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Private Notes
He's snogged someone who used to be a dead child and worked with Gail Porter, but did he punch a cupboard? Richard is back with guest Chris Addison. It's the usual mixture of incompetence, awkwardness and petty jealousy, but luckily there's some funny stuff too! Which film is shitter, Sliding Doors or The Truman Show? Why must we all be grateful for the slaughter of World Wars? How do you make a merkin? Is cupboard cheese more dangerous than cocaine? You'll also find out a novel way to use a pencil. You've really got to see it to believe it!
In a frankly extraordinary, must-listen, funny, poetic and heart-breaking podcast Richard interviews quintessential Englishman (take that EDL) Stephen Fry. Find out what the Spice Girls said to Prince Charles about Prince Albert, the favourite expletive of Lionel Jeffries, why Fabian is the best character in Twelfth Night, why Richard is going to graffiti Fry's grave, which women Steve wants to have sex with, Richard's clunky attempts to audition for QI (will be more of that next week). Richard's clunky attempts to refer to Mr Fry as Steve, whether you have to read The Hobbit to be in The Hobbit, the commercial possibilities of an Ann Widdecombe sex tape, what happened when the Bishop of Bath and Wells went to a prison for young offenders and the insecurity of John Travolta. Some brilliant additional questions by Ben Evans age 12. And properly poignant revelations about mental illness. It is mind-blowing and moving. If you end up killing David Cameron after this podcast then that is not our responsibility.
After last week's headline-grabbing show, Richard feels under pressure to coax revelations from his guest, classicist Mary Beard, but is a bit distracted by transport and atrocity based magazines. Instead he mainly talks about penises in Pompeii, realising that if only he could travel in time that he would be the most popular comedian in that knob-obsessed empire. But all the big historical questions are asked - why is Pan having sex with a goat? What did the people of Herculaneum use to wipe their bums? Where did Ancient Romans sleep? What were Julius Caesar's real last words? Is having sex with a statue the worst thing you can do? Mary also talks about Anus Arsehole Gill and how she fought back against the trolls, what words you can't say on Women's Hour and meeting the Queen with Bruce Forsyth. Back to normal then!
Richard continues with his mission to get to be a guest on QI with top TV producer John Lloyd, though Lloyd seems intent on demonstrating why Herring is too thick to get on the programme with increasingly difficult questions about how many chemicals there are in a carrot, how to define art and if God wears sandals. Or something. It gets brain-hurtingly deep and philosophical as both men attempt to discover the meaning of life. Plus there's some great behind the scenes stories from Not The Nine O'Clock News and Blackadder Goes Forth, Doctor Snuggles and the world of advertising. Does everything happen for a reason? Why does Richard Dawkins waste his time retweeting praise? Where else could you hear a quite clever man being bamboozled by a very clever man, before asking him if he'd prefer a ham hand or a suncream armpit? Nowhere.
In a theatre that one suspects is stuffed to the rafters with journalists hoping to steal a scoop, Rich is left wondering, what do you ask the man who has already admitted everything? Obviously you mainly ask him about ham hands. But that can only fill 40 or so minutes, so as well as that they discuss the author of Catweazle, how many hours of childhood they jointly wasted playing one-player Subbuteo, why on earth Russell wanted to appear in a remake of Arthur, how to be good at sex (though you'll have to study the video version to find out), what's beyond the boundaries of comedy, if throwing rat gizzards into an audience is comedic lunacy or genius, Jimmy Savile, wanking off a man in a toilet, plus an attempt to get an exclusive about Katy Perry's wee. The audience show their ignorance of how to make bronze and Richard Carpenter (not that one). The Welsh children question writers continue to demonstrate that their Stephen Fry triumph was a flash in the pan. There's jokes and philosophy from this complex, brilliant, ridiculous, fragile, eloquent, beautiful man. Also Russell Brand is in it (I am funny).
At last it's the podcast that addresses the burning issue of modern Britain - which is the best Somerset based show cave complex? Cheddar Gorge (obviously) or rubbishy old Wookey Hole. It'd be a shame to have Britain's most exciting film director on the show without wasting most of the time talking about this and the obscure and sexist Roald Dahl short story - Switch Bitch. And Richard hates to disappoint. Luckily he occasionally manages to blunder into discussing Wright's canon of work, from A Fistful of Fingers through Asylum, some ideas for a new series of Spaced, right up to the amazing new film The World's End. But there's still time to talk about what it's like to be taught by both parents, desecrating the graves of your former employers and Rich's ideas to reboot Goodnight Sweetheart and We Will Rock You before Edgar has to dash off to finish off his new film. But is there time to add a shrek?
It's time for a bit of politics, but that's no reason not to discuss huge, ageing wrinkly ballbags, because tonight's guest is that rarest of things (if you're a journalist or a TV commissioner) a political comedian. It's the delightfully subversive Mark Thomas. There are tales of working for the legendary Dave Allen, getting in the Guinness Book of Records, being spied on, heckling anti-abortionists, the funny side of funerals, opera-loving builders, gigging in a cattle market, trying to get trolls for all London bridges, how the police force deal with the spirit of Winston Churchill and bringing Ireland to the Apple store. You'll also find out what prompted Mark to stop working for Channel 4 and how he lost his religion. And more proof that bronze is better than silver and gold.
It's the clash of the vaguely gold coloured Sony Award winners, but who will come off as comedy king (or queen). The shamefully uncompetitive and relentlessly cheerful Isy Suttie isn't even entering into it. But she is prepared to perform her own fire-based stunts (check out the video podcast to see this in all its burning glory - www.gofasterstripe.com/podcasts). Many questions that will be answered in this penultimate episode of the series: Why do Indian call centre staff know how to pronounce Isy's surname? When should a mother stop breast-feeding? Can you communicate with your own ghost via a ouija board? How are relations between Rich's grandma and grandad in Heaven? Also advice on how to fail to seduce 12 year old boys, heckles from a Olympic gold medal winner and a delightful musical finale.
The guest for the final RHLSTP of the series has had a drink with Morrissey, seen a member of Madness drying his bum hair and has failed to discuss time travel with Gary Sparrow's best mate. It's Sean Hughes. Was Never Mind The Buzzcocks the most badly named panel show ever? Is it ever the wrong thing to do to refuse to take down an old man's swimming trunks? Will the cast of Robbie the Reindeer: Close Encounters of the Herd Kind ever be reunited? How did Irish Republicans get secret messages to the inmates of Lincoln Gaol? Can Richard be persuaded to discuss all the secret work he does for charity? Can a vegetarian eat a ham hand? And what is the valve on the suncream dispensing armpit actually like? There's more fire, more singing and exotic fruits in misted spray form.
