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Private Notes
You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore.
Rich is back for an unprecedented 5th series of this stupid podcast, worried that he might have the same effect on this week's guest as he did with Stephen Merchant. But it's unlikely as it's a welcome return for the man with the pink bicycle, Adam Buxton. What is the ethical age for a dog to be before you have sex with it? How much does the cartoon The Snowman inform us about the career of David Bowie? Are we ready to consider the mortality of our fathers? Plus a (prearranged?) call from Buxton junior.
You Go!
Rich meets his audience, some familiar, some new. His guest has had an interesting afternoon at the gynaecologists and the cinema, but which was more painful? It's Jenny Eclair. They chat about French kissing Shane Ritchie, how to shoplift the complete works of Herge and ways to improve daytime quizzes. Find out about what it was like to do punk poetry at the legendary Tunnel Club, to be heckled by Woman's Hour and why you should get John Lewis to install your dishwasher. At least one of the people on this podcast has won on Pointless Celebrities. But have they both?
Okapi Sandwich
Richard is bristling from more anarchic behaviour in the swimming pool and pitching ideas for Dragon's Den. His guests are Helen Zaltman and Olly Mann from rival Sony Gold and Silver (but crucially not bronze) winning podcast Answer Me This!. They seem to hold some kind of grudge for Richard having made them his enemies in the old Collings and Herrin podcasts, but as Richard was under the thrall of his Herrin character he can't really remember anything about that. Anyway, it's an old-fashioned podclash! The conversation scales the heady heights of time-travelling genitalia, British Forces Broadcasting and how to get sacked from the Lorraine show. Is semen a powerful cologne? What happens if you fall in love with someone in an oil painting? Has Helen married a ghost? Will Richard be bummed to death by the end of the show and how would Olly's bumming sushi carousel work in practice?
Charlie Chaplin's Lasts
Richard meets his audience, who are predictably much better than last week's to discover a disconcerting leap in the attractiveness and coolness of the people in the front row. Also apparently the queue for the women's toilet was longer than the one for the men's. Something is changing in the world of this podcast and we should all be very afraid. Robert Llewellyn from Red Dwarf and Carpool is the charming and engaging guest. They discuss how the right-on comedy troupe 'The Joeys' got their name, science fiction in which the future is better than the present, a slightly disturbing use of time travelling genitalia, a near fatal car crash, the weirdness of being recognised from behind and how to escape from prison with a piss-drenched shirt. The Big Foot question finally comes good after so many attempts. I told you it was worth it.
Richard has a pus-filled finger, which is disgusting even in audio, but that doesn't stop the people at Dirtybritcom Confessions pretending to fantasise about him. His guest recently referred to him as one of his 'comedy children', but let's see how far his paternal feelings will stretch, it's the legendary Alexei Sayle.
They chat about being expelled from school, why Guildford is funnier than Hatfield, getting Christmas cards from a man who has played chess with death, Keith Allen using his audience as a dartboard (and getting his cock out a lot), why Alexei's cat can never hope to play Sherlock and how his mum can't tell him from a rubber dwarf.
Richard chats with his audience and manages to secure himself a TV writing job, as well as marvel at his once IT heavy, bearded male audience is being replaced by people who might actually have had sex. Don't worry, the nerds are still there and they're still the best!
This week's guest is very tall and has never been told that before, it's sexually-charged comedian and actor Greg Davies. They converse about how W G Grace upstaged Greg's sister's wedding, how Guy Fawkes died and whether he'd welcome a time-travelling penis, how Greg embarrassed himself in front of Rik Mayall in a supermarket and bum-based encounters with doctors.
It's raucous and very funny. This is one that might be worth paying the £3.50 to see on video. Not only does Greg have some amazing facial reactions, but Richard carries out one of the dirtybritcom confession fantasies on him. It's very, very sexy.
Richard is still recovering from his important educational work on International Women’s Day, but luckily he isn’t going to be taxed by having to speak very much, because his guest is the loquacious and unsinkable Danny Baker.
In a show overflowing with content you will find out, amongst much else about a laserdisc signed by David Bowie, how Danny’s amazing dad took umbrage with Harry Enfield, where talcum powder comes from, how to go to Hawaii with no money in the bank and how surviving cancer taught Danny nothing.
Is Baker responsible for Bob Marley’s demise? Is having no ambition or plan the key to showbiz success? Can you do a consumer affairs programme if you have sympathy with the villains? is there any point in me trying to list all the stuff that happened?
Baker is an amazing force of nature. This one could have gone on for days.
After being unnecessarily rude to his audience again, Richard introduces this week’s guest, comedian, cartoonist and film maker, Josie Long.
They chat about sharing car journeys with Stewart Lee’s misbehaving (embodied) anus, how to respond to Twitter abuse, suncream that beams into your hand and killing Hitler by pushing his eye into his brain.
Plus there's an extraordinary story of an almost impossible survival of a spectacular car crash, that leaves it uncertain as to whether Josie is actually just a ghost.
Plus more odd dirty brit com confessions and the weirdness of Josie being told them by the bloke from Fist of Fun.
RHLSTP #42: Harry Shearer - Creative Differences. Richard has some news of an amazing time travelling finger and is clearly super excited to be meeting one of his all-time comedy heroes, Harry Shearer from off of This is Spinal Tap and The Simpsons. Rich was too scared to talk to him when he saw him improbably travelling on London's Tube, but hopefully he won't just sit quietly, staring at him and saying nothing this time. The pair discuss Harry's career which seems to break the space-time continuum as he's worked with such legends as Abbott and Costello, Jack Benny and Mel Blanc. Why does Derek Smalls wrap his courgette in tin foil and what's his affiliation with Shrewsbury Town? How much creative control do the actors on The Simpsons have over the characters they have helped create? Is stubbornness a pro or a con when trying to make it in show business? What is the Jerry Lewis film, The Day The Clown Cried really like? Will we hear from Simpsons character Hugh Jass? It's an amazing interview with a driven and hilarious genius man. And Harry Shearer is in it too.
RHLSTP #43: Susan Calman - Helen Mirren Mask. Richard is still a bit giddy and over-excited from meeting Harry Shearer and, after being on his best behaviour for 75 minutes, is now off the leash and at his most childish and pathetic. And who dares walk into this hurricane of smut? Only Susan Calman... who feels, possibly correctly, that she isn't being given the respect of the previous guest. Find out how one of the tallest comedians in the UK snuck one of the smallest into a party, how Richard is planning to win the Gay Celebrity of the Year 2015, who has the tiniest hands in comedy, and if you watch the video you'll get to see the ultimate guide to fingering. In spite of Richard offending the Scottish, the Chinese and Susan's dead grandma, there's no real danger of Richard 'doing a Merchant' and somehow they manage to steer the puerile conversation towards depression and Section 28. Plus which celebrity would you like to stroke your hair as you die? And more on the proposed Edinburgh Fringe show where Rich and Susan are forced to have sex with each other, against both of their wills.
An almost imperceptibly slimmer than the beginning of the series Richard Herring takes the stage to find a slightly sinister pair of men in the front row. What do they do? Do we really want to know? No, because the guest this week is journalist, screen-writer and broadcaster Jon Ronson who is a man with some good stories. Find out what happened when he met the politically correct arm of the KKK, was outed as a Jewish man whilst with jihadists in Crawley, how he went UFO Spotting with Robbie Williams, was chased by the Bilderberg group's less expert henchmen and how being keyboardist for Frank Sidebottom led to him writing his latest film. Also what was in Stanley Kubrick's archive, visiting a dado-masochist porn set and being confused with Louis Theroux. Plus Jon comes armed with his own emergency question, which to be honest Richard totally nails.
Przepraszam. Richard harangues the willing fools on the first row as usual, though it's a man on the second row who will inadvertently make the most impact on the podcast. The guest this week is Nick Helm, instantly recognisable in face if not voice to everyone in Poland. The pair carry out some onstage sex acts which will delight the perverts on Dirty Britcom Confessions (if you buy one of the series on video you might want to make it this one) and disgust all decent minded people. You will find out how the team of Uncle got round BBC compliance issues, what to do in St Albans when your dreams have been shattered, where the Bermuda Triangle of the Edinburgh Fringe is, what it's like to perform there, and experience a ham-hand based pun that it's astonishing hasn't been stumbled across before now. All this and there's a chance that the series will end with the mysterious death of someone in the theatre.
