor ever talked to inanimate objects like that?" It was just something I noticed. And the scene after that has some of the worst CGI I've seen this year. The flaming monster of whatever had terrible animations, it just looked so jarring whenever they'd cut from him back to Chris Hemsworth's live action footage. It even looked like the chains Thor was in was CG, maybe it was the lighting. Now, now, I don't have ill-will towards the director Taika Waititi, I've yet to see his previous movie, so let me list off at least a few positives. And that's the direction the movie sometimes has. At times, there are some really impressive elaborate shots, like the previously mentioned flashback sequence. And there's one scene with Thor and his hammer flying away from a giant serpent monster that was nicely put together with the silhouette lighting and fast movement. But at other times, the movie looks like hot garbage. I don't have all the footage at my disposal, but just for example at some of the bad direction, check out this clip:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw1T6KYM_4I
I swear, the blocking and camera choices are straight out of Attack Of The Clones, with that scene of Anakin and Obi-Wan talking in the elevator. As much as I like that film, same shit. But you know what's really funny, is I found Waititi actually admits the direction is lazy:
I love how he finds a hard time saying positives in that sequence. Just pointing out the background is all CGI. Something that's clear as day obvious. There's actually a lot of bad green-screen in this movie. One was so bad, I swear, I almost started laughing in the theater. It's when Thor's running down the bridge towards Asgard and I swear to God, I could see the black lines around Chris Hemsworth.
But, ugh, I don't really know what else to say anymore. Marc Ruffalo has almost nothing to do in this movie except spout jokes at times towards Thor, there's more comic relief characters, just like what you'd see out of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, and Jeff Goldblum doesn't have as many scenes as I wanted. He was one of the better parts of the movie. I want to see more of him in future movies. I gotta admit, I got a kick out of seeing Doctor Strange again. Benedict Cumberbatch is always a treat to see, even if he didn't do jack shit in this movie and only served as a cameo. Also, they play Led Zepplin's Immigration Song twice in the movie. Why? I don't know, because Guardians of the Galaxy changed movies forever. And before people tell me it's Waititi's style to put jokes in serious moments, fine, but I don't think so. I've seen Marvel do this before, making a potentially dangerous and tense sequence silly. Not once was I on the edge of my seat during this whole thing, and I never feared for the main characters' lives. Even when Thor's home planet, Asgard, is blown up to smithereens, they make a joke about it.
I'm so not looking forward to Infinity War. I just don't get it anymore.
TL:DR Watch Alien, then Aliens, then play Alien: Isolation, then watch the assembly cut of Alien 3. You're done after that.
I've thought of a lot of different ways I could open this review, but I'm going to do something simple... and start with a checklist; a list of questions for a typical audience member.
Do you want a suspenseful slow-burn gripping horror movie? If you answered yes, you're not going to get it at all.
Do you want a memorable and unique action thriller with new and exciting ways to show suspenseful gripping warfare? If you answered yes, you're not going to get that either.
Do you want memorable and interesting characters that go through arcs, have interesting personalities, and you eventually become really attached to them? If you answered yes, you're looking in the wrong fucking place, boyo.
Do you want a philosophical interesting study of human nature that chronicles the creation of a deadly species; one study that makes you question the existence of mankind? If you answered yes, you'll get a very shallow and uninteresting concept like that doesn't go anywhere, but it's kind of there.
Do you want a shitty lackluster horror movie that relies on tons of jump-scares, no tension or suspense, absolutely retarded humans that don't act like real people, sprinkles of exposition and pseudo-intellectual dialogue about creation, absolutely atrocious looking CGI, and constant copycat recreations of stuff that happened in the original Alien? If you answered yes, THEN THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU!
Alien: Covenant is really an anomaly of a movie for me. I've never been so confused at the choices made by a director and a screenwriter, while I was watching the movie. I really want to know what was going through their heads. I want to ask them this one question: "What was the goal of this movie?"
As a horror movie, it fails on every front imaginable. You know that movie "The Cabin in the Woods"? The movie where the scientists release toxins into a typical horror movie cabin to cloud the visitors' judgement, and that explains why so many horror movie characters make really stupid decisions? Yeah, imagine that concept, but it was done for serious. The absolute baffling and obviously illogical choices some of these characters make, actually make me roll my head in utter disbelief at how stupid these colonists are. They don't wear helmets when going onto an alien planet, they don't follow any sort of protocol, they don't follow any code, they decide to poke everything they see, and generally act like incompetent children. The fact these people were given the task to colonize another world and be responsible for the lives of over 2,000 colonists is unbelievable. I don't buy it for a fucking second.
Continued from the last paragraph, there's this one scene about 1/3 into the movie, where one the passengers gets infected with this kind of bionic metal floating thing and instantly becomes sick. He's dragged back to the space shuttle that's landed on the planet and is put into the medical room. Girl 1 gets locked into the room with Infected 1. Girl 2, who was already on the space shuttle, locks them both in and refuses to open the door. Infected 1 starts to shake rapidly and something starts to pop out his back, blood flying everywhere. Girl 1, for some fucking reason, decides to hug Infected 1 like the dumb shit she is. The little xenomorph pops out Infected 1's back in a little blood sac, and proceeds to attack Girl 1. Meanwhile, Girl 2 is acting like frantic spaz and goes and grabs a shotgun. She opens back up the room and walks slowly to Girl 1, who's being ripped apart by the alien. She then slips on the pool of blood like a fucking idiot and accidentally fires the gun. She gets up and tries to scramble out of the room, and then gets her foot caught in door, crippling it, again, like a complete idiot. The alien chases her out of the room into the cargo bay of the shuttle, where she proceeds to just shoot wildly until she fires at a gas canister, blowing up the entire space shuttle, stranding all the other passengers on the planet.
Now, when it comes to logic in movies, I'm not harsh on it at all. I'm actually an advocate for suspending disbelief and just accepting that sometimes, people do dumb shit when they're scared. Yes it's true, people when they're clouded by emotions, will act incoherently or stupidly. I firmly believe that in movies and I know people will write characters like that to make them more believable But this... this scene, was so fucking infuriating to watch. Was it supposed to be silly? Was it supposed to be scary? What was the point of this scene? I was watching a really pathetic human acting like a complete moron acting crazy, until she decides to shoot a gas canister. The entire sequence was really just sad to watch, and not in a good scary way.
And even as an action sequence, it's not thrilling or intense either. I wasn't riveted or on the edge of my seat as the events before me unfolded. I knew exactly what was going to happen, with the xenomorph poping out Infected 1's back, but this raises me to a big point that I want to bring up, one of the fundamental biggest problems I had with the movie, besides the fact it's not scary:
The xenomorphs themselves are not scary at all. I'm actually amazed people are giving this movie a pass, rating it with like a 3/5 or higher. I just don't believe that in the slightest. When I think of Alien, I think of claustrophobic terrifying corridor encounters with a deadly and unknown hostile life-form that could kill you in an instant. This nail-biting and tension-filled wait for the thing to go away. Ridley Scott, with this movie, effectively ruins what makes the Alien scary. I have NO problem with Scott trying to explore the mythos of the alien universe, and even explain where the xenomorphs came from. I don't particularly like it, I think it ruins the mystery of the alien, but I can appreciate Scott trying to do something different. But the way the aliens are showcased in this movie, don't make them out to be the terrifying monsters that lurk in the shadow, waiting to strike and then pounce back into the darkness, just ready to sneak up on you. They're now just generic movie monsters now, not exhibiting any of the familiar traits or behaviors of xenomorphs from the original trilogy. Instead of hiding and lurking in the shadows like a deadly creature, these fuckers are running out in the open, just attack humans aimlessly. I felt like I was watching a Friday the 13th movie, but if Jason Vorhees was just skinned over with a alien suit. When I see a xenomorph just come up behind a naked couple in the shower, I don't think of alien, I think of Shylock cliche horror from other movies that are terrible, especially the Friday the 13th sequels. When I see a xenomorph attack a fucking security camera for no reason, other than to give the audience a little laugh, that doesn't feel like Alien. I'm not saying the movie has to be the same as the original, hell, far from it. I want them to do stuff that's different, but you have to understand the rules and behaviors of the world you're exploring first. It's like Ridley Scott forgot the movie he was trying to make.
Another two problems I have with the xenomorphs, are the visual effects and the animation. It's sad to me to think that human suits from over 40 years still look better than CGI from this year. I don't know who was in charge of creating the digital effects for this movie, I don't know if they were rushed or something, but effects for the aliens was fucking terrible. Not once was I convinced in the whole movie, that what I was looking at was a real alien that posed a threat to the humans. The glossy and horribly modeled xenomorph models looked like they were from a low budget experiment project, not a big budgeted blockbuster. But even with the awkward and awful looking models, I felt the animations were all wrong. Thank about what a xenomorph is: It's an alien that infects it's host and then takes the form of the host it infected. 100% verifiably based on what we've seen in the alien universe thus far, when a facehugger infects a human, the resulting xenomorph looks and moves like a human. It stands upright and walks like a human. When a facehugger infects an animal, let's say a dog, the resulting xenomorph movies on all-fours and acts like a dog. We saw this in both Alien and in Alien 3. But for some reason in Alien: Covenant, when the facehugger takes over the human captain, the resulting xenomorph moves more like an animal... running on all-fours. Which, if you think about it doesn't make any sense, based on what we've seen. Yes, Ridley Scott could just be rectonning Alien 3 because "most fans didn't like it," but this animation fundamentally undermines what the term "xenoMORPH" stands for. The embryo morphs into the lifeform it's taken over. It takes the physical traits from it's host. But besides that glaring error in the choice of animation, the actual digital movement of the xenomorph model looked really fake and stupid. The way it ran down corridors and up and down ladders was not convincing in the slightest.
And even when the horror doesn't work, the action doesn't work either. You'd think they'd be able to get one of these elements right, but nope. Because there's no tension in the air and xenomorphs are just running out in the open like deer or whatever, there's no reason for me to get invested in the close-encounters action that's happening. Sure, some people shoot some guns and there's a part at the end where newcomer-captain Daniels is dangling off a space shuttle, but none of the action feels new and fresh. In fact, most of it feels extremely anti-climactic. It feels kind of tact on, like Ridley Scott was making one movie and realized, "Oh yeah, I have to make this a little exciting for audience members. I'll just throw in an action scene here and there. That'll shut them up." None of it feels earned. It just feels like it happens for the sake of happening, and Scott doesn't try to do anything unique with the direction. I was thoroughly bored in every 2 action scenes. The xenomorph just follows the heroes out onto the second space shuttle that comes down, and chases them like a generic bad guy. What happened to the alien sneaking up and avoiding detection, luring the victims into a false sense of security?
The climax of this jumbled mess was literally a carbon copy of the ending from both Alien and Aliens. New-captain Daniels and Danny McBride's character lure the xenomorph into the cargo bay back on the main ship, and then blow the fucker out into space. Same shit again. Nothing original or done differently. I'm really getting sick of it.
Okay, now will all my grievances out of the way, all of my anger hopefully vented, there is one thing critics and audiences are trying to give this movie credit for, or even justifying their reason for the movie earning a fucking 3 stars or higher. Michael Fassbender. He's the center of the movie. He's the core of what this movie's about. The very first scene is his character David, from Prometheus, having a discussion with his creator. This gets them into a talk about what it's like to create, and where humanity will go. Is the role of humans to die off and make way for the next creation from father? Ridley Scott tries to use Fassbender as a tool to try to talk philosophically about life and death, and the horrors of creation. There's a back and forth sequence in the middle of the movie where David and Walter, another synthetic android that looks like David, have a conversation how David has followed in his fathers footsteps, and experimented to create his own life, effectively building the alien xenomorphs. Yes, the synthetic David actually created the xenomorphs, which, I'm okay with the writers doing something interesting like that, but... it doesn't go anywhere or try to answer real serious questions. It just brings up some empty blanket questions about creation and why it's horrific, but never does anything with it. In one scene with the original captain from the colonist crew, he gets taken over by a facehugger, and later, when the xenomorph chestbursts out of his stomach, sad piano and violin music plays, trying to poise some kind of greater question about the xenomorph. To me personally, it doesn't do anything other than just make the aliens not scary anymore. It actually makes me not scared of the xenomorphs anymore. Now they just seem like toys a man came up with, which is fine idea... if the man who created them was actually scary. Michael Fassbender does a decent job with the material he has, and he's a fine actor, but in no way is he intimidating, and I don't believe for a second that he created the xenomorphs. Also, this raises the question, what about the alien queen in the movie 'Aliens'? Where did she come from? The xenomorphs aren't a race like previously thought? Why isn't this explained? Oh, I have to wait until the NEXT sequel to learn that. Goddamn it.
When it tries to be smart, it doesn't work. When it tries to be scary, it doesn't work. When it tries to be action-packed, it doesn't work. When it tries to add depth to the characters, it doesn't work. I didn't like really anything this movie had to offer. I thought some of the music was decent and Michael Fassbender's performance was alright, but that's not enough to save a movie like this. When I think about Covenant, then I think about Alien, it just makes me sad. The original Alien was a groundbreaking masterpiece that worked because it was filled with tension. Ridley Scott is now just using the Alien franchise to try to act pretentious, calling Alien: Covenant a "thinking man's Alien movie." Oh, bite me, Ridley. Your movie isn't smart in any way. It's terribly paced, horribly focused, not scary, not interesting, and not worthy anyone's time.
This is the Attack of the Clones of the Alien franchise. Ridley Scott is now George Lucas, trying to claim ultimate ownership of the franchise. It's quite sad. Very disappointed in this disaster.
This treasure of quality atmospheric horror is flat-out one of the best films I've EVER watched. It's now almost been 10 years since it was originally released and I've only grown to appreciate it more as time moves on. No other such movie has peaked my interest in real events such as Centralia and Chernobyl quite like this one. It's not a turn-your-brain-off and enjoy jump-scare popcorn shit-fest like some recent studio releases in the past couple of years. This right here is an extremely rare case. Not many movies come out like this anymore. Think about it: It's a video game adaptation that's good, a horror movie that's more about the tone than the scares, and a think piece that requires some thought while watching. Even today, I'm still learning new things about this movie and it's production. Roger Avary, who most know as the co-writer of Pulp Fiction, was the lead writer alongside director Christophe Gans, both of whom are extreme fans of the video games, which is very important in making a faithful yet standalone adaptation. The two amazingly put together such a great ride. GoodBad Flicks made a fantastic video summarizing everything you should know and why you should watch it. I recommend this movie hardcore. It's an underrated and underappreciated masterpiece.
GoodBadFlicks' video: youtu.be/CfEnsMWYisI
I'm listening to the soundtrack right now to put me in the mood, which the OST is actually pretty darn good.
I think this movie frustrated me more than anything. There was so much fucking potential with the concept, and some of this movie does work, but most of the time, it comes off as generic Hollywood bullshit. When this movie does work, it works really well.
There's this one scene early on where, let me explain:
Chris Pratt's character has been awake by himself for almost a year now, and he's had enough of living alone, knowing he's just going to wait around to die. There's actually a very effective emotional scene where he gets into the airlock without a spacesuit on, and is about to open the airlock to kill himself. The music and the emotion on Pratt's face actually got to me, I don't know why.
The whole idea of being alone on a ship, doomed to live the rest of your life on it alone, is a fantastic idea. It's a great concept that could have so much to explore, the meaning of life, the importance of a partner, the possibilities of heartbreaking stories and lessons that could tapped into with this movie... and it doesn't amount to much. They take this great concept that could really talk about the meaning of life and could've been one of the best movies of 2016, ends up being butchered by studio executives, given a 150 million dollar budget to add action scenes, and a standard Hollywood romance story that's dumbed down for American audiences.
It really makes me sad, because there very brilliant glimpses of intrigue and worth-while storytelling, but that's all they were, glimpses. I wish this was more of an independent production, so a small group could actually flesh out some meaningful ideas with this idea.
They even have an 88 years later recap and a pop song for the end credits... fucking fantastic. When it does work, it works. The music is great and there are some well-done scenes, but it makes me more unhappy than happy. I want to love this movie, but I can't.
The whole movie, I was just thinking about this video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=40hFDtQLB8c
I'm going to try to vent my opinions on this movie now.
I think this movie frustrated me more than anything. Barry Jenkins did a really outstanding job with the direction. The scene near the beginning with Chiron in the ocean is great. The way the camera bounces up and down with the water was fabulously disorienting and I loved it. A similar example of noticeable camera work was when Kevin enters Chiron's car. The camera is mounted to the car door and the camera moves accordingly when the door is opened. There's good work all around.
Another major positive of the movie was the acting. Everyone did a phenomenal job with the material they had, especially Naomie Harris. She was absolutely perfect as the drug-addicted mother, who eventually winds up in a Rehabilitation center. She gives an outstanding performance at the table with Chiron, as she breaks down and tries to tell him she loves him, to which he just has to respond that he hates her. Mahershala Ali was quite enjoyable, but unfortunately, he wasn't in the movie very long.
I'm not typically interested in films with topics about gays or victims who are resulted from bullying, but I felt obligated to check it out after all the buzz and critical acclaim it was getting. There was a lot going for it and I was having fun with the characters at different points in the story, especially Chiron's classmate Kevin, played by André Holland. However, even with him at the forefront of the third act, I thought the last hour of the movie dragged on way too long. Far too fucking long. I could see exactly where they were going with setup, but they took too long in the diner to execute anything. There's plenty of scenes like it throughout the whole film. Something will be setup, but then not go much anywhere or do anything particularly interesting.
I understand the movie is trying to get across some important messages about life, love, and the struggle of trying to find yourself as a person. But the problem is, while I applaud and definitely see some great scenes in this movie, like Little Chiron sitting alone in the bathtub, there is far too little happening. You can't have a movie that's only themes. You still need interesting scenes to convey your themes. The only parts I really got invested in was Chiron's life in high school. He finally had enough and threw a chair right into the back of his notorious bully, Terrel. It was a chapter of the film I could identify with, we've all gone through rough patches growing up.
I'd like to give this movie a higher rating because it has good material to boast, but while it has some good subject matter behind it, it's far too slow. Not even the impressive direction and performances can make me want to revisit this movie. I could see why some could get sucked up in the world of Chiron's, but I wasn't digging it. Great visual work from Barry Jenkins, but a script re-write was needed.
Women deserve better films than this, don't give them this. We're not helping women, whatever the hell that means, by giving them the most basic, bare bones, modern, disgusting trite nonsense this is. There's an eyerolling "girl power" montage right before the main titles appear. For no reason. It's not a commercial on television, it's not an advertisement, it's just a random clip show of girls doing stuff. It's just gross. There's no point to it other than flaunt, "Aren't I doing the female sex a positive by saying how good it is to have a vagina?!" All of the male characters are very comically sexist, white, and troublesome, outside of Patrick Stewart of course. The action is tired, a lot of it borrowed from stuff like Now You See Me and Mission Impossible, except much more obnoxious, thanks to Banks needlessly making all of our three new leads as insufferable as possible. Stewart especially I've never hated this much, not even back in the Twilight days. None of her jokes make any sense, she babbles every line, and she does it every time she opens her mouth. I was able to endure fifty minutes or so before realizing I didn't even know any of their names or what was going on because the film's priorities lie in all the wrong places, establishing the organization and the villain rather than our leads. There's even a humorous piece during the first major car chase where one of them asks, "Who is that? Why is he shooting at us?" And I was like, "I'm asking the same thing!" The first line in the film is, "I think women can do anything." Is this really a debate we're still trying to have and the media trying to push on to the general American public? Women in the west are the most freed and supported than at any other point in human history. How fucking ironic that this film that wants to act as a female power move is funded in part by China, a place that has internment camps for Muslims; they show happy Muslims in the film in that opening montage. Hey Banks, why don't you use some of your money you had to make this movie and go help out those people instead of sucking more Hollywood dick to get to make the Invisible Woman film you're now directing? I guess virtue signalling is more important. I only get heated about this because how hypocritical the people who are making this film are being. Glad this shit bombed.
A great idea ultimately squandered by an extremely slow pace, uninteresting pieces of dialogue, and a godawful final ten minute narrated ending. Seriously, if you're going to watch this movie, the minute the cops find her on the ground in the forest and the screen cuts to black, shut the movie off right there. Everything that happens after that ruins the movie. It's a hack sequence. But the biggest set-back for me was the under-utilization of the concept. You have this great idea, a woman strapped to a bed at night, no one around, no one to help, and it's getting dark out. Think of all the absolutely terrifying things that could happen in that scenario. Instead, she just has these arguments with herself and her now deceased husband. Talk about throwing away a great set piece. Now, I'm not saying these parts are bad at all, in fact they're some of the best parts of the movie, but I expected much more from this, a full length feature. It feels like a short film that was stretched out to an hour and forty minutes, which was way too long. This could've easily just been a twenty five minute short film or something. The dialogue and editing needed a lot of work; lots of trimming should've been done. Ultimately, I think it's a cool idea, but stretched too thin to it's bare concept, and the ending ruins the movie. Also, why does every single fucking Stephen King story have to have a pedophile? I get that he's a talented writer in some regards, but goddamn King, you are very predictable. People hate unnecessary jump-scares in movies? Well, I hate unnecessary narration.
This is where I fail as a movie reviewer. I am too easy on the horror genre. The Platinum Dunes remake of Friday The 13th is a surprisingly faithful re-adaptation of the series. It satisfies my lust I crave from the stereotypical trashy horror flick: Blood, tits, drugs, sex, and gore. What makes the remake worth at least one viewing is it's sleek and stylish upgrade. This is definitely an improvement over the many sequels, much as the same route A Nightmare On Elm Street took, where the remake is better than most of the originals. Note aside, beyond it's guilty pleasure attraction, the depth of Crystal Lake is shallow. Many of the side characters have but any growth, their purpose is just to be killed in gruesome fashion (which is satisfying as hell), and the story is just another brain-dead person out to kill those who comes into his home. Must say though, for a downer guy as big as Jason, he sure knows how to set up some elaborate traps. You've heard this song before, only now, you get a kick-ass cover to it. If only the original song had some depth to it. Yeah, I said that about the original movie. Hope you guys have a most excellent Friday the 13th.
Might be the worst movie I've ever seen. Blumhouse's recent string of woke politics has now infected one of the most beloved classic Universal monsters, in an abhorrent display of boredom and disrespect to the original character, James Whale's 1933 masterpiece, and H.G. Wells' novel. This has even less to do with the Invisible Man than the Hollow Man does, the main antagonist (who is repeatedly told to the audience that he's a BAHD man from the mouth of our lead, never from his own), doesn't even turn invisible, it's a suit. So, he's not actually an invisible man, he's just created a cloaking suit. What a load of bullshit. I was talking to an audience member in the elevator on the way to my car, and he asked, why doesn't he sell the suit to science? Literally do anything else than building such an elaborate contraption, just to stalk his ex creepily. He doesn't even have any goals or personality, all he wants is to have a baby with Cecilia. What for? No idea, use him for science? Control over her life even more? It's never answered, the Why? for his plans, which drains the tension from the film, and conclusion. All the scares are played out, by the books. Oh my, she's walking slowly through the dark attic, I wonder what's going to happen next. Hey guys, everyone thinks she's going crazy, because Adrian is making it look like she's doing terrible things. Totally haven't seen that from Saturday morning cartoon skits. Thanks Leigh Whannell for lying that we hadn't seen the entire film from the trailer, playing damage control, because we totally did. It's a boring, tedious, predictable "thriller" that doesn't do anything unique that any other horror film from the like seventy years has done, If you've seen any movie in your life, you will get on the edge, of falling asleep. The sad thing is, because of the micro budget, this will still be a success and we have to deal with another classic monster getting a similar treatment. What joy.
"Ogata, humans are weak animals. Even if I burn my notes, the secret will still be in my head. Until I die, how can I be sure I won't be forced by someone to make the device again?
"Oh Peace, Oh Light, Return... The prayer for peace that took place all over the country today... Here we see the Tokyo chapter of this event... Listen to the young voices as they put the strength of their lives into their song..."
"I can't believe that Godzilla was the only surviving member of its species... But if we continue conducting nuclear tests... it's possible another Godzilla might appear somewhere in the world again."
This is not a monster movie. This is not a Godzilla movie. This is a post-war horror film. This is a drama masterpiece that displays the horrors of nuclear weapons and the results such weapons have on the planet. Godzilla is a direct symbol of an atomic explosion. Godzilla is our fault. We did this to ourselves, and now we suffer the devastating consequences.
It's such a damn shame, even though I'm loving where the new Godzilla films are going with Kong Vs. Godzilla, we will never get an American Godzilla film this insanely deep or politically important. The closest Godzilla film that's gotten close tone wise to this is Gareth Edwards' masterpiece in 2014 and Anno's 2016's 'Shin Godzilla.' That film was about the horrors of the 2011 tsunami and incompetence of the Japanese government during that event.
The acting is perfect. The script is perfect. The music is perfect. The themes of post-war fear are perfect. It's groundbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It's amazing. It's the original Godzilla.
As a lifelong SpongeBob admirer, since I was little, this film feels like the proper jumping off point for most longtime fans. It's the last thing Tim Hill, one of the original creators, will be involved with on the series, and it's the last SpongeBob piece of media that was in production while Stephen Hillenburg was still alive. The in memoriam at the end was a tasteful farewell. But the biggest issues plaguing the film are it's retreads of the 2004 original and it's constant retconning of SpongeBob lore. I know many casual viewers and especially parents will not care at all about any of the changes, but all you have to do is watch season 1 of the show to see how inconsistent and mandated the inclusions are. SpongeBob met Sandy as an adult, same with Squidward, same with Mr. Krabs. And SpongeBob knew Patrick since birth. The Nickelodean enforced 'Camp Coral' spin-off advertisement flashbacks were irritating and ruined what could've been otherwise extremely heartfelt speeches by SpongeBob's friends. I can see I'm not the only one voicing those complaints, so it's upsetting Nick forced them in, especially when Hillenburg was very openly against spin-offs or side shows of the characters. Putting that aside, the animation is gorgeous, rivaling The Peanuts Movie in presentation, and love and care in to the environments. Plenty of easter eggs are afoot, the Patty wagon makes a return, and so much more. It's a feast for the eyes above anything else. There are funny bits, Danny Trejo shows up for a few minutes as the ruler of these ghostly zombie pirates, called El Diablo. Keanu Reeves plays a pretty major character called Sage, a tumbleweed who acts as a voice of guidance, pretty much the Mindy of this film. Snoop Dogg has a short musical number, and Take On Me plays as the film closes. It banks on celebrity appearances and the occasional song reference, but the banter between SpongeBob and Patrick is what keeps it afloat. I think what disappointed me was it never tugged at my heart strings like the original did. There's no similar scene where the duo sing "I'm A Goofy Goober" with their last breath as they're dying. There are glimpses for sure, but never reach that peak. The majority of the runtime is a clone of 'Beavis and Butthead Do America' fused with 'Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.' I recommend only watching if you are in the same demographic as me. An adult who grew up with the series and wants to see one final film to close the curtain. Because I'm done with the series now that Hillenburg is gone and I'm sure that's exactly what he would've wanted.
EDIT: It has now been revealed the original film/script was radically different, longer, and explained many of my issues presented in this review. Studios, stop butchering your films to be more palatable to audiences.
This is what happens when the people who say, "Godzilla movies don't need to have good human stories," get their way. Easily one of the weakest Godzilla films ever made and the worst of this series. You're not a fan of this franchise if you say Godzilla movies don't need story. Every one so far has had an interesting enough script to justify it's monster bits, even the worst Showa or Heisei outings do more. It's not even really sure what it wants to be. Kong is propped up as the hero and clearly the protagonist of this story with Gojira making cameos as he hunts the organization Apex, but then Kong just loses anyways. What purpose is there for even setting up these monsters as sympathetic when all writing and soul is tossed out the minute they start brawling in Hong Kong. It actually forgets humans exist for a good four minutes as these two punching bags throttle around neon buildings. Craft is gone, it turns into The Avengers, with barely any collateral damage. "Oh but, you can follow the journey through the monsters! You don't need humans to have that nuance." Oh really? Godzilla doesn't like Kong being off his island, he puts him in his place, story done. Talk about deep. No moments to breath or for a character to properly react. This is hot off the heels of King of the Monsters, a film that continues the themes of Skull Island and Gareth Edward's Godzilla. Dougherty's outing before this deeply explored the themes of what it means to live with these monsters on Earth. How do you continue living when a relative of yours has been taken at the hands of one of them, do you shut yourself off or do you try to change the world? Emma became essentially so riddled with guilt she released the devil on Earth. How are these monsters really not so different from us, considering they were birthed out of our own arrogant, persistent lust for control over this world. It's too much to get in to, but that film dealt a great deal with overcoming grief, putting your faith in God, coexistence, and forgiveness. Mark's scene where he looks in to Godzilla's eyes and finally restores his faith is one of my favorite moments from this series. There is nothing in Godzilla vs. Kong that could be remotely construed as a plot. Charles Dance's role has been replaced for some reason, we have a wacky podcast conspiracy guy that serves as just a walking prop for the viewer to see world explanations, Kyle Chandler as Mark has been reduced to a cameo, and on that note: Why is he working at Monarch? He consistently hated Godzilla until he had a change of heart and faith by virtue of Serizawa and Mothra. Monarch didn't change to the good guy, they're still an organization on the cusp of lawsuit and government shutdown. Would GvK mind explaining that for us? How and when was Apex formed? How is it possible the creation of MechaGodzilla never leaked out? The world has been introduced to the titans. It's plainly established everyone is obsessed with these things, the internet and news won't shut up about them. The government doesn't know this is how Apex is using their power supply? In '14, it's at least explained their research on the MUTO was a government cover up for Monarch, that's why Joe in that film became a crackpot theorist who wouldn't let the nuclear incident go. But it's not 2013 anymore, the creatures are no longer a big secret. In King of the Monsters, the people unleashing Ghidorah to rival Godzilla are small band of eco-terrorists, they aren't a multi-billion dollar corporation. It makes no sense and done so much more poorly. It's rushed and done with quips. The most we ever get in terms of world building is a single shot of a map and newspapers, talking about the UN vetoing Godzilla or Apex facilities springing up across the map. We don't hear internal communication or even have a Senate scene like in this last film. The world has simultaneously been expanded greatly and shrunken to nothing, something Pacific Rim Uprising also horrifically accomplished. This series was built off the foundation of engaging with this science fiction, government monster universe through the lens of a sympathetic every-man that's been hurt by the monsters in some way, usually a familial death. Dr. Nathan Lind is given two words to establish he lost a brother in the Hollow Earth, but nothing ever comes of that information. Humans? There are storytelling devices used to get the audience from scene to scene. In the same span of runtime, from '14 to this, Bryan Cranston is grieving over his dying wife, to this has a fat guy making jokes about toasters. The most amount of interesting character development are thrown away in two very specific pieces of dialogue. The little native girl's family was killed by the storm surrounding skull island, which we saw in Kong's film, as was the whole island wiped out. I imagine there was a sequence that explored this and able to give a more tragic or perhaps resounding, uplifting message of sticking with family even when you've suffered so much loss. It would fit the overarching narrative that's stuck to this MonsterVerse so far, but it seems the cutting room floor did a number to this movie, as even stated by director Adam Wingard. It really does feel like the movie is playing damage control. Audiences didn't understand the previous films' stories, so they got fed up trying to understand them and just declared they don't want any characters in these movies. So we get walking action figures that say the words necessary to get us to our next fight. The best potential that existed in one of these dolls was Shun Oguri's character, Ren Serizawa, who is related to the Serizawa of previous films, the one who sacrificed himself to save Godzilla and prove humanity needed to accept him as their king. It was a very touching, holy piece in the last film, and Ren could work as an antagonistic son who resents his father for giving up his life to this monster he doesn't understand, and we could go through a similar arc Mark Russel did in the last film. None of this is realized, he is a dummy test pilot told to get in the goddamn chair, like it's an Evangelion reference. The most amount of enjoyment anyone could get out of this is the splodge of CGI dumped on to the screen with no visual grace or narrative substance. If that's all you want, then I pity what this means for blockbusters. Edwards crafted a fantastic character movie in 2013 and the series has been handed a blow here.
