An inept, forgettable, and poorly structured mockery of the source material. It takes a long, drawn out piss on the original series, spits in the face of anyone who's an actual fan, and tries to distract you with botox and plastic tits in the hopes tha you won't notice.
You're riding shotgun.
Just look at all the new sexual fetishes you've discovered!
Comedy gold. What? What do you mean "it's not a parody"?
Remember, kids! The more you fuck around, the more you're gonna find out.
Cute. But I saw the monster attack coming from a mile away.
Honestly, it was an 8 out of 10 up to the final scene, during which the "creatives" decided that it was worth scrapping the entire payoff and the starting premise for extra edgelord points. Oh, and it ends on a jump scare. Now, I'm not saying that people who do this are worse than Hitler... but they are pretty high up there.
Man, Bishop just can't catch a break.
You couldn't get a slower burn if you put a lighter under a swimming pool.
Greasepit in a tutu. Now that's some high octane Nightmare Fuel.
Disco Mummy is best waifu.
Right, sure. But when Superman starts moving planets around, it's suddenly a big deal.
How is that for representation?
Man, this Spider-Man hits different.
I want to go back.
Blah, blah, blah, men are evil and/or incompetent, blah.
Feminist propaganda at its finest.
Skaven propaganda at its finest.
Was... was that an Australian Wolverine?
I've got two words for you: Malvanna's feet.
Fun for what it is.
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.
Jesus Christ, are we there yet?
Sunk cost fallacy at its finest.
Ah, yes. The Hayminator. An instant sci-farm classic.
Keep circulating the tapes.
Keep milking the donors.
Somewhere, a child cries. I feel nothing.
It just raises... too many questions.
Huh. Nobody told me that Steve Buscemi has a sister.
Ah, yes.
Cliffhanger: The Origin
