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The Wizard

Unironically may be one of the most important films for 80's film preservation. No film captures the childlike spirit of that time than this sweet little film about a couple kids traveling cross country to a video game competition. The film starts with a little boy, Jimmy, walking across the deserted country road alone on his journey to get to California to properly bury his sister's remains, and by the end, is driving back with his family, happy and fulfilled. It's genuinely funny, heartwarming, and fun for the whole family. The product placement and Nintendo partnership is just an icing on the cake that adds to it's dated charm. This will definitely go in my collection.

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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

This is the best cinematic universe currently going on besides the Monsterverse. Going to be sad sending off the Warren cases, but it's been 7 or so films at this point, I think it's time for James Wan to kick start a new horror franchise for the 2020's.

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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

After Terminator: Dark Fate, you all need to give this movie an apology.

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The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea

This is one of a handful of Disney sequels that actually surpasses the original. That's not saying much, though.

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Battle at Big Rock

That... that fucking rocked. badum tiss

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters

"For me, Godzilla represents our need to look outside ourselves, for me as a person opening up my horizon and realizing that there's hope in nature, and nature gives us the option to do the right thing at all turns, and it's up to us to follow it's voice, and to listen to something bigger than ourselves, listen to God, whatever that means to each one of us."

  • Zach Shields, co-writer of Godzilla: King of the Monsters

"If you want to look at Godzilla from, a strictly entertainment value, you can, that's great. It's like, if you want to swim in the shallow end of the pool, that's fine. If you want to go in to the deeper end of the pool and really peel back his layers, and look at him as a mythological figure, it only makes him that much cooler."

  • Michael Dougherty, director of Godzilla: King of the Monsters

This is the Batman v Superman of Kaiju films, and I mean that in the best way possible. I want to autistically rant about this movie's reception later.

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Bill Burr: Paper Tiger

With Chappelle and Burr coming out against all the bullshit going on with the world right now, it's quite refreshing. Plenty of good jokes this time around, Burr's special from last year wasn't the greatest, but the vulgarity and timing this time around was much better.

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Trick 'r Treat 2

Okay, now that you finished that little Godzilla movie, can you get back to this, please?

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Julia

Whenever someone tries to give Stuckmann any modicum of credibility, just show them this disaster of a film. I've seen middle schoolers make better shit than this.

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Dune

Need I remind you only the first part of the story is being shot right now. Be prepared for this to bomb and part two never getting made.

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Better Off Dead...

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

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The Lion King

If you paid for a ticket for this, you're the problem.

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Avengers: Endgame

Made it fifty minutes in before I shut this pathetic crap off. Russo brother plays a gay guy for some reason? Hulk is a shell of his former self and he dabs? What the hell is this? Might try to finish the rest later and write more but hell, this was boring (and tedious) above all else. This was about as frustrating to sit through as that The Dark Tower film a few years ago. I've sat through fifteen of these cashgrabs and I still don't care about any of these characters. At this point, I'm here for the memes. At least it's not as awful as Thor Ragnarok.

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Transformers: The Last Knight

These films are the ultimate pleb filter. How you can watch the last 30 minutes to this and not think it's the most amazing finale you've ever seen in a feature film is beyond me.

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Chernobyl

I'm glad this show is going to expose more people as to what happened at Chernobyl and why it was one of the greatest fuck ups in human history, making 18+ miles in a circle radius completely uninhabitable. The show does a great job creating shocks and presenting it in a dramatic fashion. Despite one or two things that are fabricated for the sake of showmanship or turning elongated events into concise ones, the show doesn't tarnish anything that happened and paints a very disturbing picture that hopefully illustrates to new audiences why the event was so tragic. This is extremely good work and I hope even more mini series' come out in it's wake.

Also, I liked Superhero Movie, so I was here first.

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Godzilla

All the people giving this film lower reviews legit don't understand it. This is one of the greatest blockbusters ever crafted, not just in it's visuals, but writing.

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Missing Link

Laika will stay in business forever. You may ask, how? They currently employ over 300 employees at their main location and each of their films consistently underperforms, the last two straight up bombing. May I inform you the president also owns Nike. He's worth 35 billion dollars. To his son, Travis Knight, who just did Bumblebee, this is pocket money for them. I can see the conversations now.

Phil Knight: Alright son, what do you want?
Travis Knight: Hey dad, I just want to make another movie with those dolls. You think you can spare some money?
Phil Knight: No problem my child. How much?
Travis Knight: The usual, 60 million.
Phil Knight: Why, go right ahead, you little wiper snapper! Just bring some of it back.
Travis Knight: Thanks daddy! I'll fund the next one with my Bumblebee money!

As for the movie itself? No idea, didn't see it, no one did.

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Career Opportunities

This feels like an extended television episode, like if John Hughes started making a series. Not much depth to the script outside some very basic character dynamics. The drama comes out of nowhere. Two guys just come in to rob the Target store, but they have no set up or real connection to the characters. Home Alone handled this much better. There are a number of (rather pointless) montage scenes, and set to hit songs of the time, which can be enjoyable, but add nothing to the story. I'd say only give this a watch for Jennifer Connolly (mostly for her looks), and if you want to get nostalgic over the time period. It definitely is a time capsule type film.

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Michael Jackson's Thriller

They're playing this timeless music video in front of The House With A Clock In Its Walls right now, in IMAX 3D no less. The remastering done to it is exquisite. For example, you can see the individual particles of dust in the shines of light peering into the house. You can see the dirt and gravel on the street. The detail is out of this world, and it belongs on the giant screen. The 3D effect was an interesting little bonus, but only added depth of field, and not much of a pop. The short film and music video is classic, a staple of pop culture, so there's no sense in me reviewing it specifically. It's the embodiment of classic horror and the overall mood of the 1980's. I can see why Universal sought to put this in front of Eli Roth's film, which heavily relies on a classic aesthetic, using the 70's Universal and Amblin logo to add to the atmosphere. I welcome the addition and I welcome showing an amazing music video like Thriller in the theater. Let's do more of these, please!

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The Disappearance of Alice Creed

I watched this for a screenwriting class; it's not the first thing I would recommend to my students, but there's enough here to appreciate. There's no dialogue for the first, maybe, ten minutes; it's a montage of the two kidnappers very elaborately setting up their apartment room where they will hold their victim ransom. The script has enough twists, turns, and raw performances to keep you interested. Because the movie starts out with the two kidnappers and spends most of the time with them, you end up feeling for them at a couple spots (I won't spoil what the reveals are, they actually will take you by surprise). What enhanced my viewing of this immensely was turning on the Saw soundtrack over most of the movie; you should try it to. Like Saw, the majority of the runtime takes place in one room, or here, one house. It's not the most original script ever, but it kept me engaged to a degree where I didn't want to turn it off, and that's high praise from me.

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Poltergeist

This is clearly a Steven Spielberg movie (and with the statement from the camera operators confirming it), but I ain't complaining. Tobe Hooper already has my deepest respects for The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 1 & 2, so it doesn't matter how much involved he was for Poltergeist. The result is still a fun film to pop on during the Halloween season and get wrapped up in the sensational characters and set pieces. I wanted to catch up on this for Halloween Horror Nights as I had never seen this before. I have to say, the shot choices are excellent. The contrast with the figures silhouettes against the bright blue light illuminating from the portal, is a beautiful sight. Despite it's 80's effects and compositing, it adds to the cheesy charm of an otherwise dramatic film. This was The Conjuring of it's time; the parents concerned for their child kind of gives off the same vibe. I'm glad I got around to it and it's definitely going into my collection. What else to say? It's a Spielberg classic.

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Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

In 2015, Hideaki Anno said anime as an industry is dying and only has about 5 years left, then it might go through a resurgence.

jump ahead 3 years

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 is finally announced for release in 2020. OH FUCK. Anno is going to kill the entire industry by releasing the final Evangelion movie. The madman will do the deed himself. Just more of what you'd expect from the master.

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Kong: Skull Island

Alright, after seeing it 7 times now, I can definitively say this is one of the best movies I've ever seen and probably the best monster movie ever created. I absolutely love every single thing about this movie. No complaints from me on any level, from the characters, the music, the performances, the visual effects, Evangelion inspired shot choices, the editing, bright color palettes, fucking everything. I can't get enough of this masterpiece. I really can't. I keep watching little parts of it on a daily basis.

I actually tear up now when I see Lt. Hank Marlow return home to his family. Such a sweet moment.

10/10 everything. I don't know how the Monsterverse cinematic movies can impress any further. They've raised the bar so high up now.

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Saw

Watched it this time with my grandmother... yeah, really. To my surprise and amusement, she liked it a lot. After going on a personal marathon watching the later Saw movies, it's almost jarring how tame James Wan and Leigh Whannel's original is in comparison. Hardly any gore is shown and anything extreme is kept cut away or tastefully presented. This low budget endeavor relies a lot on the writing and fast editing from Kevin Greutert. It's already a classic, so I don't need to explain any details or make a recommendation. I remember my parents walked out of the theater, originally, in complete shock at the twist that came way out of left field. As giddy as I get at the sight of gratuitous and silly hardcore violence, I love how restrained and accessible the one that started it all is. Bring on Aquaman.

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Pokémon: The First Movie

This movie... is now 20 years old... fuck, I feel old. Feels like just yesterday I was watching the DVD's for the classic Pokémon movies, I mean, before they got rid of Misty and Brock. I've since seen this movie on the big screen, watched Pokémon GO get released, and now a live action Pikachu movie go into production. The memories I've had with 4Kids, Pokémon, and Yu-Gi-Oh! are experiences I will never forget. I stopped watching after the fifth movie and 4Kids stopped dubbing, but I still look back on this with a fondness. I may grow up and mature, but I'll always hold a little place in my heart for this series. It's so weird now to refer to these movies as classic or more than ten years old, let alone twenty.

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Bao

Decent little short, but the jackasses in my theater wouldn't shut up. Even during the moments clearly meant to tug on the heart strings, everyone was laughing. Have audiences become so used to jokes that they expect nothing but mind numbing stimuli when they go to the theater? I guess screw everyone who's wanting to make it big telling dramatic stories. Yes, there are parts of this short that are clearly humorous, but I'm talking the emotional climax. I was ready to walk out, it was so bad. Cinema is dead.

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Gotti

This is 2018's The Snowman. Nothing else to say.

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Breaking In

Okay, I survived maybe twenty to thirty minutes before I walked out. That's the quickest I've ever bailed on a piece of shit. My tolerance level is going down sharply after the past few months of unrelenting dreck being thrown at my face. The only positive I can muster up from Breaking In, is it's a great tool for students to use in class. Every single little facet is done wrong, from the piss poor attempts at writing to lack of creativity in the direction. I've read rejected scripts in my Screenwriting class that sounded more interesting than what was approved to be shot here. Also, just a tip for producers now, and specifically Universal, if you are not even going to try creating likable characters, at least show them going out in grotesque ways. If this is a horror movie with shit characters, at least give me something else worthwhile, something I can think about on the drive home. When I see a woman getting her throat slit, and you cut away so you don't show anything, that's when I walk out.

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Get Out

Eh, it was fine. Appears to be like the stock "bad people in house" starter pack school project I've seen done in many others like it. The saving grace is just the couple of twists that keep it interesting, like the reveal of the family auctioning for ideal people, moreso their talents. However, a win for best screenplay? Absolutely not, I thought A Cure for Wellness did it's writing better. I compare the two because the stories are a slightly similar. I fail to see what's so amazing about this, other than Jordan Peele's direction. And no, I didn't watch expecting to hate it, nor do I hate it. It just underwhelms me a little.

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Veronica

Now I'm really out of stuff to say. A terribly predictable script that's held up by it's direction and score. Paco Plaza uses lots of good shots and plays with his scenes, even if what's happening doesn't advance anything. They make for good moments. An example, Verónica walking down the street, but everything's going backwards, then forwards and back. Or the trick with her walking out of bed, when she's actually standing up, is a nice transition. I've seen used in a commercial before. I just appreciate it's a visually interesting movie. The characters are likable enough that you don't want to see them picked off, but not anyone I'll be writing thesis essays about. It's your The Conjuring family again. If you happened to notice this on Netflix, it's not bad if you turn it on, but you're better off renting Lights Out or Deliver Us From Evil if you crave something more spicy.

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