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Snow Steam Iron

To think, Zack Snyder made a more visually interesting movie with his iPhone than Marvel does with IMAX cameras. This short speaks volumes about the movie-making process.

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Alien: Covenant - Prologue: The Crossing

Why wasn't this in the actual fucking movie? This is better than everything else that was in that trash Ridley Scott wrote.

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Bowling for Columbine

I remember we watched this in Film class about manipulation in documentary. And I think that exercise still holds up. I don't see why audiences defend this cheat, especially given Moore's recent releases like "Michael Moore in Trumpland." He's the living embodiment, yes, the physical definition of bias-ism in film. Every single one of his films are filled to the brim with one-sided arguments and strawman points, and that's why I think his movies are fascinating to examine. No, not for the content itself, but how Moore constructs his movies. I'm amazed people still pass this guy off as some kind of genius. He's a hack artist, but a good one, I'll admit. I could list off point by point examples in his movies, like the lie about healthcare in Canada, but it'd take too long. Just don't bother with his movies for anything other than film analysis.

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Don't Breathe

What a great thriller. It doesn't go that far beyond it's concept, but it still kept me engaged and on the edge of my seat, guessing what was going to happen next.

From the people behind Evil Dead, and the amazing Sam Raimi, is a very effective horror?/thriller burglar movie. The direction from Fede Álvarez is just as great as he always is. Lots of panning long takes and a vivid color scheme, even for a movie that takes place in a dark, moody house. I wasn't necessarily terrified at what I was watching, but plenty of new scenarios kept coming up that interested me the entire runtime. The night-vision scene in the basement is one of the coolest sequences I've seen executed in quite awhile.

There's plenty of little twists and turns here and there, maybe a little predictable at parts, but nonetheless, still a very exciting and worthwhile suspense feature.

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Fed Up

Still a great documentary that shaped my way I view food. In the past year, I've lost 40 pounds thanks to motivation from this eye-opening movie. Whether it be effective for you or not, it's still worthy of checking out. Well put together with plenty of interesting interviews and well documented verifiable research. Some people will argue the whole "Calories-In Calories-Out" debate, but I say, this movie still delivers a hopeful and positive message.

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Oz the Great and Powerful

As someone who absolutely adores both Sam Raimi and the original The Wizard of Oz film from 1939, it's a shame how painfully average and sometimes cringe-inducing this movie is. It's nowhere near a bad movie, but it could've been so much more. James Franco has no distinct or interesting personality, Mila Kunis was a fucking atrocious choice for the wicked witch of the west, and the CGI sidekicks were annoying at best.

Raimi, I love you. I expect much more from you. I love all your other movies, but this one... dang.

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

I can't believe I'm saying this... but this movie is actually not that bad. In fact, it's pretty dang good at parts.

One of the extremely rare cases where the sequel to a shitty film actually improves on every aspect. It's funny, it's got heart, it's got drama, it's got everything. It's probably the best a 'Wimpy Kid' movie is going to get being on the big screen.

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Coraline

Does anyone know what happened to Henry Selick? I've looked all over this site, wikipedia, and IMDB, but I haven't found any results for films past 2009. It says he's working with Pixar on projects, but he's not credited with anything past 2009. Is he under a contract with Disney now? What exactly is he doing? Animating? Then why is he not getting credit? I want to know, because I love this man, and I'm not seeing more of his talent come out.

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Inside Out

I think the beginning and the end are the best parts. Everything in the middle is mediocre and forgettable. It's not a bad kids movie, and it's certainly okay to like it, but I just found all the stuff in the middle really lame. It's just Joy and Sadness trying to get back to the control tower. Sure, there was some cool stuff with Riley and her downfall as a character, but some of it is inconsistent and doesn't make sense according to the logic set up at the beginning of the movie.

It's not bad, but nothing I'd ever rewatch. Typical modern Pixar.

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Tarzan
8

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BlockedParent2020-03-03T03:08:24Z— updated 2021-02-07T08:45:39Z

Without Phil Collins, this movie would lose a lot of it's soul.

♪ "SON OF MAN, A MAN IN TIME YOU'LL BE!" ♪

I love the soundtrack.

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Wreck-It Ralph
6

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BlockedParent2020-03-03T03:17:39Z— updated 2021-02-07T08:44:57Z

In my opinion, Disney's last good animated feature. Ralph just wants to be given praise and admiration like his co-worker, Fix-It Felix. But instead, Ralph is left to sleep in the garbage while Felix gets to live in a tower suite. Ralph eventually decides he's had enough and runs off into another arcade game to earn a medal, hoping that people back home at his own game will treat him with respect because of it. However, things turn south and the end of the arcade could be near if Ralph doesn't get back to his own game in time.

A very sweet and surprisingly deep film for a story about video game characters in an arcade. It's actually brilliant. The writers clearly have a knowledge of how video game machines work and how to speak in game lingo. This allows the movie to reference other games in a more subtle and genuinely clever light. I won't spoil any of them, but it's quite a treat, especially if you're a game fan. Even if you aren't, the film offers a very heartfelt and sometimes sad story about a bad guy who just wants to be good.

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Kong: Skull Island

You could take almost any still from this and put it up on a wall, and it could be considered a work of art. The incredible artistic vision that was brought to life in Skull Island is perfection. Absolute perfection. Each shot is teeming with gorgeous color and detail. One of the best looking films ever produced, and I'm a fan of films going all the way back to the silent era. This is the quintessential summer monster movie, but it's more than a monster movie: it's a visual marvel with a lot of heart and creativity. A masterpiece on every level. The comedy, the characters, the drama, the direction, and action are all outstanding. One of the best films I've ever had the pleasure of watching.

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Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Looking back at seeing this in the theater, this is an unfortunately extremely forgettable and pointless spin-off. Nothing of interest or conflict happens. Newt has to get his creatures back... and that's it. Movie's over.

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Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

"Do you think... God stays in heaven, because he too lives in fear of what he's created?"

A Spy Kids movie should not get this deep.

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Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Finally getting to see this movie again, I forgot how many good things were in this. I was especially surprised at how convincing the child actors were in their roles. I thought Jim Carrey could be annoying at times, but it's actually not a bad adaptation like everyone makes it out to be. Definitely better than Nickelodeon's other movies based on books.

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Super 8

It's fun, but forgettable, and that really sucks. I want to give it a higher rating.

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Come Play
10

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BlockedParent2020-11-30T07:13:38Z— updated 2020-12-05T04:46:28Z

He just wants to be your friend.
Jacob Chase has entered my shortlist for upcoming young horror directors. This was masterful. Roque Baños' score is some of his best work, even above his collaborations with Sam Raimi. While the timely message of our screens becoming a substitute for real life companionship, something that Pulse already tackled back in the day, turning the concept in to a creepypasta style horror film works wonders. The jumpscares are organic and inoffensive, the cinematography and use of the creature in his scenes are devilishly stylish, and little Azhy Robertson acted his ass off. The film handles his autism very tastefully, and I can speak to that since I have one brother who is exactly the same as him. It's a scary idea, that while his attachment and use for his devices are a necessity, they could be doing more damage than good beneath the surface; And that we've become overreliant on technology to solve our problems. I don't get what the backlash behind the film is geared at, but I think those are just looking for something to be upset about. The ending is what got me, nearly made my eyes water.

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BloodRayne

Sex scene is the best part of the film, not a high bar, but there's no point to it. Some decent score and production design, but overall a bore.

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The Flash

Writing out a review is too much for this insult to comics, audiences, and the film industry. Christina Hodson, Geoff Johns, and all the manchildren responsible for this nightmare need to lose their jobs. Easily the worst, most obnoxious film ever released theatrically on this budget. Thank God it's going to lose $300M at the box office. People are rejecting this slop.

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Shelby Oaks

This is going to be the greatest comedy of 2024. They will be showing this in arthouse theaters years from now with Stuckmann making appearances like Greg Sestero does for The Room.

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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

After Terminator: Dark Fate, you all need to give this movie an apology.

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Trick 'r Treat 2

Okay, now that you finished that little Godzilla movie, can you get back to this, please?

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Better Off Dead...

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

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The Disappearance of Alice Creed

I watched this for a screenwriting class; it's not the first thing I would recommend to my students, but there's enough here to appreciate. There's no dialogue for the first, maybe, ten minutes; it's a montage of the two kidnappers very elaborately setting up their apartment room where they will hold their victim ransom. The script has enough twists, turns, and raw performances to keep you interested. Because the movie starts out with the two kidnappers and spends most of the time with them, you end up feeling for them at a couple spots (I won't spoil what the reveals are, they actually will take you by surprise). What enhanced my viewing of this immensely was turning on the Saw soundtrack over most of the movie; you should try it to. Like Saw, the majority of the runtime takes place in one room, or here, one house. It's not the most original script ever, but it kept me engaged to a degree where I didn't want to turn it off, and that's high praise from me.

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Donnie Darko

Was not expecting to like this one as much as I did. I don't think it's a masterpiece or like the greatest movie ever, but that's not to say I was fully intrigued and focused on it from beginning to end. Enough engaging sequences and surprisingly funny scenes brought this psychological ride to the level that I would consider to be great. I don't necessarily get the huge fan-base it's gotten, but I could see it as more of a cult hit. It's a bizarre movie and not one I'll probably revisit soon, but I'm glad I saw it. When Donnie ripped into Jim Cunningham, I was on the verge of laughing my ass off. That scene alone earns this movie at least four stars.

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Scooby-Doo! and the Cyber Chase

A shame not many kids nowadays know about this movie. I fucking loved it as a kid. It's still enjoyable today, as an adult.

What I can never understand is the timeline inconsistencies in these cartoons. The Scooby gang came out in the 60's. They were groovy hip teenagers in the 60's, that's who they were. But now in this movie, here they are in the early 2000's, they're the same age, and they're in the Gameboy and computer age... They jumped forward in time? They don't age?

Same problem with The Simpsons. They came out in the 80's with the NES-like video games, but now in 2017, they're the same age and they're dealing with GPS'... yeah, cartoon characters never age.

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MouseHunt

Not on Blu-ray? The fuck? This is one of the greatest family movies ever made. Gorgeously shot, fantastic soundtrack, funny jokes, wonderful performances, and a silly & fun story. I remember watching this when I was younger and just falling in love with it instantly. I highly recommend you see it. Find a copy and watch it. It's great.

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Beauty and the Beast

You want to know the best thing about this movie?

Emma Watson turned down "La La Land" to do this...

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JFK

Kevin Costner's reciting of, "Back... and to the left... back... and to left... back... and to the left... back... and to the left... back... and to the left," is now like implanted in my brain.

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The Ring

Genuinely spooky film. One of the better adaptations made for an American audience. Ignore the sequels though.

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