Lisa (to Malik): "That lunch smells rancid! We've got this whole new rule about smelly food, you have to eat it in the conference room. Alone. Like I did. (to Simon) Right?"
Simon: "That's the most racist thing I've heard today. So..."
Lisa: "Wait, how is that racist?"
Simon: "I'm going to need to you to go to the room."
Lisa: "I'm not even eating anything."
Simon: "Your racist attitude stinks. I can smell it from here."
Lisa: "Malik, was that racist?"
Malik points to the conference room
Lisa: "Oh my god, I'm a racist."
Burns: "Oh Very well. It's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing... or you can trade it all in for what's in this box."
Agent 1: "The box. The box!"
Agent 2:"Burns, this is a big problem. You just can't throw money at it and make it go away."
Mayor Quimby (wearing expensive jacket with the price tag): "Gentlemen, I've decided there will be no investigation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go away."
Professor: "I'm going to hold a comprehensive review session after every class."
Homer: "Do we have to?"
Professor: "No."
Homer: "Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye."
Homer then spends his time giggling and chasing squirrels around a tree
Tony: "All night long, Jeannie kept switching back and forth between the Duchess of Windsor and a ladies' roller derby."
Roger: "Well, maybe she's turned into a youthful rebel searching for her identity."
Tony: "She's a genie. That's her identity. Oh, and this morning... just as I was leaving she said, 'Remember, master, if anybody happens to ask you, just tell them that you're a non-stuffy gentleman.'"
Roger: "I wouldn't worry about the gentleman part. But I wonder if she'd settle for a semi-stuffy?"
Jean: "You know what Gerry, when I'm on a date and a hooker turns up...
Gerry: "She was an elite escort"
Jean: "When a hooker turns up and my date owes her money, I just feel like it's my time to leave."
Blackbeard: "His words, though... They sounded polite, but they stung."
Stede: "Yeah... that's called 'passive aggression.' Pirates, they attack with force. The upper crust, they strike with cutting remarks disguised as politeness."
Blackbeard: "That's fսcking diabolical."
Melissa: "So this Zach, he lives with you?"
Jacob: "Yeah. He just moved in last month."
Melissa: "And that's going well?"
Jacob: "Yep. He's so great."
Ava: "So he knew you and was like... more?"
Jacob: "I'm actually really good at poker. When I did Teachers Without Borders, we had a lot of free time, so we basically would just play cards... and have sеx with each other."
Mr Johnson: "What's the name of that organization again?"
Taylor: "It is true. You wanted me to be someone who dedicates their life to children and can't afford a nice car or a mortgage and dresses like Mr. Rogers."
Janine: "Oh! Dig on me."
"Here comes the human restraining order!"
Emily: "They stuck their little Japanese flags all over me."
riff reference image: https://i0.wp.com/www.doblu.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/beyondatlantis2019-03-19-13h08m52s590.jpg
"Did the actor from Bedtime for Bonzo really become president in the '80s?"
Sam: "When I was in high school, I loved everything French. The language, the food, the films I pretended to understand."
"Cabot?" "Cabot!" "Cabot!!" "Cabot?" "Cabot!" ... Nope, doesn't ring a bell.
Tom Servo (in a angry wrestler voice): "I admire you and everything you stand for!"
"The nail was a little rusty, but I threw some beer on there. Cleaned it right up."
Thurston Howell III: "Your honor I want to file charges against Mary Ann."
Professor Roy Hinkley: "Against Mary Ann? For What?"
Thurston Howell III: "For murder!"
Professor Roy Hinkley : "Murder?!"
Thurston Howell III: "Her testimony's killing me."
Mike: "His suit is all cowboy, but his tie is pure 80s business woman"
"And that my friend, is Police Academy 6."
Film Narrator: "It was an age of magic..."
Tom: "What age is that? 13?"
Jonah: "Oh, yeah, that was a magical age."
(Movie) Sister Ann: "How is it you know English today when you didn't know English yesterday?"
Mike Riff: "Uh. Bad screenwriting, really."
Future War stars, Daniel Bernhardt is best known for replacing Jean-Claude Van Damme in the Bloodsport sequels.
Riff: "Eh, it's more like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn."
Riff: "Van Dammit."
(Movie) Gary: "How come girls always throw themselves at guys like him?"
Riff: "Cause they have bad aim."
(Movie) Gary: "How come girls are always drooling all over Zach Thronton?"
Riff: "Because he's made of chocolate."
"Talk about fruitcakes. I don't care how long I live, I ain't never gonna get so sophisticated that an old dame talking to a plant one minute and a cow walking around the lobby the next ain't a novelty."
Jennifer: "How can two people who really love each other become separated? How can they lose that love?"
Mallory: "It's a lot more common than you think, Jennifer. I watch a lot of soap operas. It seems to happen at least once a show."
Rob: "Anyway, I let you win."
Steven: "Oh really?"
Rob: "Yeah, you're my big brother. I didn't want to see you cry. It would be embarrassing."
Carol: “Your dad isn't great with blood. “
Khia: “Yeah, he fainted from seeing his own nose bleed. “
Andrew:”Noses shouldn't bleed!”
Peter: "Denise and I have been dating for a bit now."
Chad: "Betrayal! Ugh! Wait, so when me and you went to Reid's family vacation home, you were dating Denise?"
Peter: "Mm-hmm."
Chad: "What about when we played "Call of Duty" at Best Buy, and I puked from eating too many Sour Patch Kids?"
Peter: "Yep."
Chad: ( Scoffs ) "And the second time that happened?"
Chad: “Don't talk about Reid a-and his emotions. Just talk about normal things, okay? Dicks. Pizza. Go.”
Peter: “Okay, uh... Hey, guys. My dick smells like pizza.”
Chad: “Yeah, that works.”
This is a perfect pilot.
Niles: "You know what I think about pop psychiatry."
Frasier: "Yes, I know what you think about everything. When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought?"
Niles: "I'm having one now."
Daphne: "Nice to meet you. [sees Eddie] Oh, and who might this be?"
Frasier: "[darkly] That is Eddie."
Martin: "I call him 'Eddie Spaghetti.'"
Daphne: "Oh, he likes pasta?"
Martin: "No, he has worms."
Niles: "I thought you liked my Maris!"
Frasier: "I do. I... I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun. Except without the warmth."
Andrew: "He's probably all hopped up on yimyams!"
Camille: "What the Hell are yimyams?"
Andrew: "I don't know! But the 16-year-olds in his camp probably do."
Trevor: "So, you're an actual robber baron. I mean, you're, like, really rich, right?"
Elias: "Let me put it to you this way: I ate meat several times a week."
Trevor: "Well, it's not a Lamborghini, but that's very cool."
The UK version is gold with its incredible writing and creativity. This US version is also quite good and I'm glad it exists. It has launched from the UK version not trying to copy it but being it's own thing and constantly creating more lore around the supernatural aspect. I'm enjoying the new ways it is taking the material and they are having a lot of fun with it. Plus this US version gives us more episodes/comedy!
