Need I remind you only the first part of the story is being shot right now. Be prepared for this to bomb and part two never getting made.
This is going to be the greatest comedy of 2024. They will be showing this in arthouse theaters years from now with Stuckmann making appearances like Greg Sestero does for The Room.
Okay, now that you finished that little Godzilla movie, can you get back to this, please?
Genuinely spooky film. One of the better adaptations made for an American audience. Ignore the sequels though.
What the hell is this raceswapped bullshit?
Laika will stay in business forever. You may ask, how? They currently employ over 300 employees at their main location and each of their films consistently underperforms, the last two straight up bombing. May I inform you the president also owns Nike. He's worth 35 billion dollars. To his son, Travis Knight, who just did Bumblebee, this is pocket money for them. I can see the conversations now.
Phil Knight: Alright son, what do you want?
Travis Knight: Hey dad, I just want to make another movie with those dolls. You think you can spare some money?
Phil Knight: No problem my child. How much?
Travis Knight: The usual, 60 million.
Phil Knight: Why, go right ahead, you little wiper snapper! Just bring some of it back.
Travis Knight: Thanks daddy! I'll fund the next one with my Bumblebee money!
As for the movie itself? No idea, didn't see it, no one did.
So, it's basically a prequel to Man Of Steel.
Hey, you remember that joke when Indiana's son Mutt in Crystal Skull made the joke to him proclaiming, "What are you, like 80?" Well, by the time Dial of Destiny releases in 2023, Harrison Ford will be. What once was a passing jest at the character's long past prime, we've now scraped the bottom of the dig site. Just reboot and get Chris Pratt to play.
This is the best cinematic universe currently going on besides the Monsterverse. Going to be sad sending off the Warren cases, but it's been 7 or so films at this point, I think it's time for James Wan to kick start a new horror franchise for the 2020's.
This is one of a handful of Disney sequels that actually surpasses the original. That's not saying much, though.
With Chappelle and Burr coming out against all the bullshit going on with the world right now, it's quite refreshing. Plenty of good jokes this time around, Burr's special from last year wasn't the greatest, but the vulgarity and timing this time around was much better.
Whenever someone tries to give Stuckmann any modicum of credibility, just show them this disaster of a film. I've seen middle schoolers make better shit than this.
If you paid for a ticket for this, you're the problem.
Made it fifty minutes in before I shut this pathetic crap off. Russo brother plays a gay guy for some reason? Hulk is a shell of his former self and he dabs? What the hell is this? Might try to finish the rest later and write more but hell, this was boring (and tedious) above all else. This was about as frustrating to sit through as that The Dark Tower film a few years ago. I've sat through fifteen of these cashgrabs and I still don't care about any of these characters. At this point, I'm here for the memes. At least it's not as awful as Thor Ragnarok.
This movie... is now 20 years old... fuck, I feel old. Feels like just yesterday I was watching the DVD's for the classic Pokémon movies, I mean, before they got rid of Misty and Brock. I've since seen this movie on the big screen, watched Pokémon GO get released, and now a live action Pikachu movie go into production. The memories I've had with 4Kids, Pokémon, and Yu-Gi-Oh! are experiences I will never forget. I stopped watching after the fifth movie and 4Kids stopped dubbing, but I still look back on this with a fondness. I may grow up and mature, but I'll always hold a little place in my heart for this series. It's so weird now to refer to these movies as classic or more than ten years old, let alone twenty.
Decent little short, but the jackasses in my theater wouldn't shut up. Even during the moments clearly meant to tug on the heart strings, everyone was laughing. Have audiences become so used to jokes that they expect nothing but mind numbing stimuli when they go to the theater? I guess screw everyone who's wanting to make it big telling dramatic stories. Yes, there are parts of this short that are clearly humorous, but I'm talking the emotional climax. I was ready to walk out, it was so bad. Cinema is dead.
Okay, I survived maybe twenty to thirty minutes before I walked out. That's the quickest I've ever bailed on a piece of shit. My tolerance level is going down sharply after the past few months of unrelenting dreck being thrown at my face. The only positive I can muster up from Breaking In, is it's a great tool for students to use in class. Every single little facet is done wrong, from the piss poor attempts at writing to lack of creativity in the direction. I've read rejected scripts in my Screenwriting class that sounded more interesting than what was approved to be shot here. Also, just a tip for producers now, and specifically Universal, if you are not even going to try creating likable characters, at least show them going out in grotesque ways. If this is a horror movie with shit characters, at least give me something else worthwhile, something I can think about on the drive home. When I see a woman getting her throat slit, and you cut away so you don't show anything, that's when I walk out.
Eh, it was fine. Appears to be like the stock "bad people in house" starter pack school project I've seen done in many others like it. The saving grace is just the couple of twists that keep it interesting, like the reveal of the family auctioning for ideal people, moreso their talents. However, a win for best screenplay? Absolutely not, I thought A Cure for Wellness did it's writing better. I compare the two because the stories are a slightly similar. I fail to see what's so amazing about this, other than Jordan Peele's direction. And no, I didn't watch expecting to hate it, nor do I hate it. It just underwhelms me a little.
Now I'm really out of stuff to say. A terribly predictable script that's held up by it's direction and score. Paco Plaza uses lots of good shots and plays with his scenes, even if what's happening doesn't advance anything. They make for good moments. An example, Verónica walking down the street, but everything's going backwards, then forwards and back. Or the trick with her walking out of bed, when she's actually standing up, is a nice transition. I've seen used in a commercial before. I just appreciate it's a visually interesting movie. The characters are likable enough that you don't want to see them picked off, but not anyone I'll be writing thesis essays about. It's your The Conjuring family again. If you happened to notice this on Netflix, it's not bad if you turn it on, but you're better off renting Lights Out or Deliver Us From Evil if you crave something more spicy.
"Because I need to get off this island, to solve the Map No Man Can Read. Lucky I'm a woman."
This is an actual line of dialogue.
Quentin Tarantino Presents
A Lamer Version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Remake
Meh, I'm conflicted. The music is surprisingly great, and it takes itself a great deal seriously, there's a section in the final act you may get emotional at. Eli Roth has an eye for visuals, and effectively builds tension, but there's not much going on that I really cared about. If you're just looking for some gore and fun, you'll get it. Quentin Tarantino, Eli Roth, and Robert Rodriguez all love this kind of shit, and I do too, but man, the characters needed work. Lack of anything going on in the second act. The only amusing segments are at beginning, and last half hour. I find it hysterical, though, Roth considered this his Kill Bill, being presented in two volumes. Will I watch part two? Probably. I'm a sucker for their shit. The Green Inferno, here I come.
This movie wants to be The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and humans rights documentary at the same time, resulting in a tone confused mix of emotions. There's not something glaringly wrong with Traffik, but following the theater exit, I just asked, "What was the point of it?" Supposedly, it's to spread awareness about human trafficking, but the way this plays out as almost of remake of the first The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, then to suddenly switch to an ultra serious dark, is a bold and interesting move, but nothing about this screams either enjoyable or informative. It's a weird hodge podge, is this a horror movie? I guess, but not a fun or, really, scary one. Is it a documentary about human trafficking? Not really, it just closes on a black text stating how many women are trafficked, right before the movie ends. I'm very conflicted on how I feel. This isn't bad, the characters are surprisingly likable, I never hated watching it, but man, it leaves a peculiar taste in your mouth.
It's funny, Mae's biggest fear established at the beginning of this movie, about untapped potential, perfectly summarizes the core problem here. Never read the book, never going to, I think this presents some interesting points about companies like Google, and the internet's invasion of our privacy, but that does not automatically make for great cinema. Ideas, in it of itself, doesn't suffice. Execution is key. We get disastrous levels of writing, televisual direction, and cringe-inducing performances, all take center stage in The Circle.
Was disappointing. Had the production value of a big-budget television movie, but somehow, this was released in theaters, during the 3-D gimmick era of 2009. Only saving grace are the deaths, but you get the same creative shit from the Friday the 13th series. Just don't bother.
I'm really struggling to give this film a higher score. It's excellently done, the slow tension is magnificent, the music is memorable, and Jason Clarke is one of my new favorite actors. John Curran nails the slow-burn vibe I crave. My chest was heavy the minute the car flipped into the water, up 'til the end titles. The 1970's production design, layering on top the acting from the entire cast is terrific. It's not an epic like JFK, that leaves the audience questioning the events long after they've left the theater, but it gets the job done. I think the one set-back I feel with Chappaquiddick is length. What brilliant presentation we're given is undercut by a short story. Some of you could say that's good, I loved what was done and just wanted more, but I seriously think the run-time hurts my overall satisfaction. Just twenty minutes more could bump this up. I still love what was done, ignoring this personal qualm. The sense of loss and personal connection to Ted Kennedy you feel throughout the film is exquisite. Definitely check it out, just expect a short, but good story.
A Cure For Wellness but not AS riveting... or striking. The camera-work is great, all the shots are made to look like they're recorded by a guy hiding from faraway or from a security camera. A couple creepy ideas, held back by derivative script and monstrously lackluster third act; just nothing too special to become a modern classic. However, certainly worth checking over other trash-fires out now.
How dare they disrespect the late Bill Paxton by titling the movie... Game Over, Man! It doesn't even make sense in context of the script, there are no references to Aliens in this. Makes me sick, we're so desperate for nostalgia bait, we're resorting to quotes from much better films. Count me out. Netflix is the new platform for straight-to-video movies. Very fitting given the level of quality being dumped onto it. There's a scene where a man eats another man's hairy ass, right on-screen, and I just felt so dirty, that I was watching it.
GnomeBusters
Gnome With The Wind
The Invisible Gnome
Gnome Night
12 Angry Gnomes
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Gnome
The Silence Of The Gnomes
Gnome And See
Gnome Alone
Only Gnome Forgives
Gnomes Of New York
Running With The Gnomes
RoboGnome
Gnomerise Kingdom
Mission Impossible: Gnome Protocal
Gnome Torino
Gnome Of Steel
Shin Gnomezilla
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Gnome's Chest
Gnome: A Star Wars Story
The Lego Gnome Movie
Lara Croft Gnome Raider
How The Gnome Stole Christmas
Gnome In The Shell
The Gnome Who Leapt Through Time
Neon Gnomesis Evangelion
And just simply... The Gnome Movie.
I guess I forgot to log this one, I don't know why I didn't before. Just a few QUICK thoughts, Peter Rabbit is a strangely decent children's movie that touches on a few bases that the adult-friendly The LEGO Movie harnesses, and manages to secure a jolly little ride. Plenty of fourth-wall breaks, hilariously edited action montages, courtesy of Peter Menzies Jr., ironic jokes, and some glorious comedic timing. Domhnall Gleeson is quickly becoming one of my most favorite Irish actors, and the very second he comes on-screen, he steals the whole movie. The picture starts off slow and imitative, but Gleeson's charming and wild performance makes the feature a worthwhile price of admission. I wouldn't go full-price showing, but a Tuesday discount or MoviePass entrance will be sure to give you a number of good laughs. Very surprised about this one. If you were predicting Sony to treat the property akin to their hideous live-action The Smurfs adaptations, you will be surprised too.
Not one scene lasts more than two minutes. I started timing it, like I got a calculator out and starting counting the amount of time each scene had. As someone who's becoming a professional editor, this movie offends me. This is beyond embarrassing. This is a marvel. It needs to be shown in film and editing classes on what not to do. You could study this. Sony's lucky they had Jumanji last year. I almost want them to fail after this pile of predictable, formulaic, mediocre, bland, and sensory-raping trash. I started laughing my ass off at one part where Matthew McConaughey's dialogue didn't match his lips at all. I had to take frequent breaks every ten minutes just so I could stomach this hour and a half disaster. Like, just, fuck this movie and everyone who edited it.
