Eb Discovers the Birds and the Bees (1966)
Betty Jo Bradley: Did you hurt your leg?
Eb Dawson: No, I always limp when I'm happy.
Dave (2006)
Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: [out of breath] Did either of you see a guy run through here... in a bathrobe... with a coconut?
Charlie Pace: No...
[cheekily]
Charlie Pace: I saw a polar bear on roller blades with a mango.
Lockdown (2006)
Sawyer: Okay, I'll call you with the aspirin and raise you with a bottle of amoxicillin.
Jack: Do you even know what amoxicillin is?
Sawyer: You may have been to Phuket, Doc, but I've been to Tallahassee...
[off Jack's confused look]
Sawyer: Let's just say something was burning and it wasn't from the sunshine.
The Whole Truth (2006)
Henry Gale: This must be my reward for good behavior, huh? I guess I earned myself some good will for finally drawing that map for Ana.
John Locke: What map?
Henry Gale: To my balloon.
Dr. Jack Shephard: [to Locke] Did you...?
John Locke: No.
Henry Gale: Wow, you guys have some real trust issues, don't you? Guess it makes sense she didn't tell you. I mean, with the two of you fighting all the time. Of course, if I was one of them -- these people that you seem to think are your enemies -- what would I do? Well, there'd be no balloon, so I'd draw a map to a real secluded place like a cave or some underbrush -- good place for a trap -- an ambush. And when your friends got there, a bunch of my people would be waiting for them. Then they'd use them to trade for me. I guess it's a good thing I'm not one of them, huh?
[beat]
Henry Gale: You guys got any milk?
Maternity Leave (2006)
Kate Austen: I need a gun. And you don't get to ask why.
James 'Sawyer' Ford: Well, Thelma, seeing as I got all the guns, I do get to ask why.
Kate Austen: No, you don't.
James 'Sawyer' Ford: Yes, I do. Watch. Why?
One of Them (2006)
Sayid: Jack asked me how I knew -- knew for sure that this man was lying. How I knew for sure that he was one of them -- one of the Others. I know because I feel no guilt for what I did to him.
The Long Con (2006)
Charlie: Sawyer, this idea, all of this, what we did, what made... How does someone think of something like that?
[Sawyer has a flashback]
Sawyer: I'm not a good person, Charlie. Never did a good thing in my life.
The Good Old Days (1966)
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Well, Mr. Thompson lists a few things here that a farmer should look for in a wife: she should be strong of limb, have good wind, large hands and sturdy legs.
Lisa Douglas: If that's what you want, you should have married my father.
One of Our Assemblymen Is Missing (1966)
Lisa Douglas: [Lisa finds Oliver with a young woman in their hotel room] Well, what have we got here?
Oliver Wendell Douglas: Eh, this is Miss Hawkney, she's a public stenogropher.
Lisa Douglas: Then why is she stenographing here, in private?
The Hunting Party (2006)
Tom Friendly: How long you been here on the island?
Jack: Fifty days.
Tom Friendly: Ooh, fifty day? That's, what, almost two whole months. Tell me, you go over a man's house for the first time, do you take off your shoes, d'you put your feet up on his coffee table, d'you walk in the kitchen, eat food that doesn't belong to you, open the door to rooms you got no business opening? You know, somebody a whole lot smarter than anybody here once said, "Since the dawn of our species, man has been blessed with curiosity." You know the other one about curiosity, don't you Jack? This is not your island. This is our island. And the only reason you're living on it, is because we let you live on it.
The 23rd Psalm (2006)
Mr. Eko: The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me. Thy rod, thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. Thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord, forever. Amen.
The Ugly Duckling (1966)
Oliver Wendell Douglas: [sitting down in Kimball's office] Mr. Kimball, I have a problem.
Hank Kimball: Yes you do, there were three tomatoes on that chair.
What Kate Did (2005)
Mr. Eko: Hello. I have something I think you should see. If you don't mind, I will begin at the beginning. Long before Christ, the king of Judah was a man named Josiah.
John Locke: Boy, when you say beginning, you mean beginning.
How to See South America by Bus (1966)
Oliver Douglas: This is Amy Collins. She has a large farm on the other side of the valley.
Eb Dawson: Oh. Need a foreman?
Amy Collins: I'm afraid not.
Eb Dawson: How 'bout a hired hand?
Amy Collins: No.
Eb Dawson: Want to adopt a son?
Collision (2005)
Sayid: [to Ana Lucia, who has just handed over her pistol to him] What good would it be to kill you, if we're both already dead?
The Other 48 Days (2005)
Ana-Lucia Cortez: What? You talking now?
Mr. Eko: It's been forty days.
Ana-Lucia Cortez: You've been waiting forty days to talk?
Mr. Eko: You waited forty days to cry.
I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier (1966)
Doris Ziffel: [holding up a see-through negligé] Mrs. Douglas gave it to me.
Fred Ziffel: No wonder, it's full of holes!
Abandoned (2005)
Shannon: So, does all this - the tent, flowers - mean that we're serious now?
Sayid: Quite definitely not. I do this for all the girls I meet on deserted islands.
The Clampetts Strike Oil (1962)
Jed Clampett: I know it don't sound like much, but Mr. Brewster seemed to set great store by the fact he's going to pay me in some new kind of dollar.
Cousin Pearl Bodine: There ain't no new kind of dollar.
Jed Clampett: Well it was new to me. I've heard of gold dollars, silver dollars, paper dollars, but he said he's gonna pay me in a... what'd he call them, Granny?
Granny: Million dollars.
Water, Water Everywhere (1966)
Lisa Douglas: In the old country, they don't look for water with a stick. They do it scientifically.
Oliver Douglas: Oh?
Lisa Douglas: They put a goldfish in a shoe, and then they throw the shoe out the window.
Oliver Douglas: That's scientific?
Lisa Douglas: Of course! And then the goldfish swims upstream until it finds the water.
Oliver Douglas: Mm hmm. Now... uh... how does he swim upstream if there's no water?
Lisa Douglas: His friends help him.
Your speeches draw more crows than the corn does.
Dipper Pines: Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for teenagers
Grunkle Stan: Hey!
Grunkle Stan: Wanna hear a joke?
Grunkle Stan: Here goes.
Grunkle Stan: My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
Grunkle Stan: Her aim is getting better!
Grunkle Stan: You, you see it's funny because marriage is terrible.
Pilot (2020)
Ted Lasso: The harder you work, the luckier you get.
...And Found (2005)
Sun Kwon: I don't think I've ever seen you angry.
Locke: [chuckles] Oh, I used to get angry all the time. Frustrated, too.
Sun Kwon: You're not frustrated any more?
Locke: I'm not lost any more.
Sun Kwon: How did you do that?
Locke: The same way anything lost gets found - I stopped looking.
Everybody Hates Hugo (2005)
Hurley: Let me tell you something, Rose. We were all fine before we had any potato chips. Now we've got these potato chips, everyone's gonna want them. So, Steve gets them, Charlie's pissed, but not pissed at Steve, he's pissed at me. And I'm gonna be in the middle of it. And then it's gonna be, "What about us?" "Why didn't I get any potato chips?" "Help us out, Hurley. Why did you give Kate the shampoo?" "Why didn't I get the peanut butter?" Then, they'll get really mad and start asking, "Why does Hugo have everything? Why should he get to decide?" Then they'll all hate me.
Vatos (2010)
Jim: [Jim sees everybody mourning their dead around the campsite at night] I remember my dream now, why I dug the holes.
Everything Is Fine (2016)
Eleanor Shellstrop: Well, then this system sucks. What, one in a million gets to live in paradise and everyone else is tortured for eternity? Come on! I mean, I wasn't freaking Gandhi, but I was okay. I was a medium person. I should get to spend eternity in a medium place! Like Cincinnati. Everyone who wasn't perfect but wasn't terrible should get to spend eternity in Cincinnati.
Death Is a Bitch (2000)
Peter Griffin: Listen, I've had a good life. And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg Griffin: What accomplishments?
Peter Griffin: Go to your room.
Love Thy Trophy (2000)
Peter Griffin: I have an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.
