Nikolas Evers

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[8.4/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] This episode is very funny, which is no small achievement in a season 13 episode. The story isn’t any great shakes, with a vaguely 90’s sitcom view of infidelity and gender relations, and the usual first act tangent. But it makes you (or at least me) laugh, and ambles through its plot nicely enough, to make for one of the better post-classic gagfests.

I’m tempted to attribute that to venerable Simpsons scribe John Swartzwelder, who’s one of the show’s longest-tenured and most gag-focused writers. There’s the sense of his random wit, from homer’s hanglider supervillain daydream, to the extended “Homer backing up” gag, to the three car pileup of a civil war reenactment in the opening act. Some of these bits are disconnected, and not really a product of the story or characters, but they get the yuks, damnit!

But even the more organic gags soar in this one. The absurdity of Homer and Marge’s ill-conceived attempt to reunite Homer and Manjula over dinner spins out in appropriately comic fashion. The set of double-entendres when the Simpsons and Nahasapeemapetilons are playing badminton absolutely cracked me up. And even the dynamic between Homer and Apu recalls the great comic rapport between the two characters in, well, “Homer and Apu.”

Let’s be frank, this episode doesn't have the heart or stronger story sense of those classic episodes. But it does well enough on those fronts with an Apu-focused throughline with a beginning, middle, and end, a conflict that it takes some work to overcome, and which cares about the characters’ emotional states. It’s not overwhelming, but it’s there and solid. That means that there’s a foundation for all of Swarzwelder’s delightfully absurd gags to flourish.

Overall, this is one that I’m in for the chuckles more than the story, but the humor feels close enough to the show’s classic years to make me forgive pretty much any other points where it doesn't quite measure up.

[7.3/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] The third act of this one goes really off the rails. Homer’s rage boils, him kinda sorta turning into The Hulk, and the whole “he needs to express his rage or he’ll die” thing is a bit off the wall even for The Simpsons. There’s parts of it that are enjoyable -- I can’t deny that seeing Homer hulk out has its charms -- but it feels like a typical late-season Simpsons refuge in over-the-top wackiness in lieu of being able to end a story.

Still, up until that point, I actually really liked this one. There’s a nice spoof of the then-budding world of flash animation and the internet bubble that I remember all too well. Bart’s efforts to imitate a cool artist who visited his school hit waaaaay too close to home, which suggests the show was on to something. And Homer’s internet celebrity status and Bart’s role as a creator with his dad as his “muse” is cause for a lot of fun! The humor isn’t flawless, but it’s definitely on point here, which keeps things light and funny.

Plus there’s Stan Lee! Celebrity cameos, particularly ones where the celeb plays themselves, are typically poison in double-digit episode seasons. But Lee has such an established persona, and is so willing to let himself be the object of fun, that he becomes one of the more memorable guest stars from after the show’s golden years. His encouragement to Bart, his promotion of Marvel comics characters over rivals, and his planting himself at Comic Book Guy’s shop and trying to hulk out are all enjoyable bits.

Overall, this is another post-classic episode that goes off the rails a bit in its last reel, but which has a lot of solid gags and spoofs that give it a quasi-classic feel up until that point.

[7.7/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] This episode is extraordinarily stupid but also extraordinarily funny, and it’s hard to know how to square that. But ultimately, I still liked it quite a bit, and I can appreciate it as a dose of solid comedy (at least until the abbreviated third act), even if the storytelling gets way too cartoony for this series.

The first act is mostly about Homer winning the loyalty of a murder of crows. The gags that ensue are dumb but funny. The crows fetching him donuts and other sundries, Moe’s painting of a “crow bar”, and Homer gently reassuring a freaked out Marge that a group of crowds is called a murder are all solid, albeit loony laughs. But this is also an episode where Homer’s avian allies can understand english, tuck themselves into bed, and fly Maggie from her window, so the whole thing is kind of bonkers.

The highlight of the episode is its second act, where Homer starts using medical marajuana to treat his eye pain after a betrayal from the crows. Let’s be real, most of these are just standard pothead jokes. But man, Jon Vitti and company write them well, and Dan Castelanetta delivers them even better. Just the way he says the word “Wow” in response to Ned’s reading of the Bible, or his mindless THC-infused laughs are infectiously funny. A fun cameo from Phish, and the absurdity of an increasingly disheveled Homer trying and failing to stop medical Mary Jane from being outlawed again won me over. Most Homer humor is founded on him being a big dope anyway, so leaning into that via him partaking in pot is a pretty natural comic move that pays dividends.

Things only come crashing down from there, though. There’s a solid concept to it at first, with a reefer-ruffled Homer stumbling into Burns’ good graces by laughing at his boss’s weak jokes, only to struggle with what got him the job when he can no longer rely on pot. But from there, it turns into an insane Weekend at Bernies homage with a fluid-dripping Burns being controlled by Smithers like a marionette for the plant’s investors. This one’s already pretty wacky, but for some reason, that’s a bridge too far, and not terribly funny.

Still, enough in “Weekend at Burnsies” is to make this one of the humorous highlights of season 13. It’s just a big gag-fest, one that seems to give up all pretense of The Simpsons taking place in reality. But it brings enough laughs to the table to earn a partial pass for it.

[6.6/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] This is clearly when The Simpsons was in its Family Guy stage. What I mean by that is the gags still had some oomph, but the plot was an afterthought, and the characters only existed as joke machines, not anything even approaching real characters. So as I often say with post-classic Simpsons, I don’t know what to do with this episode. There’s more laughs-per-minute here than in a lot of what follows, but they’re all empty laughs, that have little to do with Our Favorite Family or anything specific to this particular show.

It’s worth noting that for an episode which takes place in Brazil, “Blame It on Lisa” only pokes fun at the most broad, stereotypical aspects of the country. People dance sexy there! They eat meat on a sword! They wear speedos on the beach! This is hardly the sort of incisive comedy the show was known for. And while episodes like “Bart vs. Australia” took plenty of liberties with the home country’s shtick, the episode could get away with it because, you know, it was funny. Here, it just seems like the writers read an encyclopedia entry for Brazil and left it at that.

That said, if you can turn your brain off, there’s some decent laughs here! Marge’s “I’ll dance and worry” bit is amusing. The charity sponsorship tape labeled “L’il Writeoffs” is a good gag. And I’m even a fan of Hank Azaria’s “You stupid lady!” character for his absurdity. But you could substitute the Griffins for the Simpsons here and not lose anything, which is not a good sign for the comedy of your episode.

Nevermind that this whole thing is total Looney Tunes. Homer gets electrocuted several times trying to replace his family’s phone service after a standard pointless opening act. The family plummets from a suspended transport and is totally fine. Bart ends the episode sambaing in the belly of a giant snake, and everyone shrugs it off. The cartoonist of The Simpsons reached its apex under Mike Scully, but it’s still pretty damn bad here.

Nevermind the fact that Homer’s at his dumbest and most cartoonish as well. Him getting kidnapped by Brazilian criminals is...something plot-wise. But his blithe demeanor with them, making a scrapbook and getting Stockholm syndrome despite implied beatings and torture, is just ridiculous, and not in a funny way. Nobody here acts like a genuine human being, or even what psses for one on television, so this whole thing just feels stupid and cheap.

All that said, the plot actually makes a modicum of sense. Lisa gets the family to travel to South America in a search for her sponsored Brazilian child who’s gone missing. But it turns out, he’s a character on the sexy children’s show Bart gets obsessed with when they arrive, and uses his earnings to pay the ransom for Homer. Look, it’s not exactly a clockwork screenplay, but given how bumpy the rest of the episode is, it's remarkably coherent as a case of the plot elements feeding into one another.

Overall, if you just want a raft of chuckle-worthy but lazy gags about Brazil, with some cool animation and design work given the change of scenery, “Blame It on Lisa” has it covered. If you want anything with intellect, insight, or lived-in characters, you’d better take a conga line to a different episode.

[5.7/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] It’s such a tough time judging what I’d term the “Scully hangover” years of The Simpsons, where Al Jean had taken over as showrunner again, but the show hadn't fully shaken off the tone and sensibility of what had come before. This episode is written by Jon Vitti, one of the foundational writers of the series’s best years, but it’s also riddled with the kind of crud that sunk the show at its height.

But there’s good stuff here! This is the source of the famous “Old Man Yells at Cloud” meme! The way Homer says “cosmic” when Marge tells him that he’s trying to parent his own father has somehow slipped its way into my vocabulary. And there’s even a solid setup and payoff with Homer using a shoe on a stick to monitor his dad’s braking when Grampa gets behind the wheel again, only for Grampa and his senior citizen pals to use the same jury-rigged prod to get the upper hand in their death face against the “jaquitos.” This one isn’t devoid of laughs or cleverness.

In the same way, I actually like the basic idea behind this one. Doing a James Dean-esque story of teenage rebellion, through the lens of a grandfather rebelling against his son, is a solid setup for an episode. There’s some inherent irony to the premise that works on its own terms, and for another show, I could see it paying real dividends.

But man, “The Old Man and the Key” just hits the lowest-hanging fruit of senior citizen jokes time and time again, with only the midlest of chuckles to show for it. Olympia Dukakis is entirely forgettable as Zelda, the new It-girl of the Springfield Retirement Castle. And god help me when it comes to the extended jabs at Branson, Missouri, something the show skewered better in two minutes in “Bart on the Road” than it does in the overblown, under-funny third act of this outing.

The whole idea of Grampa trying to woo a fellow senior through his ability to drive is really underfed here. There’s no human core to any of this, with the characters coming off like ridiculous cartoons as part of a tongue-in-cheek Rebel without a Cause parody rather than anything approaching real emotions. It feels more like Scully’s handiwork than Jean’s, which typically at least aims for sentiment and human feeling, even if it doesn’t always hit the target. This just plays like an over-the-top goof-fest, with very little in terms of real comic dividends.

Overall, this one is still watchable, which counts for something, but it’s ultimately an idiotic episode where the characters act like alien morons most of the time. There’s a handful of smart bits and good laughs (Homer’s reluctance to get on the same bus as the Flanderses is a solid one), but they’re sadly few and far between.

[6.6/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] What a bizarre, jumbled-up episode this is. The first act is nonsense. The second act is surprisingly great. And the third act is a lazy slide toward a half-assed ending. I don’t know what to do with it.

The first act is effectively a Looney Tunes short where Bart gets chased by a malevolent dog for no reason. It barely matters to the arger plot of the episode. The dog is cartoony and too anthropomorphized for even the waistband reality of the show. And most of all, the shtick just isn’t very funny. “Eat my short stories” is not the clever bit of wordplay the writers think it is. The antics of Bart escaping from the dog and the lengths he goes too are tired. There’s simply nothing to it.

But then the middle act, and the main plot of the episode finally arrives, and is legitimately good. The concept of Bart befriending an old movie cowboy has tons of potential. Homer feeling affronted that t his wild west star is Bart’s new hero rather than him grounds things in some emotion. The eccentricities of 1950s westerns and old Hollywood are the kind of old timey cultural bric-a-brac that writer John Swartzwerlder specializes in making amusing, absurd hay out of (no pun intended).

Dennis Weaver does a great job as Buck, seeming distinctive in his timbre and line-reads in a fashion that make him seem like a legitimate old cowboy with ad sitintive tone and presence. The fact that his quiet mentoring of Bart leads to a local fad that’s enough to get Buck a comeback spot on the Krusty show makes for a good progression. And again, there’s even some quality emotional undercurrent to Buck being so nervous about his chance to step back in the spotlight that he starts drinking again.

But from the close of the second act, the whole thing goes down the tube. Buck accidentally shoots Krusty in the stomach! What the hell! That’s a huge thing, and the show mostly moves on like it’s nothing. Buck isn’t in jail, or reexamining himself, or anything. I’m not one for asking that The Simpsons be 100% realistic, but it’s jarring to have someone get shot in the gut by an intoxicated gunman and just move on like it’s all a part of the laughs.

The third act is ostensibly about Buck’s alcoholism and regaining Bart’s admiration, but almost every part of it is rushed and half-assed. There’s some decent enough, Swartzwelderian humor to Buck asking why it’s Marge’s business that he’s an elderly successful man who likes to drink when he doesn’t even know her name. But the alcoholism problem itself isn’t even introduced until very late, and it’s never really solved. Buck ust decides to throw out his flask one time, and that's it? I guess?

You can see the strings a bit. Homer tries to become Bart’s hero again by rehabilitating Buck as a hero, and there’s a peculiar logic to that. But the whole thing comes off very slapdash, especially with the stupidity of Buck defeating top tech robbers who try to shoot through his lasso. This one limps to the finish line without much to show for the decent ideas it played around with up to that point.

Overall, this is not the total crater of an episode that many diehard fans deride it as. If you just watch the second act, you even have a glimpse of Swartzwelder doing what he does best. But the first and third acts drag it down considerably to where it’s hard to recommend this one to anybody besides completionists and committed Swartzwelder fans.

[7.4/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] This is a weird episode of The Simpsons. It’s founded on three very outsized ideas: 1.) Homer snores to the point that Marge gets literally no sleep and becomes a veritable zombie, 2.) Artie Ziff pays Our Favorite Family a million dollars to spend a weekend with Marge and 3.) when Homer thinks he’s lost his wife, he goes to become a suicidal roughneck in the oilfields of West Springfield.

But if you can accept the otusizeness of the premise it’s an oddly sound episode of the show. The motivations are clear. Artie wants to win Marge back. Marge is put off by her onetime date’s creepiness, but needs the money to afford a surgery for Homer that will allow her to sleep again. And Homer’s willing to tolerate Artie’s “sick idea” to be able to provide for his wife’s slumber, until he thinks he’s lost her and has no reason to go on.

The execution of these things are more than a little cartoony, and the situation isn’t exactly relatable here. But the core emotions here: regret, exhaustion, heartache, are all real enough to give the episode something to make you care about the characters in this situation, which is more than you can say for a lot of Simpsons episodes from around this time.

Hell, there’s even some good setups and payoffs. Reintroducing Artie as the inventor of a machine that turns modem noises into easy listening sets up the resolution of him inventing a machine that turns Homer’s snores into “sweet dreams.” The quick establishment of Artie’s helicopter provides a reason for Marge to turn to him when she needs to cover a lot of ground quickly to find her husband. Hell, there’s even some contrition and character growth from the unscrupulous nerd, realizing he cares enough about Marge to tell Homer he’s won, in order to make her happy.

Is it the world’s most well-told or realistic story? Absolutely not. But the bones of this one work, and it makes me willing to forgive some of the show’s excesses as it began the second Al Jean era.

It doesn’t hurt that the gags are pretty good here, if you can stand Homer as a total dolt and some very outsized gags. The Lenny/Carl humor here almost qualifies as bait, but it’s funny enough not to care about that. Homer’s idiocy over thinking that if Marge marries Artie in his attempt to go “back in time” with a recreation of their senior prom, he’ll never never be born, is absurd, but still amusing. And fourth wall-nudging gags like the kids wondering where their parents are when Marge and Homer leave Artie’s boat in a huff, or Grampa remarking on Homer bowling a perfect game tickle my funny bone.

Overall, this is not a high water mark for the show by any means, but as much as this one stretches the bounds of the show’s reality and sense of scale, its ability to seize on the characters’ wants and feelings, while spinning up some good laughs, makes it surprisingly enjoyable despite its excesses.

Definitely the best episode of the season, 100% because of David Tennant. Having Kilgrave back entirely overshadows the whole main plot that is extremely disappointing.

So Jessica's reaction is let's make it look like a suicide ? Didn't expect that. We're totally in the morally grey there. Kilgrave could not be handled by the legal system, but this guy definitely could. And even if he was more responsible, his crimes were less than Alisa's, whom Jessica is still trying to protect.

New guard is nice. She'll probably be the first casualty when Alisa goes crazy and escapes (because of course she will).

I thought evil Trish wanted more inhaler but she actually wanted the whole procedure ? That is really crazy. And they thought he could do that just like that. When he's supposed to be a fugitive and everything ?. That's not really though out. It seems pretty strange that Karl would go with it. That's not how the character has been shown until now. He wanted to heal people, enhancements were a side effect. Trish was clearly not ill, just crazy and addicted. He could clearly just have knocked her out and escape, or help Malcolm and find Jessica. He really seems like a nice guy who wanted to help people, and was genuinely in love with her mother.

And Jessica holds him responsible when Trish is definitely the evil one here. And she's even taking it out on Malcolm that is also a victim here. She really has an incredible weak spot for Trish. She doesn't even protest much when Karl wants to kill himself, even though she knows what impact it will have on her mother.

What's with all the hate towards the doctor throughout the series? It was first thought that he's been using Jessica's mom to kill people, but it turned out to be completely untrue and related to her own anger issues. He saved the lives of Jessica and her mom, then made huge progress on making her mom look normal again. He appeared to be genuinely in love with the mom. He cared for her despite her history of murder and violence, and he sedated her so she wouldn't keep attacking people. More often, he just talked to her and it calmed her down.

The real villain was Trish. She held the doctor at gunpoint, attacked Jessica's sidekick, completely disregarded Jessica's and her mom's plans to help the doctor, all just so she could be as strong as Jessica. She was completely out of her mind, simply because of her jealousy. It wasn't a sudden rush that could be explained by drug withdrawal.

What does Jessica do about it all? She blames the doctor and sees Trish as the victim. No wonder he cracked under the pressure and killed himself. He didn't deserve it. Trish would have, and it will be a total mess if Jessica starts bonding with her again in later episodes.

"- Well, we'll need some stopping power. Too much?
- Not unless you're going grocery shopping in Texas."

What an ending! They seriously need to stop arresting Jessica. It seems that she ends up in handcuffs every damn season. It's becoming a weird tradition.

I love that even in the middle of a blazing hot summer, Jessica still wears heavy boots and her leather jacket everywhere. Hey, I get it. She needs to maintain that dark aesthetic. I just think it's super funny.

Vido is such a cute kid, and I enjoy his dynamic with Jessica so much. I'm pretty meh about Oscar for now. We'll see what they do with his character.

Jeri's storyline is breaking my heart. And giving me major anxiety because I can imagine doing exactly the same if I were in her situation.

Can Pryce just fuck off already? I despise the guy.

This show is filled with heavy themes and storylines, but Jessica's fear of becoming the monster that this other lady is hit me especially hard. I was almost in tears when she kept saying "That's not me". That's what Oscar got wrong about her: she's not a misanthrope. She may not have the patience to deal with other people's bullshit, and she may not be a particularly nice person, but she wants to protect people. That's what led to her brief stint as a superhero. And after all the shit she's been through, her first instinct is still to save others. I just have a lot of feelings about Jessica Jones, okay? She deserves the world.

I have to say, mad props to the writers for never dancing around what Kilgrave did to Jess and calling it what it was: rape. Remember, kids, sex without explicit consent is always rape. It shouldn't even need to be said in goddamn 2018, but looking at what's happening in the world and everything that went down in Hollywood in the last few months, some people just still don't get it.

I love it when Jessica pretends to be a normal person. You can see her facial muscles straining when she has to physically stop herself from saying something rude or sarcastic. It's hilarious.

I don't understand why they even bothered bringing Simpson back if they were just going to immediately kill him. He was basically a device used to further the plot and nothing more.

How long has it been since The Defenders? A few months tops, right? From what Simpson said about being locked in a room for a year, you could assume that it's only been a year since season 1 (Marvel really needs to release some kind of official timeline for the entire MCU because figuring out how all these movies and TV shows fit together is next to impossible). And there was no indication that Trish was already dating Griffin in The Defenders. What I'm trying to say is: they're moving really fast if they're already looking at apartments. I don't like it. There's something shady about him. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid since Trish doesn't have the best track record when it comes to the guys she dates.

I want to castrate and murder that fucking asshole Max for laying his filthy hands on Trish. She was a kid, for Christ's sake! It's disgusting. And his trying to blame it on her makes me furious. And don't even get me started on Trish's mother, who exploited her teenage daughter for her own gain, even if it meant letting a sleazebag sexually abuse her. She needs to stay the hell away from her.

I can't believe it's been almost 2.5 years since season 1. Just to put it in perspective, i was in my 2nd year of high school when this show first premiered, and now I'm at university. Time really does fly.

Krysten Ritter was born to play Jessica. Sometimes it feels like the MCU actors are grown on a farm of some kind and genetically engineered to play their characters. She channels all the anger, all the hurt, all the brokenness (I thought there was no way it was a real word, but it is! I love the English language) perfectly. Without her talent and charisma, this show would never work. She deserves all the awards for her performance.

So this season we're going to explore Jessica's past. Hey, I'm hyped. It's going to be interesting to see her get to the roots of her trauma. I can smell the angst from here.

(Also, can I just say, Jessica wearing the same pair of jeans every day and alternating between like two identical shirts makes her the most relatable character in all of MCU.)

Jessica and Trish's relationship is my favorite, so seeing them conflict hurts my heart. I hope they'll get past it soon and work together, like they should be.

Cheng is a fucking asshole. I hate him already. Sure, Jessica making a punching bag out of him wasn't cool, but honestly, after what he said to her, I can't find it in myself to feel bad for him.

Hogarth is dying, isn't she? I wonder how it will impact her actions this season.

Good season premiere overall. I'm happy to have this show back. I'm looking forward to binging the rest of the episodes!

Great beginning, so excited to see Jessica again! This time, apparently delving a lot more on her origins as well as those of other individuals. Loved the back and forth between Jessica and Cheng and the confrontation scene, quite intense. We also had Hogarth being Hogarth, and also receiving what could only be bad news - guess we'll find out. I really hope Foggy shows up at some point.

For a moment I forgot about The Defenders. It was only towards the end that I thought, "oh, all that happened as well in between seasons." It seems like they're making these shows as standalone as possible while still having plenty of connections - I'm a fan of that, because I can see how you would be a fan of Jessica Jones without necessarily wanting to see everything else (which happened with Punisher too, for the most part).

I find Jessica Jones similar to Logan in that, it's a superhero story that... doesn't really feel like it most of the time. Take this episode, for instance, and you're dealing with the sadness and apathy of someone who "happens to have powers". This is what I loved about season 1, it was more about Killgrave's control and other situations than about powers themselves. Goes a long way in expanding the superhero genre without making it repetitive.

[7.3/10] Well, it’s an ending, you have to give it that. I don’t know what to do with this episode. I really don’t. It’s a big mishmash of ideas and tones that has the occasional gripping or touching moment, but also the same sort of corny bullshit that’s plagued the show since the beginning.

Fitz dies, and it’s heartbreaking, because Iain DeCastecker is an extraordinary actor, and he makes you feel the pain and urgency of the moment. But then, he’s not really dead! Because we have the time loopy-woopy nonsense to bring him back! So presumably (depending on contract status) we’ll get Agents of Shield Season 6: The Search for Fitz.

And hey, I don’t mind character coming back from the dead. That’s just superhero storytelling. What I mind is the manipulativeness of lowering the music, letting DeCastecker give that harrowing performance, and turning the whole thing into a cheesy headfake about Coulson retiring. It’s toying with the audience in a cheap, rather than fun or exciting way, to where you just want to throw your hands up and curse the whole thing.

That’s the overall problem with “The End.” There’s potent stuff here, but it’s all completely undermined by the show shooting itself in the foot.

There’s a very good debate amongst the Shield faithful over whether or not to use the centipede serum to save Coulson or to save the planet. And in the end they do neither, with the “take the third option” nonsense of taking the stuff straight to get super strong and blast Talbot into space. It’s such a cheap ending to that threat. “Hero gets super duper powers” is just never a satisfying finish, because it’s not really motivated by character or conflicting motivations or anything else. It’s just magic powers on top of magic powers.

It’s frustrating because “The End” gets at least some of the emotional content right. There’s some good exchanges between Coulson and Daisy in particular, about how much they mean to one another, about how Coulson’s ready to pass the torch, about their shared history.

But in the end there’s just a bunch of poorly built scenes. The retirement party goes on way too long and is filled with far too many clunky lines. There’s too many dry cool action movie declarations. And the fake out with Fitz means every line has to have a double-meaning, which means the whole thing is awkward as well.

There is, at a minimum, a good moral debate between consequentialists and Kantians (as seems to often be the case in superhero stories for whatever reason) or more specifically, people who want to use the magic juice to save Coulson vs. people who want to use it to kill Talbot. I like that it creates real meaningful conflict within the group, but between Mack’s cornball speech about hope and then the decision to make him director because “he has the biggest heart”, the show lands on a bucketfull of hackery.

Thankfully, the people who come out looking well in this are Yo-Yo and Coulson. Yo-Yo acts with conviction, and Coulson tells her it’s exactly what he would have done. And hell, even May has the gumption to let Coulson decide for himself finally (after, in a typically forceful fashion, letting him know how she feels). Something about the “no, we never kill people, even if the entire world is at stake, and we always save people, even if they don’t want to be saved” bit rubs me the wrong way, but I guess that’s popular entertainment, and I should just live with it.

The ending is nice enough. Coulson getting to go to Tahiti for real is a nice touch, and while the dialogue is again cheesy, him and May being there together is very sweet (shades of Battlestar Galactica). There’s also shades of Buffy Season 5 here, both in the moral choice and the plaque, but hey, I suppose that’s keeping it in the family. And the rest of the team flying off in search of adventure is solid.

In the end, I’m glad this isn’t the end. This show’s rarely been great with endings, so I don’t know why I expected this one to be different. But maybe with thirteen more episodes, and firm knowledge that it’s the final season, Agents of Shield can capitalize on the emotion and good moments it was able to construct here, shed the detritus, and put out something worthy of being the final chapter of this corner of the MCU. See you next summer.

Me, circa a week ago: Okay, I have to prepare myself. This episode is titled "The End", the ratings are low, there's no way we're getting another season. This show's had a good run. I'll always love it, but it's 100% getting canceled.
Agents of SHIELD, crashing through the window and punching me in the face: YOU FOOL. YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON. YOU GODDAMN COWARD.

Whoever in Marvel fought so hard to get us season 6, I am forever in your debt (even though we won't see those guys again until summer 2019, but that's still better than nothing) because WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?

I don't remember the last time I cried during an episode of any show. But what happened with Fitz was so completely unexpected that I froze in shock, and then, when I saw Jemma's smile slowly fade as the realization set in, I broke down in tears. Sure, one could argue that his struggle with the darkness inside of him this season was a bit of a foreshadowing, but I didn't see his death coming at all. I could barely watch the rest of the episode because everything was blurry. I couldn't believe it. FitzSimmons have spent 5 seasons getting ripped apart over and over again, and now that they've finally gotten married, Fitz dies. I had the most horrible, nauseating feeling in my stomach. The only thing I could think about was "They better bring him back or so help me God, I will burn Marvel Television to the ground". When they mentioned the other version of Fitz floating in space, I felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's going to be fine. My babies are going to be fine.

Coulson going to Tahiti is a nice full circle kind of thing for him. I know they'll probably find a way to keep him alive anyway, but I enjoyed that moment.

Daisy and Talbot's fight was so damn good. When she launched herself at him, I felt like I was watching a proper Marvel movie. I'll never understand why this show doesn't get the respect and the recognition it deserves. It's a goddamn gem in every way and every Marvel fan should watch it.

Oh, and I saw some people getting upset about the fact that half of the team didn't vanish at the end there, but personally I think it makes sense not to do that. Season 6 is going to air in the summer of 2019, after the release of the next Avengers movie, in which, let's face it, they're going to use the Time Stone or whatever to bring everyone back. So on the show we'd have half our characters vanish and then next year they'd just be there again as if nothing happened, without explanation. I'm glad they didn't do it.

So, I guess see y'all in a year when season 6 starts! Even though I have no idea how I'm supposed to wait that long!

[6.0/10] I am unbelievably tired of the tropes where some well-meaning person gets superpowers, which just so happen to change their personality and turn them into a megalomaniacal madman. (See: both of the Amazing Spider-Man films).

So I’m annoyed, at best, at how quickly Talbot goes from being a mentally troubled but well-meaning guy, to being a paranoid, hubristic demigod ready to turn on everyone. Sure, you can plausibly chalk that up to the gravitonium, but it’s just not compelling to turn Talbot into what is essentially an entirely different character, a generic one at that, in the span of a single episode. It undoes all the good work that Adrian Pasdar has done this season, by transfiguring his character into the typical powermad prick.

“Too much too fast” could be the motto of this episode. We hastily are introduced to the confederacy in earnest, with Kassius’s dad making his first appearance and a crop of other forehead aliens popping up. Thanos gets name-dropped (which is cool, even if it’s a little uncomfortable to acknowledge how our heroes should be helping The Avengers and vice versa in these sorts of high stakes situations). The Quinjet goes into space. Talbot is being manipulated by Kassius Sr., and it’s implied (in what I have to admit is a solid twist) that Talbot is the destroyer of worlds, not Daisy.

And I barely care, because the cool, conflicted character who’s been developed this season becomes a standard baddie who turns on his friends and kills or saves based on what’s plot convenient. C’est la vie.

We do get the death of General Hale (only after she attempts to play the game and curry favor with Talbot and it, naturally, goes horribly wrong). The show belabors her motivations a little too hard -- her exhaustion after being talked down to for so long and treated like a cog in the machine -- but there is something tragic and complex about her that makes her death at least a smidgeon meaningful.

We also get some interesting personal conflicts. Daisy and Yo-Yo come to blows of lingering bad blood from Ruby’s death and Daisy’s secrecy in stealing her mom’s bones to try to save Coulson. That also leads to a couple of cool one-on-one conversations between Daisy, Simmons, and Fitz, over whether what they’re doing is crossing a line. There’s some legitimate meat on the bone that the show is biting into over consequentialist vs. Kantian ethics that gets a bit lost in the four-color fisticuffs, but is at least raised in interesting ways here.

We also get an abortive confession of love from Deke to Daisy that turns into an equally generic “everyone who gets close to me dies” speech from Daisy. I like that they’re trying to use Lincoln as a fulcrum for Daisy’s motivation here -- that she doesn't want others to die for her and how Coulson means even more to her as a mentor -- but I’m tired of them teasing Daisy/Deke as a ship and wish they would either pull the trigger or put less focus on that element of the show until the time is right.

Overall, not a great episode. The damage done to Talbot’s character is regrettable, and while there’s some interesting philosophical/ethical stuff at play (and a cool fight scene between Daisy and Yo-Yo) most of the episode’s material is set on overdrive in a way that makes it unsatisfying.

[9.0/10] Another action-packed episode filled with plenty of cool stuff happening all around. If there’s one thing I enjoy in a television show, it’s people having meaningful disagreements that are not just arbitrary spats, but real, significant fissures based on principles and conflicting views. The way the push and pull between the whole team comes out here: over differing views on whether it was moral to kill Ruby, over turning the other cheek vs. saving the world, over following Daisy’s orders or following your gut, make the inflection point between the Shield team significant and not just transitory.

And I particularly like the conversations between Yo-Yo and Mack and Yo-Yo and May. Again, Mack and Yo-Yo have philosophical differences that drive them apart, and their conversation has the realness of people who care for one another deeply but wonder if they can get over the parts of one another they just don’t understand right now. May also works well as a great foil for Yo-Yo who, as Yo-Yo herself points out, understands what it’s like to have killed a young girl in service of the greater good, and the effect it has not only on you but on how people see you.

To be frank, it’s the kind of nuanced exploration of personal moral choices and the way it sends you and your loved ones in different directions that I don’t normally expect from AoS.

It’s also cool to enter the final “pod” of episode of the season, which apparently involves a legitimate alien invasion (with a nod to Infinity War no less). There’s some great comedy in Patrick Warburton’s character showing up with his 50s era instructional video bent and Coulson and May squabbling over Phil pushing the wrong button on the Lighthouse’s computer interface and potentially locking them all in for fifteen years.

I have to admit, the “marauders” that the Big Bad sends are pretty goofy, between their Mortal Kombat reject looking costumes to their silly orangutan-style movements, but the action scenes in this episode are actually really well done. The show plays with elements like lighting and the camera speed to create a great deal of tension before the marauders actually attack, and uses different perspectives and shots to make things feel scary or chaotic or even simultaneously triumphant and foreboding in the case of Talbot’s entrance and efforts to save the day.

I have to again tip my hat to Adrian Pasdar, who does a wonderful job of selling both Talbot’s sense of having lost his marbles while being desperate to make amends. The show gives him a hell of an entrance (and exit) in his gravitonium-infused form, with his crushing of the marauders being bloodless but gruesome, and his cocksure statement that he told Coulson he could fix things being both encouraging and concerning. It’s one of the show’s most firework-heavy but cinematic sequences, and it works like gangbusters.

That just leaves the bits at the margins. I appreciate the idea of Deke seeming leery of Fitz and Simmons leaving one another’s side, but the show gets a little too heavy-handed in the whole “if you break the time loop, I might not exist anymore!” thing. I also like Daisy getting out and running down the Cybertech leads from back in Season 1 to try to fix Coulson, though I admit, it requires a fair amount of wracking my brains from hit-and-miss moments in seasons past.

Overall, a fun outing that brings meaningful fractures in the relationships between the show’s main characters and delivers some of the best staged and shot action scenes in the whole show.

Shit. That ending took me completely by surprise. I can't believe Yo-Yo did what she did. Okay, Ruby was a total psychopath with a knack for violence, but in her final moments, she really was just a scared kid who was in way over her head. In some way, I felt bad for her. She had no chance from the beginning, spent her whole life getting indoctrinated by HYDRA and being pushed beyond her limits. If she wasn't crazy before, fusing with Gravitonium definitely would've driven her insane. I get that Yo-Yo truly thought she was saving the world and there was no other choice, but I have a feeling that she's only made things worse.

I was 100% convinced that Talbot would really shoot himself. Smart move on Coulson's part to use HYDRA's programming to stop him.

Deke's crush on Daisy is annoying, but the lemon thing made me laugh. We should totally start confessing our feelings like this.

I'm seeing Infinity War in 3 days. I can't tell you how terrified I am. It's going to be a total game changer for the entire MCU, and I'm sure that it will impact the show in some way. And I'm even more scared because this episode had the lowest ratings in the show's history, plus the show has already crossed the 100-episode mark, so Marvel might decide to end it here. I want to cry just thinking about it. All I want is one more season, even a shorter one. I want a proper ending and closure. We deserve that.

[8.2/10] Holy crap, that was pretty intense for an episode of Shield. I know the show stepped up a notch in terms of having mature themes and the like with the move to Fridays, but I tend to think of crushed skulls and slit throats as the realm of Twin Peaks and Dexter much more than my live action but cartoony little superhero show.

But AoS went whole hog this time out. In one corner, you had FitzSimmons being tortured by Ruby in order to make the particle infusion chamber or whatever. Then you had Ruby going through mental and physical torture while being infused with the gravitonium (which, apparently didn’t give her super acting abilities since her squawks were pretty unconvincing). Then you had her crushing the head of Strucker Jr. by accident, which was a pretty shocking image in and of itself. And then you had Yo-Yo bursting in and taking her out when Daisy and Hale were trying to talk her down.

That’s a lot. I appreciate the tragedy of Ruby being raised for this but not prepared to handle it, while Hale has to watch her suffer, and Daisy knowing the struggle of what it’s like to have powers that you feel you can’t control while needing someone who won’t give up on you. I also like Yo-Yo having been traumatized by seeing her future self and thinking she’s saved the planet by killing “the destroyer of worlds.” Everyone’s motivation is set up well in the scene.

Then on the other side of the episode, you have Talbot having gone full Manchurian Candidate and taking Robin hostage. That’s its own kind of intensity, and the stand-off between Talbot and Coulson is well done. Particular kudos are owed to Adrian Pasdar, who totally nails being out of sorts and unsure of himself and feeling out of control. While a bit predictable, the scene where Talbot turns the gun on himself is harrowing because you feel for this man who wants to do right but isn’t in charge of his own mind anymore. Pasdar sells the hell out of that, and while an easy out, Coulslon using the “you will comply” stuff to help Pasdar and then using the good ol’ icer is a nice way to resolve the situation.

Last but not least, you have a couple of pretty cute scenes between Coulson, Mack, and Deke, where each reveals that they’re hardly experts on relationships, while Deke tries amusingly outdated (er...future-dated) methods to woo Daisy.

Overall, a strong episode that pulls the trigger on some big time stuff the show’s set up in this arc, and doesn't shy away from serious themes and intense images in the process.

[7.1/10] Another perfectly okay episode. Lots of disjointed or overdramatic monologues in this one, and more cheesy action movie one-liners, but we’re moving things along.

The highlight of the episode by far was May taking Coulson to task while, at the same time, telling him that she loves him. It’s the exact way May would make that sort of profession of love -- angrily and kind of grumpily, while calling someone an idiot, and I dig it! The show definitely goes a bit over the top with it, but I’m on board with what they’re shooting for, which makes me cut it some slack.

There’s also the continuing story of Fitz, Simmons, and Yo-Yo trying to find and destroy the particle infusion chamber or whatever the Hydra macguffin is called. It’s perfectly fine. Fitz and Simmons are cute together, naturally, and Yo-Yo being limited in her super powers thanks to the mecha arms is an interesting enough hitch in her giddyup. I’m still exhausted by the Russian dude, but whatever.

I still like Coulson and Talbot as a pair, as Talbot in particular has been a real highlight. Daisy rescuing them and then having to deal with Talbot’s PTSD and guilt is a good place to go. That said, I’m a little tired of Whitehall’s mind control program continually coming back, but it’s a perfectly serviceable tease.

I’m a little tired of them teasing the slap-slap-kiss chemistry between Daisy and Deke, and wish they would just pull the trigger already, but I guess that’s Hydra’s job since Deke gets shot in this one and has to be operated on by Mack and Piper. It’s a little contrived how they end up in that position, and it results in a pretty weak scene where they have a chat about What They’re Feeling right before a medical emergency pops up in the middle of the operation, but whatever. Again, it’s passable, and leads to an amusing scene of Deke admitting his affections for Daisy when he’s all doped up.

That just leaves the continuing adventures of Ruby, who’s rebelling against her mom after a losing tilt against Daisy. The fight scenes are good in this one (both Daisy/Ruby and Yo-Yo/Ivanov), but Ruby’s big fake crying routine goes over like a lead balloon, and the betrayal and headstrong beginnings of her own plan don’t have the punch they’re supposed to. Still, the thematic stuff is good, which keeps you along for the ride.

Again, this is an episode that’s thoroughly fine. Sometimes a little weak, sometimes a little cool, but mostly squarely in the realm of “acceptable but not overwhelming.”

The closer we get to the season finale, the more stressed I become. Partly because we still haven't heard anything about a renewal (although I'm holding on to my possibly naive belief that they would've given us a heads-up by now if they were going to end the show this year). There is so much going on and we only have 5 episodes left to resolve it all. I'm not ready.

I've been waiting for Daisy and Little Miss Murder to finally meet. It was a good fight. I have to say, I'm really enjoying Dove Cameron. She's doing a fine job with this character. Ruby is genuinely terrifying, and you're never quite sure what she's going to do next, which makes her a very compelling antagonist.

This is a sci-fi show, and I generally have no problem suspending my disbelief for just about anything they come up with. Inhumans? Gravitonium? Rocks that transport you to another planet or to the future? LMDs? A fear dimension? Sure, why not, seems legit. But Mack and Piper operating on Deke without immediately killing him? Nope, that's where I draw the line. Piper reading what looked like a S.H.I.E.L.D. equivalent of WebMD during the surgery was pretty hilarious though.

Deke is in love with Daisy (but who isn't?), which I knew was going to happen. He's a good-looking young guy, that's the only criterium you need to meet on this show to become Daisy's love interest. At least the way he confessed it while being heavily sedated was funny.

May said she loved Coulson! I mean, we been knew, but I didn't expect her to say it out loud. Phil looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"- I'm sorry you never got the honeymoon you dreamed of.
- Nonsense. I'm protecting England from evil robots with the man I love."

Yeah, if I ever stop freaking out about FitzSimmons, just assume I'm dead. I'm surprised it took them so long to establish the "not leaving each other's side" rule. They've been ripped apart so many times that they should just handcuff themselves together. They're in so much trouble now with Ruby. I hope the rest of the team gets there fast and rescues them from her clutches. Daisy is not going to be happy about Jemma and Elena's stunt. But in their defense, at least it wasn't fruitless? They did find the machine that Hale wants.

Of course Talbot was brainwashed by HYDRA. Of course. I guess the Lighthouse will be compromised soon. Where is the team supposed to go? It's not like they have a lot of options at this point.

[5.4/10] Man, after a nice run of well-done episodes, you forget how downright stupid Agents of Shield can be sometimes. Let’s be real -- this is a world with magic powers and science so advanced that it may as well be magic. But still, it strains credulity that a computer (even a super-computer) could discern the topography of a real life location based on a child’s drawing (even a psychic child). It strains credulity that Absorbing Man can just jam himself into a crushed robot and turn into a perfectly-calibrated defibrillator.

Are these things the most ludicrous events to ever happen in comic bookland, or even this show? Probably not, but they’re dumb enough that I laughed out loud when they happened, and they don’t have the patina of vague plausibility to let them pass the smell test.

But the stories being told are more important anyway. I like the idea of Carl Creel having second thoughts after coming into contact with Gravitonium and having the scientist from Season 1 stuck in his head. And hey, the reveal that long lost Ian Quinn was caught in that substance too (along with a cameo from the now Oscar-nominated Raina), is a fun continuity twist.

Still, the actor isn’t great, and while it’s still a hoot to see Coulson and a lightly unhinged Talbot doing the vaguely buddy cop routine, their attempt at escape was pretty meh at the end of the day.

I was also nonplussed by Yo-Yo and Simmons’s scheme to free Fitz from under Mack’s lock and key. For one thing, it’s such a dick move to Mack which feels out of character for the two of them, even if Yo-Yo apologizes for them. Second, it seems really out of character for a scientist like Simmons to (a.) believe she’s invincible because the time shenanigans suggest she lives and (b.) to test it by risking de facto suicide. Her drinking the three glasses feels like a contrived setup to inject dumb tension into the episode with little to show for it.

I’m also just kind of over Robin the psychic child. The show basically exhausted her potential in the first pod, and while there’s still some juice in the relationship between her and May given May’s past history with young girls who have special powers, she’s mostly a timesuck in this one.

Last but not least, the show’s being pretty heavy handed about positioning Daisy as a hardass leader, which feels more like an informed attribute than something the show has been good at showing us.

Overall, this was a big step down. The major setpieces and plot-movers in this one were dumb as hell, and despite the fact that I am a sucker for continuity, the show continues to get a little lost in tying and retying its own history together. Hopefully the next episode is a step back up.

[9.0/10] Oooh, a villain backstory episode! These can be tedious, filling in obvious details the audience could already surmise with some contrived connection to juice the proceedings, or they can be illuminating, giving the viewer insight into why the antagonist is the way she is, and fit her into the broader history of the show.

Thankfully, “Rise and Shine” is the latter. Through a series of flashbacks, we get good insight into how General Hale became the person who’d challenge Shield in the present. Those flashbacks define her by three traits, that give her a unique motivation relative to a lot of antagonists.

First, she is wary of systems that expect fealty and compliance, and reward people, women especially, by treating them like tools for the greater good or cogs in the machine. We see that in the flashback to her early days in Hydra school, in which she’s at the top of her class, and yet when graduation come, she is reduced to being a uterus to birth the next generation.

And then, 26 years later, she’s once again disgusted by Hydra leadership, which seems poised to deny Ruby a chance to join the upper ranks, despite being literally designed for it, because of “weakness” that General Hale can’t see. That “weakness” turns out to be Ruby being unwilling to just cop to authority and stay stuck in old modes, something that, General Hale recognizes, gives her the chance to be more and do more than her mother did.

That leads to the second trait Hale possesses -- being forward thinking. When a young (well, younger) Daniel Whitehall predicts the existence of the Absorbing Man (Carl Creel), and asks the assembled Hydra-kids what they could use him for, L’il Hale (whose actress does a great job selling the emotional frustration but commitment to duty young Hale experience), suggests materials from space, which Whitehall credits her for. It’s a subtle sign that Hale thinks outside the box, sees possibilities that people stuck in the current mode can’t, and that it’s a trait she passed down to Ruby as well.

Last but not least, the third quality is that after having seen “The Confederacy”, a union of different alien species, she’s no longer concerned with individuals groups or countries or saluting to a particular flag. After seeing how small Earth is in the global confab, she comes to believe that those divisions no longer matter, that what matters is combating this threat, by any means necessary and with whomever becomes necessary.

This all comes together to craft a character with the potential to be AoS’s most compelling villain, and despite some misfires, the show’s had some doozies. Hale’s interactions with young Whitehall, Strucker, and Sitwell give her a sense of place within the larger narrative of the show. And the show finds interesting ways to dramatize both the pressure and roadblocks of institutional sexism and of her gaze toward the future. The tragic, understandable villain has become a bit of a cliché, but Shield roots Hale’s motivations in larger-than-life reflections of real life problems and it makes her instantly more intriguing as a foil than she was in all the prior episodes.

That also translates to the various interrogations of Fitz. At first glance, his scenes seem to have little to do with what comes before in the episode, with prior scenes focusing almost exclusively on General Hale and Ruby.

But there’s a very conscious decision to juxtapose Fitz with May, Daisy, and eventually Simmons. The Daisy story, and the people prodding Fitz about it, is a mirror image of Hale’s, where another young woman has her will overridden because of what her body can do for science, not because of who she is or her wants or will. There’s room to argue about whether, on a moral scale, those sorts of decisions could or should be made in order to save the world, but it’s conspicuous how Fitz’s choice to remove Daisy’s inhibitor slots in with Hydra’s choice to treat Hale and Ruby like tools more than like people.

Despite that highfalutin stuff, the episode is also just lots of fun. I realized, about a third of the way through the episode, that I would totally watch a “Hydra Academy” show starring young Hale making her way through bad guy training. There’s a Kingsman vibe to the proceedings (and not just because of the implied “shoot your dog” ending). The young actors do well in the setting. And getting to see how the other half lives is intriguing. If the rumors are true and AoS is on the chopping block, Disney should consider ordering Hydra Junior as a successor series.

It’s also a treat to get General Talbot back. I am a sucker for characters with unique verbiage, and hearing Talbot call his Hydra enemies “squidbillies” or wax rhapsodic about walking on two legs rather than eight gave me some good chuckles. There’s also a lightly disturbing story about him being traumatized by what happened with the LMDs and then effectively abducted by Hale. Oddly, what’s most tragic about it is how certain he is that Coulson and Shield will save him, which makes his disheveled state when Coulson finally does come into contact with him all the more sad.

Still, it’s not all heavy. Seeing Coulson so savvy to all of Hale’s tricks and keep his head is a good look for the character. So often we see Coulson trying to give big dramatic or inspiring speeches to his troops. It’s refreshing to just see him be the thorn in Hale’s side who’s wise to her game. The rule of three bit with him totally sniffing out the routine with Ruby in the break room is a hoot (especially the Cap’n Crunch gags), and I love how blasé Coulson is about going back into space and how questioning he still is about Hale’s willingness to play ball with the aliens.

But by the end of the episode, you understand why Hale would. She’s trying to build something entirely new, something that discards the institutional failings of both Hydra and Shield, that isn’t concerned with internal divisions that fade away when the fate of the Earth is on the line against alien invasion, that gives her the chance to be, in a way, the type of astronaut she always dreamed of being, but was denied because Hydra made her another specialized piece of equipment rather than recognized her as a person.

I still want to see Hale defeated and our heroes emerge victorious, but now I understand much better why Hale does what she does. That sort of understanding and clear character motivation is what breeds great storytelling, when principled individuals find themselves in conflict not because of cartoonish hatred or megalomania, but because the world has turned them into different people who want different things, to where the center cannot hold. Suffice it to say, Coulson vs. Hale just got a lot more interesting.

You better believe that I spent the last 15 minutes of this episode screaming internally. You know that meme with a cartoon dog sitting inside a burning room, saying "This is fine"? That's me right now.

I'm just... speechless. I don't know how to process everything that's happened. I can't even name all the emotions that I'm experiencing at the moment. A part of me wants to cry, another wants to laugh, but not in a good way - more in the awkward, panicked way, like when something bad happens and you react in the most inappropriate manner imaginable.

Let's start with the most obvious thing, the one that I've talked about quite a few times in the past: Iain de Caestecker and Elizabeth Henstridge's acting. Those two are like goddamn magical unicorns blessed with so much talent. Separately, they're utterly magnificent and deserve all the awards (which they'll never get because there is no justice in this world). But when you put them together, it's honestly one of the most powerful things I've ever seen. It's a nuclear reaction, a supernova, galaxies crashing together. It takes my breath away. Remember when FitzSimmons were supposed to be the comic relief in season 1? That definitely didn't go according to plan. Those two are the beating heart and the soul of this show. I'm not exaggerating when I say that one of the main reasons why I want Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. to go on forever is because I can't get enough of the magic that Elizabeth and Iain create whenever they're on screen together. When I watch them, I understand what it means that something is greater than the sum of its parts. The showrunners truly hit the jackpot of the millenium with those two. They elevate the quality of the show with their brilliance. In their hands, even the weakest of scenes and the corniest of dialogues turn into something special, and great moments become mindblowingly epic.

Fitz and The Doctor's interactions left me with my jaw on the floor. Especially that tiny moment when The Doctor mocked Fitz's stuttering (by the way, that's some excellent continuity right there, Fitz's aphasia coming back and getting worse when he's very stressed or upset). It made the big reveal all the more shocking and heartbreaking for me. I didn't see that coming at all, and I swear my soul left my body for a second when I realized what was going on. I'm almost in physical pain just thinking about it. I have no idea how Fitz is going to come back from this. I have no idea how he can ever patch things up with Daisy. I can't believe the writers did this to me. Can I sue them for causing me emotional distress?

Jemma finding out that Deke is her and Fitz's grandson was so lovely and touching. I always cry when Elizabeth cries, so naturally, I turned into a sobbing mess. And of course she threw up at the end there, and we know that in TV world women only ever puke for one of two reasons:

1. They've had too much too drink (alternatively, they took drugs - I'm looking at you, Jessica Jones).

2. They're pregnant.

Since Jemma wasn't knocking back shots or snorting cocaine in this episode, I think it's safe to say that there's a lil' British science bun in the oven. Normally, I'd be fucking ecstatic about this, but I think this episode has killed my ability to feel happiness, at least for the time being.

I guess some other stuff happened in the episode, the Russian dude from last season is back, Hale is working with the Kree or something, Hydra's back (could we perhaps stop beating that dead horse already?), but to be honest, I currently don't have the emotional capacity to give a fuck about any of it. I need to lie down on the floor, curl up into a ball and stay there for a while.

See y'all next week for more suffering!

[7.5/10] 100 episodes is a big deal. It’s not just hitting the magic number for syndication, it’s a sign that whatever your shows faults or missteps, somebody out there likes you enough to take you to a round number. Lord knows that Agents of Shield had plenty of bumps along the road, but it reached this milestone and deserves to be celebrated for it.

But the 100-episode mark is also a time to reflect, something AoS seems inclined to do in “The Real Deal.” It’s an episode of revelations, of heartfelt conversations, of blasts from the pasts, of long-awaited moments generally expected to be far off in the future. Despite a few connections to the ongoing plot, it immediately marks itself as an “event” episode, meant as much to be a chance for the show to catch its breath, focus on character, and tell a more individual story, than continue the somewhat breathless pace the show has maintained for seasons now.

The big reveal comes early, as Coulson finally tells his teammates that he’s dying. It’s a canny move -- one that frustrates me because it means Coulson can’t be a factor in the movie side of the MCU once coordinating between movies and TV shows ceases to be an issue -- but one that makes sense as a way of resetting things to the status quo as they were when the story began.

It was always a little awkward bringing Coulson back from the dead after his death was such a meaningful part of The Avengers (a fact which the episode toys with a little later), and so returning him back to that state, with enough forewarning to let him make peace with his death this time, is a strong move for Agents of Shield to go out with.

That’s the broader theme of this semi-navel-gazing episode. Coulson knows the end is nigh, is satisfied with his having the opportunity to make a difference in some people’s lives (and help save the world a few times), and so is at least a little zen about having had this time and letting go of it now without complaint.

It leads to a couple of overwritten and overwrought moments between him and Daisy and him and May respectively, that are nonetheless sweet and at least a little touching. Coulson tells Daisy how he sees her as the future of Shield, and of this idea he’s tried to keep afloat despite many, many challenges. Daisy tells Coulson how he essentially made her, brought her out of nothing and gave her a purpose, to where she’s worried she’ll be lost without him. It’s a heartfelt conversation, where the emotions don’t land with the force they might, but the show’s heart is in the right place, vindicating one of its foundational relationships.

The exchange between Coulson and May fares a little better on that front. Their relationship is a little drier, if no less warm, and that makes their old spies’ understanding of the situation mute some of the over-the-top qualities of the violin swells that seem to be screaming at the audience to feel something. May is understanding but resistant in the way you’d expect; Coulson talks about his illness as the reason the two of them took a step back, and on the whole, the scene cuts the image of two old friends coming to terms with bad news but being okay, which again, vindicates who these two characters are and have been.

But this is a special episode, so it can’t all be heartfelt expressions of fondness in the face of tragedy. It also has to be some badass action and references to the history of the show. The way “The Real Deal” accomplishes this is by adopting the pretty contrived development of the three monoliths in the basement having combined to form a portal to something Fitz calls a “fear dimension.” I’ve heard of lamer excuses in comic book stories, I suppose.

It means we get to see our heroes taking on Lash, Hive, Life Model Decoys of their friends, crazy bugs, Kree warriors and other sorts of past baddies for some mixup/mashup fun. It’s particularly cool seeing a returning Deathlok/Mike Peterson doing some parkour battling (under the watchful eye of the show’s best director), to defeat and dust these various monsters.

That paves the way for a long-awaited wedding between Fitz and Simmons that is enjoyable enough, but feels crammed in here because it’s Episode 100 than because it’s an organic part of the story. The vows are a little generic, and the wedding is a bit of a cliché, but the moment is nice enough, if a bit paltry for how fraught the road to the end of the aisle as is. Of course, this being Shield, there’s a crazy twist, where Deke (who has slowly but surely become Daisy’s best love interest ever with a sarcastic but fun demeanor) turns out to be FitzSimmons’s offspring (presumably grandson, given the timing?). Dun dun duuuuun!

But that celebration feels like the icing on the cake for the episode. The core of it centers on a conversation between Coulson and an image of Mike Peterson (J. August Richards, owning it as usual), a character introduced in the show’s first episode, now telling Coulson that all of his adventures since that episode are part of a dying dream, that he’s still in surgery on the operating table, and needs to let go.

That idea is ridiculous for a number of reasons. For one thing, while the connections between AoS and the broader cinematic universe have been scant, there’s been enough stuff like the group running into the detritus of Thor’s romp through London, or, you know, Hydra taking over Shield, that it would have to be a massive coincidence for the events of the show to all be in Coulson’s head. (Unless, I suppose, the entire MCU post-Avengers was meant to be in Coulson’s head?) It doesn't really pass the smell test.

But it’s clearly meant as more an emotional point than a genuine plot point, which weakens the force of a little, but gives us time to reflect on Coulson as a character, a benefit of a big episode like this one. It’s a thin excuse, but it’s nice to see Coulson thinking about the ways he’s made a difference, gotten to mentor brilliant people, found the daughter he never had, and saved the world. It’s a roundabout way of saying that Coulson’s ideal life is the one he’s lived for the past five years, and while the setup is weak, the intention is strong.

It’s also derivative. The whole fear illusion thing was a noteworthy early episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And one of that show’s most noteworthy standalone episodes, “Normal Again”, plays on a similar idea of the events of the series being a delusion and coping mechanism for the main character to cope with trauma. There’s nothing wrong with recycling these ideas, especially as they stay in the Whedon family, but AoS doesn't wring as much juice out of them as its spiritual forebear.

Milestone episodes like “The Real Deal” allow us to take stock of a show, to see how far it’s come and how it’s matured. And the fact that it leans on those same ideas as Buffy is unintentionally revealing. AoS tried to marry Buffy-style storytelling with the new Marvel machine, and the results come off feeling more second-hand and less effective than either. It’s not quite as epic or big time as the Marvel movies, nor as personal and innovative as Buffy was.

And yet it’s a show that’s still constantly reaching. That has established its own major relationships that are enough to keep us invested, its own style and surprises to keep the audience interested and guessing, and its own sense of weightless fun and comic book-y weirdness to make it entertaining even when those attempts at depth feel more contrived than well-founded.

After 100 episodes, we know what Agents of Shield is -- a show that never quite met its expectations as the TV landing spot for the film series that blew the top off the box office, but also a show that is its own, worthwhile set of adventures, a curio that gets wilder and occasionally weirder than its big screen counterpart, and has forged it own identity over the course of five seasons.

AoS is never going to be my favorite show, but it’s earned this achievement, and “The Real Deal” is a fitting celebration of what the series is and how it got here.

HAPPY 100TH EPISODE, EVERYONE!

I just want to say this: I'm so happy, so proud and so, so grateful. I've been in love with this show since I first started watching it 3.5 years ago. The fact that we're here today celebrating this wonderful milestone is a privilege, one that I wasn't sure we'd get this time last year. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has defied the odds time and time again. There has been so much working against it: backlash from hardcore Marvel fans way back when it started; ratings getting lower year after year; ABC itself not giving a shit about it, dumping it first in their worst slot at 10 PM on Tuesdays, and then moving it to Fridays, where most shows go to die; finally, having a completely undeserved reputation of the bastard child of the MCU. Despite all of that, it's still going strong, reaching new creative heights with every season, giving us awesome content, and keeping us on the edge of our seats. Maybe it never quite became the smash hit that Marvel surely expected it to be, but all of us who have stuck with it through thick and thin know just how special it is. "We have a small but active fanbase", indeed.

This episode was beautiful. I don't even know where to start. I think I'll just make a list of everything that stood out to me, it'll help me organize my thoughts a little:

1. Daisy and Coulson's relationship is absolutely incredible. I started crying as soon as Daisy teared up and I didn't really stop until the end of the episode. Chloe Bennet broke my heart. She's come such a long way since the pilot and grown so much as an actress.

2. Fake Deathlok trying to convince Phil that it's all in his head gave me major anxiety, mostly because for one horrifying second I imagined them ending the show like this. Just "psych! It was a fantasy all along!". They wouldn't do that, right? RIGHT???

3. Real Deathlok showed up! Yet another old character to have come back this season!

4. I saw a theory circulating around Tumblr that Deke is a descendant of FitzSimmons. I was sceptical. But guess what, it's true! Which means there are some cute, genius FitzSimmons babies coming! It does raise some questions, though. They'll have to send Deke back to the future eventually, right? Will he even exist if the team saves the world, or will he get erased? As usual with the time traveling stuff, my head hurts.

5. Goddamn. FitzSimmons. Wedding. This was where I went from low-key crying to just straight-up bawling. They couldn't have chosen anything better to celebrate the 100th episode with. It was perfect. The setting, Coulson marrying them, their vows... Jemma looked stunning, Fitz looked so handsome (shame about that kilt though, I think they should've gone for it), Elizabeth and Iain's acting was out of this world, as usual. I'm so happy for those two nerds.

What an emotional rollercoaster. I need to lie down for a bit. Huge, huge congratulations to everyone involved in the show, the whole cast and crew. I hope they know that they've created something extraordinary. And I hope that cake they had in celebration of the 100th episode was delicious.

[8.1/10] Great start to this little “pod” of episodes. I was getting tired of the space station anyway, so having our heroes back on Earth and immersed in the latest threat is pleasant, even if I imagine we haven’t heard the last of the problems predicted up there.

For one thing, this was another very funny episode. Between the self-referential humor (everyone in the quinjet remarking upon their various past insane adventures), to the meta jokes (Daisy saying that their group has a “small but devoted fanbase”), to just the general quips, there were a lot of laughs and a lot of fun in this one.

That definitely extended to the business with Deke. The sequence where he finds himself in the (at least semi-) present day and indulges in zima (another funny choice), junk food, and television, not to mention literal tree-hugging, before landing himself in jail was outstanding. It made you feel the exultant feel of him finally getting to do all this stuff, while also finding the comedy in his naivete and ecstasy over it.

And I’ve come around on the obvious romantic chemistry the show is trying to spin between him and Daisy. The pair’s love-hate relationship is working well, and Daisy showing up to spring him and having to B.S. her way through pretending to be his social worker walked the line between tension and comedy. On top of that, Noah, the latest chronomicon or whatever, is a character I warmed to quickly, since he’s stoic like Enoch but a little prissier in a way that got some laughs.

But this episode isn’t all chuckles. The group going on a big mission to stop a Kree beacon and running into the government, and a halfway-turncoat Piper was a good main story for the episode. It gave the show the chance to do a couple of tense action-y moments, and a few heart-to-hearts along the way.

Coulson and May’s heart-to-heart laid it on a little thick about how Coulson’s hiding his illness (presumably from the whole Ghostrider thing), but had some nice, but brief moments, and the same goes for his interactions with Daisy. The real winner here was the conversation between Yo-Yo and Mack, where their outstanding chemistry and mutual sweetness continues, alongside the foreboding of Yo-Yo wondering if what her double told her about the future is true.

That’s where things get intense with her arms being cut off. As I’ve said before, there’s some weird tonal stuff in this one, where you get a lot of chuckles and then it’s followed-up with a double amputation. But Shield has done well to make Yo-Yo’s concern feel meaningful, and the way the arm-loss brings her closer to being the disturbed, broken woman she met in the future adds stakes to doing whatever’s necessary, whether via Coulson or Daisy, to stop that future from coming.

We’re also introduced to Talbot’s replacement, a by-the-books general who’ll keep her own daughter in lock-up and use her as a weapon, and that daughter, who’s a bit of a cut-rate Lily Kane, but who has an interesting story. The pair have a dynamic that is both unique and familiar, and while it’s mostly introductions and teases this week, the show has my attention.

Overall, a very nice way to get started on this new mini-arc.

The show is back on our screens and our heroes are back on Earth! That scene where the team stopped for a second to just enjoy the sun and the fresh air was so beautiful to me. They spent so much time trapped inside a crowded, grim space, so getting to go outside (and more importantly, actually having an outside to go to) must have felt so good. It left the biggest smile on my face.

Deke is alive! It caught me by surprise. His reactions to everything around him were so precious and hilarious. If I were in his shoes, I think I'd hug trees too.

Daisy Johnson in a suit is a sight that I was not prepared for and I pretty much flatlined as soon as I saw her. Damn, girl. How is it even possible for one person to be so attractive? Like, we get it. Tone it down, please. It's bad for my heart.

Piper, you traitorous bastard. You should know better than to trust the military. Did she really expect them to treat Coulson's team fairly? Come on. They want Coulson's head on a stick. They won't be satisfied with anything less.

YoYo getting her arms cut off was traumatic. I did not expect it to happen, I thought Kasius was the one who did that. What a plot twist. I hope Fitz designs some sick prosthetics for her like he did with Coulson.

Ruby seemed so out of place at the beginning of the episode, I couldn't imagine how a moody teen was supposed to fit into the storyline. Now that I know, I'm emotionally scarred for life. Thanks, I hate it. General Hale is just a fucking delight, isn't she? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss Talbot. At least he didn't keep his kid locked up in a cell.

Carl Creel? They're really bringing back a lot of old storylines, aren't they? We've already had Gravitonium and T.A.H.I.T.I. this season, and now this. And we also got the team recounting all the horrible things that happened to them, including Simmons jumping out of the Bus in "FZZT" to save the team, FitzSimmons getting dropped to the bottom of the ocean by Ward at the end of season 1, and May being forced to dance in that sparkly, silver dress in season 2 (that made me snicker).

Did anyone else caught Noah saying something about an Asgardian spotted on Earth? That's gotta be Thor when he came looking for Odin at the beginning of Ragnarok, right? I kind of like the fact that they're only making very small references to the movies now, since the movies don't acknowledge this show's existence in any way, why should it be the other way around?

Good episode overall, I'm pumped to see where we're gonna go from here. See you next week!

I hate the fact that we're going on a 4-week break now. We had to wait until goddamn December for this show to return and we still have to deal with a mid-season break? This is bullshit.

I loved this episode. It was so satisfying in so many ways. Kasius getting what he deserved (and holy shit, Jemma using that implant on him left me with my jaw hanging open! It was such a powerful moment!), humans taking control of the Lighthouse, Tess and Flint planning to rebuild the Earth... Season 5A was absolutely incredible and I think they tied up the space arc very nicely.

I legit thought Deke and Daisy were going to kiss (and I already began to roll my eyes at the predictability), but nope! Surprise! I loved how he said all those beautiful and profound things to her and then 5 seconds later they were back to bickering. I think I would've liked to see a little more of their relationship (it could've been such a good brOTP), but alas, Deke made a heroic sacrifice (and bitched about it 'till the very end, which was perfectly in character). I'll actually miss him. And my boy Enoch! I enjoyed him so much. Every word that came out of his mouth was gold. RIP, Plastic Man.

I swear, the writers are about to catch these hands for coming up with the idea of Coulson dying. It came out of nowhere and we saw no indication of it before this episode. I hate it! Leave him alone! The entire premise of the show was built around him coming back from the dead and now they want to try and kill him again? Seriously?

I liked that subtle dig Deke made at gun control. His reaction to firearms in general was hilarious.

Daisy Johnson, you beautiful, brave, selfless soul. Words cannot express how much I love this girl. I would protect her with my life (not that she needs it). I get why she wanted to stay in the future (and I don't even want to think what would've happened if she had - I mean, that future would get immediately erased if she weren't there to quake the world apart in 2018, right?), but I'm so glad Coulson knocked her out. We're not leaving anybody behind!

Yo-Yo being the Seer wasn't really surprising, it was actually one of the first theories that I thought of after last week. But the scenes between the two Elenas were absolutely heartbreaking. And Mack was so broken when he thought she was dead... I got super emotional.

I almost thought for a second that they were trying to set up a FitzSimmons conflict (which we've already been through 5 billion times, the entire season 2 was one giant FitzSimmons angst fest, I wish they would let them be happy), but maybe (hopefully) I was wrong. The shocked and disapproving look Jemma gave Fitz after he beheaded the Kree (which was totally sick and awesome, by the way) was what made me afraid for a hot minute, but then it was Jemma's idea to eject the other Kree into the vacuum of space, and it calmed me down a bit. Also, Fitz calling Jemma his fiancée made me smile. It sounds good coming out of his mouth.

So, that's it, then! Next episode we're back to normal (whatever the hell that means on this show) and the fight to save the world from destruction (and a Kree invasion, if I understood Kasius correctly) begins. I'm very excited! See you all in 4 weeks!

I have no idea how Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. does it. Every single season has been better than the one before it. Never have I seen a show that would rise to new heights in terms of quality year after year like this one. I didn't even think it was possible. It's such a shame that so many people stopped watching it back in season 1 (which I never really understood, by the way; sure, season 1 wasn't as epic as all the later ones, but it was still very good and entertaining - I guess the fans' expectations were impossibly high). It deserves a lot more recognition. It's the best superhero show on TV right now.

I think I'm getting a hang of the whole time travel thing. If I understand correctly, the team is stuck in a loop where they travel to the future, get back to 2017/2018, the world still somehow gets destroyed, they spend the rest of their lives building the time machine so that their past selves can travel to the future, etc. It still makes my brain hurt (and I still don't understand how Enoch and Robin got involved), but it's slightly less confusing now than it was a few weeks ago.

Mama May gives me all the feels. It's a little funny that she can't imagine herself as a mother when she's been basically fulfilling that role for the Bus Kids for the last 4 years. Always there to give pep talks and protect them. Especially to Daisy.

FitzSimmons doing their psychic link thing, finishing each other's sentences and fist bumping is the kind of shit I live for. No joke, I rewinded that moment like 12 times. I love them so much that I want to cry just thinking about it.

Enoch is hilarious. He's made of... plastic? And he has no stomach? Well, damn, now I really want to see what he looks like out of his human suit.

Kasius basically checked off every single bad guy trope in this episode, which made me roll my eyes a bit. Acting like he's a god, monologuing his foes to death... I did like how ferocious Yo-Yo was, though. And Mack's exasperation when Flint kept wanting to fight made me smile.

Tess is back! And she got T.A.H.I.T.I'd! After Gravitonium, this is yet another season 1 storyline that they've brought back. Speaking of Gravitonium, remember that dude that fell into it back in 2013? Whatever happened to him? I can't help but think that he's going to show up at some point.

Sinara is dead. And I was just starting to warm up to her. Her fight with Daisy was pretty epic though. And Deke getting his ass kicked was very satisfying.

Overall, this episode was packed with awesomness, plenty of action, some emotional moments and a bit of humor here and there. I loved it and I can't wait for more.